what does it really mean when they say girls want a guy that makes them feel safe and/or secure? is it even true? what kind a guy would make a girl feel that way about them?

it depends on the girl. some girls want to geel thier man can physically protect them from harm, some want finacial security, some want emotion security.

so it can be strength in a man's body, wallet, or heart.

and sometimes...its all three.

It's a good thing, regardless.

Often it means that

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>

<LI> You're gonna get some great sex tonight!

<LI> They feel kept safe from themselves (with experience you'll figure that one out).

</UL>

quote:Originally posted by oral fixation:

so it can be strength in a man's body, wallet, or heart.

and sometimes...its all three.

Based on reality, I'd put it in the following order: wallet, wallet, body, wallet, heart.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

<LI> They feel kept safe from themselves (with experience you'll figure that one out).

They wont fuck another guy.

It confuses me in regards to myself, but it seems to make sense when women refer to it in others.

Knowing that a partner is capable. This is security, the ability to feel confidence in their actions and decisions.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 11-07-2006).]

You mean a woman never makes a man feel "safe and secure"?

Think about it...

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

You mean a woman never makes a man feel "safe and secure"?

Think about it...

It's a reverse in gender roles and yes, it happens, but only in relationships where the female is the dom.

This, in my experience, is a very rare occurance.

Not quite what I mean...

"Safe and secure" can also mean "warm and peaceful".

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Knowing that a partner is capable. This is security, the ability to feel confidence in their actions and decisions.

Fuck.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

This, in my experience, is a very rare occurance.

You've never felt secure knowing that a woman will be there for you no matter what situation may arise?

You're missing out on something, it's called love.

Edit: She beat me to it.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 11-07-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

You mean a woman never makes a man feel "safe and secure"?

Think about it...

Not particularly. In Western culture, being seriously involved with a woman entails a neverending game of calculated moves, countermoves, and mind games which ultimately result in the stripping of your manhood, wallet, and the best physical years of your life.

The only safety/security that results from the typical relationship is an increased knowledge of chick flicks, unscheduled early morning trips to the grocery store, the pressured acquisition of status symbols, and a semi-regular place to dump your load.

...sometimes....you remind me of someone....Euda

[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 11-07-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Not quite what I mean...

"Safe and secure" can also mean "warm and peaceful".

No, no it cannot.

At least not when you're a normal human being. Perhaps if you're some sort of alien that doesn't live in a dangerous world. Like on Youranus [sic].

~~~

When you're able to lift a girl against your body when you hug, and can easily do things that seem like such a challenge for her (lifting and moving heavy things always work well for this).

When you're walking down the street at night, after hitting the clubs and two large black men walk past and don't even take a second look at her because they see you.

When her insane Ex-Boyfriend comes over to "talk", and you TELL him to leave before it gets messy.

When she's hurting bad because of any number of things that everyone has to go through in any number of ways, and you're there for here.

Those are the kind of actions that kind of man will do that'll make a girl feel safe...

Of course, though, babying her and treating her like royalty will cause a reverse reaction...

It's all about understanding how much is enough, and when enough is enough or too much or not enough...

Wonderful science, really.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Not particularly. In Western culture, being seriously involved with a woman entails a neverending game of calculated moves, countermoves, and mind games which ultimately result in the stripping of your manhood, wallet, and the best physical years of your life.

The only safety/security that results from the typical relationship is an increased knowledge of chick flicks, unscheduled early morning trips to the grocery store, the pressured acquisition of status symbols, and a semi-regular place to dump your load.

[that made me laugh}

So...Captain, sir. How old are you?

and....

How many long term relationships have you had?

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

No, no it cannot.

At least not when you're a normal human being. Perhaps if you're some sort of alien that doesn't live in a dangerous world. Like on Youranus [sic].

~~~



Hmmm...let me not be "normal" then, and not to know "normal" people.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

So...Captain, sir. How old are you?

and....

