I have a problem, and I think it's a psychological thing where I want people to, through proxy, touch my penis.

Whenever my parents leave the house, I go upstairs and take each utensil, one by one, and run both sides along the slightly moist, sweaty part where my dick rests on my scrotum. Then, I put them back in. I also sometimes do this with toothbrushes.

I dunno why I do this, I just get like a voice that tells me to do it. Family dinners are kind of weird, I'm usually pretty quiet.

I don't know why I'm posting, I guess to get help. I'm a very lonely person, I don't have many friends.

Should I see a doctor or something?

Troll?

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

Troll?



I sure hope so.

Dude, I know exactly what you mean! I do something similar, everyday. Everyday I go to the bank and get ten dollars in pennies. Then, I go home and stick them all up my ass (one at a time, of course). Then, I spend them. Cab fares, movie tickets, whatever. I've been doing this for seventeen years now. Whenever I meet with someone that intimidates, puts me on edge- ya know, a real "ball-buster", I just think to myself: "They've probably handled one of my ass pennies". In fact, they probably have one in their pocket right now! It kinda makes me feel that I have th upper hand.

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

i start fires.

that is all.

Why the FUCK do people always call troll on me? First my shit fetish, and now this.

Can't anyone just be helpful instead of calling me a troll and talking about chocolate pennies?

If this is a serious thread, see a psychiatrist. If it's a troll thread, then it's brilliant.

What do I say to the shrink's secretary?

"Hi, my name's wooty, I like to rub kitchen utensils on my testicles."

Are they discreet about your problems? Do they screen you a lot before you can be a client?

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

Dude, I know exactly what you mean! I do something similar, everyday. Everyday I go to the bank and get ten dollars in pennies. Then, I go home and stick them all up my ass (one at a time, of course). Then, I spend them. Cab fares, movie tickets, whatever. I've been doing this for seventeen years now. Whenever I meet with someone that intimidates, puts me on edge- ya know, a real "ball-buster", I just think to myself: "They've probably handled one of my ass pennies". In fact, they probably have one in their pocket right now! It kinda makes me feel that I have th upper hand.

There's nothing wrong with it at all.



Where have I heard this before? is it from a chuck palahniuk book or a kevin smith movie or something? ahhh why is it so familiar??

I had a friend back in the day who was obsessed...moreso then your average coming of age young man...he would perpetually jerk off at my house.

And like if he was staying over he would ejaculate on my blanket.

*shakes head*

He didn't seem to care how impossibly gross it was.

*shakes head*

The only way to "fix" it is to cut off your balls. (please excuse the pun)

quote:Originally posted by wooty:

Are they discreet about your problems? Do they screen you a lot before you can be a client?

Well, I mean...we've all seen the videos online, from the hidden cameras. I mean, its meant for security (you never know what fuckjobs you're bringing into your office), but sometimes there are just some hilariously fucked up people, and the doc just can help but share.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

*shakes head*

The only way to "fix" it is to cut off your balls. (please excuse the pun)

Woah! I didnt notice that at first. BEAUTIFUL pun.

quote:Originally posted by Andreas:

I had a friend back in the day who was obsessed...moreso then your average coming of age young man...he would perpetually jerk off at my house.

And like if he was staying over he would ejaculate on my blanket.

*shakes head*

He didn't seem to care how impossibly gross it was.

I remember a kid like that from high school. Whenever he went to somone's house he would always go jerk off in their bathroom. The reason why people knew this is he was once caught in the act cause he didn't lock the bathroom door. So whenever he dissapeared for longer then 2 minutes you know what he was up to.

quote:Originally posted by wooty:

What do I say to the shrink's secretary?

"Hi, my name's wooty, I like to rub kitchen utensils on my testicles."

Are they discreet about your problems? Do they screen you a lot before you can be a client?

No. They take out a front page article so you can also deal with humiliation and rejection.

If this is indeed true then I don't think it's a sexual thing, but rather an expression of hostility.

I've heard of worse. I was browsing an incest forum with a barge pole, and I came across threads about people who wanted to fuck their mothers etc - they ejaculated IN THE SALAD and got intimate with their mothers clothes before putting them back in the drawer.

Look at it this way.. how would you like eating with stuff some guy had rubbed his dick on?

:O

Unless you would..

quote:Originally posted by Flock:

I've heard of worse. I was browsing an incest forum with a barge pole, and I came across threads about people who wanted to fuck their mothers etc - they ejaculated IN THE SALAD and got intimate with their mothers clothes before putting them back in the drawer.

Look at it this way.. how would you like eating with stuff some guy had rubbed his dick on?

:O

Unless you would..



i never actually understoodf why people would amit to doing shit like that...it would be pretty funny ive ur mom saw it and figured out it was you or sumthing...

quote:Originally posted by Flock:

I've heard of worse. I was browsing an incest forum with a barge pole, and I came across threads about people who wanted to fuck their mothers etc - they ejaculated IN THE SALAD and got intimate with their mothers clothes before putting them back in the drawer.

Look at it this way.. how would you like eating with stuff some guy had rubbed his dick on?

:O

Unless you would..

Ironically, I've heard of semen being used in salad dressing recipes. Hear many like the flavor. ^^

Hey guys i got some oi lthen i did it with friendsbut the y went downstairs dso i rubbed their utensils on my balls hahahahaa and got pizza they ate it with the forks hahahahahahahaha

oh shit im gonna pukebye

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

Dude, I know exactly what you mean! I do something similar, everyday. Everyday I go to the bank and get ten dollars in pennies. Then, I go home and stick them all up my ass (one at a time, of course). Then, I spend them. Cab fares, movie tickets, whatever. I've been doing this for seventeen years now. Whenever I meet with someone that intimidates, puts me on edge- ya know, a real "ball-buster", I just think to myself: "They've probably handled one of my ass pennies". In fact, they probably have one in their pocket right now! It kinda makes me feel that I have th upper hand.

There's nothing wrong with it at all.



I've had a very stressful day. And that just made it all better. I'm not laughing at you, but that's just one hell of a way to look at it.

quote:Originally posted by DirtyBlanket:



I've had a very stressful day. And that just made it all better. I'm not laughing at you, but that's just one hell of a way to look at it.

You think this is funny?!!?! I've been sticking $30 dollars in pennies up my ass for the pasy 11 years. That's 3000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska!

You think your better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. Oh, you laugh at me, but me I laught at you, because your pennies have been in my ass!

quote:Originally posted by EdgarMcHerly:



Where have I heard this before? is it from a chuck palahniuk book or a kevin smith movie or something? ahhh why is it so familiar??

It is on youtube under "ass pennies" and is from Upright Citizens Brigade.

Those must be some TAINTED wishes.