I am unfortunately cursed with an ability to attract a fair amount of girls. This is indeed a curse, and not a blessing, because the majority of the time, it doesn't end up getting very far. I'd much rather only have the occaisional girl interested in me but to actually remain interested in me for more than a few days.

Anyway, when I do become interested in a girl (which is usually triggered by them showing some major signs of interest), then they are all I can think about. When they decide for some fucked up reason that they don't want to talk to me again, or whatever, then I get so wound up and depressed that I'll do stupid things like not go to work for a week and drink twice as heavily as normal.

You'd think that with experience and/or age I would become better at handling this, but that is not the case at all.

What ever happened to only heavily flirting with people that you're INTERESTED IN!?

Or maybe I'm just doing something to fuck it up.

Actually no, I know that I'm not. This isn't my fault. I've tried so many different approaches and my success rate (at least as far as getting beyond sex or a few dates) is still really low.

Enjoy the positives of the situation.

Yeah, it's shitty getting attached so easily. I'm like that, I get almost obsessive over people I've barely met.

But look, at least people take an interest in you in the first place. And the ones that don't have an attention span beyond three days are unlikely to make good girlfriends. No long term loss.

Or look more at what's making them lose interest? I know thinking about it in terms of logic and 'making sense' means bugger all when you're in a state about someone, but it's all you can really do.

Jx

What's the common denominator?

Well, forget about the ego-re-enforcement for a moment. Have you seen those news reports about the chemical stages of infatuation/luuuuv? One chem is kinda like one in chocolate, fer instance.

So, you (anyone else too) get a chemical reward from this. Makes it hard to think clearly.

Now under these chems it's like being in a rosy fog? Yet, when you're honest with yourself...how often have you, when looking back, thought, 'I didn't like her clothes or she wore too many rings or she said some dumb shit'?

Do you 'get closer' to women you honestly wouldn't try for...but they showed interest in you? That that was their most positive feature?

Or are these allll Godesses?

quote:Originally posted by half-wit goon:

What's the common denominator?

Yeah, it's me, I know.

I don't know why though. I've tried analyzing my personality, and my approach, and tried different things.

It can't be my looks turning them off, since that must be bringing them in to begin with.

So it has to be something wrong with my personality or approach... but WHAT!?

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Do you 'get closer' to women you honestly wouldn't try for...but they showed interest in you? That that was their most positive feature?

Yes! I really that has alot to do with it. Especially with some of the past few girls I've found myself interested in. They're not the types I normally go after. In fact, I probably wouldn't even consider approaching them under normal circumstances, but they just happened to be there, and they seemed to be into me, and that's all it took.

So at least I'm starting to see a trend here, but I don't really know what to do to fix it.

I used to think I had some level of control over my emotions, but it seems that they get the better of me and catch me completely off guard in these cases.

Occaisionally it happens to be really attractive girls with amazing personalities, who probably have their pick of the litter, so when I show any flaws, they must have no problem replacing me. These ones kinda hurt more, because I can't look back and be like "oh well, she wasn't that great anyway, no major loss".

quote:Originally posted by Jessic:

Or look more at what's making them lose interest? I know thinking about it in terms of logic and 'making sense' means bugger all when you're in a state about someone, but it's all you can really do.

I'm trying, but I still can't figure it out. Although maybe with a more "sober" mind I can eventually figure it out.

this reminds me of your "am i a great catch, or just really narcissistic" thread. common themes of believing you have a lot to offer women but being confused as to why you can't keep them around you for very long.

if i could tell you what women are looking for, i would. it's not that simple though. everyone is looking for something different. i can't figure women out any better than you can. my advice would be to take a good look at yourself. don't evaluate your looks or "personality" (ie public image). really look yourself as a person, and answer this question as honestly as possible: do you like yourself?

if you are fearless in your self-evaluation, you may see things you don't like. maybe you have compromised your true self to fit a mold of what you think people will like. maybe you have taken on a cynical attitude towards life that you really don't approve of. i don't know.

if you work on those aspects of your character or behavior that you aren't comfortable with and build within yourself a person you like, my bet is that women will want to stick around you. you can't really fake being a self-assured and confident person for more than the first stages of relationship.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

I am unfortunately cursed with an ability to attract a fair amount of girls. This is indeed a curse, and not a blessing, because the majority of the time, it doesn't end up getting very far. I'd much rather only have the occaisional girl interested in me but to actually remain interested in me for more than a few days.

