If I don't get sex when I want it, do I just stop giving sex to her when she wants it?

uhh...

Fuck your jedi mind tricks!

that would be employing the scarcity trick in an act of reciprocity.

I would call that being pathetic.

And then you'll never have sex and she'll probably dump you.

Your gunnin' towards a no-sum game thar sonny.

Yo Arquin dude, msn adress me up real good.

And I don't think it's pathetic. Why should she call all the shots. A comprimise needs to be reached some how. Try talking to her, then give her the ultimatum methinks.

i'd normally say no don't do this, it's stupid, but from what i've heard of your girlfriend you guys just seem to like messing around with each other, and so it might be somewhat effective. although you'll really just be "cutting your nose to spite your face" as the saying goes, since when it comes down to it you probably want sex more.

Equality in a relationship.

If you two are in a relationship then both of you need to be equally satisfied by the output of your efforts or else it's a waste of time. You should be getting what you want if she is.



E

quote:Originally posted by QuackyIraqy:

Equality in a relationship.

If you two are in a relationship then both of you need to be equally satisfied by the output of your efforts or else it's a waste of time. You should be getting what you want if she is.



E

i dunno. just because they are in a relationship doesn't mean it's one person's duty to "service" their partner. that's not what a relationship is about. there should be a sense of wanting to take care of the other person, but it's not an obligation to have sex if you don't feel like it. anyway, arquin, are you getting sex at all? how often? we need to get a sense of how unreasonable she's being, if she's is indeed being unreasonable.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i dunno. just because they are in a relationship doesn't mean it's one person's duty to "service" their partner. that's not what a relationship is about. there should be a sense of wanting to take care of the other person, but it's not an obligation to have sex if you don't feel like it. anyway, arquin, are you getting sex at all? how often? we need to get a sense of how unreasonable she's being, if she's is indeed being unreasonable.

She's most likely cutting him off after only 5 times a day.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

since when it comes down to it you probably want sex more.

Yes, I do.

I get sex. Like...a few times a week. But that isn't enough.

It's not that I have unrealistic demands. It's just that she likes to turn me on, then not follow through with it.

Like honestly, you don't start sucking a guys cock. Get him rock hard. Then just STOP. With ABSOLUTLY no follow up. That's teasing. Plain and simple.

It's not like I'm selfish. I was, but not always. Last night I went down on her for the first time, it was the first time I ever went down on a girl (I think it's much more intimate than sex, so that's what I was saving for the right girl). And I loved it. Fucking beautiful. Tastes great, turns me on, I like it more than receiving.

Going down on a girl should be a TREAT FOR HER. I think we're the only couple that me going down on her is a TREAT FOR ME. Her sex drive just...broke. Which makes me think it's over.

since you value sex very much in a relationship, this may end up being a dealbreaker in your eyes. but really, after all you guys have been through, i'd encourage you to try to work it out. i wouldn't go the "direct communication" route, because that would basically be you saying, "hey, me wants sex NOW!" so maybe just tell her it bothers you that she doesn't seem to care how frustrating it is for you sometimes when she's so blase about it.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 11-28-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

since you value sex very much in a relationship, this may end up being a dealbreaker in your eyes. but really, after all you guys have been through, i'd encourage you to try to work it out. i wouldn't go the "direct communication" route, because that would basically be you saying, "hey, me wants sex NOW!" so maybe just tell her it bothers you that she doesn't seem to care how frustrating it is for you sometimes when she's so blase about it.

We DO communicate a lot. I was having sexual problems. Well I always have been. First it was not coming. Then it was coming too soon. Now it's fixed. We worked our way through it.

When she starts giving me head, then just abruptly stops, I say something along the lines of "Whaaat the fuck? You don't just do that to a guy...you're horrible. You either don't start, or you start and finish"

Then she smiles, laughs, and gives me a cheeky look. She's getting pleasure from this.

And if I'm not communicating clearly enough, I have no idea what to do...

*edit* Lauren you know how I said I was pissed off she used to have multiple rounds of sex with her ex? Well she told me last night that when the sex is fulfilling, she's content with just one round. Which sounds like SUCH a bullshit reason to me. What do you think?

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 11-28-2006).]

well seeing as your whole relationship is based around control issues and power struggles, i'm not that surprised that she's taking pleasure from depriving you of sex. no solution in my mind except to play games. i suppose you could talk about it, but i don't know what results that will yield.

edit - i told you already, i don't think it's bs.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 11-28-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

well seeing as your whole relationship is based around control issues and power struggles, i'm not that surprised that she's taking pleasure from depriving you of sex. no solution in my mind except to play games. i suppose you could talk about it, but i don't know what results that will yield.

edit - i told you already, i don't think it's bs.

...I need to punch her in the mouth.

I'm moving in a week, to the country, which will mean this relationship will become more work, more effort to hold together be based more on trust.

I don't think it's going to work out...

Mohwell. Lesson learnt.

i'm sorry for being pessimistic and uninsightful. maybe it is workable. it all depends on if you think it is and if you want it to be.

just force yourself on her. lots. it's bound to work.

I think this comes back to your issue that you and your gf always have of one can NEVER back down and be wrong - so by playing something childish like this - makes that even worse..

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

I would call that being pathetic.

Why?

People have needs. Couples should make compromises.

I make them for her.

I'd call her pathetic, and you, for being so fucking closed minded.

