Jackketch’s Guide to Getting Rabid Christian Parents to agree to him/her ‘sleeping over’.



OK bit of a misnomer then basically if your parents are ‘rabid’ Christians then you have absolutely no chance this side of Armageddon to them agreeing. But the chances are that your parents while being ‘committed’(committable?) Christians aren’t actually that radical. Does your mom wear jeans? Does she wear make up? Does she go to work? If yes then the chances are good that this guide will work.

If however your mom wears ONLY skirts/dresses and addresses your father as ‘lord’ or ‘sir’ then just don’t bother trying…wait til you’re 18 and move out.

This kind of debate will also NOT work if your parents are Catholic, Latter Day Saints, Adventists, JW’s or any other group that recognizes an ‘authority’ outside ‘scripture’.

This guide also assumes that you and your partner are over the legal Age of Consent, again if you aren’t then you’ve no chance of changing your parents mind on this one.

Also DO NOT TRY USING THIS GUIDE TO GET A CHRISTIAN GIRL INTO BED! You need a different approach than this.

I am also assuming that you can have ‘biblical discussions’ with your parents and that they do actually know the reasons/verses for this dogma.

I’m doing this as a discussion just for ease of understanding , the stuff in italics is my thoughts and hints etc.



I am using the King James Bible throughout simply because it is accepted by most Christians as still being the ‘proper’ bible. The fact that it sucks donkey cock (a theologians technical term) when it comes to accuracy, doesn’t really matter much here.

Finally , and most important of all, try and have your mom present. This increases your chances +100 (you’ll see why in a minute).

-----------------------

Son: “ Dad, Kylie and I have been going out now for several months and I was wondering if it was ok for her to sleep over, you know, like in my room?” (always make it a polite request!)

Dad: “Sorry Son, but your mother and I are Christians. We believe sex before marriage is a sin and I can not permit it under our roof”.

Son: “ Well Dad, of course I’ll respect and abide by your decision but why is it a sin?” (don’t make this an issue about his authority or you’ll have lost straight away)

Dad: “The Bible makes God’s will very clear on this one.”

Son: “Where?”

Dad: “Well there isn’t a direct ‘Thou shalt not have premarital sex’ but there are lots of verses which tell us it is a sin.”

Son: “For example?”

Dad: “

Deuteronomy 22:21

21Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.

You see son, she wasn’t a virgin and had had sex while she wasn’t married. God calls it ‘evil’. “

Son:” It also says her sin was ‘playing the whore while in her fathers’s house’ , which means she was her father’s possession, his chattel. Verse 29 makes that real clear cos the rapist has to pay the father for her. She is a good to be bought and sold. Is mom your possession??!”

(See why you want your mom there as well? If he says simply ‘yes’ at this point then you can forget arguing. He’s real old school and you have no chance, no way, no how!)

Dad: “Of course not, these days we know better. Jesus treated women and men as equals”

Son: “SO what you’re saying is that this bit of the Bible is out of date, that it doesn’t apply nowadays?”

Dad: “well the ‘laws’ don’t apply. We don’t stone people for adultery anymore. The law found its fulfillment in Jesus. We are free from the law of Moses. There are however lots of other verses that say it’s a sin…in the New Testament. For example

1 Corinthians 7

1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

You see Son? It tells us that sex outside marriage is fornication and you know that’s a sin.

Son:” In verse 9 it goes onto say ‘9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.’, so you are saying you couldn’t contain yourself and you married mom just so you wouldn’t burn?

(if you’ve got your mom standing there then you should be able to smell the aroma of a goose cooking!)

Dad: “ Of course not! I married your mom cos I loved her *hurriedly adds* and I still do! “

Son: ”and he also says ‘ 6But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

7For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. ‘

So not a commandment ? Dad you know better than I that the apostle was talking about those first early persecuted Christians , who believed the world was going to end in their life time. He goes on to say clearly that its because a wife/husband is a distraction form spreading the faith.

Dad, you know I respect your knowledge and judgement but nothing you’ve shown me says its against god’s will to sleep with a girl with whom you are in a longterm relationship, love and probably intend to marry.

Fornication means ‘fucking around’ and ‘whoring’ has two meanings in the bible- ie selling your body for sex or worshipping false gods.

Like I said I will of course respect your decision and not have sex with Kylie here under your roof. BUT I will continue to sleep with her elsewhere. UNLESS you can show me where god’s word, NOT some pastor’s word but the scripture, says it’s a sin. And we will continue to use condoms/pill or is THAT a sin too?”