Initial interest shows they have attraction, and you already know that. I'm guessing they find that you aren't an interesting person, or you're clingy, emotionally needy, or you have some major flaw. It could just mean that they feel you aren't a relationship type of guy, and that's what they want so they just don't try to pursue you.

It could be your approach, or your presence when you hang with them. So let's try a new one:

Do you pursue them? Pursue them a little, but make it a game. Make them enjoy it and crave your presence. You need to stop putting the pussy on a pedastal, because you're doing it. Read your posts. You need to have fun with them and just enjoy life and enjoy being social. Quit trying to get with every woman, or at least make it seem that way. Get to know them instead, and don't show so much interest. This is where pursuing them only a little comes into play. You flirt a little bit, but don't act all that interested. Just enjoy the being social aspect, and feel comfortable around them that you don't have to be all omg she's hot what if i lose her. You shouldn't really care.

I hope this makes sense. It's about having a balance of things, switching them up a little, but all the while the most important thing is just enjoying yourself and enjoying getting to know someone. If you do that, then the outcome doesn't matter, and if you feel that way you're more likely to get a girl interested. If this doesn't work, well at least you tried. I'm not sure what else to tell you at the moment, so I'll leave it at this.

What's your pad like froggy?

How sweet are your wheels?

...

How long does it take ewe to drive the 401 to downtown Van...

Deeg, paisano?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

if you work on those aspects of your character or behavior that you aren't comfortable with and build within yourself a person you like, my bet is that women will want to stick around you. you can't really fake being a self-assured and confident person for more than the first stages of relationship.

While that is some very profound, well thought-out advice, I think it's getting a little too deep. People only see the image that I project. I actually have done some "soul-searching" and alot of introspective thought, and I have also put alot of thought into my public image as well.

I've even gone as far as testing people's perceptions of me in comparison to my actual true persona (with long-term friends and all that, people who should really no the true "me").

And to be quite honest, none of my friends know who I truly am, and I have known some of them for nearly 2 decades.

BUT... I think that when I do get into these deep feelings for people, I lose some of that conscious, sober control over what I reveal about myself and what I don't.

So maybe I need to do a better job at hiding my true self...?

I just don't really see it changing anytime soon.

Another thing: My deeper self is pretty ambiguous as well. Some days I am very confident and self-assured (and in a fake, narcisstic kind of way), while others I really feel like crap.

But I think it's more than the typical ups and downs of life, especially since I was diagnosed as bipolar. So maybe that has something to do with it. But during all my introspective research and experimentation, I have been able to kind of put on a great theatrical show that hides it quite well. Only to some extent though.

Everyone has up and down days, know that.

Don't hide yourself. That's your problem. You need to be self-confident and open yourself up to people, and just confident with who you are. You're being fake, and people can tell that, or they can tell you're hiding something. Not everyone is an idiot who can't see through a projected image. It doesn't take long for me to see through such bullshit. Stop running from who you really are, and then people will stop running away from you.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

While that is some very profound, well thought-out advice, I think it's getting a little too deep. People only see the image that I project. I actually have done some "soul-searching" and alot of introspective thought, and I have also put alot of thought into my public image as well.

I've even gone as far as testing people's perceptions of me in comparison to my actual true persona (with long-term friends and all that, people who should really no the true "me").

And to be quite honest, none of my friends know who I truly am, and I have known some of them for nearly 2 decades.

BUT... I think that when I do get into these deep feelings for people, I lose some of that conscious, sober control over what I reveal about myself and what I don't.

So maybe I need to do a better job at hiding my true self...?

I just don't really see it changing anytime soon.

Another thing: My deeper self is pretty ambiguous as well. Some days I am very confident and self-assured (and in a fake, narcisstic kind of way), while others I really feel like crap.

