kasda

It's just sex.

Edit: Also, I hate when people get jealous over things that happened before they even knew their significant other. It doesn't make any sense.

[This message has been edited by firekitty751 (edited 11-23-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

Or am I just a freak?

I really like my girlfriend, obviously. She's the coolest girl I've ever met, we click insanely well and can just hang out and do nothing and it's all well and swell.

I'm 20, she's 16. Yeah I know it's a big difference and she should be really immature, but she's one of those people who grew up a bit faster than other people.

Anyways, before her I was a virgin. She wasn't, she'd done it with her ex. She was with him for 11 months, they had sex. He's a bit of a loser in my book, not a genius and I know he hasn't appreciated her half as much as I do, but well she was completely in love with him.

I try not to bring it up with her, but I keep thinking goddamnit why did you fuck him!? He was so not nice enough to you and goddamnit didn't deserve you.

I just had to get this off my chest... Anyone else have similar feelings? Anyone know how to deal with them? Am I totally crazy/naive/unrealistic?

no offense, but I bet she's pretty immature. Its just a front. Just how she thinks you're so much more mature than the boys in her grade. This didn't answer your question but I don't give a fuck

12345

It was really important to me that my first time was her first time to. I held my virginity in a somewhat sacred light, and I didnt want my special time to be just another fuck for her.

So as a result, I didnt end up losing my virginity until I was 21. She was 16/17 mind you. But she was a virgin too. And we were together for 10 months or so, and then it died out.

I'm happy with the way that it happened. But now, it wouldnt bother me in the least if a girl was a little more experienced. Hell, maybe she could teach me a thing or two.

And also, theres no such thing as a mature 16 year old.

oaf, get over it. It doesn't matter at all; not even a bit. Nothing you do or are involved in will ever be perfect. It's a non-issue. If you care about her, then accept it; even if you can't stand her, accept it, you do yourself no favour obsessing over such a thing.

What are some other things that bother you?

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 11-23-2006).]

lol that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

Man you're such an idoit.

So she had sex with a guy she dated for 11 months? Don't worry about it. It should be a non-issue. People tend to have sex, especially when they're involved for that many months. I could understand your concern if she'd come out and said that she's had sex with 12 guys, but c'mon.. she's 16 man.

I don't, but I had a friend in highschool who would only date virgins. It seemed like he had issues, beyond simply not wanting experienced girls. Anyways, I'm betting his standards have been snowballing down since highschool, or he got over his virgin thing.

Personally, I'd much rather be with a girl who knows what she wants.

^*sigh*

Yeah I have in the past, but I just had to realize that most girls you meet are not going to be virgins, and no matter how much it bugs me to think of another guy on top of her, its just something you have to deal with. Y'know?

CaspeR

Well you have to remember that thre are lots of girls that date guys an get pressured into sex.Now that may not be the case with her but its just a thought.

I know from a similar experience that when they are in a relationship young they want that feeling of 'love' even if its just fake they wont reallize it until the mistake is over. The only difference with my story is that i wasnt stupid enough to sleep with him. Just stupid enough to date him. But there was alot of pressure that he tried to push on me.

some girls can not just say NO they get to 'attacked' and think that it's best just to give in then to lose him.

so just think about that, she might not have had the voice to say no but know she has a voice because she's with you.

i could be wrong so please forgive me if i am but thats just what i have seen happen to so many of my friend's at a age of pre-adulthood

^uhhh

What they say that happened: they got pressured into it.

What happened: she got intoxicated with the moment, slept with the guy, regretted it afterwards.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

^uhhh

What they say that happened: they got pressured into it.

What happened: she got intoxicated with the moment, slept with the guy, regretted it afterwards.

No offence mate, but in my eyes, you sir, are a complete fucking moron!

Anyway, with that out my system onto the issue at hand. Everyones right, its a non-issue. Nothings ever perfect. You think Picasso and Da Vinci complained that their work wasnt perfect? no ofc ourse, not, why not, because its as damn near perfect as it could be. Thats what youll have with her if you get oer this anxeity, you just need to let go. but meh, what does a virgin know lol.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:



Edit: Also, I hate when people get jealous over things that happened before they even knew their significant other. It doesn't make any sense.



I know what you mean. My girlfriend hates this girl I used to like(we didn't actually date, just liked each other). Me and my girlfriend ran into her at Sears not long ago and my girlfriend got all pissed off at me because "I was looking at her".

It's just experience. She didn't know there was better because he'd tranced her into thinking she was in love with him. Now she has you and she can see past that.

You can't be pissed off at something that you can't change, especially when it's something as simple and understanding as why she had sex with him.

You have her now. That's all that matters.

She was with him for 11 months and you expect her to be a virgin? Pfffft. It's not like she knew she was going to meet you.

