I just found out recently that my girlfriend sometimes cut herself, the last time was about a month ago, and she did it because her family was fighting with eachother over shit. Don't get me wrong, she lives in a really nice house with her own laptop and computer, she's really well off. But when I dound out about this i was actually angry at her and thought so much less of her. Is this how I should feel, or should I forgive her. It seemes to me that cutting yourself is the stupidest fucking thing you can do when under stress. She could have just called me. And then that she never actually told me about it and I had to hear it from her best friend just felt degrading.

edit: spelling

[This message has been edited by CCC (edited 10-25-2006).]

Okay, so...

waht's the question?

quote:Originally posted by CCC:

is this how I should feel

^^

[This message has been edited by CCC (edited 10-25-2006).]

You could remove your head from up your own arse for a start.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

You could remove your head from up your own arse for a start.

thanks....i may be missing something here, from what you said i clearly am, so can you follow up on that, i would like help. also i may have left some info out of my post, so if you can tell me what i'm doing wrong then i be able to give you some more details.



[This message has been edited by CCC (edited 10-25-2006).]

Regardless of whether your girlfriend is stupid or not, you had no fucking right to be angry!.

If you get pissed off when she's got a problem, she's going to start feeling that she shouldnt tell you about her problems. And then she'll start hiding stuff.

And I think that a relationship is really over if you start hiding important things from your partner.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Regardless of whether your girlfriend is stupid or not, you had no fucking right to be angry!.

If you get pissed off when she's got a problem, she's going to start feeling that she shouldnt tell you about her problems. And then she'll start hiding stuff.

And I think that a relationship is really over if you start hiding important things from your partner.

Well she told me after i confronted her that she just didn't want me to worry about her. But i told her that i don't care what it was she did, but i feel i had a right to know.

And i know that i really shouldn't have been angry, but if anything i may have been angry at myself for not having a strong enough trust with her after 4 months that she could tell me stuff. But her one flaw that stands out is how she really gets depressed over small things, so yeh, i forget where i'm going with sentence..

Cutting is a fucking stupid thing to do...but then again i smoke 60 a day. You don't smoke? ,don't drink? don't do drugs?

It's not the fact you're angry with her that ,unlike yoyo, bothers me as much as your 'holy than thou' attitude. You think 'less of her' and ask if you 'should forgive her'

Also your assumption that material possesions equal happiness is way off base. It is the middle class kids who tend to cut the most IME.

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 10-25-2006).]

Cutting is so fucking stupid...

Its something 15 year old girls do because they feel it helps them become more like their intended stereotype. Emo/scene/punk/etc. (Yes, I understand that this isnt the case 100% of the time, and that there actually is a serious medical condition as well, but most of the time, its just stupid adolescent girls/boys)

If I were you, i'd just look for someone more mature. Thats not your shit to deal with, and its not a problem that can be solved no matter how hard you try. Start fresh.

quote:Originally posted by CCC:

Well she told me after i confronted her that she just didn't want me to worry about her. But i told her that i don't care what it was she did, but i feel i had a right to know.





Wow.. If I was your girlfriend I'd really think you were a dickhead. What you just said sounds like

"I Dont care if you're unhappy or hurt or have problems, but dont you dare try to not tell me every last detail of your life for I am the mighty and can not tolerate not knowing everything!"

It's a common response IME of people that tell their boyfriend/girlfriend/signifigant other/sheep/etc. So you're not completely wrong to have reacted in the way you did. You are however wrong if you remain angry about it. This isn't the type of thing that needs forgiven, it's also not the kind of thing that needs to be swept under the rug. If she's doing it sparsley and only around events that could possibly cause signifigant stress- then I'd advise being compassionate. If she's doing it obviously for attention(which from information provided, I feel to be least likeley), beat her silly.

How long had you known this girl when you found out?

[This message has been edited by zebra head (edited 10-26-2006).]

