My girlfriend and I aren't able to see each other as much as we like, so speaking on msn or on the phone is a really an important thing for us. We get to see each other something like once or twice a week because she is in her first semester in university and I am finishing college but I have a part time job at the same time. Every other week I get home at 9pm with homework for the next day because we work till 7.

The big issue between us right now is talking on the phone.

She doesn't like it when I call her to simply talk. She thinks I’m checking up on her which admittedly annoying, and yet, if I only restrict myself to calling her when I have something to say, it will turn out that I don't call her enough.

Yesterday (Saturday) she got very irritated that I didn't call her. And instead of calling me to talk about it, I had to find out tonight on msn (Sunday night).

We’ve been together for almost a year and it's been like this since we met. For some reason it's harder for her to call me, which I think is utter bullshit, I am the shy one between us and yet it befalls on me to do this "task". because that's what it has been like lately, more of a job than something pleasant I can do because when I want to call her and have nothing to really say, I can't, because she'll get pissed.

So I’m stuck in this vicious circle.

Today I asked her why is it so hard for her to call me and the answer I got was that she did not feel that it was effort worth committing to; because we aren't worth it.

Before, what bothered me about the calling was that it was not fair. There was no equality on putting that responsibility on my shoulders alone.

But now I just feel betrayed. I need an outside opinion, this has happened too many times and I don’t think I am finding the solution. Every time we had a problem about the phone, I would change the way I did it, and yet I never get it right. Help me Totse.

Sorry, but it sounds like she's resentful that she's in a serious relationship during college. I guess ya can't blame the girl to an extent.

Of course, she could just be a little on the edge... or she's paranoid you're cheating on her... or she's actually cheating on you and paranoid you'll find out.

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

Sorry, but it sounds like she's resentful that she's in a serious relationship during college. I guess ya can't blame the girl to an extent.

Of course, she could just be a little on the edge... or she's paranoid you're cheating on her... or she's actually cheating on you and paranoid you'll find out.

I can say for sure, that we are not cheating on each other.

Sounds to me like a certain young lady needs a dose of 'attitude adjustment'. Get in your car and go deal with her.

And when she's nursing her sore bum you need to point out that in future YOU will decide when and if you phone. Basta!

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Sounds to me like a certain young lady needs a dose of 'attitude adjustment'. Get in your car and go deal with her.

And when she's nursing her sore bum you need to point out that in future YOU will decide when and if you phone. Basta!

wife beaters are not cool!

and I still love her, a previous thread talks about this but I have grown too attached to just let go. I do still love her.

I dont think he meant beat her ass...

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

I dont think he meant beat her ass...

oh yeah...

well it's 5 am, i'm depressed and with an essay to write, so i confused stuff...

sorry.

She thinks you phone too often? Then stop phoning her. Some people just aren't phone people.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

She thinks you phone too often? Then stop phoning her. Some people just aren't phone people.



Yeah I tried that once. She got realllllyyyy angry at me. She thought I was getting bored of her and that we were having serious issues.

I'm telling you, no matter how I cut it, I get it wrong, it's pissing me off!

edit: if you're next post is texting, she got angry about that too.

[This message has been edited by hoaxe (edited 10-30-2006).]

Yeah, never listen to jack unless he's making a joke or telling a story.

It sounds as if she's discouraged with how little you see one another. This is understandable, try and make more time to be together. If you care, then there's no reason that you shouldn't be able to do this thing. This is assuming that she hasn't already written you off.

When you do "just call", don't ask questions that lead her to believe you're checking up. She obviously has the wrong impression, there are other things to talk about than where she is, who she is with, and what they are doing.

Eloquently tell her to STFU/GTFO.

