Yeah as the title states it’s basically what I believe. This involves a bit of a background story but I’ll try and keep it as short as I can.

It all started around last April or so when a girl who I had known basically my whole life invited me to come over and hang out in a group of people. We all had a good time and after this we started to hang out just about every weekend unless something else had come up. We grew pretty close and then come summer we hung out a lot more, as in almost every day.

We were great friends by now and I thought we’d be great together but there was something in the way of us being together and it was the fact that at the end of the summer she was moving something like 500 miles away. I discussed my feelings for her and the way she was talking they were pretty mutual but she didn’t want to make anything of it because it would have made moving much more harder.

We carried on being friends and would hang out every time she was back in town. Well, she just came in the other night and we were having fun and all that good stuff but throughout the course of the night I caught on to something her and some other friends were talking about. It did not take me long to catch on that they kept talking about some guy that she really likes down there. The thing is I toned down my feelings for her quite a bit after realizing nothing would come of it, but I still have certain feelings for her. The fact that she now likes this guy.

The fact that she likes this guy bothers me quite a bit for some reason, but the fact that she didn’t say anything to me about it and wouldn’t tell me about it just makes me angry. I thought that we were really good friends and could communicate about pretty much anything between each other. Last night was the first time I had seen her since she had been in town but half way through the night she just seemed to treat me with more and more awkwardness as the night actually went on.

I don’t really know how to feel now because it seems like she is treating me as less and less of a friend now. It makes me feel really shitty and I don’t know what to do about it at all.

The way they were talking the other night was as if I really had no idea about the situation and making jokes about it, but they wouldn’t talk of it for too long in fear that I would catch on. Another thing I picked up on is that she might talk to me about it and I really have no idea how I am going to react. Right now I feel a combination of anger and sadness and I really have no idea how I will react. ( I might see her today so I am not sure if it will go down today if it does at all.)

So I am not sure what kind of feedback I am looking for on this situation because I really don’t know what to do with myself about it.

(sorry I tried to keep it short but it didn't really go that way)

Maybe you are reading it all wrong...maybe she feels awkward because she has feelings for you...just try your best do anything you can.

I appreciate the input, I guess I have not thought of it like that yet. But it feels like she is beginning to treat me like less of a friend. It makes me feel empty and in a way i've never really felt before.

i'm really sorry to hear that. from the sounds of it you have a pretty good grasp of the situation -- good job being perceptive.

how should you feel? well, she's very far from you now and has somewhat detached, probably to protect herself. it is likely that she had feelings for you, but did not want the troubles of a long-distance relationship or the heartache of a breakup. try not to dwell on the fact that she is meeting other guys. i think she is trying to be realistic, even if it is heartless. the fact that she is treating you as less of a friend now points to the fact that she previously had romantic feelings for you. she may be starting to get involved with this other guy, and therefore does not want to get into the murky territory of "emotional cheating" or something. it's really her loss, because it sounds like you guys were great friends.

try to talk to her. what you should communicate is that you have no romantic ambitions with her whatsoever, and want to maintain a close platonic relationship like you had before. you both will be involved with other people, but your relationship as friends will not suffer. you do not need to state this directly, but communicate it through a combination of your demeanor, words, and tone.

keep in mind that it is hard to maintain closeness over distance for some people. maybe the best you can hope for is to be part of her "group of friends" you described. in order to do this, though, you have to show that you are ok with her seeing other guys, otherwise she won't confide in you about it and you will remain out of the loop. of course, if this is too difficult you don't have to keep up the friendship.

That was some really helpful well thought out feedback. I'd really like to maintain friendship with her but I am not sure how likely that situation is now. I am most definitely going to attempt to communicate the above mentioned to her. I really hope to maintaina friendship but I guess it is best to not get my hopes up.

I'm not totally sure if this is the right thing(as I tend to try my hardest to stay OUT of relationships.. casual is my thing, drama isn't), but if/when she talked to me about it I wouldn't pretend I didn't know.. I'd look her straight in the face and ask her if she really thought I *didn't* know. Though I do tend to know stuff like what you happened upon without people talking about it. ( I can read most people like books in person. I know what they're thinking and what is going on in their life)

But, in your case this sounds like you really did get attached to her, and now when she found someone there, the jelousy of all those feelings you've been telling yourself you didn't have are showing themselves in the worst of ways. Which will prolly end in you having some hardcore heart to heart talk with her.. but in the end only driving her farther away.

I would avoid going on a heart to heart talk.. chances are if it happens you aren't gonna TALK her into feeling some attraction for you.. only realize that you really like her, and she's put you on the friends list. making her feel bad, and you'll feel scorned. On top of that.. it'll either lead to more akwardness between you, if you even continue hanging out, and add some drama to your life.. You don't want to lose a friend, and you don't want drama, or the hurt feelings that would come with all that drama and stuff.

Honestly, if I was you, I'd just lean back.. maybe stop talking to her as much.. don't have your heart to heart talks with her, and just start treating her like one of the guys.. and whatever happens in your life is alright, she has a new boyfriend? cool, I don't wanna hear the drama. She broke up with that boyfriend? Cool, you still don't wanna hear the drama. Just remember, women want a MAN as a boyfriend, not another girlfriend.

Having a sweet side is alright... but if that sweet side comes out more than once every two weeks, then it's too much.



Well.. I'm going to leave this post the way it is.. I'm kinda tired and feel this prolly didn't make much sense because of how much it jumps.. but there should be some good advice hidden in there.