(This last bit was vital. To be frank , your bible based arguments won’t sway him by themselves. But with your mature attitude together, and the fact your mom and he will be having a ‘discussion’ about this later for sure, you might stand a chance. However be very very careful not to make the last bit sound like you are trying to blackmail him. No Dad can give into that)



Okies people, comments? What have I missed?





[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-11-2006).]

If you can't fuck in your own house anyway why not just lie?

In my experience, strictly religious adults will not give their children a chance to have comebacks.

I never even asked about girls staying over, ever... just introduced 'em to my parents the next morning. The joys of a half-assed Catholic upbringing.

If only I had this guide 3 years ago when Zek and I first started dating. We had to do the old fashioned fucking on the basement floor like Energizer bunnies before dad, mom, or my siblings came down for the laundry. Good times.

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

If only I had this guide 3 years ago when Zek and I first started dating. We had to do the old fashioned fucking on the basement floor like Energizer bunnies before dad, mom, or my siblings came down for the laundry. Good times.

Yep sounds frighteningly familiar! It took me about 6 months to convince the Uber-baptist Mother-in-law to allow me and her daughter to sleep in the same bed (even though her daughter was expecting our first child!!!).

Funnily enough once i had convinced her then her other daughter was also granted the same freedom...with lots of gritting of teeth.

Don't have time to read it now, but this could be the answer to all of my problems.

+1 to jackketch.

Edit: You were speaking more literally about the christian thing then I thought... I assumed it was a metaphor for strict-ass parents.

No help there . Also, it's not sex that I'm not allowed, it's the sleep-over thing thats got me. We can fuck all we want, but we can't sleep over at one-another's house.

Kinda defeats the purpose the times she comes over for dinner, we watch a movie or something, fuck like animals till 2-3am then she goes home and straight to bed.

[This message has been edited by blinky04 (edited 12-12-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Yep sounds frighteningly familiar! It took me about 6 months to convince the Uber-baptist Mother-in-law to allow me and her daughter to sleep in the same bed (even though her daughter was expecting our first child!!!).

Funnily enough once i had convinced her then her other daughter was also granted the same freedom...with lots of gritting of teeth.

My daddy was this way even after my daughter was born. Being unmarried, it was inappropriate at all times for us to be sleeping in the same bed. He definitely let his feelings be known despite the fact that mommy overruled the sleepover rule just before we had the baby.

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

He definitely let his feelings be known despite the fact that mommy overruled the sleepover rule just before we had the baby.

Yep, that tends to be what happens. Which is why i worte about trying to have the Mom there if at all possible. Although in my case it was the mother who was the more 'pious'.

Most parents I know would give a flat out no, or, in the case of one friend, her parents were totally fine with it, told her to have her boyfriend round while her & her Dad were out partying so they'd have the house to themselves!

My parents once suspected me of having had sex; my Dad took me for a three hour drive & lecture, and my Mother went to her room and cried. I was 14 after all, and I had actually had sex, but didn't admit it, so whatever.

They're Catholics. Actually, my Dad doesn'r practice anymore, but my Mother is strict as hell and she only converted from Judaism like a year ago..

I never had sex in my parents' house, and I never will. Rabid Catholic mother (birth control, condoms, premarital sex = you go to hell) and lots of siblings in a small space. Not gonna happen. I'm just glad I only live there for a few months out of the year. Being away from home in college is wonderful.

i never realized how lucky i was until recently. my mother is not only christian, she's a MINISTER, and she's been fine with this type of thing for years. i almost want to give her a call and tell her how much i love her right now.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 12-12-2006).]

*grasps forelock* Kudos.

Any particular reason why this can't be applied to Catholics? I don't say that snarkly,just inquisitively. I hear the same amount of bible dribble quoted stuff from my elders in the family all the time, along with whatever which saint did to remind one of it & the etc of all that crap.

Do you have any advice regarding a straight out "no", without any justification at all?

Edit: Typo

[This message has been edited by Mindless Xyzzyean (edited 12-12-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by KRJ:

Any particular reason why this can't be applied to Catholics? I don't say that snarkly,just inquisitively. I hear the same amount of bible dribble quoted stuff from my elders in the family all the time, along with whatever which saint did to remind one of it & the etc of all that crap.



