At college i get on really well with some people by themselfs but ina bigger group i shut down and dont say anything... at all... How do i combat this?

Also on another colelge related issue, if your quiet and picked on a bit, how do you gain respect?

Picked on? How so?

Are you some kind of turtle?

Like, say one day i'd say something stupid, they would tease me with it a number of days later.



They dont like trow bricks or anything like that at me

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

Are you some kind of turtle?

Yes, yes i am

Just be thankful they don't throw bricks at you.

1.) Stop pleasing your mom. While you're scrubbing a floor that may not need it, other people are out and about.

I don't think I can offer up too much more advice.

On a more serious note though, you remind me of myself. I still haven't fully fixed this, but I have improved. You just need to practice stepping out of your boundaries, and learn to appreciate yourself more. I guess it all just boils down to confidence. There are lots of ways to build confidence.

yes, but a 16 year old cant go many places... Im confident around girls, just not in huge groups of 20

What is it about the group that makes you uncomfortable?

quote:Originally posted by Jack_and_Jill:

yes, but a 16 year old cant go many places... Im confident around girls, just not in huge groups of 20

Why do you need to be confident in such large groups? I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not exactly meant to entertain large crowds. We can't all excel at everything.

Just be thankful that you can do well in smaller groups. That's where it really matters anyway.

Probably not finding the right time to say something... or mainly not knowing what to say...

IDk you just need a confidence building experience, which are hard to find, but when you have them you know it.

quote:Originally posted by Jack_and_Jill:

Like, say one day i'd say something stupid, they would tease me with it a number of days later.

They dont like trow bricks or anything like that at me

Give me an example of stupid. Is it genuinely stupid, or are they making something out of nothing?

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

Why do you need to be confident in such large groups? I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not exactly meant to entertain large crowds. We can't all excel at everything.

You should in effect be entertaining yourself. It shouldn't matter if you have the entire crowd, just that you're getting a response out of someone with some stupid joke or anecdote. Like a stand up comedian, the whole crowd isn't always laughing. It's entertaining the whole group, just not necessarily at the same time.

quote:Originally posted by Jack_and_Jill:

Probably not finding the right time to say something... or mainly not knowing what to say...

You can't always know what to say at all times. Fuck, I wish I could do that.

You could start by immersing yourself in alot of diverse situations. That's why I do. Live life, even vicariously at the very least, and then you will have lots of life experience to look back on and use as conversational topics.

Also, the social practice will help too.

Somethign i said stupid..

When i was drunk with them we did a dead arm contest, so i said 'Wanna feel my slap?, Its really ahrd' Oh the shame...

I had had 8 pints though!

You're in college?

But, you say things like "themselfs"

You probably would have said "your in college?"

You arbitrarily combine words in a fashion that would have made you say "ina fashion"

Why is this acceptable?

Would you have said exceptable?

I sure hope that you are an exception, as my fragile hope in humanity couldn't take such a thrashing.

There, I've made fun of your stupidity. Does it matter? Are you, now, no longer going to post anything in this thread, stop frequenting totse, or forums in general? Does my opinion, thusly, make you the worm you believe yourself to be? Is my respect your sustenance? Do I have a point?

Yes: fuck it! And with this "it" being me, fuck me, what the fuck do I matter? As life goes on you'll meet more and more divergent view-points of life, and even more ways of expressing one's individuality. I would have hoped that you would have had experience in this sort of thing prior to college, but some people have a very limited ambit in which to confront the world.

Were you from one of those towns where the janitors of the hospital knew your maiden name, and the mayor knew what you're allergic to?

It doesn't matter. The point that I'm trying to make is that no matter who you are, no matter where you live, there are going to be people who will make fun of you, confront you with differing opinions, and, all around, try to make you feel as unimportant as possible. This may be a defense mechanism of theirs in which they are trying to avoid the precarious situation of ego that you are currently afflicted with.

DON'T LET THEM!

