My daughter displays very strange behavior around strange men. She is actually, to be frank, scared shitless of men. She's not afraid around new women or younger boys; just men. My poor little baby has the hardest time not going into screams of terror when a new man is with in a 50ft. radius. I'm not entirely sure how to approach this issue. She embarrasses me in public. For what ever reason my little girl is rendered from this state: http://tinyurl.com/y6dwh3

to.. well.. See Zek's post on her visit to Santa. Any suggestions on what to do about this?

are these men like...significantly bigger than her?

quote:Originally posted by kman101:

are these men like...significantly bigger than her?

Yes, but so are the women that she's around.

You do know that it's natural for all children to be afraid of clowns, right?

She will grow out of it.

quote:Originally posted by HandOfZek:

Yes, but so are the women that she's around.

um...i dunno, maybe you could blindfold her?

Not to sound disgusting, but maybe she has a reason she's afraid of men?

Haven't you ever heard of abuse and rape victims becoming extremely afraid of men after the fact?

If this is a rather new behavior, maybe you should think about some professional help for this.

You have turned her into a LESBIAN! You fail at parenting. All you can do is buzz cut her hair and buy her a big pair of boots for xmas.

:P(j/k)

On a serious note, do give some thought to what Gus said.

Has she ever been in a dangerous situation with a male? I'm sorry, but someone is gonna say so I will - Has she ever been abused by an older male?

Kids can often freak out over things like that from past experiences.

Gus, you're too fast for me

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

Gus, you're too fast for me

Ah but Kate, you know that on my second time I'm slower... Just for you.

There could be lots of reasons for it.



The tone of their voice might scare her, or maybe how they look.

Is she around women more than men? Which parent does she spend more time with? She might be more okay with woman if she spends more time with you, but at the sametime still be okay with her father.

As for the Santa thing, lots of little kids are scared of Santa, they've never been around anything that looks like that and they're being forced to sit on someone's lap they've never met before. I don't know how old she is but she looks like she might be too young to understand the whole "santa brings you presents you should like him" thing anyway. It might be better in a few years.



You might want to try having male friends come over, and let her get used to them around you all.

well, I suppose men are more dangerous and therefore 'scarier' to her? It's perfectly natural. I'm more afraid of men than women or young boys:P....not that I go shrieking everytime I see another man.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

[...]not that I go shrieking everytime I see another man.

Although I've heard to opposite...

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Not to sound disgusting, but maybe she has a reason she's afraid of men?

Haven't you ever heard of abuse and rape victims becoming extremely afraid of men after the fact?

If this is a rather new behavior, maybe you should think about some professional help for this.

It's a good thought, Gus. But I wouldn't worry about it overmuch. She's not afraid of her papa, right? My little one went through the same thing. It's like a fear of clowns. It passes.

My daughter used to be afraid of old women when she was younger. Some sweet old lady would totter over and say, "Oh what a cute little girl!" And she would start to shriek and scream and hide her face in my stomach.

Taqlk about embarassing, right?

Anyway, after MUCH discussion on the subject, she lost her fear and she is now nice to the elderly.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

It's a good thought, Gus. But I wouldn't worry about it overmuch. She's not afraid of her papa, right? My little one went through the same thing. It's like a fear of clowns. It passes.



Those that discount something as a phase are those that allow such things to get worse, until they finally break. And then those are the ones that wonder why they didn't see it sooner.

Try and talk to your child about it. Children are smarter than you might think. I can remember some of my earliest memories when people always say that we're unaware. Clearly and vividly. Talk to her.

But...Who the hell could be molesting her?? I mean the kid is like a year old, so how many people could she even know?

I would think that her mother would know if there was potential for abuse. That has not been suggested in what was written.

Since I have experienced that particular fear with my own child, it's not a conclusion I would automatically come to.

I've thought that the 'attractiveness' of women is not just Natures way of attracting men?

It's also for the kid's sake.

I mean just picture a pretty girl face from a kid's point of view? See a pretty face? Pretend you're 1 or 2 & looking at it...

