Looking for help on what to do about this situation.

Here are the facts and I'll keep it as basic as possible:

We have been talking for about 2 months now, we are both ovbiously very interested in each other. She always maintained that she didnt want a boyfriend, but a couple weeks ago I basically asked her out and she said she still doesnt really want a boyfriend.

We hooked up last night and she is still a virgin, but we had oral sex.

She tells me everytime she is gonna hang out with her ex, she tries to make it seem like she doesnt want to but at the same time told me awhile back that they still hookup. Also, she hung out with him this past thursday and just mentioned how she bonded with his dad... and then mentioned a conversation she had with him about his parents think they are having sex and how ackward that must of been for him... why is she telling me this?

I DO wanna date this girl, but I dont wanna cut it off by telling her she has to make a choice... what do I do? I came up with some options I posted before that were basically telling her Ive been burned by sitauations like this before where an ex was involved and she has no reason to worry about obligations with me cause the only obligation I have as a boyfriend is that she wouldnt be hooking up with her ex. OR instead do I try something like "well since this is the point we are at my prioroites have to change and I will be hanging out with other girls" and then see her reaction to it?

Im having such a hard time with this, what do you all think?

I guess basically what am looking for is the best way (if any) to figure out if there is any long term potential with this girl or maybe even to get her to that point... ie. hanging out with other girls more... Ovbiously if we arent gonna date my priorites have to change and Im gonna be hanging out with other girls on the weekend too

[This message has been edited by djhypnotic (edited 11-13-2006).]

anyone thinking anything?

[This message has been edited by djhypnotic (edited 11-13-2006).]

In this situation, "I don't want a boyfriend" very likely means that she doesn't want you as her boyfriend. She's still infatuated with her ex and while you may get some play in the meantime, she's going to end up going back to him sooner or later.

Emotionally, I wouldn't take it past casual sex at this point. Keep some distance, otherwise you're just going to end up getting hurt/disappointed.

I agree, I would not invest too much into this relationship if I were you. It sounds like a waste of time and emotion. But hey, you only live once, give it a go.

I would agree with you about her potentially getting back with her ex... but she says the same things to him...

When I asked her what she wanted... and if she wanted to date, she said she doesnt want a boyfriend right now she just doesnt like the obligations that come up with it... and she descirbed that she wanted to be "inbetween" with me. A couple days later we were talking, and I asked to clarify what inbetween meant and if that means we are exlcusive or seeing other people, and she said ex just asked her that same question the night before on the phone.

She does always mention how her ex tries to make her jealous and is also very posessive, and she has to tell him she is not his girlfriend, and she says theres a reason they are not dating... so i really dont think she wants to get back with him either.

So im pretty sure she just really doesnt want a boyfriend, cause I am convinced that she really does like me... maybe she just wants both. She descirbed her ex as someone she never had a reason not to talk to anymore, they havent officialy dated for like 2 years now, but they have always been on and off between other people... but her last boyfriend cheated on her so I think that might of messed her up a little...

But then again I cant help but get the feeling that maybe she just doesnt want to date me or her ex, and that she would date someone else... Im so curious as to what reason there could be why she wouldnt wannad ate me... This is really confusing to me.



[This message has been edited by djhypnotic (edited 11-13-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

In this situation, "I don't want a boyfriend" very likely means that she doesn't want you as her boyfriend. She's still infatuated with her ex and while you may get some play in the meantime, she's going to end up going back to him sooner or later.

Emotionally, I wouldn't take it past casual sex at this point. Keep some distance, otherwise you're just going to end up getting hurt/disappointed.

that's good, but maybe shes not ready for a committed/serious relationship and just wants to take it easy for a bit? no proper commitment or anything?

quote:Originally posted by mek777:

that's good, but maybe shes not ready for a committed/serious relationship and just wants to take it easy for a bit? no proper commitment or anything?

Very possible. He should just keep his distance and see what happens if he cares about her. The whole interaction/hooking up with her ex boyfriend and bonding with his family is what makes me suspect her though.

My experience tells me to always be wary when you're the rebound guy, or "inbetween" as I think he said she put it. Emotionally speaking, that is.

We talked a little bit tonight about how this cant work forever... The conversation basically went as follows:

Me: You have to know that this cant work forever, I mean we are pracitcally dating right now, and im sure this wont last. Im more of a relationship kind of guy, and on top of that I cant really deal with your ex still being in the picture.

Her: I know, I mean keeps trying to get me to deicde to and ovbiously I dont know what to do I cant decide between you two. Im usually not like this, I usually give all your nothing but Im stuck between you two. You know its just been four years on and off with him, its a comfort thing and hard to let go of. But I know Ill have to deicide at one point between you two, and it probably wont be till someone makes me cause im really bad at this... so if he tells me he wants a girlfriend or nothing, he gets nothing.

Me: So basically your telling both of us to wait around for you to deicide, I cant see how thats gonna work either. Maybe you just need to choose neither of us and deicde whats best for you... either its time to move on or its time to stay with him... its not about being with me or him, thats two totally different decisions...

So we pretty much ended up solving nothing, but she was glad we talked about it... I want to readdress it tomorrow, what do you think I should say? Based on this conversation what is she telling me? Should I tell her I think it would be best if I went away for a little bit so she can figure it out, or should I tell her I really need her to decide what she wants?

What do you all think?

Why are you taking this so seriously? Its just a girl mate, you seem really stressed out over this. Just forget her, maybe your interest in her is even driving her away? Besides which, I don't see why she isn't entitled to see both you and her ex. Its not like you've both actually decided on a boyfriend girlfriend exclusive relationship.

Yeah man, shes totally still in love with her ex, but because hes probably not paying her the emotional (ie. You are a goddess)attention guys usually pay to a girl they like for more than just sex, so shes getting the reassurance that shes awesome and desirable off you and relaying that confidence back into trying to get a relationship with this other guy..

trust me, ive had a billion guys do this to me, actually its what most guys do to me haha, and it sucks, hang in there though buddy, maybe he'll tell her to fuck off and she'll just turn to you for a rebound relationship, it'll be fake, of course, but you still get your relationship right? haha love sucks.

my name is inside your name!



[This message has been edited by hypno (edited 11-20-2006).]