So after spending an hour and a half in a drunken conversation with one of my best friends (who i sort of had a pitiful excuse for a relationship with- my fault- and am now very close to) I have realized that i am psychologically unable to hold down a serious relationship of any sort.

While all the girls i have had flings with have gone on to hold serious relationships, im still left with my bitter, angry, asshole of a self. I have built walls of anger around myself and allow nobody near.

I dont understand it, why is it that one bitch has managed to fuck me up to the point where i cant maintain any semblance of a normal fucking relationship? And now she wants to hang out again after me completely purging myself from her life? WTF?

I have no idea what to do, i dont want her back in my hometown, i dont her back into MY FUCKING LIFE! But part of me still says hang out with this chick, i know its a bad idea, but that doesnt stop me from wanting to see her again.

I know she's a coked up whore, but i still feel the need to help her.

I thought i was fucking passed this shit. GODDAMNNIT!

And then i start feeling regret over the way i treated yet ANOTHER girl who i was with. I feel like she was the one person had the mental capacity to understand how my fucked up head worked and how i felt. But i treated her like shit and now she's with somebody else.

Fuck. I know this is probably rambling and doesnt make much sense, since im still drunk and a little out of it, but i know i have no chance with the girl i treated like shit- and im ok with that. We're friends and thats allright.

I was ok with one these emotions + the regular assortment of others going through my head, but i dont know wht the fuck to do wiht all of them going though my head at once.

Sorry again for the rambling nature of this thread, but cant quite keep all my thoughts and emotions straight right now.

In before lock.

Some women can do this to men.. Ever wonder where the thought that all women are evil has come to mind in alot of men?

Lemme just say this.. it didn't start from nothing. Some women(NOT ALL) are VERY manipulative.. lead you on, and then one day.. completely tear your heart out, step on it. spit on it, and then carry it to their girlfriends to brag about what they did.

Sounds to me like you got bit by one.. well the bite is survivable, but if not properly treated will cause a life time of pain.

What I suggest? Is either lay off the drugs(drinking included) for awhile.. find a hobby(if you don't have one.. if you do, get into a little more), and just stop thinking about her.. at first all you'll do is think about her, and how much you want her.. but if you cut contact(have you?) completely, after a short while you'll realize you don't need her, and don't really like/love her.

Then, once you hit that point, it's a hop and a skip away from telling yourself that not all women are like that.. and that well you now know you need to be a bit more guarded with your feelings, but that if you find the right girl, you can bring those feelings out.

Everything is a mental condition.. fix the mental part of it, and everything else fixes itself. It's honestly amazing at how all the pieces in your life fall in together once you mentally put your mind into fixing it.

umm how about find another friend, then hang out with both of them