Arquin, I think you and me are having the same relationship, except on opposite ends of the world, and we're each the other person. My sex-drive recently "broke" also, and my boyfriend was calling me tease, although it was all him. What a lame hobo. Seriously though, your threads always seem to somehow resemble something that's going on in my relationship at the time. Extra weird.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Arquin, I think you and me are having the same relationship, except on opposite ends of the world, and we're each the other person. My sex-drive recently "broke" also, and my boyfriend was calling me tease, although it was all him. What a lame hobo. Seriously though, your threads always seem to somehow resemble something that's going on in my relationship at the time. Extra weird.

Why did your sex drive break?

And why was it all him?

I was having troubles recently, and decided that we shouldn't have sex for a month till I figure out my body. Yes, that's a reason for her to 'break'. But I couldn't stick to it for even a week. I wanted her too much. We got straight back into having sex with in like 5 days.

I pay attention to every part of her body. Kiss, caress, suck, rub, massage...what...the FUCK am I doing wrong?

Better question: What did your boyfriend do wrong?



[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 11-28-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Why?

People have needs. Couples should make compromises.

I make them for her.

I'd call her pathetic, and you, for being so fucking closed minded.



I call it pathetic, because of what I mention in my 2nd post. You're competing with her - adding in more obsticales for yourself and ultimately making it harder for yourself. Maybe talk to her?

A relationship isn't always based on sex remember - I know its an important part but being so pathetic to say 'well if shes not going to give me it when I want it, I'll just be a smart ass and do it back' is NOT going to achieve anything.

either that, or you suck in the sack.

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

either that, or you suck in the sack.

Quite possible .

quote:Originally posted by ZeroMalarki:

Yo Arquin dude, msn adress me up real good.

arquin_karnage@hotmail.com

Add me mo'fkers.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 11-28-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Going down on a girl should be a TREAT FOR HER. I think we're the only couple that me going down on her is a TREAT FOR ME.

lol

But I know what you mean.

if she doesnt give you sex when you want, when shes up for it start to fuck her and pull it out before she orgasms and make the bitch beg.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

When she starts giving me head, then just abruptly stops, I say something along the lines of "Whaaat the fuck? You don't just do that to a guy...you're horrible. You either don't start, or you start and finish"

Then she smiles, laughs, and gives me a cheeky look. She's getting pleasure from this.

There's a slight, slight chance she doesn't want to fully suck you off, maybe because she doesn't feel comfortable or whatever?

Unless she's not even trying to finish you off in any way, not even with sex.

Have you spoke to her about it?

quote:Originally posted by Duck In Fog:

There's a slight, slight chance she doesn't want to fully suck you off, maybe because she doesn't feel comfortable or whatever?

Unless she's not even trying to finish you off in any way, not even with sex.

Have you spoke to her about it?

I'm pretty clear about what I want. With sex, she finishes me off. She gets very angry with me when I hold off my orgasm for the sake of hers.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Why did your sex drive break?

And why was it all him?

I was having troubles recently, and decided that we shouldn't have sex for a month till I figure out my body. Yes, that's a reason for her to 'break'. But I couldn't stick to it for even a week. I wanted her too much. We got straight back into having sex with in like 5 days.

I pay attention to every part of her body. Kiss, caress, suck, rub, massage...what...the FUCK am I doing wrong?

Better question: What did your boyfriend do wrong?





I was really stressed out for a while, and for some reason my sex drive just shut off. It's back now though. Nothing to do with my boyfriend, although he thought it was his fault too. Asking me questions about me and my ex's sex life... that was awkward. And since he was stupid enough to ask I told the truth, which actually isn't that terrible.

And the "it was all him" statement... he would call me a tease, but whenever we were together and he'd be all over me and I'd say "stop" he'd ignore me, until finally I pushed him off a few times. So he'd be all aroused and I wouldn't be, so apparently I was teasing him. I don't think I was.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

I'm pretty clear about what I want. With sex, she finishes me off. She gets very angry with me when I hold off my orgasm for the sake of hers.

That's odd.

Maybe she likes it when you orgasm?

Maybe she's fucktarded?

Maybe she's not as keen on sex anymore and just wants you to cum and be happy without the extra?

Has she ever given you a reason for her behaviour? because it's very strange.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

If I don't get sex when I want it, do I just stop giving sex to her when she wants it?

You know the role. Next time she wants sex you look all sick, clutch a hot water bottle to your tummy and say 'I've got a headache!'.

Then that means no sex at all, and I bet she can last longer fucktard...

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

Then that means no sex at all, and I bet she can last longer fucktard...

No. In the 1 week we stopped having sex. She began fucking me in her sleep. It was fucking crazy...

She's repressing her sex drive, that's what's pissing me off.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

No. In the 1 week we stopped having sex. She began fucking me in her sleep. It was fucking crazy...

She's repressing her sex drive, that's what's pissing me off.

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend did that too. But in our case she repressed it completely. No masturbation, because she didn't really like it, no sex, because who knows why. She just didn't want it at all anymore. Maybe I'm being an ass, but I don't like it when she hides what she wants and just puts it into blatant gestures that she didn't want me around her. A few days later, she dumps me. And she's happier than ever apparently.

quote:Originally posted by GP:

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend did that too. But in our case she repressed it completely. No masturbation, because she didn't really like it, no sex, because who knows why. She just didn't want it at all anymore. Maybe I'm being an ass, but I don't like it when she hides what she wants and just puts it into blatant gestures that she didn't want me around her. A few days later, she dumps me. And she's happier than ever apparently.

Wow, thankfully our situations are very different. She's repressing it to the point where we have sex every time we see each other.

I want to be having hours of sex every time we see each other.

Only explanation is I'm not doing it for her any more. Otherwise she'd be jumping my guns like I am with her.