My gf cut herself like three times before we hooked up but when she told me i was pissed



its bullshit, evenn if shes not scene it has invaded our culture and infiltrated our psyche

confront her, tell her its bullshit, tell her it debases her, tell her whatever the fuck you wanna tell her, but it should stop

but if you love her dont be an ass about it, help her through

its just a reaction to get endorphines, give her some weed

CCC, listen to me and learn this lesson right now. You can't control other people, and you shouldn't let things like this upset you. You are not perfect. No one is. Yeah, she's your girlfriend. Yeah, she didn't tell you what she did right away. So what? People don't tell each other everything. Accept it. This really shouldn't hurt your trust, except if you react negatively towards her, it could hurt her trust with you and she won't bring this kind of thing to you at all next time. Don't judge people, especially people you care about, if you want to continue a friendship/relationship with them. You'll distance yourself mentally with feelings of superiority, and you'll lose whatever relationship you had with that person. The point of all of this is that you can't control her, and you shouldn't lecture her or tell her what to do. Offer advice, encouragement, and most of all, support. Be her support and let her know you're there for her so she can go to you instead of venting in other ways. Know, however, that if you take on that kind of commitment, you had damn well better make good on it.

That being said, I agree with you that cutting is stupid. There are so many other ways to vent frustration. Music, writing, green tea (wonderfully calming stuff), and exercise just to name a few. Instead of getting mad at her, which is the wrong way to handle the situation, direct her to a more positive, healthy way of acting out her emotions. This is what you should do instead of trying to control her. I hope this helps.

quote:Originally posted by slaytanicwhermacht_89:

its bullshit, evenn if shes not scene it has invaded our culture and infiltrated our psyche

Hurting oneself in response to anger or depression is not new. It has been done ever since humans have experienced emotions. Why do you think people have punched walls or slammed their head into them? Some people will harm themselves with physical pain in order to reduce or numb their emotions.

Today there is just stupid names and more attention placed on this "cutting" kids usually grow out of it.

sigh...

cutting and any other kind of self harm is done to take the edge off of emotional pain. i agree with you it sounds stupid, and is logically a stupid thing to do.

but then listening to voices in your head telling you to burn things sounds stupid, killing yourself over a mountain of debt sounds stupid, but if any of these things were to actually happen to you trust me it would seem like such an awesome idea at that moment.

I self harm. Admittedly not as badly as some people do as i dont cut, but i harm myself badly enough that i feel i understand the mindset.

pinch your arm.

then pinch it again but this time slam the heel of one foot down on the other. notice how the pinch for that precise moment of impact has the edge taken off it.

Thats a physiological proof, what they used to use instead of anaesthetic in the middle ages, and self harm works under the same principal.

emotional pain hurts A LOT more than physical pain. self harm takes the edge off when you feel so low you become desperate.

i could go into a lot more detail but i wont. ive done that too many times.

I'm sure when I was a teen and all dressed in black I probably cut little scratches and pretended I liked to watch it bleed like it might be 'bleeding out the evil' or some shit like that.

Nowadays, self harm has become a game. It's resisting the temptation to cut too deep, or seeing how far I can go.It's kind of gay, because all I'm really doing is trying to prove to myself that I'm not as weak as I think I am.



Cutting aside, she is your girlfriend. You shouldnt be getting pissed at her for cutting, you should be helping her to stop!

Well there is probably two reasons why she's cut herself, one being the influence of the whole emo/cutting thing over her and a lapse of communication between the two of you. She might have thought that cutting would be a way as a release, which ultimately leads to attention that she is missing out on.

Perhaps there isn't the communication needed because you haven't built up such a strong relationship, or something like that. I'm sorry, but this is very generalized. My guess would be to actually talk to her about this... because it seems like you both need this.

well, this is a touchy subject, so when she feels like cutting herself tell her to call you so you can go over to her, when you get to her house just talk about anything, or if you want to do something risky, tell her to cut you, tell her that you would rather have her cut you and you deal with the pain and everything instead of her, this will take alot of dedication and it will hurt like a bitch but she will seewhat she is doing to herself.

Now this sounds retarded but what i think this girl needs to see is what she is doing to herself, even though she knows what it feels like to get the pain, she doen't see what the emotional pain is for eveyone else.

Bottom line is that, you have to make her see how everyone else feels when she does this. But you should feel bad but make her feel even worst for hurting others.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

You could remove your head from up your own arse for a start.



seems a bit rude, maybe the woman hid it well? do we know if they have sex naked, cos unless they do he has every excuse not to notice. Plus cutting yourself is a lame way of getting attention, like shouing 'i have a huge boner on the bus', its an emo way of getting sex really...since thats what all our emotions come down too...

