It's long/I don't care.



If you're a junior/senior highschool aged guy(let say 80% of Totseans) and you're about to make a post about a difficulty or a question you have about some girl, read this first. I've attempted to cover a lot of the most common questions and problems people face in real life and I thought I would share my knowledge with you Totse.



Part One: Does this Girl Like Me?

First off, this is usually pretty easy to tell if you know what to look for. Something good to remember is that girls are usually not shy about their feelings the way guys often are. They're more brave when it comes to relationship stuff for some reason, so if a girl really likes you, you will likely figure it out - especially if you're looking for signs.

Some of these signs include:

-she is attentive to you

-she laughs at all your jokes, even if they're lame

-she takes interest in your relationships with other girls

-she thinks you are cute/hot.

-etc.

Basically, it's not hard to figure out. Just use your common sense.

"Bah! The girl I like doesn't do these things! =("

That's ok, don't worry. This is something very important to take note of: It's not a big deal if her feelings for you are not mutual at first. This is one of the biggest problems guys run into. They think if the girl doesn't have a crush on them too, then it's hopeless. This is simply not true. Think about it: there are probably girls you know who you think are attractive, but they don't really stand out or for whatever reason and you don't really think about them. But what if one of those girls suddenly started taking an interest in you? Suddenly there's this cute girl who really seems to genuinely like you...neat! It's likely that her attractiveness (in your eyes) is now going to shoot through the roof. So to summarize this point:

Flattery is a huge turn-on.

And by "turn-on" in this context I mean getting her to take extra notice of you.

Part Two: The Dreaded Question - Asking a Girl Out

This is seriously so much less of a mystery than people think it is. Guys put so much thought and deliberation into this when it's really very simple. Girls are people too, and they respond to the same things you would: most importantly - Confidence, Charisma and Courtesy.

A quick run-down of these...

Confidence - have it in yourself and it will show. People are attracted to people who are confident and who like themselves. So make eye-contact, speak loud and clear, and just be normal. You don't have to be Tom Cruise-cool, just normal.

Charisma - Smiling is one of the best things people can do to improve their chances. Be friendly and outgoing. If the girl you're asking out is with friends, speak to them as a group. Make her friends like you too if you can, because their opinions of you will likely have a huge bearing on what her own opinion of you is.

Courtesy (and Respect) - Again, people respect people who respect themselves. So don't be a slob, and treat her and her friends respectfully too. She will appreciate it. Remember that this goes both ways. Being too courteous or respectful (aka, a doormat) isn't good - you need to have the same level of respect for yourself as you do for the people you're trying to make an impression on.

To be Continued. See Below.

[This message has been edited by Gamba (edited 10-29-2006).]

Part Three: The First Date

Not really much to say here, most of this stuff is pretty easy to figure out. The best advice I can give is for the first date, do something casual and personal. Going out for lunch and then maybe for a walk in a park or something is perfect. And I would like to make it very clear that

Going to the Movies does not make a good first-date.

Why? Because movies are impersonal. Save going to the movies for the 3rd or 4th date. On the first date you want to be finding out whether or not you even like this person (that is, if you don't know them too well yet). Pick something where you can have a nice conversation and then ask her questions about herself...because people, especially girls, love talking about themselves.

If you're in grade 12, the most obvious question is to ask what their plans for next year are. Oh, they're hoping to major in sociology? Well, what is it about sociology that they find interesting? What kind of career are they interested in? When they answer your questions, make sure you're looking them in the eye and really listening to what they're saying. Be interested. After all, if you want to have a relationship with this gal then you darn-well should be. And then, talk about yourself too. Show them that you're interesting and talk about things you know about that they may not (but not something that is likely to bore them, like WoW =p).

A Note on First Dates: If you don't know the girl all too well beforehand, it is very wise not to rush things. Every situation is different and you will have to feel your way as you go, but you may be coming on too strongly if you pay for a really nice lunch with a girl you just met. Friends-first is an optimum choice, and the first few things you go out to may be paid for equally by the both of you. That's fine, go with whatever you think she feels most comfortable with. Don't insist on paying just because you have the need to be a gentleman. The original definition of a gentleman is not one who necessarily pays for things, but, in fact, one who never allows a situation to be awkward or uncomfortable if he can help it.

