By 3rd party I am referring to not the cheater or the person being cheated on, but the person who the cheater is cheating with.

I've been thinking about this, and I really think that the degree of responsibility this person should have really varies quite alot depending on the circumstances.

I mean, in some cases, they don't even know that the person with whom they are having a sexual or romantic relationship is already in another monogamous relationship.

It's always pissed me off when people (especially guys) will say "If I ever caught my girlfriend cheating I would kill the guy."



This has always baffled me so much. How can people be so retarded? It makes me hope that one day, they will unwittingly have sex with a girl who is in a relationship, and then their psycho boyfriend catches them and delivers the same punishment.

Anyway...

There is also the flipside, like when the other person is a long-time friend of the person being cheated on. In such a case, I would be MUCH more inclined to take action against the 3rd party.

In any case, the cheater is of equal responsibility. They are the one who is in the wrong no matter what. The other person, however, might be completely unaware of any wrong-doings.

So anyway, while on this topic, I have recently begun thinking also about the difference in cases when the cheater is seduced, and when the cheater is the one who is looking for some side action...

If some girl with a boyfriend pursues me, then why should I feel anywhere near as guilty as she should feel? Of course I would still be in the wrong to go after her, but I really think that it's in a whole other league than if I were to pursue said girl while she is with another person.

So, what are your thoughts on the 3rd parties' moral responsibility?

Do you agree with me? Disagree with me?

My ex was seeing someone when I first met her. I really, really didn't give a fuck about how he felt because all I wanted was her.

She felt the same way. Happy days

What was the question again?

Cheating is such a tabboo, unless you're the one cheating and then it becomes 'ok ' or a matter of debate.

It's human nature to want to spread your genes but keep your partner loyal.

I'm all for cheating if it means two people that work better together get together.

Sometimes it's that spark of infidelity that helps people make the change.

As for long-term infidelity with a string-along partner.... That- I'm not so keen on.

quote:It's always pissed me off when people (especially guys) will say "If I ever caught my girlfriend cheating I would kill the guy."

I know.. these guys are fucking idiots. when you have a gf you gotta come to accept that there are ALWAYS gonna be guys trying to bang her. it's the girls responsibility to make it clear that she's not avaliable.

as far as the cheating I believe the 3rd party really should have very little moral responsibilities, with rare exceptions-- like you mentioned, such as if the person is friends with the person who would be getting cheated on..etc..

but if someone is going to show such low regard and value for their relationship by going out and CHEATING then why the fuck would you respect that relationship that they have? simple-- you shouldn't. that's why I really don't think it's on the 3rd party at all.

.....Hmmm.....I've been said "3rd party" recently.....I don't really feel that bad though. I mean, I kind of knew that she has a boyfriend, but she's the one who started it. She's one of my sister's friends. I don't know, it's been kind of weird. We've always been kind of flirty, but nothing ever came of it. Ex: I always told her that I would NOT date anyone still in high school, and she kept giving me all these "what if" scenarios. She's still in high school btw.

We were just kicking it in the living room at my house, after my sis went to sleep. She said something about wanting a drink, so I got up to get her some water, she didn't want water though. She wanted a "drink"...All we had was cheap box wine, so we have a glass or two. She was talking about how all these guys keep hitting on her now that she's got a bf. All I said was a playful "I haven't hit on you....yet.". So she was like "What?". "I said I haven't hit on you." "You said yet." "I say a lot of things."

We were sitting next to each other on the couch already, and she went to the bathroom, so I sprawled out on the couch. She came back all like "Where do I sit?" I just scooted over and she laid down next to me. We're just chilling and maxing out all cool....j/k. A minute later, I could swear that I feel her gently kiss me on the cheek, and then again, so I turned to face her, and she kissed me ever so gently on the lips....sweet slow kisses, no tongue, and then it spirals from there.

So, &T how wrong am I? On a side note, I intend to post a full write up of her seduction of me(and party vice-versa), should it go in S&A or SG?

I know what you're saying but I can't be bothered really thinking about it, I think cheating is a really bad thing and the person commiting the act of cheating should bare the most moral responsibility.