Sounds immature.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

It sounds as if she's discouraged with how little you see one another. This is understandable, try and make more time to be together. If you care, then there's no reason that you shouldn't be able to do this thing. This is assuming that she hasn't already written you off.

yeah I offer to come over every day. i work 3 days a week: monday, tuesday, and friday. wednesdays and thursdays are one of the days we usually see each other.

i told her that i can come over everyday, work or no work. i finish work at 5 and i can come by and leave at 12 if i want to because i can do my homework 1 day early keeping me ahead. she doesn't usually want me over on weekends because she does her homework. i even told her that i can come when i finish at 7.



but if you think her getting to call me is hard, you should try and imagine how hard it is for her to ask me to come over

i feel like i am a bother when i always keep asking, everyday and she usually says no but keeps 1 day for seeing us.

quote:

When you do "just call", don't ask questions that lead her to believe you're checking up. She obviously has the wrong impression, there are other things to talk about than where she is, who she is with, and what they are doing.

yeah i tried that too. but changing the way i talk to her everytime i call gets hard. one time she got sick and i wanted to know how she was feeling. it was like the end of the world...



[This message has been edited by hoaxe (edited 10-30-2006).]

If the answer is always no, then it's time to talk to her about your 'relationship'.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

If the answer is always no, then it's time to talk to her about your 'relationship'.

i see that was an exageration, i will edit it out.

she ususally says no, leaving only 1 day to see her which is her day off on thursday. sometimes i will see her wednesday since she has no homework for the next day.

[This message has been edited by hoaxe (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

Sounds immature.



Sounds like my girlfriend.

So your only way out is to KILL HER!!1!



...I'm serious.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Sounds like my girlfriend. So your only way out is to KILL HER!!1!

right...

You could always try to impregnate her...

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Sounds like my girlfriend.

So your only way out is to KILL HER!!1!



...I'm serious.

Time to take your meds. I'm serious.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Time to take your meds. I'm serious.



Where the is the Docta?

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Time to take your meds. I'm serious.

I AM!

Either they've stopped working or I'm deteriorating...

But seriously, dress up like a clown and stab her. Then claim it was a practical joke gone wrong. It's fool proof!

quote:Originally posted by Docta?:

I dont think he meant beat her ass...

Actually he did. But that isn't really the point. Wether the OP spanks her or not, that needs to be his attitude.

I'm telling him to 'man up' to put it in the totsean verncular.

At the moment he is being led... i doubt the relationship will survive that if he lets it continue.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

At the moment he is being led... i doubt the relationship will survive that if he lets it continue.

so either i set things straight or this relationship will turn to shits?

quote:Originally posted by hoaxe:

so either i set things straight or this relationship will turn to shits?



Yep. If you have moral objections to violence then that's fine but when you talk to her try imagining she is over your knee, with her knickers around her ankles and a reddened bum. You might find it gives you that little bit of 'mental steel' you need.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Yep. If you have moral objections to violence then that's fine but when you talk to her try imagining she is over your knee, with her knickers around her ankles and a reddened bum. You might find it gives you that little bit of 'mental steel' you need.



right....

well there is something else. And i am sure everyone is going to go off the hook about it... but anyways, here it goes.

she doesn't come over to my place. ever. we both live with our parents since we are still getting our education. She used to come over before, because she only came over when my parents weren't there. which was fine before when we were both in college with only a few classes in our schedule and no work.

but she is afraid of my mom, who is really a nice person who is really friendly when she is over and always asks her if she wants to have something to eat or have something to drink. it's the same deal with her mom. and yet, she can not stand being in the vacinity of my mother.

which means that she never comes over anymore. ever. (no exageration this time) this has been going on for a few months, i think 3 or 4.

now i am the only one who comes over to her place. and we live pretty far appart. i don't mind the travel, and before i didn't mind that it was always me coming over. i live far from everyone so i am used to it. but latley i have been feeling that i do mind and that i would really like it if she did come over once in a while, saving me the long bus ride to her place and back.

[This message has been edited by hoaxe (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by hoaxe:



but she is afraid of my mom, who is really a nice person who is really friendly when she is over and always asks her if she wants to have something to eat or have something to drink. it's the same deal with her mom. and yet, she can not stand being in the vacinity of my mother.