Part Four: Maintenance

So, now you're seeing this girl, but what's the right way to handle this new relationship you're forming? Well, like everything else I've posted, most of this is common sense. Most of the time if you go with your gut feeling, you'll be ok.

Please note the following, it is quite important:

Despite what you may have heard, chivalry is not dead.

Despite what you may think, girls love it when you spoil them: always hold doors for them, let them go first in a movie theatre, and even little things like walking on the curbside of the sidewalk and standing up when you're in her home and her mother enters the room...all of these little things are great things to practice because girls notice, and they love it. Classy guys are getting rarer and rarer nowadays, so when girls find one he seems extra-special.

Another important note:

Girls do not like being treated like crap.

Now, I know what you're thinking! "Yes they do Gamba, I've seen it so many times I can't even tell you!" I know. I know. So have I. But this is wrong. Girls don't like jerks because they're jerks, they like them for other reasons, other qualities that they have and being a jerk is just a part of the package. What qualities? They're probably confident, often funny and/or witty. But it's not because they treat the girl like crap. Anyway, that's not your concern. A girl who's that insecure isn't worth your time anyway.

Overall, be nice, be respectful, be neat, be truthful, and most importantly, be yourself. Do all this and you guys will be fine - it's really not as hard as you think, you just gotta go with the groove.

Some Misc. Tips

-don't look at the "hot spots"

-if a girl is playing hard to get, just remember that two can play at that game...let an evasive girl see you hanging around with other girls having a good time...and no matter how hard it is, always make her come to you

-this one's really important and happens far too often: don't be too eager right off the bat. this usually goes hand-in-hand with being "a doormat", and it makes girls lose interest right away (or take advantage of you, if you're unlucky).

If you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to post them, and if you have an individual situation you'd like further advice on feel free to post it in this thread.

[This message has been edited by Gamba (edited 10-29-2006).]

Have money and be a cocky asshole

/thread.

thanks for the effort dude but its all common fucking sense

quote:Originally posted by Gamba:

Going to the Movies does not make a good first-date.

Why? Because movies are impersonal. Save going to the movies for the 3rd or 4th date.

Boooo!

A movie is the perfect first date. With proper movie selection you'll both have a good time and have something to talk about after. If she's a talker, it's a prime opportunity to let her know you're listening to her views about the movie.

+1 For Movies.

hmm.. some of the advice you gave is good game, but I disagree with alot of it as well. I'll chop up the details in a little bit, right now I gotta head out football practice. I'll check back tonight.

+1

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

Boooo!

A movie is the perfect first date. With proper movie selection you'll both have a good time and have something to talk about after. If she's a talker, it's a prime opportunity to let her know you're listening to her views about the movie.

+1 For Movies.

I think Gamba was right on this one. If you like a girl, and want to get to know her, what the hell is the point of watching something else for two hours? You should be focused on getting to know your date, and letting her get to know you. I think a walk, or a meal, or even going shopping or something is a much better first 'date'.

...just my two cents

What if you were to say, walk with her to the movie and then walk her back to her house afterwards?

I skimmed through it. A few things:

1. DO NOT compliment the girl before you've even gone out with her, or even on the first date. I don't compliment girls until after I've actually gotten to know them, because then it actually means something. Keep them on their toes, and don't cave in to their looks. They'll think you're shallow if all you say is "wow you're hot" or something equally stupid. Don't throw around compliments. Make them mean something.

2. DO NOT take a girl to the movies on a first date. OP, I'm gald you recognized this. There is no point in spending $15 or more on tickets to stare at a screen and not talk to the person next to you. Instead, get something to eat: have dinner, get coffee, get ice cream. Then walk in a park or find a scenic place to just sit and get to know your date. The whole point is getting to know her, so you might as well start with the first date.