But I think it's more than the typical ups and downs of life, especially since I was diagnosed as bipolar. So maybe that has something to do with it. But during all my introspective research and experimentation, I have been able to kind of put on a great theatrical show that hides it quite well. Only to some extent though.



there's a lot of contradiction in this post, and i think it reveals the fact that you aren't entirely happy with yourself, but feel that truly changing is too daunting of a task.

you mentioned that you are great at putting on a show, but the fact that girls you pursue quickly lose interest after a little bit of face time shows that you're not that good at hiding whatever it is that's bothering you, or simply the fact that you are bothered. people can sense insecurity or lack of contentment with oneself. it's not very difficult to pick up on.

taking the approach that you are taking is actually much more difficult. you are, in a sense, trying to imitate the ways of happy and well-adjusted people. it would be much easier to project this image if it reflected how you actually were, rather than blindly attempting to piece together a puzzle from fragmented information you get by watching the interactions of others.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-26-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

It could just mean that they feel you aren't a relationship type of guy, and that's what they want so they just don't try to pursue you.

I think that may be the case at times. To be honest, maybe I come off a little too strong at first. I mean, I usually go straight for the sex, since like I mentioned before (I think), I'm not even looking for a relationship. It's more of a self-validation, power thing I guess.

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

It could be your approach, or your presence when you hang with them. So let's try a new one:

Do you pursue them? Pursue them a little, but make it a game. Make them enjoy it and crave your presence. You need to stop putting the pussy on a pedastal, because you're doing it.

I know exactly what you mean, and I actually don't put the pussy on a pedestal, despite how it may seem from my posts. I used to do that alot, but I have become better at controlling myself.

There has to be something else I'm doing wrong.

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

I hope this makes sense. It's about having a balance of things, switching them up a little, but all the while the most important thing is just enjoying yourself and enjoying getting to know someone.

I do that, and that's how it used to be. Actually I don't even want a relationship under normal circumstances. It's only once I've become attracted to someone that that becomes what I want.

I also maybe think I may be questioning my own validity. My last relationship has set some kind of standard that I feel obligated to live up to. I consider myself pretty self sufficient and independant until someone comes along, and I feel like if I don't keep them around, then there's something wrong with me.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

What's your pad like froggy?

How sweet are your wheels?

...

How long does it take ewe to drive the 401 to downtown Van...

Deeg, paisano?

I'm stuck taking the skytrain, so it takes quite a while.

I'm also living with mom (although I lived on my own for a few years before this).

I'm working on those things though... Slowly but surely.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

taking the approach that you are taking is actually much more difficult. you are, in a sense, trying to imitate the ways of happy and well-adjusted people. it would be much easier to project this image if it reflected how you actually were, rather than blindly attempting to piece together a puzzle from fragmented information you get by watching the interactions of others.

But I'm not "truly happy", and I don't think I can ever change that.

I've tried it all too, from psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, illegal drugs, prescription medications, introspective thought, meditation, my own psychological research.

I have accepted the fact that I have certain flaws that are unfixable.

Besides, I have managed to keep some girls attracted to me for long periods of time, so I can't be completely broken.

There must be a way I can do this without trying to achieve the impossible.

Well, as in my previous post?

He doesn't have his own stable place.

He lives way out from Van & doesn't have his own wheels? For many girls, with/without their own wheels? That's a no-no?

Does a girlfriend with her own wheels...want to drive him everywhere? Sure, Van has a real good transit system...

Yet...does a wheeless woman want to date him or a highschool guy 3 > 4 yrs younger than Gaddy with his own wheels? Maybe neither. Maybe a guy G's age with his own wheels.

Does he look like he's gonna have a decent place & wheels 2 yrs on? Does she really want to take a stroller on the bus?

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

Another thing: My deeper self is pretty ambiguous as well. Some days I am very confident and self-assured (and in a fake, narcisstic kind of way), while others I really feel like crap.

But I think it's more than the typical ups and downs of life, especially since I was diagnosed as bipolar. So maybe that has something to do with it. But during all my introspective research and experimentation, I have been able to kind of put on a great theatrical show that hides it quite well. Only to some extent though.



