My mom stormed out of the house this evening, and I seriously don't know what to do.

It all started tonight when my mom asked my dad if it were alright if my Druggie uncle, who has recently been married, to a woman with like 3 kids, comes to thanksgiving dinner. My dad abruptly objects, his argument that he has been in town several times, and has never stopped in to say high, or introduce us.

My mom is in complete and utter shock that my dad has said this. She told my dad that grandma would buy a, basically a take out thanksgiving from the supermarket, dinner, if that was going to be a problem. We weren't even thinking about the problem with the food.

My uncle has been a druggie since he turned 15. He went through a phase there for like 3 years where there wasn't a day he wasn't (I don't the word) ?high? on meth. Then he went to rehab, that my grandma pulled him out of, and he got out of the drugs by himself after that. Well recently, within the past 3 years he's been getting into the drugs again.

My mom and grandma and sister went to see him in the hospital, and it was because he had been using drugs, but my mom was the only one who could see it, and my grandma/sister were showing sympathy. She hated him after that.

Now all of a sudden she asks if he can come to dinner? When he has never stopped, called, or even acknowledged his family? He hasn't seen his grand-niece who will be two in January, or met her fiancee.

Basically where I exitted the fight was where she told me I would do "fucking backflips across the kitchen" for my grandmother if she told me to. I told her I would not do it if she told me, but I would do it for my grandma, but something this ludacris, causing me, my dad, my sister, my brother, and God knows who else a hardship for this one dinner is absolutely retarded.

So she is making 2 people, my uncle and my grandma happy, while there are 3 people who absolutely cannot stand this guy, suffer. I flat out have agreed to myself that I will not go to dinner because of what my mom has done tonight.

Thanks Totse, I know this has nothing to do with Sex, but the affection portion is the family part I believe. If this doesn't get any replies, so be it, this has been an excellent way to vent. Any encouragement or help would be greatly appreciated like you wouldn't believe

Edit: Please forgive the spelling, grammar, or usage errors, I did my best in this situation.

[This message has been edited by woopsueypigs77 (edited 11-17-2006).]

Respect minus for not having a Bel-Air in there.

In my own opinion I see it through both ways how you could cope. This is your mother's brother. She just wants to help him. I have a close friend that's addicted to drugs. I wish he wasn't but I would do anything to help him stop. Anyways, many people like this turn to drugs because they fear they have nobody else in their lives at some point.

Your mother's just trying to be there for her brother. The least your family can do is show your mother the respect she deserves and not worry about this guy. Get along and have thanksgiving together for the sake of your family, not for him.

It's completely immature to go about fussing and fighting as such. I understand the stress he's caused your family but you have to try to put yourself in his shoes. He can't help the way he is.

quote:Originally posted by ajardoor:

Respect minus for not having a Bel-Air in there.

Go back to SG you fucker.

There are no bel airs in S&A, and this is fucking serious dude.

quote:Originally posted by sylph:



Sylph, I can see where you are coming from. And I feel bad about doing this, don't get me wrong, but I just absolutely cannot stand him. It's not only him coming, it's him and his wife, and 3 kids, whom we have never met. It would be awkward. If he had introduced us beforehand, or made an attempt before to make contact with us, instead of coming to town under the radar, maybe he would be welcomed. But this is just not the case now.

Try to talk to your family members, they can do more for you than the advice of many people on here, settle down and try to think from your mother's perspective.

Eil>

i think you're being pretty unsympathetic. i mean you're so busy worrying about your own problems -- what about your uncle's? having a drug addiction isn't an easy thing; it isn't pleasant. if he has very few people in his life your family's company will mean a lot to him, even if he is a dickhead and doesn't show it. your mother is doing the right thing by inviting him over. it's thanksgiving! she's not even offering to let him stay there the night, just for one bloody meal. it's selfish to make a big stink about it just because you have the "majority" vote.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i think you're being pretty unsympathetic. i mean you're so busy worrying about your own problems -- what about your uncle's? having a drug addiction isn't an easy thing; it isn't pleasant. if he has very few people in his life your family's company will mean a lot to him, even if he is a dickhead and doesn't show it. your mother is doing the right thing by inviting him over. it's thanksgiving! she's not even offering to let him stay there the night, just for one bloody meal. it's selfish to make a big stink about it just because you have the "majority" vote.

Exactly what I'm trying to say.