3. DO NOT try to be physical with a girl on a first date. This isn't a one night stand, so don't act like it is. If this is a date, you go in for a kiss at the end, maybe. I like to hold off on being physical until I know I actually like the girl. You don't want to make out with her and then realize you really don't like her personality. You'll have to deal with telling her you don't really like her, and that sucks. I wait until the second date to kiss, because by then I have a good idea of what she's like. If you wait too long to initiate physicality, it can be awkward. 2nd date is a good time.

Most of this is common sense, but some people need to be reminded.

i think gamba hit the nail on the head! archive!

but the first date movie thing can be amended. if the first date is a movie, make sure there's a meal/walk/other time to spend before/after just talking and chilling.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i think gamba hit the nail on the head! archive!

but the first date movie thing can be amended. if the first date is a movie, make sure there's a meal/walk/other time to spend before/after just talking and chilling.

Thanks alot lauren.

If most of this were common sense, why would there be people on here asking how to do this all the time?

Good guide man.

Also to people reading the guide, just remember not to overthink things too much, just kinda go with whatever feels right to you.

Oh and also you should put something in there about dressing and looking nice, just because when you know you look good then its a lot easier to relax and just have a good time. Plus there is a lot to be said about physical attraction.

Very nice job, I'll have to pass this on to some friends.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

If most of this were common sense, why would there be people on here asking how to do this all the time?

When was the last time you met a 16 year old with ample common sense?

Congrats, most the info seemed pretty sound. The trouble with stuff like this is, is anybody gonna be able to apply what you said? I doubt it. Its hard to do alot of things you described, just like when people tell you to be "mysterious" etc. Alot of it seemed commensence but would help a n00b out.

Look up mystery method.

very good guide, archive!

I'm totally with you on the movie date thing. but I agree with Lauren that if you go have a cup of coffe afterwards, it's fine.

still, I almost never have movie dates, even later ones.



I smiled when you picked sociology as your example. that's what I want to study!

I don't like guides to interpersonal relations that involve personality, simply be yourself.

quote:Originally posted by Chronos139:

Have money and be a cocky asshole

/thread.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

I don't like guides to interpersonal relations that involve personality, simply be yourself.



i don't think it's really telling people how to be. it's more advice on etiquette. it's okay to deviate from etiquette, but it's good to at least know what it is.

the stuff that can't be classified as etiquette is more like advice on how to be effective. and while it's best to learn your own style, knowing what's effective can't hurt.

even though having your own way of doing things is preferable, there are always newbs who will want it spelled out for them. as far as instructions go, these are pretty moderate, sensible ones.



[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-30-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



i don't think it's really telling people how to be. it's more advice on etiquette. it's okay to deviate from etiquette, but it's good to at least know what it is.

Of course, I sometimes forget how many ignorant people are out there.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Of course, I sometimes forget how many ignorant people are out there.



even though most of them are in here?

how about tips for getting sucky sucky?

gamba, this girl, shes like 1 of my best friends sister. i've known her for a while and ye we talk. she has said that "she wouldnt fuck me " b4 when i ask why she didnt really answerd. well last time i went to their places she basically asked me to go to her room with her (she was drunk tho, but i didnt tap ) and she does all the things you said if a girl likes you. so does she like me should i tap her

quote:Originally posted by some_guy_420:

gamba, this girl, shes like 1 of my best friends sister. i've known her for a while and ye we talk. she has said that "she wouldnt fuck me " b4 when i ask why she didnt really answerd. well last time i went to their places she basically asked me to go to her room with her (she was drunk tho, but i didnt tap ) and she does all the things you said if a girl likes you. so does she like me should i tap her

I don't think she likes you but however, she wants to fuck you but again that's more the effect of the alchohol .

If your in a close community place then how do you know she likes you, becasue she might just be being friendly.. .the girl i like likes pricks fit guys... im not a prick... Im left thinking WHY?!

you forgot about the part when the guy gets rejected by the girl because you are not friends with her friends.