if you remember, a couple days ago i made a thread about a guy who i had a date with and stuff. we had the second date. it wasn't ice skating though. we went bowling/for dinner. we are seeing each other again friday.

anyway. today he texted me. (he does this a lot). making small talk. then asked me if i'd been with anyone seriously since i've been here. i replied no, just dating. then asked me a little later if we counted as dating. i said yeah, sure. THEN he said, all right good because i'm starting to really like you and maybe i could be your first serious.

so. boys and girls. it's only been 2 dates. is this too soon to be thinking about getting "serious"? is it appropriate to continue seeing other guys (we haven't kissed or anything yet)? what should my expectations and assumptions be here?

Way too soon. Serious relationship should be considered after a month at least. You don't really know someone after two dates. Tell him you want to hold off for a while. It won't hurt to wait, but jumping into something can be disastrous. Good luck.

edit: I think it's fine to see other guys. You two aren't a couple, and you aren't sleeping with him or anything. Definitely meet and go out with more guys. If you and this guy get together as a serious couple, you should do it because you're compatible, and not because he's the only available man around.

[This message has been edited by Fanglekai (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Way too soon. Serious relationship should be considered after a month at least. You don't really know someone after two dates. Tell him you want to hold off for a while. It won't hurt to wait, but jumping into something can be disastrous. Good luck.

i realized that 2 dates seemed too soon.

so, i don't think he was asking me to get serious. i just think he was suggesting that maybe in the future this could happen.

also, i have a feeling you're right about the disastrous part. but what exactly could happen, in your opinion? i have an idea, i just want to see what you have to say about it.

I don't know. I'm not the kind of person who really believes in love at first sight, but in the last two serious relationships I was in, we just sort of "clicked" and hit it off right away. Every situation is unique and by the way you describe your situation, it does indeed sound too early for a serious relationship, and to be honest I don't see it developing into one either way.

quote:Originally posted by casanova:

I don't see it developing into one either way.

why is that?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

why is that?

In earlier posts you were questioning whether his behaviour was borderline stalkerish or not, if I remember correctly.

I mean, this is the internet, so it's really difficult to determine this sort of thing through a message board, but you just don't seem into him a whole lot.

What the hell does "serious" mean?

ok, he just texted me asking me to cuddle.

edit - i really should not have made this thread. it's totally changed my view. and now i'm kinda doubting.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i realized that 2 dates seemed too soon.

so, i don't think he was asking me to get serious. i just think he was suggesting that maybe in the future this could happen.

also, i have a feeling you're right about the disastrous part. but what exactly could happen, in your opinion? i have an idea, i just want to see what you have to say about it.

Don't forget to read the edit in my post.

To answer your question about what could be disastrous about it? Any number of things. He could very well be psychotic, abusive, AIDS infected, clingy, emotionally unstable, or maybe he just likes eating babies. The point is you don't know him, and you can't expect to have a real relationship with a person if you don't know them. Yeah you can be attracted and go from there, but why the hell would you say you want to have an exclusive dating relationship with one person in such a short amount of time? The disastrous part is that it will lead to high hopes, high expectations, and when it fails after 2 weeks, you'll be heartbroken and feel like shit. Breakups suck.

You show yourself to be less clingy or co-depdendent if you wait a while before you decide to be with someone. It reminds me of that commercial where a guy asks a random woman to marry him online, and then it says "you shouldn't invest with a broker you don't know either." I'm sure you get the point: you don't invest your time or your self in someone you don't know, because most likely you are not compatible with them, and you'll just break up in a few weeks or a few months and the whole experience will be agonizing. Bide your time, and it'll turn out better.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

ok, he just texted me asking me to cuddle.

edit - i really should not have made this thread. it's totally changed my view. and now i'm kinda doubting.



Hahahah I saw this after I posted....yeah...I think you know you need to avoid this clingy guy.

yes yes yes you're right fangelkai. right you are. should i alert him to the fact that i'm still seeing other guys?

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Hahahah I saw this after I posted....yeah...I think you know you need to avoid this clingy guy.

but he's actually not clingy in person. he's really normal. and maybe even a bit aloof. just in the text messages i don't know...seems to bring out a different side of him....

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

yes yes yes you're right fangelkai. right you are. should i alert him to the fact that i'm still seeing other guys?

Well if he's really attached to you (he probably is already) he'll be really hurt. But, you need to be honest with him about what you're doing. If you're seeing other guys you shouldn't hide it. Personally, I wouldn't really care if a girl i was dating was seeing other guys. If she were fucking multiple guys, I'd say goodbye, but that's just my desire to not acquire any diseases. So, yes, tell him.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

but he's actually not clingy in person. he's really normal. and maybe even a bit aloof. just in the text messages i don't know...seems to bring out a different side of him....