This isn't to say "be a dick to them before they can be a dick to you," in actuality this is the exact opposite of my stance on life, and I feel that this mentality is the cause of a lot of bullshit. What I mean to get across is don't give a fuck what they do, what they say, what they think. You say stupid things? So what? You know, I bet that they say stupid things too. I bet they've even made a mistake or two in their life-time.

Chances are I've fucked up my grammar, or spelling of a word within the confines of this text.

Does that make my point any less valid? Does it make me, as an individual, undeserving of respect?

Maybe I can break a concrete block with my heel; maybe I can play mozart with my elbows; maybe I can fuck like a stallion on viagra.

If these witty quips from others bother you so much, and you are unable to simply not give a shit about their opinion, then I'd advise working on some sort of talent. Because then when the one-on-one sessions occur, which you claim to be better at handling, you'll have a trick up your sleeves to set yourself above and beyond your detractors.

Don't take life too seriously, mate, you'll never get out of this bitch alive.

I tend to be pretty reserved and withdrawn in large group situations myself. Never really considered it to be a major issue, though -- just the way I turned out, who knows why. Usually I just try and hang out with 1-3 other people at a time when possible, at parties I'll find a few people I know well and talk to them separately, etc...I don't see why it's a big deal.

Anyhow, in my opinion, you can get WAY more out of one-on-one interaction than in group interaction, seems more fulfilling to me.

hey, i'm the same way. i prefer being one on one with someone. you get to know someone as they actually are. in groups, you see them as they are under the influence of the loudest people there. in a lot of cases i've seen, there's a big difference.

anyway, i think it's better to have that 'shell'. you don't have to deal with big groups, in many cases including people you just do not like whatsoever.

as for the respect issue, i may not be in college, but i can offer a bit of help. i'm quiet. but, a few times a year, i do something monumental within my school. last year, i left postal stickers on every desk of about 30 classrooms, and clogged our commons with people listening to me read a children's book. just do something (within your limits and legal ones) that grabs people's attention. you'll gain respect from people. sure, some people will lose interest because you're not constantly pulling shit, but you'll gain some good friends. or should....

Yes, yes i will reply. The group has been better 10 of us drove to some kids school and where going to have a fight, so it brought us together.

*wipes tear*

Man it would have been fun...

I dont link random words, i am quite punctual i thought

quote:Originally posted by Jack_and_Jill:

I dont link random words, i am quite punctual i thought

Punc-tu-al

adj. Happening or doing something at the agreed or proper time; on time.

Grammar - denoting or relating to an action that takes place at a particular point in time. Constrasted with durative.



Your words are on time? I don't think what you said makes sense. Either that you also need to learn that commas do not link two independent clauses together. That's what "." or ";" are for. I'm not trying to be rude; however, you should learn this now, because you'll receive much better grades on essays with the mastery of correct use of punctuation. Forgive me. I'm an English major, and I couldn't resist.

[This message has been edited by Fanglekai (edited 11-17-2006).]

I did get a C for English Language and a D for English literature on my GCSE's. i now take public services which does not require me to any formal essays, just 1000 word assignments...

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:

Don't take life too seriously, mate, you'll never get out of this bitch alive.

I don't think anyone does, but doing it would be one hell of a party trick.

To Jack and Jill: Public Services is for time wasters.

[This message has been edited by Oxy-Moron (edited 11-17-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

I'm not trying to be rude; however, you should learn this now, because you'll receive much better grades on essays with the mastery of correct use of punctuation. Forgive me. I'm an English major, and I couldn't resist.

Lecturing when it is not looked for is always high handed.

Not everyone cares for language and format within their writing. As long as you can understand what is being communicated, the rest is moot; not everyone wishes to play the intellectual.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 11-18-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Lecturing when it is not looked for is always high handed.

Not everyone cares for language and format within their writing. As long as you can understand what is being communicated, the rest is moot; not everyone wishes to play the intellectual.



I don't care if it sounds high handed or not. Because of the errors, I didn't understand part of his post. Clear writing aids communication; mistakes hinder understanding.

But it shows you are very pesimistic if you cannot use your imagination.

Public Service's isn't just for time wasters, we are tying to be something that aids other people and a shit community... whats wrong with that?