so, to make a ridiculously long story short, i've been messing with this guy on and off for about a year and a half, and he pretended that he cared about me so i would have sex with him, then i found out he had a girlfriend and we stopped talking for a while...

there's a short version at the end.

we started talking again a couple of weeks ago and we talked for maybe a day or two, then he called me at two o'clock in the morning to tell me that he was gonna become celibate and start going to church and get rebaptized and revirginized because he felt bad about hurting me and he didn't want to hurt anyone else like that and he said that we should just be friends and nothing more and we couldn't talk or joke about sex anymore. i said 'ok' and then we didn't talk for about a week.

fast forward to this past week: we talk again, and he brings up sex, and i said 'i thought you just wanted to be friends and not talk about sex anymore' and he goes 'i decided that i'm gonna be celibate until you trust me enough to have sex with me or mess around with me again. we can go back to being the way it was before (which was friends with benefits, i guess) but without me lying to you, or we can just be friends if you want.' i told him that we could still do stuff if i ever trusted him enough to again, and if i ever saw him again (i just moved to texas, and he's going to college in alabama).

the next night (that was this past friday) he told me that he loved me and wanted to have a relationship with me, and i said 'no' because, well, he cheated on his girlfriend when he lived 10 minutes away from her and he lied to me about so much that there's no way in hell i'm going to trust him enough to have a relationship with him when we're 13 hours apart.

he called me and we talked for like 5 minutes on saturday, but he was being really quiet and was acting like he didn't want to be on the phone so i asked him if he wanted to call me back later and he said 'yea' and he never did. i called him at midnight that night because his birthday was on sunday (yesterday) and i wanted to tell him happy birthday. we talked for like 5 minutes and he said he was going to sleep, which i can understand, but i think it's weird because the night before we were on the phone till 3am, but whatever...

i called him again sunday afternoon and we talked for a couple of minutes, then he said his sister was calling him for his birthday and that he would call me back when he got off he phone with her. he never did, and i got pissed off because he had gone from saying that he fucking loved me and wanted to be with me to not even wanting to talk to me in less than 48 hours...

so i called him at about 10 last night and i was going to ask him what he wanted from me... like if he just wanted to be friends, if he just wanted sex and nothing else, if he wanted the whole friends with benefits thing, if he wanted a relationship (although i'm not sure how these last 3 would work considering the distance), or if he just wanted me to leave him the hell alone, but he didn't answer so i left him a message telling him i wanted to ask him something and to call me back when he got a chance.

----------------------------------------

he still hasn't called me back. my question to you, totse, is this:

what should i do now? should i call him again and ask him what the hell he wants, should i email him and ask him, should i just leave him the hell alone?

i don't know what to do because we always go through these things where we won't talk for usually about a month, give or take, because he won't answer his phone or return my calls, then he'll call me out of the blue and say that i don't care about him because i didn't keep calling him and he'll tell me i should have kept trying. i don't want to bother him though or try to make him talk to me if he doesn't want to. shit. guys suck.

advice?



edit:

i just realized how long this was. here's the short version:

after we haven't talked for almost 2 months:

him: we should just be friends, no more talking about sex

me: ok

(2 days later)

him: i love you, i want a relationship with you

me: i don't trust you, no. maybe one day but not until you prove that i can trust you

(a day and a half later)

him: ... (no answer)

me: (on his voicemail) call me back, i want to ask you something

now read from the lines (------------) before the edit. thanks.

Your both not ready for relationship, that's all I got.

Sounds like he wants sex, when he wants it... He wants emotional comfort, when he wants it... if he doesn't ask for anything, he doesn't want anything... oh, and he wants to be able to bitch at you if he feels like it.

Doesnt sound like much of a catch to me.

You enjoy being treated as a whore? You enjoy being ignored, being hurt, being cheated on?

Sooo why the fuck are you even still talking to this jerk??!

Little girl, you need a slap, and a reality check but bad.

It kind of sounds to me like you're now pursuing him [heavily] after you already told him "no". What's up with that?

It also sounds like he's using religion to get back into your graces, but I wouldn't trust that either.

I think you need to leave him alone now, but what is it that you want from him? It sounds like you're both wishy washy here and are playing some sort of game with each other. Are you certain you both don't just like the "pursuit" of each other, and nothing more?