Because Catholocism recognises authority outside scripture.

ie they can say 'Because the Church Fathers said so'.

quote:Originally posted by Mindless Xyzzyean:

Do you have any advice regarding a straight out "no", without any justification at all?

Edit: Typo





Off the top of my head without some more coffee, sorry no.

I'll think on it.

My parents never cared. Neither did my ex's. The funniest thing is that we really didn't sleep over just to have sex, because we were already doing that anyway.

Thanks Jack,

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Also DO NOT TRY USING THIS GUIDE TO GET A CHRISTIAN GIRL INTO BED! You need a different approach than this.



This is relevant to my interests. Could you please elaborate on getting a christian girl into bed?

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

My daddy was this way even after my daughter was born. Being unmarried, it was inappropriate at all times for us to be sleeping in the same bed. He definitely let his feelings be known despite the fact that mommy overruled the sleepover rule just before we had the baby.

I've got one even BETTER! My parents wouldn't let my HUSBAND and I share a room in their house because we weren't married in the church, so our marraige wasn't "real"!

We haven't visited them in over 5 years.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I've got one even BETTER! My parents wouldn't let my HUSBAND and I share a room in their house because we weren't married in the church, so our marraige wasn't "real"!

We haven't visited them in over 5 years.



...I don't even know what to say to that...

...well, I guess a 'Fucking theology!' works...kind of.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Also DO NOT TRY USING THIS GUIDE TO GET A CHRISTIAN GIRL INTO BED! You need a different approach than this.

And this is that approach. (http://earthops.org/newdrug.gif)

[This message has been edited by Just Another Facial (edited 12-12-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Just Another Facial:

And this is that approach. (http://earthops.org/newdrug.gif)Bwahahaha!

quote:Originally posted by blinky04:

You were speaking more literally about the christian thing then I thought... I assumed it was a metaphor for strict-ass parents.

No help there . Also, it's not sex that I'm not allowed, it's the sleep-over thing thats got me. We can fuck all we want, but we can't sleep over at one-another's house.

Kinda defeats the purpose the times she comes over for dinner, we watch a movie or something, fuck like animals till 2-3am then she goes home and straight to bed.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I've got one even BETTER! My parents wouldn't let my HUSBAND and I share a room in their house because we weren't married in the church, so our marraige wasn't "real"!

We haven't visited them in over 5 years.



You win.

What about getting into bed with jewish girls?

xenophobics! whatever, exgf anyway

but yeah i just need to convince current parents/her parents to let sleepovers, not sex happen...

any tips there?

It's not fun if your parents are ok with it.

lame ......

quote:Originally posted by Mindless Xyzzyean:

Do you have any advice regarding a straight out "no", without any justification at all?

Edit: Typo



I suppose it depends on the parents, but my girl's parents havea no sleep over rule in general. But I have always been very respectful around them, calling them mr and mrs, baking a cake to bring over when I had a meal at their house, etc. And this coming weekend they said I could stay the night. Hahahahaha!!!

Do you have msn?

I'm sure my girl's parents are exactly the same.

Jack, Jack, Jack...I would have expected such silliness to be beneath you.

I could, of course, throw a bunch of verses at you to show how horribly you have twisted the creation and purpose of marriage as outlined in the Bible, but why ? You'll just argue. (you know damn well I'd never use the King James Version, so...I'd spend most of my time correcting the translation errors anyway)

I don't see why you feel it is your duty to encourage these kids to try and stump their parents just so they can get their dicks wet.

I'm not sure what you wanted me to contribute, but I am pretty sure what I have said is not in kind. I don't find this thread funny, witty, or remotely cute. Sorry, old man.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I've got one even BETTER! My parents wouldn't let my HUSBAND and I share a room in their house because we weren't married in the church, so our marraige wasn't "real"!

We haven't visited them in over 5 years.



Damn...that's nutty.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

Damn...that's nutty.

Not really, its actually fairly logical...as far as christians tend to use logic. Only a marriage before God is a valid marriage.

In lot of European countries it is law that you have to get married in a Registry office first (ie [i]State recognised marriage). But most christians won't consider themselves married until after the Church ceremony (which can be weeks later!)

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Not really, its actually fairly logical...as far as christians tend to use logic. Only a marriage before God is a valid marriage.

I don't know any Christians like that, to be honest. I was married to my husband under a bougainvillea arch in front of the ocean without any family or friends. A Justice of the Peace performed the ceremony. It was a simple exchange of vows, and had nothing to do with religion.