Picture the way happy females, either the happy mother or others who're very relaxed because they aren't the mother? They can happily look at the kid because they don't have to do the work of being it's mother?

You can imagine that it's Extremely Golden from that little point of view. To be the focus of beautiful women that you don't have to impress or compare yourself to?

Even a pleasant looking dude, let alone some ugly guy just is not in the same class.

Maybe your kid's Sense of Beauty is offended by the poor comparison.

>>>I just checked her pic. She's old enough to look in the mirror & see her natural symmetry & see it in others? Perhaps she'll soon be eloquent enough to describe her loathing for the unbeautiful...



[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 11-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I would think that her mother would know if there was potential for abuse. That has not been suggested in what was written.

Since I have experienced that particular fear with my own child, it's not a conclusion I would automatically come to.



Maybe, but (and you can trust me on this one) mothers are usually the very last to know. They often feel that something is wrong but their mind refuses to allow them to contemplate something that horrific.

My daughter has had this prejudice since she was very, very young; Like 4 months old young. At that time, the only people she had really ever been around was me and Zek. If she was with someone else, we were there within clear view of her. There was no physical evidence that would suggest abuse of any kind. And being so young when she had developed it, I don't think she'd have understood that something bad was happening to her.

So, thankfully, I'm very positive that abuse is not a factor.

Knowing who your children are around is very important and is one reason I have never used daycare so I always knew who my child was around. If my child displayed a fear of someone I never pushed the issue.

The santa thing....not a good idea, btw. Not if she was afraid.

Moonman raises a good point. Children also gravitate toward people with a more pleasing appearance too.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Knowing who your children are around is very important and is one reason I have never used daycare so I always knew who my child was around. If my child displayed a fear of someone I never pushed the issue.

The santa thing....not a good idea, btw. Not if she was afraid.

Moonman raises a good point. Children also gravitate toward people with a more pleasing appearance too.

She was fine at first. Then she realized what was going on and before we knew it, we had a great picture to send to grandma.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:



Moonman raises a good point. Children also gravitate toward people with a more pleasing appearance too.

Ahhh that must be why small children always run screaming when they see me

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

She was fine at first. Then she realized what was going on and before we knew it, we had a great picture to send to grandma.

Yet, you knew of her fear of men. So...you've just reinforced that fear, don't you think?

*chuckles*

I had a fear of Santa though. Boy, was I relieved to discover that there really was not a Santa.



[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 11-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Yet, you knew of her fear of men. So...you've just reinforced that fear, don't you think?

No..

My goal with the Santa thing was that she would see all the other children with him, see mom sitting with him and maybe see that this man was harmless. I thought I was successful until I took a step back.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Boy, was I relieved to discover that there really was not a Santa.



There isn't??!!!!??? b-b-b-b-b-ut w-w-who brings the presents then and who was kissing M-m-m-mommy??!

*sobs heartbroken*

Ah....the learning curve can be a tough one, can't it?

I was probably more sensitive about the fear of Santa because it was once mine. That's something I never pushed, even if we stood in line for a long time waiting and the decision not to do it at the last minute was made.

I also never pushed acceptance of strangers either.

I also taught that Santa was "pretend" too. I wonder how many parents got pissed when my child told other kids.

[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 11-30-2006).]

sry i rapped ur dauter, plz sent her to po box r1234 royal exchange sydney 2001 so i can apolagise.

kk.

^^

Well thank you for coming clean. I appreciate your honesty.

You shouldn't have touched your daughter so much. That's what her brother is for.

Ummm.. She doesn't have a brother. And I don't touch my daughter inappropriately.

You're ruining my thread!

quote:Originally posted by Hardly There:

Ummm.. She doesn't have a brother.

But you're still working on that one , yes?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

But you're still working on that one , yes?

Sí, but possibly a sister rather than brother.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Ahhh that must be why small children always run screaming when they see me



Women seem to get freaked out whenever they're alone and I come across one on the street or whatever..

'Possibly'? Have Zek look in through the oven window...is the light working?