Sounds like he's horny and manipulative and you're playing into it like a mentally deficient infant. Don't call him back, if he calls you tell him to fuck off. Find someone closer to you if you want to be jerked around and lied to.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

It kind of sounds to me like you're now pursuing him [heavily] after you already told him "no". What's up with that?

It also sounds like he's using religion to get back into your graces, but I wouldn't trust that either.

I think you need to leave him alone now, but what is it that you want from him? It sounds like you're both wishy washy here and are playing some sort of game with each other. Are you certain you both don't just like the "pursuit" of each other, and nothing more?

i told him that i wouldn't have a relationship with him now because i don't trust him enough... i said that in the future we might be able to, but i'm still hurting from everything he did to me before and i need more time to get over it.

i want to be with him and he knows that, but i'm not going to set myself up to get hurt even more than i already have.

that's the way it always is with him... he'll call me nonstop for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, then drop off the face of the earth and not answer my calls when i call him, then all of hte sudden out of the blue i'll hear from him again.

i sent him an email telling him that i couldn't keep dealing with his shit and he needed to make up his mind about what he wanted from me and stick to it, so i guess i'll see what happens when (if) i hear back from him.

quote:Originally posted by kappelpie:

Sounds like he's horny and manipulative and you're playing into it like a mentally deficient infant. Don't call him back, if he calls you tell him to fuck off. Find someone closer to you if you want to be jerked around and lied to.

QFT

quote:Originally posted by xilikeeggs0:

i sent him an email telling him that i couldn't keep dealing with his shit and he needed to make up his mind about what he wanted from me and stick to it, so i guess i'll see what happens when (if) i hear back from him.

You must be a very patient girl.

Leave it at that and don't contact him again.

quote:Originally posted by xilikeeggs0:



the next night (that was this past friday) he told me that he loved me and wanted to have a relationship with me, and i said 'no' because, well, he cheated on his girlfriend when he lived 10 minutes away from her and he lied to me about so much that there's no way in hell i'm going to trust him enough to have a relationship with him when we're 13 hours apart.





Smart girl. Fucking stick to that. This asshole has fucked you about enough. Delete his number and forget about him.

Tell him to go fuck a sheep. He's a manipulative asshole and nothing else. Fuck 'em.

you're looking for closure from the last time you were hurt by him. you want him to earn back your trust, take you as his girlfriend, and love you for the person you are.

girl, you're wishing for a fairy tale. this boy has a weak, manipulative (but ineffective), wishy washy personality. he had a girl, he used you for sex, he's horny now, he knows he can get it easily from you, and he's basically expecting you to cater to his whims. the BS about religion and celibacy was the crap that any guy would throw at you if he knew you didn't trust him and wanted you to listen up. it was what you wanted to hear, and he knew it.

look at where things are now. they're right back where they started! you're chasing him and he's involved elswhere, god knows with what or who but definitely not with you. it's the same dance. you've got to end absolutely all interactions with him. there is NO CHANCE for redemption from him. treat him accordingly, and don't be a sucker.

SON OF A FUCKING BITCH! why do i put up with his shit? why, why, why am i so fucking stupid. i really wish somebody would just fucking slap me across the face right now... maybe that would knock some sense into me.

That's the spirit.

so i found his myspace and apparently he's been going out with this other girl since last month and i messaged him and was like 'what the fuck why do you do this shit to me, you know i care about you, why do you always hurt me?' or something along those lines...

here's his reply:

'i love my babigurl Alyssa and i wouldnt give her up for you or any other piece of shit bitch.'

really fucking nice, huh? especially coming from a guy who less than a week ago was telling me that he loved me and wanted a relationship with me.

FUCK GUYS

I like him already.

Anyway, take it from another asshole: the only thing left for you to do is to show that message to his girlfriend, obviously.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

I like him already.

Anyway, take it from another asshole: the only thing left for you to do is to show that message to his girlfriend, obviously.

what good would that do? he said in the message that he loves his girlfriend and called me a 'piece of shit bitch.'

i thought about messaging her and telling her everything that he told me on friday (a week ago today) and how he said he was thinking about transferring out here and moving in with me, but what good would it do? that's not gonna make him suddenly change his mind about everything that he's said and done to me and apologize and come running back to me and grovel at my feet, so there's no point.