For example, Guy and Girl are going out and she seeks attention from another guy. This is all completely her doing and she should withold the greatest responsibility. But if the guy in which she is cheating on with knew.. I guess he should tell her to talk to her actual partner.

But i'm not sure, I just always feel sorry for the person who has been cheated on and I still dont know why people cheat in loving relationships. It's just beyond me, I really like my girl and the thought of cheating would never enter my mind. So, I can't understand it.

here's my odd perspective.

being the 3rd party IS morally reprehensible. but not for any reason related to the other person's hurt feelings. it's wrong because you're investing emotions/sex in a person who is in such an unhealthy place in their life that they would continue a relationship with someone who doesn't even hold their interest/love enough to deter them from getting with another person. essentially, you are acting as their whore.

quote:Originally posted by AfRo:

On a side note, I intend to post a full write up of her seduction of me(and party vice-versa), should it go in S&A or SG?

Works of fiction go in 'Eat my Words':P

Only Mods and Admins get to post 'i just got laid' threads UNLESS yours features something noteworthy.

I believe its a 50/50 decision. I mean, as long as both concent. State of mind, shouldn't be taken in to consideration. I know exactly what I am doing, in a sedated state.

And then consider the reasons that they cheated, and noone is really ever going to know: Maybe the sex sucked, Maybe they married for the money. No one can ever surely know. It probably hurts the cheaties the most, but I am sure that it hurts just as much for the cheaters * the guilt I mean *

Sometimes, I feel dirty after sex. Especialy if I don't know that person that well.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Works of fiction go in 'Eat my Words':P

Only Mods and Admins get to post 'i just got laid' threads UNLESS yours features something noteworthy.

Ouch, third degree burn. Now I need a skin graft, thx jakketch!

The third party only holds moral responsibility if they are aware that they are the third party. If not, they're as much a victim as the person being cheated on.

I won't become involved with anybody who is in a relationship. If they are in an troubled relationship, I will offer my thoughts, but no more.

In my opinion, the decision lays on both parties. Anybody who knows me, knows I won't cheat with them and expect them not to suggest it. It can be difficult sometimes, but it's a part of life as I live it. A relationship has to be over before anything new begins.

The fault lays squarely on both parties, there is no talk of a party with a higher level of guilt; both parties have done an equally low thing. If one pushes for things, the fault still lays equal; a simple and steadfast no is all it takes.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

The third party only holds moral responsibility if they are aware that they are the third party. If not, they're as much a victim as the person being cheated on.

I kind of agree with this...But if you've just had some great sex, you had no idea the other party was in a long term relationship...it's hard to see how you would be as much of a "victim" as the person who has been cheated on.

At this place I used to work until recently, one of the girls there was talking about how she ended up sleeping with her friend's boyfriend, and that as she was "stoned out of her face" (*sigh*) and didn't know what was going on, she wasn't in the same position as him, as "he was the one with commitments".

Oh, and apparently this couple are still together, with the "friend" none the wiser? To me, this seems fucking aweful, firstly cheating on your friend with their boyfriend, and then absolving yourself from all guilt, mearly because you aren't actually IN the relationship youself...

Doesn't seem in the least bit fair to me, Third parties should definatly think very carefuly about their role in relationships, especially when starting something sexual...i don't know how you can ever be "guilt free", in 99% of cases, someone is going to feel hurt.

My position is clear on this. The moral responsibility is that of the cheater, not the cheatee. What would be the one being cheated on? Hmmm... anyway.

This is circumstancial of course. It's always circumstancial.

But to simplify? If a girl cheats with me, and I don't know the guy, and she wanted to (I didn't pressure her), then I have no moral obligation to the guy. Simple as that.

You make too many threads.

I think that if you are unaware you really aren't at fault. You were deceived. Now if you do know about it you should steer clear and not get involved.

I don't understand cheating. Just break up with the person you're with first. Gosh, its not that difficult to do. You will hurt them so much less and feel better about yourself if you just end it.

^ Makes sense hey. But you know, sometimes it's easier to take the easier way out. Funnily enough.

*disgust*