It's his own God damn fault he has a drug addiction, he doesn't get fucking sympathy points because he's a meth-addict. I agree completely with the OP, and I can relate to him, because I went through a similar thing with a family member, and I haven't seen him in eight years, nor will I for many more.

I'm surprised he's still alive after so many years of drug use, you don't usually last very long with meth, but I guess the rehab helped. Anyway, back to the addictions thing, I wouldn't be too quick to give sympathy to meth-addict just because he is one, he chose to smoke meth, it wasn't forced on him, he'd quit if he wanted to.

I know what I'm talking about, too. About a year ago I was into almost everything you could think of, and now I'm clean, and have been for five months. It's a personal choice.

[This message has been edited by Dextros (edited 11-17-2006).]

I dont' want to talk to my mom about it, for fear she'll leave again, but she hasn't come back yet so I don't have to worry about that quite yet. I don't really want to talk about it with my dad, because it's a sore subject around him.

Alright Dextros, finally someone who doesn't have a perfect family and someon that can relate. My mom actually put him into rehab, only to have my grandma drive 4 hours to pick him up 3 months later. He locked himself in a holiday inn for 2 weeks and did nothing but meth.

What, exactly, is a bel-air? Honestly, I could only think of the fresh prince of bel-air when I read that, and in no instance I can imagine does it apply.

As for the original post: compromise is at the heart of any relationship, and family growth especially. You have to realize that your uncle, your mother's brother I assume, is suffering as well. A meth problem is no joke, and it can cause a great deal of other problems within the persons life so that it's understandable for people who love him (his sister, his brother, and his mother; your mother, your uncle, your grandmoter) to worry about him, and wish to be active members in his life.

Add to this the fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas are the suicide holidays of the year, and it shouldn't be a horrible suggestion for her to want her brother with family (read: people that love him) on this occassion. It would be infinitely preferable for him to be with loved ones with a decent meal, rather than in his apartment on a meth binge, entering into the paranoid phase, and wondering what a razor blade feels like.

Have a heart.

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

What, exactly, is a bel-air? Honestly, I could only think of the fresh prince of bel-air when I read that, and in no instance I can imagine does it apply.

As for the original post: compromise is at the heart of any relationship, and family growth especially. You have to realize that your uncle, your mother's brother I assume, is suffering as well. A meth problem is no joke, and it can cause a great deal of other problems within the persons life so that it's understandable for people who love him (his sister, his brother, and his mother; your mother, your uncle, your grandmoter) to worry about him, and wish to be active members in his life.

Add to this the fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas are the suicide holidays of the year, and it shouldn't be a horrible suggestion for her to want her brother with family (read: people that love him) on this occassion. It would be infinitely preferable for him to be with loved ones with a decent meal, rather than in his apartment on a meth binge, entering into the paranoid phase, and wondering what a razor blade feels like.

Have a heart.

He's married and started another life. This is the third time he's been married. I don't think he's on the drugs now, but he used to be. Think of it this way: A close relative, or your uncle/husband, moves away, and doesn't call or stop in from time to time when he comes to town once every two weeks, and then after 3 years of barely any contact, wants to come have dinner with your family. I'm not going to have a heart for somebody that all of a sudden wants an extended family.

Well think of it this way: 3 years of barely any contact will turn into 4 years of barely any contact if you deny him a thanksgiving dinner.

3 years isn't an incredibly long stretch of time anyway, and you turning him away doesn't actually fix the problem you seem to have with him which is that he isn't close.

Perhaps he wants to be close, if your only beef with him is that he hasn't wanted to be close then what's the problem?

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

Well think of it this way: 3 years of barely any contact will turn into 4 years of barely any contact if you deny him a thanksgiving dinner.

3 years isn't an incredibly long stretch of time anyway, and you turning him away doesn't actually fix the problem you seem to have with him which is that he isn't close.

Perhaps he wants to be close, if your only beef with him is that he hasn't wanted to be close then what's the problem?

The problem is he is a meth junkie who would rather spend time using drugs then spending time with family fuck ass. The problem is he's going to be sitting 5 feet from me at our dinner table, along with 4 other people we don't know.

Clearly not if he would want to come to thanksgiving dinner. Don't you think this is difficult for him as well? The awkwardness of not having talked to the family, combined with the awkwardness that they all know that he's been in and out of rehab for meth abuse, and introducing his new family?

Life is about doing things that you don't want to do. I'm sorry, but it's not.