Eep. I'm the same way, sometimes I go between narcissict-like confidence/etc. to near-depression a few times a day, almost within minutes. Mostly when I'm feeling worst, I suddenly start to be unusally content/happy/confident, for no apparent reason at all. I've never been diagnosed as bi-polar, though I've never been tested :\

I'm a bit like you, if there's someone interested in me I think about them way too much, like 80% of my time, but I learned (somehow) to not get too attached anymore from that and stop myself.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Yet...does a wheeless woman want to date him or a highschool guy 3 > 4 yrs younger than Gaddy with his own wheels? Maybe neither. Maybe a guy G's age with his own wheels.

My ex-girlfriend actually broke up with me the EXACT DAY I was evicted. I was packing up my boxes at the last minute, and she decided to break the news to me then.

Fuck that was devastating.

Her new boyfriend has his own place and a car...

Go figure.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Does he look like he's gonna have a decent place & wheels 2 yrs on? Does she really want to take a stroller on the bus?

I swear I will be out of this rut much sooner than that! At least I hope so...

Money talks bullshit walks...

Yeah...I want a woman to 'fix' everything & make it all better too?

As ifffff!

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

But I'm not "truly happy", and I don't think I can ever change that.

I've tried it all too, from psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, illegal drugs, prescription medications, introspective thought, meditation, my own psychological research.

I have accepted the fact that I have certain flaws that are unfixable.

Besides, I have managed to keep some girls attracted to me for long periods of time, so I can't be completely broken.

There must be a way I can do this without trying to achieve the impossible.



i'm not suggesting you attain perfection. that would be ludicrous.

the things you've tried are of little value if don't put your heart into them. and they're often more fruitful the second, third, fourth times around. it's worth the effort!

everyone has flaws. the question is whether you like the big picture.

you're not broken. and it's a good sign that you've had prior girlfriends. but as you get older the game changes. people start to look for deeper qualities, or they smarten up and learn to recognize fakers.

learning to be cool with yourself and who you are isn't an impossible task. it's a day to day effort of self-awareness and self-motivation.

I guess I might just have to get my shit straightened out first and then look for a...



WAIT A MINUTE. I just realized this whole thread turned into me wanting a girlfriend, and I got all caught up in it thinking that I did.

I don't though, I only want one when it seems like I have an opportunity.

My problem isn't so much an inability to get a girlfriend, but moreso an inability to control my emotions.

Maybe once I get my life sorted out, then I can give myself a fair assesment when it comes to these things...

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

I guess I might just have to get my shit straightened out first and then look for a...



WAIT A MINUTE. I just realized this whole thread turned into me wanting a girlfriend, and I got all caught up in it thinking that I did.

I don't though, I only want one when it seems like I have an opportunity.

My problem isn't so much an inability to get a girlfriend, but moreso an inability to control my emotions.

Maybe once I get my life sorted out, then I can give myself a fair assesment when it comes to these things...



or you can do both, at the same time. why wait to enjoy life?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



or you can do both, at the same time. why wait to enjoy life?

Because I really think that I'm looking for a girlfriend for all the wrong reasons right now.

Either for self-validation, or for filling some kind void.

Usually these infatuations that I refer to in my original post just fade away anyway. I just wanted to find some way to avoid them as, even though they're usually quite short-lived, they still have a hindering effect on my overall productivity.

Usually i wouldnt say this but, If i were you i would just work on everything else right now in your life other than girls, and if you meet a girl (even if you really like her) don't get all crazy about her but dont brush her off either. I guess im saying keep her on the backburner.. I say keep doing your own thing and if this girl still talks to you and things are going great maybe its a sign.. i dunno all im saying is dont focus everything on the girl. i tend to do that..alot. im just saying you gotta balance your life and girls..

Do you have too much time on your hands?

Thus leaving you too much time to devote to said females? How often do you have to 'make time' to spend with them...or you at loose ends at any given time?

>>>Do they actually see you 'going somewhere'? Sure, some folks go to sex within a few hours of meeting...then go on to making it a long term relationship? Yet...how realistic is that?