;sigh;

You could send him an email thanking him for giving you what you need to permanently say goodbye to him.

Or...something like that.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

You could send him an email thanking him for giving you what you need to permanently say goodbye to him.

Or...something like that.

yea i'm writing something kind of like that now... i'll post it here in a minute and see what you guys think.

the question now is, should i even bother writing him back? i was thinking about saying something like

'fuck you... if you really loved alyssa you wouldn't be trying to cheat on her. you don't give a shit about anybody but yourself and you know damn well that's true. and if i'm such a piece of shit bitch then why were you asking me out a week ago? and why did you at least pretend to care about me? if i really was such a piece of shit, you wouldn't have even wasted your time acting like you cared about me.

you were right a couple of weeks ago when you said i can do a lot better than you, and i will. you're a fucking piece of shit and everything that you've done to me and every other girl you've ever lied to is going to come back on you and i'm going to fucking laugh my ass off when some girl breaks your heart like you did mine. and trust me, it will happen, because karma is a bitch, whether you believe in it or not.

you're not even worth getting upset over, so i'm not going to do it anymore. you've gotten so used to being able to do whatever you want to me, and probably your girlfriends too, having me just sit there and take it and not do anything about it that you don't know how to treat people. at least now i can find somebody who will treat me right and whose idea of 'getting freaky' isn't just doing it doggy-style or having the girl on top and who can actually make me cum, because you sure as hell couldn't with your small dick (should i say that?).

and for the record, i never asked or wanted you to give alyssa or mandy or anyone else up for me; that's why i said 'no' everytime you asked me out.

i guess i should also say thank you for finally telling me how you really feel about me... it's nice that you've finally at least started being honest about how you feel about me... now you just need to work on telling alyssa that you really don't care about her either and that you really don't give a shit about anyone but your goddamn self.

but then again, why the fuck do i care? i've only spent the last year an a half putting up with your shit only to have you treat me like shit... i've never lied to you or done anything bad to you... i treated you like a fucking king and let you walk all over me and did whatever you wanted, shit i was even going to drive 3 fucking hours one way to virginia to come pick you up like you asked me to, but you didn't even have the fucking decency to call me back the day i was supposed to. i was the best fucking thing you've ever had, and you treated me like shit and i put up with it for almost 2 years. i'm tired of it now. fuck you, you're never going to have anything half as good as me again.

so have fun with your girlfriends that fuck your friends and lie to you and cheat on you. just remember who was actually there for you and never did anything like that to you because in a couple of months or years or whenever, you're going to wish that you had someone who treated you the way i did, but you won't because you don't deserve it.

but like i said, thank you for finally giving me what i need to move on and find a real man who will actually treat me right, not some immature piece of shit like you who's going to treat me like shit. have a nice life and have fun rotting in hell you son of a bitch.'

comments/suggestions/edits?

should i even bother sending this?



[This message has been edited by xilikeeggs0 (edited 11-10-2006).]

That's basically the situation my ex was in before she met me. Which means there's someone who will treat you a lot better out there, and will love you for yourself and not just sex. Probablly.

Not that last message. You must have something you can show her, you went out with this guy for a while, so I cannot believe you don't have anything to show her.

[This message has been edited by Aseren (edited 11-10-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by genericwittyusername:

That's basically the situation my ex was in before she met me. Which means there's someone who will treat you a lot better out there, and will love you for yourself and not just sex. Probablly.

i fucking hope so. i'm about ready to swear off sex. he was the only guy i ever trusted enough to do anything with, and look at the shit he put me through. i think i'm going to be single for the rest of my life because i don't see how i'm ever going to be able to trust anybody again after this.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Not that last message. You must have something you can show her, you went out with this guy for a while, so I cannot believe you don't have anything to show her.



i never went out with him... i cared about him a lot and wanted to, but i never trusted him enough. actually, i did at one point, but that was when i was stupid and was too worried about what my friends would think if i went out with him. i finally got over that and actually did want to go out with him, but 2 weeks later his girlfriend (that i didn't know about) called me and started cussing me out and told me how i better not fuck with her man. i guess it's better that we didn't though, because i would probably be fucking suicidal right now if i had gone out with him and he did this shit to me.

but anyways, now that i'm looking back at it, the only thing he ever got for me were some cupcakes from the place he used to work at (that he probably got for free anyways and that i only got to eat one of because i took them to a friend's house and she ate the rest of them... but anyways...) nope. i was a fucking dumbass and didn't even record our phone conversations like i had planned on doing because i had a feeling he would do some shit like this again.

i really wish i would have now, i would have uploaded them onto my computer and emailed them to her, but i was fucking stupid and thought that he was serious this time about changing.