The solidarity that can be found in family is supposed to be what makes this fact bearable, because you have people that you can count on. He fucked up, yes, it's true. I'm sure he knows this, but don't condemn him for the rest of his life because he did drugs. It doesn't even seem that his meth use affected your life. What, did he rape you on a meth binge?

You're proposing your objection as a spoiled brat who just doesn't want a family member at a family event because you don't like them. If this is your logic of justice be prepared for a rather rude awakening once you leave home.

Just remember that he's trying a reunion, an attempt at bridging gaps and becoming a better family. If you're too full of yourself to allow that to happen it isn't his fault.

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

Clearly not if he would want to come to thanksgiving dinner. Don't you think this is difficult for him as well? The awkwardness of not having talked to the family, combined with the awkwardness that they all know that he's been in and out of rehab for meth abuse, and introducing his new family?

Life is about doing things that you don't want to do. I'm sorry, but it's not.

The solidarity that can be found in family is supposed to be what makes this fact bearable, because you have people that you can count on. He fucked up, yes, it's true. I'm sure he knows this, but don't condemn him for the rest of his life because he did drugs. It doesn't even seem that his meth use affected your life. What, did he rape you on a meth binge?

You're proposing your objection as a spoiled brat who just doesn't want a family member at a family event because you don't like them. If this is your logic of justice be prepared for a rather rude awakening once you leave home.

Just remember that he's trying a reunion, an attempt at bridging gaps and becoming a better family. If you're too full of yourself to allow that to happen it isn't his fault.

This guy is right. Most of us don't have "perfect families", as you suggested in your previous post. I feel no sympathy for you if you're heartless and selfish enough that you can't sit at a table for an hour or two with an uncle who is trying to bridge the gap that's been between himself and the rest of the family. For god's sake, think of someone other than yourself. Even if you don't give two shits about your uncle, hold your tongue for a couple hours to make your mother happy.

Dude its 1 day for thanksgiving. I can understand where you are coming from, but It doesn't even seem like an issue to me.

Why don'y you and your dad chill out and bear with it for the one day. Overall I would say It would be benefit your Uncle becuase having him over will make him feel more connected with family, thus further distracting from drug use.

At least think about it, forget your Ego on this one man. He is part of your family.

Blood is thick.

Peace,

Nikkuh

My family had a similar situation a while ago, however it was resolved peacefully when my (distant uncle? im fuzzy on the relationship there) was banned from all family dinners events. Period.

Its his own goddamn fault he had a drug addiction, has fucked his life up, and is no longer accepted for his family.

However it is thanksgiving, Nikkuh hit it pretty close, "Blood is thicker than water." Tolerate him for the one night, it doesnt matter if you like it or not. Keep the peace in the family, and you never know, it might help him.

Good luck man, its a shitty situation to be in, and I dont know if there IS a right answer.

Best wishes and try to for happy holidays.

-HH

So..Thanksgiving is this massive feast you get to have as well as christmas? Are there presents, also?



*packs bags and books plane ticket to america*

But..meh.. I guess if you dont want like the guy, it would be stressfull for you to be there. Could you make yourself scarce whilst the guy is there?

..and if you do go out and leave them to it, lock your bedroom door and dont leave valuable shit lying around.

In my experience, familly never beleives it when you tell them another familly member stole from you.

Suck it up.

Thanksgiving isn't like a HUGE deal. You can deal with having your uncle there for one freaking day.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

However it is thanksgiving, Nikkuh hit it pretty close, "Blood is thicker than water."

Yes but meth is solid.

quote:Originally posted by neato bandito:

For god's sake, think of someone other than yourself.

I'm not just thinking of myself here. Did you read any of the other posts? My mom and grandma are the only ones who want him, everyone else doesn't.

quote:Originally posted by woopsueypigs77:

I'm not just thinking of myself here. Did you read any of the other posts? My mom and grandma are the only ones who want him, everyone else doesn't.



i said this before but it bears repeating/rephrasing. having a majority vote is meaningless. you're missing the point. it's not about who's "right" or who has the most people on their side. you are the one being selfish (along with whoever is against having him over) because the cost to you of having to endure him for one dinner is so little compared to the benefit he would get by being there with you.

Get high with your uncle.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



i said this before but it bears repeating/rephrasing. having a majority vote is meaningless. you're missing the point. it's not about who's "right" or who has the most people on their side. you are the one being selfish (along with whoever is against having him over) because the cost to you of having to endure him for one dinner is so little compared to the benefit he would get by being there with you.