How many long term relationships have you had?

I'm 25.

One too many apparently!

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

I'm 25.

One too many apparently!

Or...one too few....

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Or...one too few....

Yeah, it's one or the other for sure.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Yeah, it's one or the other for sure.

He never said he was more than an asshat. In fact, he claims to be their captain.

Ahoy!

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

He never said he was more than an asshat. In fact, he claims to be their captain.

Ahoy!

As long as he's not Captain As shat, it's okay by me.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

It's a reverse in gender roles and yes, it happens, but only in relationships where the female is the dom.

This, in my experience, is a very rare occurance.

Wrong! oc6 makes me feel safe and warm. she's a milion miles from a 'Dom' and i don't think anyone ever has described me as a 'sub'...

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

He never said he was more than an asshat. In fact, he claims to be their captain.

Ahoy!

Arrrr ye've foiled me again!

I'll be serious once for the OP. From my experience, the biggest part of a woman wanting to be safe/secure has to do with emotional security, as oral fixation said. As little girls start maturing into women, they face an enormous amount of societal pressure to conform to certain ideas about how they should look, act, and feel.

When they come of age, they're constantly reminded by our culture that in order to be acceptable, they have to be thin with perfect breasts, skin, hair.. the whole package. Within a space of only a few years, they go from being quite literally the weaker sex to having the most sought-after natural resource in the world.. poontang.

And it gets even worse as they grow older. No longer are they expected to *just* have the Abercrombie look, but they're also pressured into thoughts of marriage, having children, and the silly fairytale that represents the Westernized image of marriage.

When you're with a woman and she knows that none of the above matters, that she can just say the hell with makeup and throw on a pair of jeans and an old tshirt and still be beautiful in your eyes and not have to worry about it.. that's when she'll feel safe/secure with you.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

When you're with a woman and she knows that none of the above matters, that she can just say the hell with makeup and throw on a pair of jeans and an old tshirt and still be beautiful in your eyes and not have to worry about it.. that's when she'll feel safe/secure with you.

Now....that deserves a hug. ( )

Would you say that the same go for a man then? That he doesn't always have to be "the strong one" as was the image layed out in their younger years?

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Now....that deserves a hug. ( )

Would you say that the same go for a man then? That he doesn't always have to be "the strong one" as was the image layed out in their younger years?

Yeah, I think it should go both ways. As a guy, in some situations I really enjoy it when a woman is the strong one.. in the real world, emotionally, and even in the bedroom. It's all a big balancing act. Sometimes the man needs to stand up and be a man regardless, and sometimes it's still really nice to see her get all fancied up.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

sometimes it's still really nice to see her get all fancied up.

I do lack in the "fancied up" department, I will admit. It's something I rarely think about, practicality (and comfort) being at the top of my list.

[/shrugs]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Now....that deserves a hug. ( )

Would you say that the same go for a man then? That he doesn't always have to be "the strong one" as was the image layed out in their younger years?

Maybe to a minimal extent, but for a lot of women, a guy cries and all he is is just one big pussy.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I do lack in the "fancied up" department, I will admit. It's something I rarely think about, practicality (and comfort) being at the top of my list.

[/shrugs]

Well, it depends on your version of fancied up I suppose. For me personally, if a woman knows that I really dig the way she looks in a certain outfit or with her hair in a certain way and she does it knowing that it's going to make me feel good.. that's fancied up.

Then again, I'm from rural Appalachia. There's only so fancy we can get around here!

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Well, it depends on your version of fancied up I suppose.

Well...no heels and no dress. A nice suit is good though, with nice comfy shoes.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Well...no heels and no dress. A nice suit is good though, with nice comfy shoes.

No fuzzy slippers and sweatpants?

What is the world coming to when grandmothers are getting all gussied up.

I second you on the heels issue. A lot of men like it, but I find it ridiculous. That cloppity-clop sound they make drives me nuts. Call me utilitarian, but I just don't find anything sexy about them. Heels are lightcore Chinese foot binding.