[This message has been edited by xilikeeggs0 (edited 11-10-2006).]

why would you even want to talk to him? he's already proven to be dishonest and immature.

and probably he's cut the contact to get you to do exactly what you're doing: thinking about him.



so just stop thinking about the guy.

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

why would you even want to talk to him? he's already proven to be dishonest and immature.

and probably he's cut the contact to get you to do exactly what you're doing: thinking about him.



so just stop thinking about the guy.

i know, but i still care about him, as pathetic as that is. like i said, he's the only guy that i've ever really trusted or cared about and the only guy that i've done anything with sexually, so this hurts a lot.

i can't just stop thinking about him like it's nothing and i didn't (and don't still) care about him. obviously i'm not going to keep talking to him or waste my time thinking that he cares about me, but i still really want to send that letter that i posted a few posts back... i dunno, i guess it would be theraputic for me, and as immature as it is, i want to have the last word.

oh wait, i just remembered, i have a picture of his dick that he sent me a few weeks ago... i'm really hesitant to use that, though, because i sent him about 10 pictures of me, and i only have that one of him. and some of the pictures with me show my face so it wouldn't be that hard to prove that it was me in them, but the picture i have of him is just of his dick, so he could very easily deny it being his.



maybe i should send the picture to his girlfriend along with a message that says something like, 'i thought you might want this picture of sean's dick so you have something to keep you occupied until you see him again' (since he's in alabama and she's in pennslyvania, so they probably won't be able to see each other until christmas, and even then that will only be if they both go back to maryland at the same time during their breaks)

and i could also say something about how i don't need it anymore because i found something bigger and better (even though i havent). but that kind of makes me sound like a ho. so maybe not.

[This message has been edited by xilikeeggs0 (edited 11-10-2006).]

you have a picture of his dick that you're going to send to his girlfriend?

fuck, this is turning more and more into a 7th grade soap opera.

yeah... seriously, just wash your hands clean of this situation. that's my advice, coming from someone who's seen this first hand. staying in contact with him will mean a lot of drama unless you're sure you can keep it at the platonic level, which doesn't work all the time... fuck his girlfriend, forget her, she has a right to be angry (though she shouldn't be at you). seriously, just forget him, look around for someone who will treat you better. I'm guessing he was older than you? and your friends warned you about him because he had a bad reputation? yeah...

quote:Originally posted by Argus:

you have a picture of his dick that you're going to send to his girlfriend?

fuck, this is turning more and more into a 7th grade soap opera.

i know, i know. i said it's immature. i'm not sure if i'm going to though. i'll probably just send him that letter and let that be that. it's just a thought that i'm going to keep in the back of my mind in case he writes back with some more shit like he sent to me before or if he really pisses me off.

quote:Originally posted by genericwittyusername:

yeah... seriously, just wash your hands clean of this situation. that's my advice, coming from someone who's seen this first hand. staying in contact with him will mean a lot of drama unless you're sure you can keep it at the platonic level, which doesn't work all the time... fuck his girlfriend, forget her, she has a right to be angry (though she shouldn't be at you). seriously, just forget him, look around for someone who will treat you better. I'm guessing he was older than you? and your friends warned you about him because he had a bad reputation? yeah...

i am going to stop talking to him, but i want to do something before i do.

i turned 18 in september and he just turned 19 on sunday, so he's not that much older than me.

no, actually it was the opposite. one of my friends went out with him, cheated on him, then broke up with him because she said he had a small dick. one of our (mine and sean's) mutual friends spent almost 6 months trying to hook us up because he said that sean was a good guy and i wouldn't have to worry about him cheating on me and all this other crap.

i didn't want to go out with him because, like i said, i was stupid and i didn't want my friends to make fun of me, even though it ended up better that way in the long run.

I wouldn't send anything that long. Just say goodbye in a very short way. More than likely he'll read the first line or so....then think....blah, blah, blah....instead of reading the last.

Keep it short....say goodbye...and mean it.