First let me say that I am not prudish or overly religous, but I am a virgin, technically. I have had relatively few boyfriends, and while I do not mind making them feel good, I have had difficulty in allowing them to return the favor.

Currently I have a boyfriend who is a bit older than me, and we have been dating for almost three months now. I like hanging out with him, and I am in general very comfortable with sleeping next to him, nudity, and touching. I enjoy the effect a blow job has on him. I like making him so weak he can't walk five steps from the bed. But at the same time I haven't been able to allow him to do the same for me, and I think that has hurt our relationship.

I think fear of losing control of myself in front of him has something to do with it. Also, it takes me considerable time to orgasm, and I feel guilty for making him work so hard. Hell MY wrist hurts when I masturbate... and I am used to it. There is also considerable fear of sex on my part.. while I have several vibes and even a dildo, they are nothing compaired to his circumfrence. Even though he isn't very long, I can barely wrap one hand around him, and that scares me. But what looms even larger in my mind is the idea of having no control over how my body feels and reacts.

Are there any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I know that time should help... but as he is older I know this is far from what he is used to. He is waiting, but it is a bit unfair to him I think to keep him waiting so long.

You've identified your problems right there! Read through your post and you'll probably agree it's just nerves.

That being said, take the plunge if you think the time is right.

Goodluck.

Really the only way of getting over fear is to just do it. experience it, or whatever.

In this case, you just have to completely make up your mind, and take the plunge.. make sure theres LOTS of foreplay, you need to be, completely turned on.. It'll still hurt, but being as turned on as you can possibly get will make it that much easier. and if you need to, use lots of lube.



The only way you're gonna get over this hold up you have is to just jump in head first with little care for the outcome.

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

I enjoy the effect a blow job has on him. I like making him so weak he can't walk five steps from the bed.



Ahh, a two part question:

1) Are you one of those mythical girls that legend says can suck a golfball through ten feet of hose?

2) Does this smell like chloroform to you?

Just jumping in is...

I don't see how that helps if I am afraid to allow myself to fully enjoy it. Not even going for sex, but simply letting him go down on me to the point where I orgasm is scary. Alone, I can go there, albeit it takes me usually several hours. But while I enjoy what he does to me, I can't stand to take it that far with him.

____

and...

neither. -.-;

and I said I enjoyed the effect a bj has on him. Giving them is a bit difficult, considering how thick he is. I am always afraid the tips of my fingers are going to pinch him, or that my cheeks can't fully cover my teeth. If he were a bit smaller I would definately enjoy, I think.

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

Just jumping in is...

I don't see how that helps if I am afraid to allow myself to fully enjoy it. Not even going for sex, but simply letting him go down on me to the point where I orgasm is scary. Alone, I can go there, albeit it takes me usually several hours. But while I enjoy what he does to me, I can't stand to take it that far with him.

____

and...

neither. -.-;

and I said I enjoyed the effect a bj has on him. Giving them is a bit difficult, considering how thick he is. I am always afraid the tips of my fingers are going to pinch him, or that my cheeks can't fully cover my teeth. If he were a bit smaller I would definately enjoy, I think.

ever considered weed or beer to help loosen you up? mentally that is.. if you could have a few beers and then start fooling around you'd prolly beable to get into it a lot more, and enjoy him doing stuff to you..



IF not.. maybe just try relaxing.. mentally telling yourself you WANt to enjoy it.. and when he starts workin just close your eyes and just enjoy the feelings your feeling?

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

Alone, I can go there, albeit it takes me usually several hours.

I'm curious why it takes you several hours.

There are ways to speed things up and if you learn them then that will be of some help for him as well.

It might be difficult, but....envision yourself in control of your orgasm instead of it being something out of your control. Then...control it.

(but you really have to learn your body very well.)

I am curious too, as to why it takes so long. Faster would be nice... or by the time I am 30 I will have wrists that could rival a body builders 0.0;;

But I don't like the idea of using a vibe with my bf right from the start.

When the time is right, do it.

Just relax and let him do what he does...You never know, he might just do it quicker and better than you!

All the best.

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

I am curious too, as to why it takes so long. Faster would be nice... or by the time I am 30 I will have wrists that could rival a body builders 0.0;;

But I don't like the idea of using a vibe with my bf right from the start.

You'll mature into it, I suppose.

Don't worry so much.

It's been my experience that losing control turns guys on. The more you moan/yell/scream/writhe/arch your back, etc. the better. It tells them they're doing something right. I wouldn't be afraid of that, if I were you. I'm generally very quiet during sex, but the times that I have been unable to control myself have always produced positive reactions from my partners.

Also, if he's bothered by how you react to him sexually, you're just not compatible. It's really better to find out before you fall so deeply in love that you need the jaws of life to pull you back out.

Men need to perform these types of acts with the women they care about. It feeds their primal instincts of virility. If you don't, he will feel emasculated, and will most likely blame himself.

I say just go for it...what have you got to lose ?

[This message has been edited by Digital_Savior (edited 12-14-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

If you don't, he will feel emasculated, and will most likely blame himself.

That's what I'm guessing will happen.

Just fuck him already.

lol circumference

diameter?

and.. I am almost 23 at this point.. maturing further is strange?

I am not worried about his reaction so much.. I think. At least, I don't pay much attention to how I look in front of him, in that way. I am more worried about my own reaction to myself maybe? I know that barring some horrible flip out on my part, he will be very understanding and patient.

No danger in falling in love so badly I will need the jaws of life to pull me back. We started the relationship understanding it was temporary unless lighting struck and we became inseperable. I plan to leave the country by the end of next year, and on top of that, he is 12 years my senior, and my supervisor at work. LOTS of complications.

Haha no I just laughed at the word circumference.

quote:Originally posted by Isabel:

diameter?

and.. I am almost 23 at this point.. maturing further is strange?



No, it's not...23 is very young. It took me longer to achieve orgasm at 23 than it does today. The body changes and you learn your body better over time if you experiment enough.