I'm not the best boyfriend. I don't tend to make the grand elaborate gestures, I grope on her too much, and I know it. I make up crazy stories about my youth, and pass it off as truth (just to amuse her).

But really, I think I do pretty good. I call her often enough, every few days. I tell her that I love her. I'll listen when she has problems and not just nod my head and go "Uh huh. Uh huh." I never, never even try to pressure her into sex, no matter how horny I may be.

I have no doubt that even though we've been doing the long distance thing for a while, she's been completely faithful. But...

She never calls me. Ok, she called me on July 1st (the day before my dog died, that's how I remember), but since then she only calls to return mine. She almost never answers her phone, and won't return my calls for weeks at a time. I just feel that she doesn't care about me nearly as much as I care about her.

I know we'd do better if we saw each other more often, but how much, I don't know. We've broken up 3 times in the past 5 years, but always get back together.

I've talked to her about it, and let her know that unless something changes, we just can't be together. She was better for a little while, but we're back to where she says she's too busy with school stuff and stuff at her co-op to call me. How can you be that busy for weeks on end?

I'm inclined to give her one more chance, and make it clear that it's her last chance, to keep me in a relationship. I'll never stop being friends with her, but being together isn't working right now.

I don't relish being single again. I have a hell of a time finding women who will put up with my flaws long enough to see the good part (my flaws are very much on the surface, while the good part of me takes a while to come out). I can be charming for a few hours, but since I don't do the one night stand thing, that's worthless with getting chicks. Honesly, I hate being single.

Yet, I'd prefer it to what I have now. At least then there will be the remote hope of finding someone who wants to be with me for serious.

So what do you guys think? Should I break up with her now, give her the one last chance, or what?

As an aside, there's another woman who finds me facinating and thinks I'm a catch (go figure), but she lives several hundred miles away, so she's not really a viable prospect.

Have you said all that to her?

Might be a bit of an intense emotional splurge, but if you're considering breaking up with her you might as well say exactly how you feel and why.

Maybe even ask her whether you two have a future. It could be that she doesn't realise how much her behaviour is affecting you.

Mind, you could get an answer you don't want.

Jx

Tell her what's up, and if she doesn't change then she isn't into the relationship enough. Long distance relationships can't work unless both sides are really into it.

Hey dude, you know me! I'm Shaun!

She's still in the "relationship" because it's what she's used to.

She's probably getting on with her life and you arent on her mind the majority of the time. You're the faithful internet boyfriend who is awesome when he's there and is nice to occasionally think about when he's not.

Obviously I could be wrong here, but Ive been in almost a mirror relationship, and Im talking about my perspective on mine.

Long distance relationships are a cunt. Plain and simple. You need to be with your significant other on a regular basis. The fact you're physically together (and I dont necessarily mean sexually) is as important as mentally bonding.

Sounds to me, from your post, like your relationship is on the latter part of a slippery slope.

I hope Im wrong, but... *shrugs*

I'm in the same boat right now. She's changed into a completely different person in the past few months, and almost all the things that made me fall for her, she has changed and taken away. Now she's getting on me for my drug use, and wants to restrict me to marijuana and the occasional beer. I'm not ready to give those things up, because as I sit here, sober as shit, I'm realizing that sobriety is one of the most painful, lonely, boring experiences there is. And now I'm starting to wonder if all this is worth it anymore, and I'm not really sure what to do.

My six year relationship ended because of my drug use...

EDIT: Majorly internet relationship. We spent roughly six months out of those six years together.

[This message has been edited by Docta? (edited 12-04-2006).]

My opinion on the matter is you should be honest to your girlfriend. Yes the truth may hurt initially, but I find that it gets the pain out of the way and done with. Lying, everything seems to build up until you can't hide anything any longer and it all blows up like a powder keg. Just tell her how you feel, gauge her reaction and then re-evaluate whether maintaining a relationship would be worth the effort.

MLoR, I am no one to pass judgement, but my first impression is that you may have a 'problem' with drugs that are 'harder' than marihuana or alcohol. My suggestion is (if you have not previously done) to read up on whatever drugs you are putting into your body. It may discourage you from using the other drugs if you knew what went into them, the chemicals used in the production process.

I've been through rehab and AA. It's not for everybody but some people need it as a tool or a crutch to go on living their daily lives. Sobriety and staying clean cannot harm you and you can only benefit from it (financially speaking). I'd suggest you try it for a month. If you decide to do it, stick to your guns, keep your commitment. If it's not for you, at the end of the month you can celebrate by buying a large quantity of various substances.

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

I'm realizing that sobriety is one of the most painful, lonely, boring experiences there is. And now I'm starting to wonder if all this is worth it anymore, and I'm not really sure what to do.

That's actually very sad. I'll indulge occasionally, but what's the point in being high if there's nothing to compare it to? And I'd never want to feel like that all the time, I do enjoy keeping my mind clear.

quote:Originally posted by MomentaryLapseOfReason:

I'm not ready to give those things up, because as I sit here, sober as shit, I'm realizing that sobriety is one of the most painful, lonely, boring experiences there is. And now I'm starting to wonder if all this is worth it anymore, and I'm not really sure what to do.

Not only do I 100% agree and get what your saying, I usually like to drink everyday and indulge in drugs. I also think I used it to help my bi-polar at times. Plus it made me feel normal again when I did.

Alcohol blocks 5 neurotransmitter's and one directly links to bi-polar Which is an interesting fact. I miss it so much, it sucks!

stay bad

~stormy

Sorry for being in the thread without an actually responce to you. But you know what I'll probably say and you've already answered yourself, you said it in between the lines of your thread!

PS: I saw how great you are, before we even met! Meeting you made it more apparent even with the tiny irritating flaws, which were the things I kinda missed when I left.

stay bad

~stormy

[This message has been edited by stormy (edited 12-06-2006).]

Damn, sounds a lot like mine, only four times as long. If you want her to call you more, then just stop contacting her at all. no aim, email, or phone, she'll get around to it eventually. But i'm sure you know that, so i'm just stating the obvious.

Anyway, i'd suggest telling her everything you told us, and seeing if she makes an attempt to change. if she does, then stick with it. if not, end it and move on.