To get straight to the point, my girlfriend who I honestly love is seriously screwed up when it comes to sex.

now for the background...

several months before meeting me she was still in her first serious relationship, and the guy really pushed the idea of sex on her. Eventually he ended up essentially raping her and now she has some serious mental baggage (understandably) and is completely turned off by the idea of sex.

So that's where she stands

Personally I've had sex with 2 girls but both times I was blackout drunk (I don't even remember the one time at all, sadly). So I might as well be a virgin, although for all I know I could be a dad, which is pretty pathetic to say because I honestly don't know.

Now for the problem...

I'm madly in love with this girl and we have no problem getting down and dirty, but sex is out because shes pretty scarred from the only experience she has had. On top of this she's completely turned off by the idea of oral and she sorta sucks at the old hand service (and handjobs don't really do it for me anyhow).

So does anyone have some honest thoughts on...

- getting her over her problem with sex

(which is a longshot, for now, at least. and I DON'T plan to push it on her.)

- talking her into oral

(letting her see its not something that's disgusting)

- talking to her about improving the handjob thing (because I have no idea how to bring it up)

any help or thoughts or anything would be a HUGE help, because my current situation sucks, but I care to much about her to dump her over something like this...

*sigh*

any thoughts..?

[This message has been edited by the_untouchable (edited 12-06-2006).]

Tell her how much you love her and the last thing you would want to do is make her feel the way she did with her ex. Tell her you want to show her how wonderful sex can be when you are truly in love with someone. Tell her that she can come to you whenever she is ready, and drop the subject. The last thing she wants is someone bugging her to put out, thats how it began with her last boyfriend. Trust me, she will come around, show her alot of love, and give her all your love

You know, this one time I thought girls were incredibly shitty at giving hand jobs. Until I showed one how I like it, and I came.

I liked it from then on in.



Tell her not to be so repulsed by giving oral. And offer to give her oral too. Eventually she'll wanna expirement more/trust you more.

quote:Originally posted by xRadical_Wankerx:

Tell her how much you love her and the last thing you would want to do is make her feel the way she did with her ex. Tell her you want to show her how wonderful sex can be when you are truly in love with someone. Tell her that she can come to you whenever she is ready, and drop the subject. The last thing she wants is someone bugging her to put out, thats how it began with her last boyfriend. Trust me, she will come around, show her alot of love, and give her all your love



Not exactly the response I was looking for (mostly what I already know, haha), but all the same thank you. What you said actually helps alot, I guess my problem is more or less that I just want to be able to show her that I really care besides all the ways I already have. Being the dense guy that I am I guess I just can't think of anwyay to do that other than by being more involved with her (sexually at least). Kind of a hard thing to put to words, but you can probably see where I'm coming from.

[This message has been edited by the_untouchable (edited 12-06-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by xRadical_Wankerx:

Tell her how much you love her and the last thing you would want to do is make her feel the way she did with her ex. Tell her you want to show her how wonderful sex can be when you are truly in love with someone. Tell her that she can come to you whenever she is ready, and drop the subject. The last thing she wants is someone bugging her to put out, thats how it began with her last boyfriend. Trust me, she will come around, show her alot of love, and give her all your love



He could do all that or just dump her for a slut. I like option 2. There are billions of girls, its not worth it to spend so much time on one.

Just give her time. She will, over time, overcome it. She'll never get over it completely, but DO NOT PUSH HER. Let her learn to trust you, and let her make the decision to take it to the final step herself.

quote:Originally posted by gmail:

He could do all that or just dump her for a slut. I like option 2. There are billions of girls, its not worth it to spend so much time on one.

With any past relationship I probably would've agreed with this, but there comes a point when you gotta grow up. I found someone I care for and I want to see where it'll go, reguardless of how much shit I'll have to go through or put up with to make it work.

Try doing some sex acts on her. That might work out, especially doing oral on her as another poster stated. Fingering, sensual massage/rubbing...let her initiate the sex though.

Lie like every man except me, I'll always be honest and I'll never pretend to be anything i'm not...wow Im glad I got that of my chest

Michael

Give it time. It may suck, but giving it time is better than fucking her up permanently, even worse than she already is.

find out who her previous bf is, and break his kneecaps...but, if you arent dago enough for this job, call me...i think im dago enough for it

oh, yeah, btw, i have dated a girl who was raped...and i got pissed when one of her ex's said he didnt care about it...wanted to break HIS kneecaps...sorry if im off topic

Just rape her like the last guy did.

"Personally I've had sex with 2 girls but both times I was blackout drunk (I don't even remember the one time at all, sadly). So I might as well be a virgin, although for all I know I could be a dad, which is pretty pathetic to say because I honestly don't know."

^^Quite obviously a virgin still, and never really did have the blackout drunk sex.

Like almost everyone else said, give her time. She needs to know she can trust you. An experience like that can reeeallly screw a person up. You're lucky she lets you touch her at all. So basically, let her realize you're not a huge jackass. Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. It's pretty high up on the list, but I'm sure you can live without it for a while. Just don't push her dude.

quote:Originally posted by Jasz:

Just rape her like the last guy did.

Also anal rape.

Didn't read responses, so forgive anything that may be like a double up.

You just have to build trust with her. It's quite obvious she doesn't take sex as lightly as you do, and you have to understand that it is going to take time before you can proceed with it. Make her feel safe in other aspects of life and I am sure it will fall into place.

Do i really need to repeat what everybody else has said?

But seriously now, a few ruffies or a quick brick to the head should do the job.