Perhaps he's just shy so he hides behind a screen to bring out his personality. I don't know, but I know it's weird to ask to cuddle through texting. That's just something you do, not something you ask for.....

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Perhaps he's just shy so he hides behind a screen to bring out his personality. I don't know, but I know it's weird to ask to cuddle through texting. That's just something you do, not something you ask for.....





wait. he actually just texted me again. it seems he wasn't asking to cuddle, just asking me if i LIKED cuddling..."in general."

He wants to fuck your brains out! The question is, do you feel the same towards him?

If so why are you posting here when you could be getting laid?

:P

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



wait. he actually just texted me again. it seems he wasn't asking to cuddle, just asking me if i LIKED cuddling..."in general."

Then I take all that stuff back. I wouldn't worry about it, but if he's asking you about that then he's definitely thinking about it, so you should know he'll probably try to cuddle with you at some point soon.

[This message has been edited by Fanglekai (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

He wants to fuck your brains out! The question is, do you feel the same towards him?

If so why are you posting here when you could be getting laid?

:P





haha, i don't have a desire for that until i get to know the guy usually.

ok that's a lie.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

but he's actually not clingy in person. he's really normal. and maybe even a bit aloof. just in the text messages i don't know...seems to bring out a different side of him....

Easier to write something and send it then to tell you. It's like talking to someone on MSN.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



haha, i don't have a desire for that until i get to know the guy usually.

ok that's a lie.



*Packs bags and heads to NY*

quote:Originally posted by sidewayz6.6:

*Packs bags and heads to NY*



interests: anything with wheels or a skirt.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



interests: anything with wheels or a skirt.





He dates crippled girls...?

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



Date crippled girls...



that elicited a seriously hearty laugh.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



interests: anything with wheels or a skirt.



Yes, and I gathered from your other thread that you like to wear skirts. I have my own wheels.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



He dates crippled girls...?



I said OR not AND...

If you feel it, go for it. I kind of jumped kinda fast into a relationship with my ex, and i don't regret any minute of it. I wish we'd had more time together, fuckign college...

Meh, see patience is a virtue but sometimes you just know you wanna have a go with someone, you know?

If you're sure about him, hit it. If not, tell him to wait. Simpllle.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:



He dates crippled girls...?



Or paraplegic scoctsmen maybe?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

if you remember, a couple days ago i made a thread about a guy who i had a date with and stuff. we had the second date. it wasn't ice skating though. we went bowling/for dinner. we are seeing each other again friday.

anyway. today he texted me. (he does this a lot). making small talk. then asked me if i'd been with anyone seriously since i've been here. i replied no, just dating. then asked me a little later if we counted as dating. i said yeah, sure. THEN he said, all right good because i'm starting to really like you and maybe i could be your first serious.

so. boys and girls. it's only been 2 dates. is this too soon to be thinking about getting "serious"? is it appropriate to continue seeing other guys (we haven't kissed or anything yet)? what should my expectations and assumptions be here?





If your dating.. he might get jealous if you see other guys.

If you like him a lot then i wouldn't see other guys, this could be something you want maybe the guy to give you a 5 minute orgasm You never know.

Seems like where a lot of couples would have phone conversations that accidentally last for hours where you find so much out about the other person he's just cutting corners and asking through text messages. Call him or get him to call you. It would make him seem so much less strange.

My guess, you have a stronger personality than he does. He is attracted to you and thinks well, and often, of you. Forget your own insecurities, this means that he is insecure and looking for compliments and affirmations.

He doesn't know how to approach the subject, so he's trying to do it through text messeging. To do it without having to look you in the eye.

From my understanding, it's too early. Simply because you don't know him that well and aren't emotionally or intellectually invested.

Thoughts? Ask him to wait until after your next date for a reply, you'd like time to think about things and get to know him better. If you can, ask him what he means by "serious".

this guy really sounds like a creep.. I mean who the hell texts someone saying something like, "maybe I could be your first serious" .. wtf is that?? VERY clingy and insecure behavior.

and the cuddling thing also is just weird, like it was said above, cuddling is something you do when sharing a moment with someone, not something you ask for over a text message.. I dunno, maybe this guy isn't a bad dude but something about how you're describing him jus gives me weird vibes on him.

Fanglekai made some real good advice. most of the things he had to say were right on point.

i saw stick with him if you can see him as being a good guy and it being a working relationship.