OK, this time your girlfriend is right. Part of being a man is choosing your partner over your mother.So if your g/f won't visit for the reason you give then it is up to you to get your sorry arse over to her place as often as you can.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

OK, this time your girlfriend is right. Part of being a man is choosing your partner over your mother.So if your g/f won't visit for the reason you give then it is up to you to get your sorry arse over to her place as often as you can.



meh, i'm just saying i'd like it, for once, to be the person that didn't have to take a 2hour bus ride.

quote:Originally posted by hoaxe:



meh, i'm just saying i'd like it, for once, to be the person that didn't have to take a 2hour bus ride.

Yeah i know (been there) but sorry it goes with the 'job'.

I didn't speak to my own mom for 7 years because of a similar thing with my wife and my wife was in the wrong.

Men/boys of Totse, this is VITAL you understand: 'Her Mom' will very rarely break a relationship because most men will at some point simply turn round and say 'fuck you'.But 'his mom' will kill a relationship/marriage 99 times out of a hundred. That's the stone cold truth.Never Never NEVER side with your mom against your partner.



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Yeah i know (been there) but sorry it goes with the 'job'.

I didn't speak to my own mom for 7 years because of a similar thing with my wife and my wife was in the wrong.

thx for the advice, i appreciate it. but the phone problem persists. i will update on what happens in the following days. i'm going to call her during my lunch hour at work or after work when she is done class.

[This message has been edited by hoaxe (edited 10-30-2006).]

Just go talk to her in person.

You have more issues in your relationship to discuss than simply the one regarding phone calls.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Just go talk to her in person.

You have more issues in your relationship to discuss than simply the one regarding phone calls.

yeah i'll try that. but the phone calls is the only thing. it's just been so recurring that i can not find any more tricks or solutions to this.

i can't MAKE her let me come over, all i can do is make myself available as much as possible. and that's what i do. we both have busy scheduals and we both understand that. it's the communication that sucks.

quote:Originally posted by hoaxe:

yeah i'll try that. but the phone calls is the only thing. it's just been so recurring that i can not find any more tricks or solutions to this.

i can't MAKE her let me come over, all i can do is make myself available as much as possible. and that's what i do. we both have busy scheduals and we both understand that. it's the communication that sucks.

Sorry but Euda is right.

quote:i can not find any more tricks or solutions to this.

reread that and maybe you'll see where the problem is.

quote:i can't MAKE her let me come over, all i can do is make myself available as much as possible.

Go find a long wall mirror and strip off naked. That sack thing hanging between your legs, with 2 kinda small round things in it?

Well God gave you those for a reason.:P

eh,

i don't know, we'll talk tomorow [today really, it's 7 am here, almos done with essay, don't feel like going to shcool though, i might just e-mail the thing to my teacher]

i don't want to break up with her but this is what i see that is going to happen. something has to change that's for sure, i really hope for the better.

and yeah i just have to read my first post to see that the calling isn't the only problem, i just like to think it is.

and there is nothing wrong with my sentence

quote:i can not find any more tricks or solutions to this.

i know i said tricks, but i also said solutions!

*hugs hoaxe*

I have to go with jack on this one.

It just sounds to me like she's playing you like a puppet.

or...or another analogy....



You're like a trained dog jumping thru hoops, yet the trainer yanks the hoop away in mid-jump.

You need to take a stand somewhere. Pick a spot, because this sounds really messy and there are a lot to pick from.

i don't wanna fuckkkk uppppp!!!!

i really like her

sweetie, I think you already have....



edit:

you see, your fear of fucking up could very well be your biggest mistake.

[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

you see, your fear of fucking up could very well be your biggest mistake.

depression ensues* i'm not going to school today, sent the assignment by e-mail. have to go to work though... but i like my job, it takes my mind off things.

She sounds like a child.

You need to set things straight, and I think that as previously said, giving her the old one two is the surefire for that.

Cerially. You seem like something of a complete vagina.

Go find your balls.

I think you need to tell her like it is.

Stop being fucking blind and see what the hell is going on.

Stand up for yourself and tell her how some things are going to be. Dont be a fucking pushover or she will take advantage of it, like it seems she is doing now.

Yes, it seems that she really doesn't think much of you and may want you to just fuck off if she's constantly avoidant like that, but maybe she doesn't have the balls to tell you that she just isn't that into you.