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 10-26-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Viking83:

Usually i wouldnt say this but, If i were you i would just work on everything else right now in your life other than girls, and if you meet a girl (even if you really like her) don't get all crazy about her but dont brush her off either. I guess im saying keep her on the backburner.. I say keep doing your own thing and if this girl still talks to you and things are going great maybe its a sign.. i dunno all im saying is dont focus everything on the girl. i tend to do that..alot. im just saying you gotta balance your life and girls..

I know what you mean. Actually that is exactly what I'm trying to do.

It's hard though because my emotions get the better of me and I will become so distracted, only to have it turn out to be a "false alarm".

Maybe if I waited at least until I even know what it is that I want, then I can start worrying about going for that.

It's hard though for some reason. Plus, I don't see everyone around me getting so infatuated so quickly, so I am beginning to wonder if maybe it has to do with some kind of deeply rooted psychological flaw or some kind of need or void that I'm just trying to fill.

Because once that initial infatuation wears off, I go right back to normal. It's only at first that I have a serious problem.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Do you have too much time on your hands?

That's the thing! I have NO time. In fact, I feel guilty for killing the past hour on totse. Plus I also made plans to hang out with this friend tonight (who I haven't seen in over a month), and now I'm going to get nothing done all day. (I woke up only a few hours ago because I worked a graveyard shift last night).

THE primary issue at hand is that when I happen to come accross a girl who I begin to like, I will completely lose sight of my goals and my priorities will all be sent out of wack.

I have a todo list like a mile long, but things like these short infatuative bursts, are not helping at all.

Which is why I've actually considered seperating myself from all social contact for a few months. I don't know how else to deal with it anymore. THAT right there, is the essence of my problem that I was originally trying to get at with this thread.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

>>>Do they actually see you 'going somewhere'? Sure, some folks go to sex within a few hours of meeting...then go on to making it a long term relationship? Yet...how realistic is that?

That could very well be it... I mean, like that thread I made recently about my trip to Victoria, I was accused of being a player or just looking for sex. I have to admit, I did try to go for the sex the first night, but it doesn't mean I wasn't looking for more.

Then I later found out that she (and her girlfriends) thought that I had gotten so drunk the next night just so that I wouldn't be able to go to the club with the other girls (since the girl I was going for was the only underage one there, being 18).

The fact of the matter is though, I just actually happened to get too drunk. I didn't want that happen.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

I am unfortunately cursed with an ability to attract a fair amount of girls. This is indeed a curse, and not a blessing, because the majority of the time, it doesn't end up getting very far. I'd much rather only have the occaisional girl interested in me but to actually remain interested in me for more than a few days.

Anyway, when I do become interested in a girl (which is usually triggered by them showing some major signs of interest), then they are all I can think about. When they decide for some fucked up reason that they don't want to talk to me again, or whatever, then I get so wound up and depressed that I'll do stupid things like not go to work for a week and drink twice as heavily as normal.

You'd think that with experience and/or age I would become better at handling this, but that is not the case at all.

What ever happened to only heavily flirting with people that you're INTERESTED IN!?

Or maybe I'm just doing something to fuck it up.

Actually no, I know that I'm not. This isn't my fault. I've tried so many different approaches and my success rate (at least as far as getting beyond sex or a few dates) is still really low.

this is amazing, i just logged on to here to make a post that is exactly like this. I'm in this situation, this happened with this girl, and now a month and a half later she is wanting her space and just suddenly quit hanging out with me at all, we went from being with eachother 24/7 to me only seeing her like for maybe 5 hours in the last five days. its horrible, i can't get her out of my head, i really like her and i know we had a lot of fun with eachother but i think i just freaked her out or she is just afraid of commitment or something and just kind of shut down

What clubs did you go to in Victoria?

quote:Originally posted by lakelaxrookie49:

this is amazing, i just logged on to here to make a post that is exactly like this. I'm in this situation, this happened with this girl, and now a month and a half later she is wanting her space and just suddenly quit hanging out with me at all, we went from being with eachother 24/7 to me only seeing her like for maybe 5 hours in the last five days. its horrible, i can't get her out of my head, i really like her and i know we had a lot of fun with eachother but i think i just freaked her out or she is just afraid of commitment or something and just kind of shut down

Yeah that happens to me alot. Even from much shorter interactions too, like not even relationships. Just after making some kind of connection.



quote:Originally posted by Viking83:

What clubs did you go to in Victoria?

