I've been feeling extremely weird for quite some time now. I have an empty and full feeling inside of me that's making me sick.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. As far as religion/life and my friends go. It seems like everything is just falling apart one by one. The most simple things upset me now.

I've always known how fake people were but I was content with the very few friends that I had. Now, I've begun to question even them. Some of my own family as well. I'm trying to search for meaning, but everything I do I can't see why it matters.

I'd really just like somebody to care about me that I could care for. I know we all want it, but I've never really had it, or felt like I have. There's a guy that I have my eye set on and I think he likes me as well, I'm just too emotionally instable to make a move on him, which sucks.

I believe I'm Atheist. Which I've just now accepted. It's come with a lot of shit. I'm trying to be mature about it but I want to give up so badly.

This sounds extremely emotional, which I guess it's because it is. I hate who I am. I have zero self-confidence, yet everybody I know thinks I am. I feel like I've lived a lie my whole life. I'm just too scared to come out of my shell.

I have two bestfriends I don't feel comfortable around. We have fun but anytime I talk to them I just feel stupid as hell. They're extremely intelligent and they've been through what I have, but they're both about 3 years older and I can't stand having somebody laughing at me because they're looking back on memories and thinking that it will get better for me.

I'm really not sure what I'm trying to get at with this thread. I just need some comfort. I apologize with bothering you guys with this shit all of the time, because I do it frequently, I just don't feel comfortable talking to anybody about it and this is the easiest way. I used to bottle things up but that didn't work out for me.

Thanks for your time,

Sylph

Feel better. Try doing a handstand.

Are youse still the 14? I hope you'll keep healthy & fairly stable? So you can report on being 15?

Fifteen is often reported as being generally a very bad age? Which if you look at it dispassionately, it's pretty logical that it would be bad?

It doen't have to be bad... But 15 isn't really a kid anymore...but isn't really 'old' enough. Not so many 15's have jobs or if they do cars to get to & from...where a number of 16's do.

On the other hand? If you 'peek' at Reality? People tend to the superficial, because you don't have to dig very far into any subject before it becomes too personal & thus dangerous.

Thus everyone has a million 'faces' to wear in different situations. To guard their inner selves from the world/other people who might disrespect or use your personal stuff for their own benefit.

Errr...sumpin'?

Up until before the bit about self confidence is pretty much what I feel at the moment.. but I don't know what to do either, of course.

As for feeling outsmarted by your friends, I don't know how you could!

You're extremely articulate and intelligent.

I know exactly how you feel when you say you feel hollow, like an empty shell. Just very apathetic and only seeing the bad in things and people. You feel lonely and self conscious... Sorry if this isn't helping, but I know it helps me when I hear somebody that can relate to how I feel.

But it sounds like you have it better than I do with the whole friends and relationship thing. I have been extremely lonely and desperate lately and it's not good being desperate because other people and yourself tend to get hurt out of desperation.

All you can do is live through it though and find someone or something that you like. Just know that things change and time is the only thing that will heal.

Hope this helped. Good luck.

Don't be so hard on other people, and don't be so hard on yourself.

It's my opinion that growing pains never stop, unless a person no longer grows. So don't let things get you down.

Now. You do a great job of commenting and advising others. Step back, imagine this is someone else, and advise yourself...if you can.

But this sounds more like a search for empathy, than seeking advice. So, find comfort in the fact that others are going through and have gone through much of the same thoughts and feelings.

Keep your chin up...and eyes open.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Are youse still the 14? I hope you'll keep healthy & fairly stable? So you can report on being 15?

Fifteen is often reported as being generally a very bad age? Which if you look at it dispassionately, it's pretty logical that it would be bad?

It doen't have to be bad... But 15 isn't really a kid anymore...but isn't really 'old' enough. Not so many 15's have jobs or if they do cars to get to & from...where a number of 16's do.

On the other hand? If you 'peek' at Reality? People tend to the superficial, because you don't have to dig very far into any subject before it becomes too personal & thus dangerous.