No one in my family, my church, or my circle of Christian friends has ever denied the validity of my marriage.

Again, I say, that's nutty.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

I don't know any Christians like that, to be honest. I was married to my husband under a bougainvillea arch in front of the ocean without any family or friends. A Justice of the Peace performed the ceremony. It was a simple exchange of vows, and had nothing to do with religion.

No one in my family, my church, or my circle of Christian friends has ever denied the validity of my marriage.

Again, I say, that's nutty.



Uhm no...at least not among the more extreme faithful here. Although attitudes have loosened up somewhat in the last couple of decades.

Back in the 50's my parents-in-law wanted to get married. But she was a baptist (of the extremely extreme wing ) and he an old school pentacostal.

Neither congregation would marry them nor was their 'state' marriage considered valid by many.

Remember people, as hard core as Digi may sound sometimes , she is infact firmly on the liberal side of the fence.

There are congregations that make the Amish look dangerously liberal.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-13-2006).]

I have to say that my first marriage was by a Justice of the Peace. Had he not also been a minister, my parents would have been somewhat hard-pressed to accept it until it was "done properly in the presence of God".



[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 12-13-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Uhm no...at least not among the more extreme faithful here. Although attitudes have loosened up somewhat in the last couple of decades.

Back in the 50's my parents-in-law wanted to get married. But she was a baptist (of the extremely extreme wing ) and he an old school pentacostal.

Neither congregation would marry them nor was their 'state' marriage considered valid by many.

Remember people, as hard core as Digi may sound sometimes , she is infact firmly on the liberal side of the fence.

There are congregations that make the Amish look dangerously liberal.

Well, I have no issue with believing that there are some hardcore nuts out there, and that 60 years ago things were far more rigid than they are today. But aren't we discussing modern society here ? I didn't feel at all nostalgic, so I was convinced we were discussing 2006.

However, I'm not liberal when it comes to things like marriage. I just don't see where it says in the Bible that you have to be married in a church...if you can find a verse that says that, feel free to enlighten me.

It is supposed to be a union/covenant before God, and last time I checked, a church is not needed for that to be accomplished. Hell, you don't even need a preacher for that.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:



It is supposed to be a union/covenant before God, and last time I checked, a church is not needed for that to be accomplished. Hell, you don't even need a preacher for that.

I agree totally. Infact the only reason the wife and I got married at all (in a registry office) was so i wouldn't need to adopt my own son (German Law used to be a real pain about illegitimate kids).

We still don't celebrate our official wedding anniversary but the date we met.

Oh, well that's cool.

Your son was biological, and they required you to be legally married to his biological mother, or adopt him ?

What the bloody hell...

EDIT: Are you still married ? If so, who is oc6 (I saw you mention responding to the first email she sent you in another thread)? Should I refrain from asking questions I may later regret receiving the answers to ? LOL

[This message has been edited by Digital_Savior (edited 12-13-2006).]

I'm outcast.

Great seeing you here Digital.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

Oh, well that's cool.

Your son was biological, and they required you to be legally married to his biological mother, or adopt him ?

What the bloody hell...

EDIT: Are you still married ? If so, who is oc6 (I saw you mention responding to the first email she sent you in another thread)? Should I refrain from asking questions I may later regret receiving the answers to ? LOL





Yes I am still married and am madly, deeply, truly in love with oc6.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 12-13-2006).]

If some douchebag with a book and a fancy collar can brainwash your parents with only a few hours every sunday, you should be able to brainwash them in another direction while they are at home.

meh

That didn't come out right, but you get what Im sayin.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Yes I am still married and am madly, deeply, truly in love with oc6.

But they are two different people, right ? I just want to make sure I understand what's going on here, so I don't misspeak.

Also, I appreciate your candor.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I'm outcast.

Great seeing you here Digital.

I do not remember you as outcast, either...I do apologize.

Nice to meet you/see you again, either way.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

But they are two different people, right ? I just want to make sure I understand what's going on here, so I don't misspeak.

Also, I appreciate your candor.

Yes they are indeed two very different people.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

But they are two different people, right ? I just want to make sure I understand what's going on here, so I don't misspeak.



I think you rarely misspeak....and....yes, we are.

quote:Originally posted by Digital_Savior:

Damn...that's nutty.

That's a pretty accurate description of my mother.

I mean they were pretty pissed off at me for getting married in the first place, so I'm sure that contributed to the craziness as well.