Now, a nice flowery sundress is another matter..

I think being tall helps...

Me: 6' 2" , broad shouldered.

Girlfriend: 5' 2" slim.

quote:Originally posted by Captain Asshat:

Now, a nice flowery sundress is another matter..

Worn barefoot? Flipflops? (nah, too much like cloppity clop I suppose) Sandals? Or...hmmm...little white tennis shoes, maybe?

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

No fuzzy slippers and sweatpants?

What is the world coming to when grandmothers are getting all gussied up.



I do have a sweatsuit that looks smashing on me.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Worn barefoot? Flipflops? (nah, too much like cloppity clop I suppose) Sandals? Or...hmmm...little white tennis shoes, maybe?

With little white socks...hmmmmmmm

Damn you for pushing the Perv-Button!

:P

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Worn barefoot? Flipflops? (nah, too much like cloppity clop I suppose) Sandals? Or...hmmm...little white tennis shoes, maybe?

Well, barefoot on the beach would be the typical cheesy image I suppose. I'm a huge sucker for anything flowery or tropical though. Too much time in the islands I suppose. Footware doesn't really matter though, and I can handle flipflop noise over heels anyday simply because they're so comfortable and.. they just make sense. Heels make no sense whatsoever.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Wrong! oc6 makes me feel safe and warm. she's a milion miles from a 'Dom' and i don't think anyone ever has described me as a 'sub'...

so OC6 is outcast! aha. I was going to send you an email to ask where on earth you've been...

that, or has Jackketch gone and seduced another totsean *shudders*

I think a lot of people here are missing the obvious. By safe they mean they want a guy that isnt a pussy.

edit: I only read the first few posts and saw that this hadnt been brought up, but I dont know if it was mentioned later.



[This message has been edited by Zay (edited 11-07-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

so OC6 is outcast! aha. I was going to send you an email to ask where on earth you've been...

that, or has Jackketch gone and seduced another totsean *shudders*

That's a small "o" and a small "c", my favorite bunny...

quote:Originally posted by Zay:

edit: I only read the first few posts and saw that this hadnt been brought up, but I dont know if it was mentioned later.

I think I covered that..

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

It confuses me in regards to myself, but it seems to make sense when women refer to it in others.

Knowing that a partner is capable. This is security, the ability to feel confidence in their actions and decisions.



yeah. trust is also a part of security. just knowing that someone would take care of you whatever situation came up, and that they respect you and care about you. i'm sure guys want the same thing in relationships, they just don't outwardly say they want to feel safe with a girl. but girls want to give them that too.

My last girlfriend said i made her feel secure... so yay... i don't know i'm really not in a good enough place to be talking about this. I'll give you my second cent later.

quote:Originally posted by whocares123:

what does it really mean when they say girls want a guy that makes them feel safe and/or secure? is it even true? what kind a guy would make a girl feel that way about them?

well in me opinion i think that i guy that makes a girl feel important and cared about is a guy that makes a girl feel safe and suecure because it tells us that you dont want anything to happen and that our emotions matter.. a guy that canlisten when a girl has a problem is something that makes me feel trust and total safety

well in me opinion i think that i guy that makes a girl feel important and cared about is a guy that makes a girl feel safe and suecure because it tells us that you dont want anything to happen and that our emotions matter.. a guy that canlisten when a girl has a problem is something that makes me feel trust and total safety

It means they like it that some big strong man will protect them because their usually too weak to do it themselves. Like some guy said already..being able to lift heavy things..being able to pick her up an pin her against the wall when shes in the mood for it..Definatly beating the fuck out of her ex boyfriends. Not being scared to get a little violent over her. Not in a macho dick way though. Not like knocking some guy out for talking to her at a club or starting something because of something stupid like that. It has to be sincere. That's the best I can explain it.