Somebody, please tell me, how are the two so easily confused?

I imagine, among the younger kids (13-15), how it could be.

But how about the ones who are more experienced in the dating world?

Say, for instance, there's a couple. They've been together two months, and they've cheated and backhanded.

My friend says to the lady: "So. Do you plan on marrying this guy?"

"Oh, most definitely. We have our wedding half planned and we know how many kids we want to have."

... But they can't go ten minutes without fighting??

My friend says to the gentleman: "How many girls have you loved?"

*lists off names* "Umm... four."

Lady: "I can't believe you loved that hoebag."

These two were saying I love you less than a week into their relationship.

How does this happen? How can something as unhealthy, and even disgusting at times, be confused with love? I don't think I've even ever been in "love," and although I've said it (I was young), I think I always knew I wasn't quite "in love." But they are so convinced...

How is such a strong feeling so easily confused with something as fleeting as infatuation?

love= money

infatuation= sex

it's true.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

Somebody, please tell me, how are the two so easily confused?

I imagine, among the younger kids (13-15), how it could be.

But how about the ones who are more experienced in the dating world?

Say, for instance, there's a couple. They've been together two months, and they've cheated and backhanded.

My friend says to the lady: "So. Do you plan on marrying this guy?"

"Oh, most definitely. We have our wedding half planned and we know how many kids we want to have."

... But they can't go ten minutes without fighting??

My friend says to the gentleman: "How many girls have you loved?"

*lists off names* "Umm... four."

Lady: "I can't believe you loved that hoebag."

These two were saying I love you less than a week into their relationship.

How does this happen? How can something as unhealthy, and even disgusting at times, be confused with love? I don't think I've even ever been in "love," and although I've said it (I was young), I think I always knew I wasn't quite "in love." But they are so convinced...

How is such a strong feeling so easily confused with something as fleeting as infatuation?

Even those who are experienced make mistakes. My dad is 42 years old and I don't think he even knows what love really is - and he's been married four times! For the most part, I think people who drop the "L" word so fast just want the validation so badly that they will fool themselves into anything.

Occasionally - VERY rarely, I should say - I think it is possible to fall in love that quickly. The only person I've ever truly loved, I knew I loved him within just a few weeks of being together. Hell, maybe P and R really ARE in love, and this is just the kind of love that works for them. It's hard to interpret the true feelings of others, so for now just let them be whatever they want to be I guess. If it's real, then good for them, and if it's not, well, they'll learn eventually.

Because firekitty, infatuation is the immature stage of love.

My (now ex ) And I clicked the moment we met each other altough it wasnt until we were really together until we really fell for each other. It was perfect, we did everything together, we were best friends, soul mates and had this super strong almost psycic connexion. It wasnt till after about 2months (Which isnt really very long) That I actually admited to her I loved her. And we didnt have sex till at least 4months into the relationship (I was her first.)

But then after about 8months It wasnt so amazing for her. I still love her as much as ever and its only early days but for some people love really isnt enough. She still claims she loves me but there just wasnt a spark apparently. But obviously love wasnt enough because she made no effort to get the spark back. She didnt even tell me there were problems.

Thus Love is love but its not enough!

Infactuation isnt love because infactuation you feel in your dick, Love you feel in your heart and your whole body.

I can happily say I hav experienced true love its the best feeling in the world but comes with a price. After (If) it ends your stuck with the worst feeling in the world.

I've always assumed that love was expressed through actions, not words. But then, I've also never differentiated between 'love' and 'in love'.

I pretty much put love down to something along the lines of if they asked me to do something, then I'd do it. That goes for mates, family, even my ex, cos I do still love her, just no longer sexually.

It's alomst like a measure of my loyalty to them. Hmm... maybe my concept of love at the most basic level is flawed.

^ I don't think your concept of love is flawed. Actually I think you've got a point; it reminds me of a Madeleine L'Engle quote - "Love isn't what you feel, it's what you do." I think one measure of love is how much you would do for a person.

i know this sounds weird, but i will know i am in love when i feel the kind of unquestionable devotion and acceptance i have for my parents (or dog - i love her too) combined with some sort of sexy attraction. and it is reciprocated, of course, otherwise it's only infatuation. i've never been in love, but i think i'll know when it's there.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 11-17-2006).]

Well...I'm no expert (lethhh get together & do our 'luuuvv homework' ) but it makes some sense that there must be enough of the commmon goals? Science talks about a rush of chemicals & hormones that goes through stages?

The 'rush' wears off after about two years & for those addicted to the 'luuuuv chems'? the idear of work to maintain the relationship...it do not appeal.