Thus everyone has a million 'faces' to wear in different situations. To guard their inner selves from the world/other people who might disrespect or use your personal stuff for their own benefit.

Errr...sumpin'?

Anyone else have a hard time reading this? Rewrite this for me so I can read it, please.

As for slyph. Seek some counseling, and not from your friends. Probably be a good idea to talk things out with someone without having it directly impact your life.

If I had any idear of what I were on about? Then maybe I might? Yet, being as how it be & are?

Having someone to care about and also someone who genuinely cares about you is the greatest feeling ever. Like you said, you have your eye set on someone in particular and think that he likes you too. So, take the risk, tell him how you're feeling maybe he feels exactly the same and then a relationship can evolve from that? This will keep your mind off of life in general and will want to make you focus more on him, perhaps?

I just hope things work out good for you sylph, because you seem like a decent person



quote:Originally posted by Toddler Fondler:

Remember: You miss 100% of the opportunities you don't take

Thanks to everybody.

I know I'm growing up and that I'll experience worse. I can accept that. It's life. I keep on going. I've been through a lot of shit and I've never let it bring me down. I'm just having trouble finding meaning to keep on keeping on. I've found it in other situations, but I'm ready to give up. It doesn't feel worth it anymore.

As for being outsmarted by my friends, it's quite easy. They're both brilliant and think they know everything. They're 16 and almost 17(tomorrow) and I know they've been through what I'm going through in the past. I just hate being so far behind. It's impossible to have an intelligent conversation with either one of them very long because they'll end up trying to debate with me. I've found it easier to just not express my feelings towards anything at all. Which sucks. I know that if I tried, they couldn't shut me down, but you'd have to get to know my personality. People know me as "crazy, out going, fun" etc. So, I keep that.

I don't really know if they are my bestfriends. I mean, I love them and they're there for me through anything but what really defines a bestfriend? If I can't talk to them about anything, how close are they really?

I suppose loneliness is stabbing me. Along with the fact that I'm unhappy with the person I am. There's this one girl that I absolutely hate. I fear that I may be exactly like her. I'm just going insane right now and I don't know how I feel towards anything.

I need a hug.

"You will never learn to love others unless you learn to love yourself"

That quote has always bothered me, but the whole point is the lexis "learn", you're young, and, i know, thats one thing you hate when others look back on their youth and laugh saying it will all get better....but, as you grow older then you will soon see that such troubles you are having now were part of the learning process, of who you really are.....but then learning to accept who you are once you found out...is...another matter.

Didn't really add anything helpful...but yeah.

I hope you find someone whom you can confide in, and that you get your head around certain issues, I don't think hiding behind the image other have of you is healthy though.

It's just a phase you're going through, the more you know about everything around you, the more you realise that the world is not as you previously thought, things unravel and you begin to discover the world for yourself, life happens if you make it happen, and the rest noone knows about. Worry about what you can control and act upon that, everyone has to grow up in order to understand the world, and bad things tend to happen, you just need to discover the person and potential within you to know your place in life. Hell some people live their entire lives without knowing what they are there for, and sometimes thats OK, but the earlier the better. Make some goals and act towards accomplishing them, that definitely would encourage you to be more confident...this is something you need to experience yourself and come out of it knowing, and noone else can do it for you.



I can relate to this to an extent, and believe me, whatever situation you are going through, there's a person just like you going through it in every part of town, in every community, in every city, country, and continent, etc...and things can be ALOT worse, and I know that as a first.



Explore the world, for you need to understand some things for the truth they bring.



I hope you understand where I'm coming from, cause I'm writing this from within, and sometimes others cannot comprehend my meanings.

E

quote:Originally posted by QuackyIraqy:

It's just a phase you're going through, the more you know about everything around you, the more you realise that the world is not as you previously thought, things unravel and you begin to discover the world for yourself, life happens if you make it happen, and the rest noone knows about. Worry about what you can control and act upon that, everyone has to grow up in order to understand the world, and bad things tend to happen, you just need to discover the person and potential within you to know your place in life. Hell some people live their entire lives without knowing what they are there for, and sometimes thats OK, but the earlier the better. Make some goals and act towards accomplishing them, that definitely would encourage you to be more confident...this is something you need to experience yourself and come out of it knowing, and noone else can do it for you.