But he doesn't deserve to be near his family, at least until he's clean. And I would disregard the grandmothers vote, because she fucking pulled him out of rehab, and he seriously needed fucking help. I wouldn't let him come anywhere near my family.

I agree with Lauren .... whoa haven't said that in a while. Just kidding dear.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i think you're being pretty unsympathetic. i mean you're so busy worrying about your own problems -- what about your uncle's? having a drug addiction isn't an easy thing; it isn't pleasant. if he has very few people in his life your family's company will mean a lot to him, even if he is a dickhead and doesn't show it. your mother is doing the right thing by inviting him over. it's thanksgiving! she's not even offering to let him stay there the night, just for one bloody meal. it's selfish to make a big stink about it just because you have the "majority" vote.



I agree to this. at the very least, you should consider this perspective.

You wouldn't grant a dying woman her final wish?

This is what you do.

Let him come to dinner. Pretend everything is fine and dandy. If he starts acting like a fuckhole, you and whoever else don't like him go completely psycho and kick him out of the house. Issue resolved.

Seriously though, you're being super unreasonable. You I can understand being immature and not quite knowing what "family" means yet. But your dad? What a jerk.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



i said this before but it bears repeating/rephrasing. having a majority vote is meaningless. you're missing the point. it's not about who's "right" or who has the most people on their side. you are the one being selfish (along with whoever is against having him over) because the cost to you of having to endure him for one dinner is so little compared to the benefit he would get by being there with you.

I thought maybe you should read that once more.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 11-18-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



i said this before but it bears repeating/rephrasing. having a majority vote is meaningless. you're missing the point. it's not about who's "right" or who has the most people on their side. you are the one being selfish (along with whoever is against having him over) because the cost to you of having to endure him for one dinner is so little compared to the benefit he would get by being there with you.

I'll go for broke, you can read it twice.

Nevermind I reread the post.

Ok I'll admit I'm being selfish, along with others. I don't want to have dinner with him more for the fact that he's bringing complete strangers with him to eat dinner with us. It would be like walking out to the grocery store and inviting someone to dinner, and then not know them. Wouldn't you find that awkward, eating with complete strangers in your own house, whom you have never met, but all of a sudden are supposed to love?

I've done a lot of thinking about it lately, and I'm not quite sure why, but this does seem really childish.

[This message has been edited by woopsueypigs77 (edited 11-18-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Dextros:

But he doesn't deserve to be near his family, at least until he's clean. And I would disregard the grandmothers vote, because she fucking pulled him out of rehab, and he seriously needed fucking help. I wouldn't let him come anywhere near my family.

I think he's clean now, that's why he got married. She pulled him out when he was a teen, like 16-17 or something.

My dad responding that did kind of shock me but I believe he was fair in his accusations. He has been down here several times, and hasn't called, or stopped in, which is just plain rude. Atleast call and say Hi when you're in town. If he was doing it to avoid us, he shouldn't be allowed to come to dinner. I think that is what my dad was on track of.

Edit: Another note, he lives about 1.5 hours away.

[This message has been edited by woopsueypigs77 (edited 11-18-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by woopsueypigs77:

I think he's clean now, that's why he got married. She pulled him out when he was a teen, like 16-17 or something.

Well what was the point of bringing it up then? If he's clean it shouldn't be a problem.

quote:Originally posted by woopsueypigs77:



My dad responding that did kind of shock me but I believe he was fair in his accusations. He has been down here several times, and hasn't called, or stopped in, which is just plain rude. Atleast call and say Hi when you're in town. If he was doing it to avoid us, he shouldn't be allowed to come to dinner. I think that is what my dad was on track of.

Edit: Another note, he lives about 1.5 hours away.



Yeah, he is being a bit of a dick. But if that's the only problem then I think you should just give him a chance, and if he fucks up, tazor him.

I suggest talking to your father about it in support of them coming to dinner.

There are many possible reasons for not stopping in to say hello, but obviously he isn't close with the family. For some reason I think he might feel unwelcome.

You have no reason to love new additions to family, you're supposed to meet them and get to know these people. If you don't want to know them, then simply be civil. It's not a difficult task.

A family event such as this one, where people are all together, is great for meeting new additions to the family and people you haven't seen for quite a while. It both takes off the one on one pressure and allows you to avoid them if without being rude if you so choose.

I'm glad you're doing some thinking about it.