The chemical blinders come off & when they're not looking through rose-colored glasses? They don't want no part of that!.

Besides? Just how much & where do people learn to think they automatically know so much about love? Justbecause they're 18 or 20 or 22? They, thus, must know?

But why? More like they need it sooooo bad that to admit they don't know, (like with just about anything?) that as with the thexxth? To admit that you don't know is very touchy.

Better to claim the Uber Mastery.

And you Ms Kitty? How much would you love to just know you'd found the 'Forever & Ever Love', by Xmas? Easter? Next June?

How, exactly have you gotten that much experience, to know? Can we thus be expecting to hear of your 'starter marriage' in the coming months? Or then again...there's always the option of getting busy & suddenly realizing you're thirty-five & not only did youse forget kids?

Didn't get perma-hooked either...

It is a puzzle innit?

Next you'll be breakin' down & readin' Dr. Laura "Two Shoes" Schlessinger's books, like, 'Ten Stupid Things Radio Hosts Do To Mess Up Their Lives'?...

Love is situational. It sucks, but it is.

quote:Originally posted by neato bandito:

^ I don't think your concept of love is flawed. Actually I think you've got a point; it reminds me of a Madeleine L'Engle quote - "Love isn't what you feel, it's what you do."

I think that the two should not be separated. What you do is an expression of the love you feel...or...should be. Although what you do sometimes needs to be "trained", because we don't always know what to do.

So, we live in hope...that what we do...is for the best...

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I think that the two should not be separated. What you do is an expression of the love you feel...or...should be. Although what you do sometimes needs to be "trained", because we don't always know what to do.

So, we live in hope...that what we do...is for the best...



Yes, you said what I meant. Love is as much an action as it is an emotion.

quote:Originally posted by azalie:

love= money

infatuation= sex

it's true.



-awe-

It's all so clear now...

love is a chemical reaction in your brain.

infatuation is sexual attraction, biologically in order to lead to sex.

after sex, the womans pregnant and needs some help in rearing her young. love is a biological mechanism to get the man to stay.



but i dont really believe that....im gay, so baby rearing aint an issue. but i dont really believe in love in general. infatuation i totally understand....but after that? love is a DECISION. you CHOOSE who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you stick to that decision. in my opinion, 'love' is just another one of those things to keep the people happy, like religion. 'opiates for the masses', they keep you reading those romance novels, buying that lipstick and halter top so that you're preoccupied with finding this thing that doesnt exist and don't focus on how pointless your existence is.

^^^That was "pointless".

The only difference between love and infatuation is foolishness.

Love always begins as a foolish thing. It's keeping some of that foolishness alive through years of love that seems to be the challenge that people face.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

Somebody, please tell me, how are the two so easily confused?



Love doesn't exist.

Well not in the disney man-woman meaning.

Theres lust, and there's friendship.

The best you can hope for is that you lust for a friend and they lust for you back.

Love is just a word people over 20 like to use when they pretend their not as stupid as they were when they were 13.

Love is just a word to make hormones ruling your brain activity seem like a good thing.

Love is just bullshit.

Man, I thought I clicked on BLTC, not SA. fuckkkk

anyone who says "love doesn't exist"

has never truly experienced it

i met my gf 6 years ago and we slowly became closer and closer until we started going out 3 months ago.

i tell her i love her.

i truly do.

she truly loves me.

love does exist.

quote:Originally posted by azalie:

love= money

infatuation= sex

it's true.

*suicides*

Dear everyone in S&A. In the thread title, it says the word infatuation. This is the proper spelling of the word. Not infactuation.

I have mixed ideas on the word love. People overuse it so frequently, I thought I would reserve using it with someone until there was not a pinch of doubt in my mind that I loved someone, and we had been together for ages.

I was too afraid to use this word...

And he thought I didn't love him.

The relationship ended (very badly)and I still regret that I never took my chance to say how much he meant to me, by telling him I loved him.

If you love somebody, say it. That's my lesson learned.

Moony, my dear, I never claimed to be an expert.

I don't even know if I've been in love. I'd assume not, since I always here "you'll know when you are." Maybe I'll never know what it's like, but I'd rather know the difference.

To love, though, is one thing... I love my mom and dad, I love my kitties, I love my friends, I love drawing, painting, running, etc... But I'm not "in" love with those things.

I don't know. I'm waiting for something stronger than infatuation as I know it, but maybe that doesn't exist for me.

I dont think you could seriously say you love someone if you werent willing to give your own life for theirs.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

To love, though, is one thing... I love my mom and dad, I love my kitties, I love my friends, I love drawing, painting, running, etc... But I'm not "in" love with those things.