I actually didn't go to any. I ended up getting so drunk that I couldn't go. I actually passed out at the restaurant we went to for my one friends birthday. That rarely happens to me, but damnit they had 2 liter coolers for like $6!!

My friends went to Plan B I think it was called.

Hmmm...already busy, eh?

How often do you have the thexxth with these girls? Maybe keep it in your pants...if it's coming out too often?

Do you know? That as much as the 'Smiley Face Suits' say the 'Good Times' will last forever? Have they ever? Some (know one knows for sure?) say that even though the SMS's say the Great Engine of the World, eg the US Housing Market will pick up again?

One do not know? It does apparently pay to focus on getting debt-free & reasonably well situated...just in case? The US slows down? So does we...

Doesn't do to worry too much? Yet, you do have debts, as you well know. No wonder you want to 'escape' into some pink?

Not to get too MMM, but how much did you owe last mo & how much this? Are you getting anywhere with that?



[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 10-26-2006).]

You keep backing down from your own challenges and goals.

Perhaps some determination and willpower?

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

How often do you have the thexxth with these girls? Maybe keep it in your pants...if it's coming out too often?

Not too often really. Lately it's mainly just been getting as far as you can get without vaginal penetration at best, or just a make-out session and whatnot at the least.

I've actually only gotten laid once since my last girlfriend.

Hmm.. maybe I'm just REALLY horny and need some release...

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Doesn't do to worry too much? Yet, you do have debts, as you well know. No wonder you want to 'escape' into some pink?

It really is an escape, and not just the sex, but the attraction, and the whole overall feeling I get when I feel like I've found someone who really likes me.

It's like a drug: First there is the mutual attraction, and the intense make-out session and nudity and even sex on occaision, and I forget about all my real-world problems. That is the peak of it all. Then, what normally happens in my case, it all comes crashing down. Then I'm trying to replace that "high" with my favorite cure-all solution, alcohol. (Actually, it's more of a band-aid than a cure. It really hurts when it comes time to take it off.)

Then it eventually wear off, until I find myself in an opportunity to do it again. Then it just repeats itself.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

Not to get too MMM, but how much did you owe last mo & how much this? Are you getting anywhere with that?

I managed to pay off a few urgent debts that were about to be sent to collections, and some minimum payments on a few credit cards.

I just started working regularly again a little under a month ago, so it will take some time to get back on my feet.

I still owe somewhere in the vicinity of 12-13 grand.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You keep backing down from your own challenges and goals.

Perhaps some determination and willpower?

I am totally aware that that is what I need. Unfortunately it's alot easier said than done.

I am trying though.

I went 3 weeks without going out or drinking or anything like that last month. Then I went out once, and it's been downhill since.

I just have to get back into that mindset. Willpower and determination are definitely what I need.

You've got my full support. If you'd like to or need to talk, my MSN is pure.inebriation(a)hotmail.com

That goes for anybody.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You've got my full support. If you'd like to or need to talk

Thanks man. I'll add you right now, but I'm in appear offline mode since I'm about to go out. So I will talk to you later.

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

I actually didn't go to any. I ended up getting so drunk that I couldn't go. I actually passed out at the restaurant we went to for my one friends birthday. That rarely happens to me, but damnit they had 2 liter coolers for like $6!!

My friends went to Plan B I think it was called.

yeah, usually it's just much shorter interactions, i think that is why this time it hurts so much because it was so sweet for what is for me considered a long time, and then it just went away. she actaully called me yesterday and i spent the night at her apartment again last night and we cuddled, kissed, and talked about what is going on.

