I'm not really sure where to post this, but in the end, it seems centered around affection, so I assume this is probably where I should... Anyway... I seem to be a generally well liked person. I was voted to be president of my highschool class three years in a row. I just won "Funniest" for the superlatives in the yearbook. Really, none of that means much to me, except that it kind of shows me that people appreciate what I do for them. Really, my whole life, I've just wanted to make other people happy, even if it's at the expense of my own happiness because, in the long run, I've always thought that my generosity would be returned. I don't usually tell anyone this, but this is the internet, so it doesn't really matter, but I spend most of my money by giving it to charities. The only reason I don't tell people this is because the people who go around talking about how much money they donate are really only doing it to seem like kindhearted people. Anyway, it seems that my generosity is never returned because of something I'm missing. Girls have liked me before because I seem nice and I can make them laugh and whatever else, but for some reason, I can never keep a girlfriend. I just get way too nervous over every little thing and end up blowing it. I don't know if to call her, when to call her, does she like me, what can we do for a date, etc. It's just killing me. I'm a senior and haven't had a single girlfriend throughout highschool. I would legitimately just kill myself if it weren't for my family who I love too much to do something like that or the fact that I know, no matter how slim the chance, there's still a chance that I can improve. Just to clarify, I'm not suicidal, it's just that the only thing I'm really living for now is my family, humor, and hope. But now, I'm feeling hopeless, and it's hard to laugh at, so really all I have is my family. Can someone give me advice as to what I can do to help myself be able to be with a girl? I'm sure I'll have at least a few replies just telling me what a loser I am, but if I get at least one serious piece of advice, it'd be fine.

With an attitude like that, you probably will.

Most of us do. But you can use all the time you save to discover the true joy of paragraphs.

you are pretty starved for acknowledgement. i think there are issues deeper than can be solved by s&a, like your need to please others and your belief that people only like you for what you do for them.

It's ok, you're young.

I generally have the same problem, I'm a reasonably well liked person, smart and clever, not unattractive. But I get pushed into the friends lane alot. ALOT. And you know, some people never become more than just friends, it's just the way things are.

I have and obscene amount of 'just friends'. And have had a ridiculous amount of 'let's just be friends' and 'it's not you, it's me' speaches. I forgive them, and I still get along wuite swimmingly with most of them.

But the fact of the matter is, that we're just starting life, and can't really be seriously expected to hold long standing relationships. It's too early in the game to start worrying about whether or not you're going to die alone. Explore yourself first, then begin to explore relationship avenues with other people.

Do things that boost your confidence, and start to love yourself, and I mean really love yourself (I know, that sounds like a horrible, girly thing for me to say, but it's true, core confidence is one of the most attractive things in anyone). Give it a little while, see how thing pan out.

Don't think to seriously on the whole relationship fontier, at this stage in your life, you should be aimed at having fun, not bogging yourself down with issues of manogamy. And I know what you're probably thinking "I'm better than that, I want someone I can connect with" Well yes, we all want that. And that's what close friends are for. If you find someone that embodies all the qualities which you desire, you're very lucky.

haha, I was talking ot my friend the other day and he says to me 'Tegan, every man should have three women, the one he's married to, the one he loves, and one in case the other two find out about each other'.

And, now I've started rambling.

You're not a loser, you're just young.

Change your attitude, it will change your life.



Honestly.

E

Stop donating all your money.

Making a difference and seeing that difference kicks ass. But not seeing it, sucks. I have major doubts about most charities. I had the chance to work for one, $17 p/h + commissions. Where the fuck are they getting the money to pay me that? And it was a well known, reputable charity.

Any way...if you want to make a difference, do it in person. Donate time, not your money. Work with the homeless. Find a bum, take him out to lunch, take him to a second hand clothes store, buy him a suit. Get him a hair cut. Get him proper toiletries. Help him get a job. Money MUCH BETTER SPENT.

You may just be one of those people who need to live through others. But you need to be acknowledged. Little starving African kids getting rice will LOVE YOU for it, but you'll never find out, and that's not enough for you.

Help people who can thank you, personally.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

you are pretty starved for acknowledgement. i think there are issues deeper than can be solved by s&a, like your need to please others and your belief that people only like you for what you do for them.

I could be wrong, but I don't think I'm starving for acknowledgement. I mean, as 'homo' as it sounds, I just like making people happy. I don't really care about being acknowledged for being nice.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Stop donating all your money.

Making a difference and seeing that difference kicks ass. But not seeing it, sucks. I have major doubts about most charities. I had the chance to work for one, $17 p/h + commissions. Where the fuck are they getting the money to pay me that? And it was a well known, reputable charity.

Any way...if you want to make a difference, do it in person. Donate time, not your money. Work with the homeless. Find a bum, take him out to lunch, take him to a second hand clothes store, buy him a suit. Get him a hair cut. Get him proper toiletries. Help him get a job. Money MUCH BETTER SPENT.

You may just be one of those people who need to live through others. But you need to be acknowledged. Little starving African kids getting rice will LOVE YOU for it, but you'll never find out, and that's not enough for you.

Help people who can thank you, personally.

I mainly donate to Red Cross. I know that only a fraction of my money actually helps people in need, but I still find it the best way to help abroad.

You sound like Jesus..If so you will never die lonely..

Do you live Down Under? BAngel seems to have forgotten about the para's too? Maybe you can get together & study the para-thing? That would be cool? Discovering para's while doing the same with each other?

Her boyfriend should really add some spice to the whole deal!

Maybe yer not (only read the first part of that massive missive) self-centered enough? If you're too giving...you might just give too much away. Thus leaving you drained & unattractive.

proper diet, excersize, shower regularly. sleep alot and smoke some weed.

^cluntoris^

One of the sad facts in life. Even surrounded by family, lovers, friends, we all have to die alone. It's worth it, though.

Just imagine the fact that you've seen everyone you love leave, or die.

Are you that fucking lonely?

Didnt think so.

Anyway. Being alone aint so bad. Enjoy being with yourself, do some stuff you want to do.

I used to be pretty much like you until my 16th birthday, when me and my best friend started dating. Guess what, we're married with two children now, and i'm only 26!

My advice for you is, chill out, enjoy yourself, spend some time with your friends, and eventually, you will find someone. Don't get me wrong though, i'm not telling you that the perfect girl is going to fall from the sky.

EDIT: Fucking grammar.

[This message has been edited by Scope (edited 11-28-2006).]

I can't believe nobody has mentioned whats really happening here, so i'll have to do it.

These links should get you started:

http://tinyurl.com/spq9g

http://tinyurl.com/ozelu

And i've uploaded my copy of Double your Dating by David DeAngelo for you:

http://tinyurl.com/uasaq

I used to be completely like you until I read this book. Now I can get someone whenever I want. Until you find that one special person who actually cares about who you are, relationships are all a game you need to learn. Just read it, that's all i'm going to say.

[This message has been edited by Trapped In A Box (edited 11-28-2006).]

Im pretty much the same, but I go through bouts of lonlyness, then not wanting to bother with anyone..

I have fuck all in the way of advice too

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Just imagine the fact that you've seen everyone you love leave, or die.

Are you that fucking lonely?

Didnt think so.

Anyway. Being alone aint so bad. Enjoy being with yourself, do some stuff you want to do.

That's actually a very good point. I guess the word 'lonely' was used incorrectly, considering I do have friends and family. I'd say it's better saying "romantically lonely."