To my estimation...that "in" love-ness...well, part of that is infatuation. So, if you're looking to skip the infatuation part...you're going to miss it all.

Well, I've 'thought' that people who confess love, when they've known someone a week/month or two is just a way to completely deny reality. Which is, of course, too darn scary & sex/drugs/R&R/TV/pro-sports/booze etc. is waht it's all 'about'.

Should folks really make plans for a 'lifetime' with a person they've known for three months or four? Knowing folks for longer is no guarantee, sure.

Money is the #1 cause of fights. Apparently too many folks get all wrapped up in the 'Starry-eyed Buzz of Luuuv' & don't consider the actual work of it.

For instance housework. Too many guys don't realize that lifting a hand a little could free up her time/energy. Which she might, just might, then give to him.

There ain't no fer sure. Depends how much you want to 'get off' on the chem/hormonsl buzz & how much reality you can stand. Don't forget how many girls are obviously getting a 'buzz' from the 'Bad Boys'.

Buzz is very important.

I guess some would go for the Buzz forever, if they looked 19...forever...

With the presure of time, one wants someone the can share history with. So you meet a second partner at 35? It isn't the same as 25, even if it's a better person. By the time you share 10 years of history, you'll be 45.

Though, Dr. 'Two Shoes' has her wack side? Do you ever listen to her/other call-in such shows? Sometimes it sure looks like folks do some awful dumb stuff. Stuff that appears crash & burn from the start.

Disclaimer: I have no Idear waht I'se talkin' 'bout.

A little linky on the stages of love

http://www.womensmedia.com/relationships-love-stages.htm

well, whatever lights their candle. but maybe they just don't know what love is.

what is love? baby don't hurt me. don't hurt me. no more.

quote:Originally posted by TrueAssassin:

i met my gf 6 years ago and we slowly became closer and closer until we started going out 3 months ago.

i tell her i love her.

i truly do.

she truly loves me.

love does exist.

Same here dude. We met 5 years ago and we fell in love with eachother one day completely at random. Within the space of 2 hours.

quote:Originally posted by -Mephisto-:

[B] Love doesn't exist.

Well not in the disney man-woman meaning.

Theres lust, and there's friendship.

The best you can hope for is that you lust for a friend and they lust for you back.

B]

love is a mix of both those, lying somewhere in between, usually.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

To my estimation...that "in" love-ness...well, part of that is infatuation. So, if you're looking to skip the infatuation part...you're going to miss it all.

But you need all parts. Infatuation, the willingness to do anything for somebody, and the devotion.

It'd be a very sad world if there was nothing more than what I've felt for any past partners.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

But you need all parts. Infatuation, the willingness to do anything for somebody, and the devotion.

It'd be a very sad world if there was nothing more than what I've felt for any past partners.

I'd say you need friendship, mutual respect, and a willingness to work through problems, along with the feelings of infatuation (which can come and go) and love....in order to keep a relationship with someone you love together.

It's not an all-inclusive list because individual needs vary, as I'm sure you know.

I would just hate to see you bypass step one because you can not see past your own disappointments.

However, love is no guarantee of having a successful relationship. Nothing in life is guaranteed. Well....maybe death and taxes....

Love...the serious shit that keeps couples together from age 18 until the day they die...is a choice, a commitment.

Sparks can die and be rekindled.

Sex can become boring.

Trials and tribulations can make a relationship painful.

Egos can be bruised.

But there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING, in this world that will break an honest commitment of love.

What bothers me, more than people saying, "I love you" when it's just infatuation and bliss...is people who marry and make the commitment of 'til death do us part' and really mean, 'til you gain weight and annoy me do us part'.

People are getting lazier and lazier; love is less and less common.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

I loved my husband within hours of meeting him. I remember sitting next to him in the movie theatre and thinking, This is the guy I will marry."

Love is caring for someone even when things get really tough. After my fourth miscarraige, my husband came to see me in the hospital, Saw my swollen, tearstreaked face, mussed up hair and sallow skin and he still called me beautiful and meant it. When I was committed in June he would come see me every day, even if I wouldn't talk to him, even if I was so sad I could only lay on the bed in a stupor. He would lay down next to me and sing, or tell me funny stories about our daughter.

Maybe the phrase, "I love you" is overused, but the feeling definitely exists.

quote:Originally posted by Rizzo in a box:

Man, I thought I clicked on BLTC, not SA. fuckkkk

anyone who says "love doesn't exist"

has never truly experienced it

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

That's my favorite one!!

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

That's my favorite one!!

Why does everyone seem to pick this one?