I can relate to this to an extent, and believe me, whatever situation you are going through, there's a person just like you going through it in every part of town, in every community, in every city, country, and continent, etc...and things can be ALOT worse, and I know that as a first.



Explore the world, for you need to understand some things for the truth they bring.



I hope you understand where I'm coming from, cause I'm writing this from within, and sometimes others cannot comprehend my meanings.

E



Yeah, I understand this.

I've already gone through my state of realizing the world wasn't as I'd been brought up to think and how many things had been stressed far too much to keep me from doing them.

I know I need to go through this on my own. I have a goal of running 10 miles without stopping. I'm only up to one . I suppose that works.

I just want somebody to be my support. I've gone through a lot by myself, I just want somebody with me through something in my life. I love my parents to death but they're shitty when it comes to their skills. The ones I live with are both into drugs and drink a lot, so they're not exactly parental.

I know others are going through the same. That does bring me a little comfort, but to a very short extent. I'd like to talk to them personally. Perhaps that would make me feel better.

It's just angst, I suppose. That also frustrates me, the fact that I can see how dumb I'm being, or stereotypical, yet I can't control it.

Being a women and a teenager fails.

Well.

You will find that the only person you can know for sure that you can trust is yourself. A great goal to strive for is to become emotionally self-sufficient. I'm not saying you should just throw away everyone you know, but don't expect everything from them. Expect yourself to be able to cope with the shit that gets thrown your way.

In the mean time, self-evaluation is great. Always be on the lookout for insecurites and bad habits to stamp out.

Do not depend on others for approval, instead, be your own approval. Always ask why, but don't get stuck on what doesn't seem to make sense. Answers will pop-up in due time.

quote:Originally posted by Local Hero:

Well.

You will find that the only person you can know for sure that you can trust is yourself. A great goal to strive for is to become emotionally self-sufficient. I'm not saying you should just throw away everyone you know, but don't expect everything from them. Expect yourself to be able to cope with the shit that gets thrown your way.

In the mean time, self-evaluation is great. Always be on the lookout for insecurites and bad habits to stamp out.

Do not depend on others for approval, instead, be your own approval. Always ask why, but don't get stuck on what doesn't seem to make sense. Answers will pop-up in due time.

Thank you, I suppose that's what I need to hear.

I'm getting to a point where that's what I'm trying to tell myself. I'm involved with the "popular preps" at school and I dislike all of them. They all hate each other and constantly come to me for advice. Friday I told pretty much all of them to fuck off, and I was proud of myself. Those dumbasses got a reality check, they realized not everybody likes them. I was feeling grand!

I do and have been depending on myself since I could comprehend emotions. I'm just tired of it and it would be nice for somebody to help. Just because I want it, I realize it won't always come to you. I also know that I do have to work for things. I don't believe in the fact that some people are "meant to be", I think you have to work to get to that point. So, if I like this guy and think there's hope, I should go for it. I just don't know exactly what to say without sounding like a complete idiot.

Life is life. I'll survive, then die eventually.

Go abroad for a semester. No, really. It won't solve all your problems, but it will make you feel less trapped. You sound like you're afraid you're on a conveyor belt.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 12-11-2006).]

What about jobs in your area? If you was the 16, would you be working, 'specially over the Xmas season? If you think you would be, you could spend some time thinking how lucky it is that you ain't?

I know I shouldn't say 'ain't'? 'Cause it ain't right, but que sera?

Find a hobby or two. I'm still getting through this kind of thing and it's hard!

Hobbies do help.

I've come to a tentative agreement with the universe, that although life may suck sometimes, it rocks sometimes!

And since I have no choice wether it will be good or bad, I can weather the storm somewhat when negativity threatens to overwhelm me.

Good luck. Please remember above all else, you're not alone in feeling like this. You're never alone in feeling anything.