She is from south africa and is going to go back there for november and december, and come back in january so she claims she doesn't want a relationship before she leaves because she doesn't want to miss anyone while she is gone, but she told me a week ago that she was sure that she wanted to be with me when she left and for me to be here waiting for her when she gets back, and i will do that, regardless of when she wants to "technically" start the relationship. if you care about someone, and interact as if you are in a relationship, then what the fuck does it matter if you call it one or not, shouldn't she still feel the same way when she leaves for south africa?

i don't know though. I totally feel what your saying though about the short interactions, it seems like they lose interest in me and just go from me being awesome to chill with to just rather not chillin' with me at all.

quote:Originally posted by lakelaxrookie49:

if you care about someone, and interact as if you are in a relationship, then what the fuck does it matter if you call it one or not, shouldn't she still feel the same way when she leaves for south africa?

Yeah... I don't quite get what she means. If you're supposed to be waiting for each other afterwards, then why not keep it official? The only possible reason I could see for not wanting to do that would be if maybe she wants a legitamite break... just in case...

I don't know, maybe it's just my paranoid self jumping to conclusions, but I would be a bit worried.

Maybe that's just me though.

quote:Originally posted by lakelaxrookie49:

i don't know though. I totally feel what your saying though about the short interactions, it seems like they lose interest in me and just go from me being awesome to chill with to just rather not chillin' with me at all.

Yeah it is pretty unforunate. Kinda leaves you wondering why or what went wrong...

Oh.

It's an e-mail address that isn't mine/doesn't exist.

pure_inebriation@hotmail.com

Edit: That's the real one.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-27-2006).]

Go running everyday and lift weights.

By becoming infatuated with them, you lose an element of control over the situation. In your case, you don't handle infatuation very well, so you lose a large element of control over the situation.

But then what happens? The girl you are infatuated in, is already infatuated with you. She doesn't have control... so then who does?

Girls fall for boys fall for girls fall for other boys.

Control your mind. It's only infatuation if you allow it to be. Curiousity is where it's at

quote:Originally posted by gadzooks:

Yeah it is pretty unforunate. Kinda leaves you wondering why or what went wrong...

yeah, and that's what fucking makes it so hard, the anxiety of not knowing what the fuck is going on.

and that's all i'm getting, is confused.

Edit: Nevermind, I put it all in the post below this. The gist is just like "whoa, I'm exactly like you, gadzooks." We're twins.

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 10-29-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Initial interest shows they have attraction, and you already know that. I'm guessing they find that you aren't an interesting person, or you're clingy, emotionally needy, or you have some major flaw. It could just mean that they feel you aren't a relationship type of guy, and that's what they want so they just don't try to pursue you.

Makes sense. I'm needy, and incredibly "broken" in terms of emotions. As I like to say, I have the emotional stability and maturity of a five-year-old.

Or maybe I don't. See the following:

quote:I've even gone as far as testing people's perceptions of me in comparison to my actual true persona (with long-term friends and all that, people who should really no the true "me").

And to be quite honest, none of my friends know who I truly am, and I have known some of them for nearly 2 decades.

Yup. My persona changes according to the person I'm talking to; all of my friends have different views of me.

quote:Another thing: My deeper self is pretty ambiguous as well. Some days I am very confident and self-assured (and in a fake, narcisstic kind of way), while others I really feel like crap.

FUCK, YES. This has long bothered me. I can't pin myself down at all! If you took a list of all my Totse posts and looked at them, you'd find I contradict myself on the issue of myself a LOT. And the thing is, I'm never lying; I just can't decide what I am.

quote:Because I really think that I'm looking for a girlfriend for all the wrong reasons right now.

Either for self-validation, or for filling some kind void.

I do that too, but in a different arena. I feel worthless; I want to show the world that I am not. Especially for my mother, whose very successful family makes fun of her for being poor and having marital difficulties and so for. Even my cousins are better than me, so I want to become rich, rich and powerful, so I can show them. Show them all: hey, look I made it. I am successful. I am worthy.

Self-validation, like you said. I guess I have a weak ego; I can't be happy with myself unless others are, too. Unless I'm admired and successful by their standards.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You keep backing down from your own challenges and goals.

Perhaps some determination and willpower?

That's me all over. Part of it is fear, I think: I am afraid I won't succeed even if I try. At least this way, I can say "well, if I TRIED I'd make it." Another part is ego again. I couldn't stand losing to anything, even just some goal I set for myself... so I don't set any.