I do. I cant stand non virgin girls. Im not out for a quick fuck. I want to fall in love and I want her to be a virgin so there's that emotional attatchment. Im not a virgin but I wish I was..

I agree with the above

But I feel the same thing all the time

My gf had a random fuck in a town 5 hours away and that's her only experience and I had a bf for 3 years and didn' have sex (mind you it started in grade 9 so a lot of the relationship was stupid)

But yea I'm like that all the time with her really wishing she didn't but what can you do right. I love her so I'm not going to fuck a guy but i wish we were even sometimes

quote:Originally posted by kAtE-:

Man you're such an idoit.



yeah, you fucking idoit.

quote:Originally posted by Lysol:



yeah, you fucking idoit.

Haha self-pwn I didn't even notice i spelt it wrong.

yeah it makes me feel like a loser like i wasnt first or the only one, i know where your coming from

Well how the hell are you going to handle dating when you're much older, when your partner has possibly got children, or been married before?

i am sooo glad to hear you don't care about her "imperfections" that much anymore! progress!

ok, so you're still hung up about some silly stuff. i think that once you really gain confidence in your sexual prowess this will go away just like the other hang ups.

Okay, I don't care that I wasn't her first.

But I do care that her ex was a better lover than me. She's never said it, but I pick up on the smallest of things said. Am I just as stupid as the OP, or do I have a shread of a reason to be upset?

P.S. We all know that we compare...

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Okay, I don't care that I wasn't her first.

But I do care that her ex was a better lover than me. She's never said it, but I pick up on the smallest of things said. Am I just as stupid as the OP, or do I have a shread of a reason to be upset?

P.S. We all know that we compare...



what exactly has she said to make you think that?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



what exactly has she said to make you think that?

A long time ago, when we were still friends and I was a virgin we were talking about rounds of sex. She said "I bet you've never even considered how many rounds you want to go for/could go for" (and it was true, I hadn't). Any way, we talked more and she told me she'd average 3-5 with him.

...me and her average like two.

Either he came at the drop of a hat, or she just enjoyed sex with him more.

Secondly, she used to see him soley for sex. She'd go see him, they'd have sex, then she'd leave. With me, she always stays over, we hang out for ages. It usually happens some where in the middle of the night after a long build up.

Thirdly, she said they used to ravage each other. Just see each other and BAM the clothes come off, and get right into it (which is what I'm tooootally into). With me, she wants lots of foreplay. It has a long build up, starts slow, and gets fast. Practically, it's "love making".

...all this, to me, points to him being a better lover .

See my answer here (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum4/HTML/025228.html)

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

A long time ago, when we were still friends and I was a virgin we were talking about rounds of sex. She said "I bet you've never even considered how many rounds you want to go for/could go for" (and it was true, I hadn't). Any way, we talked more and she told me she'd average 3-5 with him.

...me and her average like two.

Either he came at the drop of a hat, or she just enjoyed sex with him more.

Secondly, she used to see him soley for sex. She'd go see him, they'd have sex, then she'd leave. With me, she always stays over, we hang out for ages. It usually happens some where in the middle of the night after a long build up.

Thirdly, she said they used to ravage each other. Just see each other and BAM the clothes come off, and get right into it (which is what I'm tooootally into). With me, she wants lots of foreplay. It has a long build up, starts slow, and gets fast. Practically, it's "love making".

...all this, to me, points to him being a better lover .



i know you're not going to believe me, but it does NOT sound like he was a better lover.

Well, it's not like you could take it anyway.

Cough *statutory rape* cough

At first glance, I thought the topic said 'Anyone else haev problems with their partners not being a vagina' ha haha. I had a nice little chuckle to myself.

I like non-virgin girls. Virgins are too damn coy. Once they fuck for the first time, they tend to open up a bit more.

No pun intended.

quote:Originally posted by mongolia_d:

No offence mate, but in my eyes, you sir, are a complete fucking moron!

Great argument there, nerd.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

A long time ago, when we were still friends and I was a virgin we were talking about rounds of sex. She said "I bet you've never even considered how many rounds you want to go for/could go for" (and it was true, I hadn't). Any way, we talked more and she told me she'd average 3-5 with him.

...me and her average like two.

Either he came at the drop of a hat, or she just enjoyed sex with him more.

Secondly, she used to see him soley for sex. She'd go see him, they'd have sex, then she'd leave. With me, she always stays over, we hang out for ages. It usually happens some where in the middle of the night after a long build up.

Thirdly, she said they used to ravage each other. Just see each other and BAM the clothes come off, and get right into it (which is what I'm tooootally into). With me, she wants lots of foreplay. It has a long build up, starts slow, and gets fast. Practically, it's "love making".

...all this, to me, points to him being a better lover .

Haha

You own the shit out of her ex.