I was dating one of those back in school...

I was over at her house and I saw these ridiculous catscratch razormarks fresh on her wrist.

Just gotta grab 'em firm, yell at them hard, and belt them once or twice. 'You loik pain so much?!'

Shapes them right up.

But you sound like too much of a pussy to handle that.

u should forgive but dont forget. if she ever threatens to cut herself tell her if she does it u will do it deeper than she did. then say if i even beleive that u cut yourself that i will end it all right now.and if she really cares about you she wont do it cause she wont want you to hurt yourself.and it shows her that u care enough bout her to hurt yourself to stop her from hurting herself.all girls want is attention.

sorry for spelling and grammar.

ok this is what you should do. cut your self. then go to your girlfriend and tell her that if she does it again you will do the same. my firend did this with his girlfriend and she quit cutting for good. hopefully it will work for you

quote:Originally posted by brad:

u should forgive but dont forget. if she ever threatens to cut herself tell her if she does it u will do it deeper than she did. then say if i even beleive that u cut yourself that i will end it all right now.and if she really cares about you she wont do it cause she wont want you to hurt yourself.and it shows her that u care enough bout her to hurt yourself to stop her from hurting herself.all girls want is attention.

sorry for spelling and grammar.

That's some god damn emo shit right there.

Buddy, your solution is to not give her attention. That's all she wants. Let her cut herself, as long as she stays away from the things that turn you on.

For once, I choose not to spend all my time reading responses.

All I can say is live life before you judge it. How can you say you truly understand something when you don't understand what compels a seeminlgy "normal" person to do it. I'm not a cutter, but after days of focusing on it, I tried it. I had the same attitude you did. I slowly learned to see it in a different light. Not like I completely accept it, but I did empathize. I tried to understand.

I cut myself purely to get rid of the horrible insects that crawl under my skin, i have to cut my arms open to pick them out but they always get away, always they run to another part of my body, so i have more speed and it doesnt matter for a while but they are still there, sleeping and they come back hours later bigger and badder.

i only skimmed the op's replies, so forgive me if i rehash anything that's been said. your her boyfriend. you have every goddamn right to worry about her. don't let her tell you anything different. now, that doesn't mean you can get overbearing and whatnot, but i'm sure you get my point. like some of the other people said, you had no right to get angry with her about the action itself. the fact that a friend told you, yes. she should have told you herself.

cutting is a stupid thing to do. but people do it regardless of dangers and whatnot of it. you should talk to her about finding alternate ways of stress relief. however, if she doesn't stop, sometimes you just have to live with it, despite fears of losing her. it's hard, trust me. but possible.

quote:Originally posted by safeasfuck:

I cut myself purely to get rid of the horrible insects that crawl under my skin, i have to cut my arms open to pick them out but they always get away, always they run to another part of my body, so i have more speed and it doesnt matter for a while but they are still there, sleeping and they come back hours later bigger and badder.

Damn I've also been trying to get rid of my fabled troousersnake. i dont think its safe to have i your trousers... Anyone have any suggestions, i think its a boa constrictor.

Your girlfriend's a loser

Dump her so she can commit suicide

Emo- 0

Lorna- 1

If your girlfriend only does it sometimes as you said it may not be to much of a problem...

Mantix is dead on with the reasoning,

dont be angry with her, thats the last thing she needs if shes resorting to cutting herself.

quote:Originally posted by safeasfuck:

I cut myself purely to get rid of the horrible insects that crawl under my skin, i have to cut my arms open to pick them out but they always get away, always they run to another part of my body, so i have more speed and it doesnt matter for a while but they are still there, sleeping and they come back hours later bigger and badder.

Off your meds?

quote:Originally posted by safeasfuck:

I cut myself purely to get rid of the horrible insects that crawl under my skin, i have to cut my arms open to pick them out but they always get away, always they run to another part of my body, so i have more speed and it doesnt matter for a while but they are still there, sleeping and they come back hours later bigger and badder.

SandPaper works better.

Ask her to cut you while you fuck her? What's wrong with cutting anyways? It's no different an emotionally numbing outlet than a tv, videogames, food, religion, drugs, and screaming.

Lol, cutters.