Skipped all responses, and just wanted to say:

I was uterrly 100% wrong, congratulations lauren. Hope things work out, and that he's not a nutcase.

some conflicting responses here, but there seems to be some uneasiness with his approach. i must say it does seem it's come a bit too soon. seems a bit like high school, doesn't it? 2 dates and wanting to get serious....

well, i'm just going to chalk his actions up to good old emotions. he's feeling excited because he's found someone he likes, and i've expressed interest back, so it seems like a mutual thing. so he's just alerting me to his excitement and interest and hoping it will be returned. i think he's trying to gauge whether or not the excitement is reciprocated.

about the dating other guys thing, i'm going to, because i'm cynical/realistic and don't believe this excitement he's feeling is going to last. the question is, should i alert him to this fact? my feeling is, until he proposes something serious (rather than just hinting at it) i can just assume that things are in the primary stages.

i believe this thread has helped me gain perspective. i am grateful for all replies. while i feel i may have reached a conclusion, i welcome further advice/inquiries and will be delighted to respond to them.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Skipped all responses, and just wanted to say:

I was uterrly 100% wrong, congratulations lauren. Hope things work out, and that he's not a nutcase.



wait, are you talking about the thread with the guy i went to lunch with and got a disinterested vibe from? no, this is a different guy. but thank you for supporting me!

What the FUCK is your problem, lauren!!

First of all you seem sad and insecure that no one likes you/you're ugly/you're going to die alone, and now that guy genuinely really, really likes you, you're getting all analytical and stupid about it!



Cant you just accept the fucking fact that the guy likes you and simply enjoy your time with him, without analysing every stupid little thing?!

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

What the FUCK is your problem, lauren!!

First of all you seem sad and insecure that no one likes you/you're ugly/you're going to die alone, and now that guy genuinely really, really likes you, you're getting all analytical and stupid about it!



Cant you just accept the fucking fact that the guy likes you and simply enjoy your time with him, without analysing every stupid little thing?!

i can't though, i really can't, because i know that this is only momentary and will soon be over. so i have to be realistic about it and manage my expectations.

Pessimism sucks, give it a chance... Give him a chance.

Maybe a few years down the line you'll be happily married, maybe you'll be single... wouldn't it be worth the risk?!

Lauren knows what's best for herself.

If she wants to take him seriously, then she will. If she wants to keep dating other guys, then she'll continue to do that.

Hopefully she finds an amazing guy. If the current guy is him, then she'll find out. If not, she'll find him eventually.

That's that.

*licks yoyo*

Bitter.

As for you lauren...

Is it his act that is not together, or yours?

If it is yours, you know it in your heart and now is the time to start making this an attempt to pull your shit together.

If its his, scrap it and find a new birch.

But what are the odds he will have the...'same flaws'?

I'm happy to read that you're going to date other guys. I think that's a very good move.

You might sometimes over-analyze things, but this...I don't think you are.

You're a smart lass.

Wait another month and ask yourself how you feel.

I think he's communicating what he wants. Down the line he wants a relationship, I wouldn't take it too deep.

thank you euda and oc6.

andreas, i'm not sure if i have my act completely together. as for him, it is too soon to tell.

Any updates?

I dunno Lauren if you like the guy do it. No point in rushing into anything....I didn't read any post besides the first

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

What the FUCK is your problem, lauren!!

First of all you seem sad and insecure that no one likes you/you're ugly/you're going to die alone, and now that guy genuinely really, really likes you, you're getting all analytical and stupid about it!



Cant you just accept the fucking fact that the guy likes you and simply enjoy your time with him, without analysing every stupid little thing?!

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Any updates?

yeah. more texting hinting at hanging out NOW NOW NOW. and more about cuddling. and more about what we are. it was good though, it gave me the opportunity to tell him that we are JUST DATING. i think he's stopped texting now...though i may have hurt his feelings.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

yeah. more texting hinting at hanging out NOW NOW NOW. and more about cuddling. and more about what we are. it was good though, it gave me the opportunity to tell him that we are JUST DATING. i think he's stopped texting now...though i may have hurt his feelings.

He's probably just busy trying to buy some roofies. He'll resume texting in a little bit to ask you out to dinner. Go, but WATCH YOUR DRINK!!!

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

yeah. more texting hinting at hanging out NOW NOW NOW. and more about cuddling. and more about what we are. it was good though, it gave me the opportunity to tell him that we are JUST DATING. i think he's stopped texting now...though i may have hurt his feelings.

You never can tell with texting. It's hard to infer vocal tone if you really dont know the person well. He may be hurt, but he'll get over it. If not, you'll find another guy