Seriously, it sounds like she enjoys it more with you and wants it to last longer, whereas with him she used him only for the feeling.

He was both a lesser lover, and a lesser boyfriend.

Enjoy what you have.

Quit being an insecure little cunt, get a grip.

IF YOU had the chance to have an orgy with 5 other girls? would you? i think so.

last night i had sex with my friends mom and her girlfriend... no lies

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Great argument there, nerd.

Meh, call me what you will, i frankly dont give a shit.

quote:Originally posted by mongolia_d:

Meh, call me what you will, i frankly dont give a shit.

It wouldn't change anything about you being a nerd anyway. Seriously, next time you call me an idiot, atleast have a decent argument, asshat.

Those who dwell on there past are cutting of one of there hands, those who forget the past loose both.

you cant forgive,

you wont forget

thats human natures..we suck

Michael

yeah, i kinda knew you would say that. it really has nothing to do with your sexual prowess, which is fine. i meant it was about self-assurance. i know, i know, your self-assurance is fine too, right? you're just too obsessed with perfection.

well, you can all flame me for my amateur pop psychology, but i think that worries over things not being perfect (in oneself and others) is really just a projection of insecurities, as cliched as it sounds. if it wasn't her being a non-virgin, it would be something else. there's always going to be a "but, well...," just as an insecure girl is always going to keep adjusting her shirt, even if it looks fine.

i guess i should ask just one thing that might be relevant. were you raised to believe that you should be with a virgin? if so, that could be the root of your problems.

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

Wouldn't that bother a lot of guys, your girl wanting to keep in touch with and maybe even hang out (though not just one on one) with the ex?



Maybe they're friends. People CAN break up and remain friends without any thought of sex or getting back together. In fact, one of my best friends in the world is an ex-boyfriend.

As far as the virginity thing, it shouldn't be a big deal. People tend to have sex, and if they dated for that long of a period then it's pretty much to be expected. "Picture-perfect" relationships don't happen, you will learn that.

edited to fix quote

[This message has been edited by neato bandito (edited 11-24-2006).]

Does this has something to do with your religious issues. Thoughts?

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

Sooo... What does this mean? Is this the cause? I'm not exactly what you'd call religious, I drink, don't go to church no more, don't pray and so forth... But maybe I have a hard time letting go of the beliefs that I've held earlier?

It's a strong possibility. I have a friend who was raised in an extremely Christian home, went to church camp every summer, etc. and is now a non-believer. She drinks and does some drugs, but she still has a lot of issues with sex - she had a one night stand a few months ago and just recently admitted to it happening. She knew that none of us would care, but she still had issues with it. You just have to remember that it's only sex and people do it all the time.

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

Sooo... What does this mean? Is this the cause? I'm not exactly what you'd call religious, I drink, don't go to church no more, don't pray and so forth... But maybe I have a hard time letting go of the beliefs that I've held earlier?

Why did you stop "practicing" your religion?

The concept of perfection is one that I often see come from religious backgrounds. You don't see it in too many other places.

quote:Originally posted by B-Phaze:

Eh yeah I guess that to me it just isn't... just sex.

I'm fine with other people having it that way, it's just not something I can totally relate to.

I can understand that. But if this girl sees it in a different light than you do, then you have to accept that if you want to be with her. You can't let that kind of cloud hang over your relationship.

exactly how much does this bother you?

The virginity thing?

I don't know, can't really put it into words. It just kinda makes me cringe every time something reminds me that yeah she's done all those same things with that other guy.

I'm trying to like uhm, supress it or whatever, see it it'll go away. But I keep wishing it wasn't the way it is, I keep thinking like ah if you had just not fucked that douchebag :/

And then I think argh why him, but I just try to think of something else before I let myself get upset...

Think about it oaf. Next time it comes to mind, try and keep track of what makes you think of it.

An example of something that made me think that way the other day... We're talking about how I'll have to leave the country eventually, to get an education and we talk about how we're gonna find new partners and shit and she says something like "when you can't go on without sex no more...". I say "eh I did 20 years, I think I'll be okay". Then she says "Yeah but now you've gotten a taste for it...".

And then something says click and I start thinking oh right, you've gotten a taste for sex cos you had sex with your ex.

Other thing that made me go crazy was this one time we were in bed, after having sex and we get onto the subject of most uncomfortable moments ever. I don't think I really had one, so I joked about it being the time I walked in on our fatass ugly chinese exchange student. When it's her turn she says "yeah my ex kept saying that we could have sex cos no one was at home so I gave in. After I wanna go to the bathroom and walk into his brother. He'd heard me go like *makes moaning sound*".

I tried to remain calm, but after a minute I couldn't talk to her and I didn't want her to touch me. She knew it wasn't a comfortable subject for me and goddamnit that moaning noise was not neccesary. Eek that ruined an up till then perfect evening...