About fifteen minutes ago I stepped completely outside of my shell, and I asked this girl in one of my classes out for some coffee. I had made myself a promise to ask her.

And she said "I have an appointment at twelve, but normally I'm free on Wednesdays. Sorry." So I said "okay" and we went our separate ways. This was at 11:30. I think a half hour is more than enough time to engage in a bit of small talk over a cup of tea.

I must have been reading the signs wrong because I thought she was totally into me, always starting up small talk and waving and shit like this, even though I had been quite complacent.

I feel like an idiot now. What the fuck. Please help me because I have never done anything like this before and I am clueless as to what should happen next.

I believe you should've insisted [on getting a coffee].

*sips coffee*

You should have made plans for another day or something. I don't think saying she was busy at the time means anything as far as whether or not she's into you -- 30 minutes doesn't really constitute a real date anyhow, I mean you should totally give it another shot for next Wednesday or something, or make plans for the weekend.

What about eye contact and body language, etc? What kinda vibes were you getting during that interaction? In my experience, those things have been way more valuable in telling whether a girl was into me or not, much more accurate than the actual conversations and other surface stuff.

Anyhow, if she eventually rejects you, no sweat -- at least you gave it a shot like a man, and the more you step outside your comfort zone the easier it will get.

Maybe shes playing hard to get? You never know, but this is the effect she wants to get. If you fall apart then she knows your totally into her, and if you dont then the effect back fires and now she doesnt know if your totally into her and is gonna seek more meetings with you to make you kinda choose.

quote:Originally posted by deadteenager:



What about eye contact and body language, etc? What kinda vibes were you getting during that interaction? In my experience, those things have been way more valuable in telling whether a girl was into me or not, much more accurate than the actual conversations and other surface stuff.



BTW, listen to this guy, body language is important shit, read about it, especially eye contact.



[This message has been edited by LiquidIce (edited 10-25-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Necrypsys:

I believe you should've insisted [on getting HOT coffee].

Fixed for Jack Thompson approval.

~Saint947

I was getting great vibes from her, I thought. But this interaction about a half hour ago was like no vibes had been exchanged, ever.

Fuck man, I can't even make new friends and doing this was stepping WAY the fuck out of my comfort zone.

Ok:

1) She might be playing with you, means shes waaay evil.

2) Might be practicing with you, means shes bad.

3) Maybe she's playing hard to get, which is semi-good.

4) Another option is shes also lost in this case.

Each requires a different approach. Do some recon. Probe her. Then attack!

dude,uuuuuh,she said no today,but then said "im usually free on wednesdays" why didnt you come through with a follow upfor next wednesday or whatever?

although,if you really stepped out of your "shell" by doing that im sure you felt quite uncomfortable just asking,but then even more when she turned you down,ai?

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

I was getting great vibes from her, I thought. But this interaction about a half hour ago was like no vibes had been exchanged, ever.

Fuck man, I can't even make new friends and doing this was stepping WAY the fuck out of my comfort zone.

Shit, well, some people are hard to read. It's entirely possible you caught her in an off-mood or something. And as others here have said, could be playing hard to get, which is a behavior that drives me fucking crazy and I can't give any advice on. Often times it seems to be rooted in the girl wanting you to prove your interest in her & just generally prove yourself to her -- like "Are you strong enough to be my man?" type thing. I've never actually talked to a woman about the 'hard to get' thing, so this is just speculation, but I think that's how it is for some girls.

Anyway, if she was showing interest when you guys talked in the past, I say keep trying and try not to dwell on your doubts. If you can get her to at least hang out with you, then you'll be able to tell for sure whether there's any chance of romantic/sexual connection.

That's all the advice I can give from across the internetz. Best of luck.

quote:Originally posted by Saint947:

Fixed for Jack Thompson approval.

~Saint947

Wait, he would want you to get lukewarm coffee, wouldnt he?

I don't get it either.. she didn't say no, she just said she was busy and she even offered an alternative by saying she's free next wednesday. So the big question is, why didn't you ask if she could go with you on wednesday.

[This message has been edited by Aseren (edited 10-25-2006).]

In a sense, I'm relieved, because I could have not done anything like I have always done in the past, and I would be stewing over my inaction just like I am presently stewing over the apparent rejection I've suffered.

Yeah, stepping out of my shell means that this is THE first time I've ever asked a chick out for coffee. So I couldn't really think fast enough to say "Next Wednesday?" because I was thinking "Oh shit."

I think I made it awkward for both of us. Once a week we are in a tutorial section together with two other guys to talk about our essays... This isn't like an impersonal lecture hall. I'm practically beside her and it's going to be like this for the WHOLE year.

So, I should pursue it further or what? I see this other guy trying to get with her too but I don't think he's made any headway.

EDIT: At least she knows I want to get with her now. I had been sort of ambivalent before.

[This message has been edited by McLaren (edited 10-25-2006).]

didnt she say shes ordianrily free wednesdays? isnt that a hint at doing something next week?

Hm, normally I'd say no, don't try it again. You messed up and you should move on to the next one. But since you'll be sitting next to her the rest of the year, change your game. Just come in next time and act like nothings been said, after a while ask if she's still up for that cup of coffee on wednesday.

If she dug you, you'd have plans by now with her. So many girls man, you'll forget about this chick with time. Just take the experience bro and move on.

We'll see how she is on Friday, which is the next time I'll see her, but in a group of twenty people. If the chit chat resumes as usual I'll ask her again.

Maybe she hand an appointment???

Maybe her saying when she's free was a hint: That's a good thing.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

We'll see how she is on Friday, which is the next time I'll see her, but in a group of twenty people. If the chit chat resumes as usual I'll ask her again.



Definitely definitely ask her to do something on Wednesday. She gave you information on when she's free! Follow up on that!

good job! i commend you for biting the bullet and doing it. surely you knew when you asked that there was a chance she wouldn't say yes. but you did it anyway, yay you!



oh and "im normally free on wednesdays" means, ask me again on wednesday.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-26-2006).]

If she were blowing me off she would have said that she had class every Wednesday at that time, right? I think I should pursue it further. Thank you Totse.

I'll wait until Wednesday, though. Hopefully the particular arsehole who tries to chat her up all the time won't succeed by then.

[This message has been edited by McLaren (edited 10-26-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

If she were blowing me off she would have said that she had class every Wednesday at that time, right? I think I should pursue it further. Thank you Totse.

I'll wait until Wednesday, though. Hopefully the particular arsehole who tries to chat her up all the time won't succeed by then.



He won't succeed, and you don't give a fuck about him. He doesn't exist to you. She gave you the info you need to ask her out again, and do so successfully. Good job on taking the first step; it's always the hardest step to take. Just relax when you're out with her, and all will be well.

ask her again on another day

people on this site emphasize on the "asking out" shit to much

juts because your going to have coffee with this girl doesnt mean your goona being going out and having sex on a regular basis

just spend time with her then take it from there,

if you wanna stay out of the friend zone a good time take it to the next level is when your at her hosue or she's at your house, usually better if shes at your house because of parents but if either of you live on your own even better

fack man. Your acting like you should chop you dick off, grow up a little.

erm... as her out later to go on wednesday? der-hey?

I remember the first time I asked a girl out, and the second, I got rejected by both. At the time I didn't feel bad or good, just proud that I stepped up and did something out of the norm. (Btw the girls I had never met before, I asked them when I saw them) And then 2 weeks later I was on holiday and I made 2 hot chick friends.

It was the polar, and we got to see each other everyday half naked so that made up for it.

So right at the point where you would give up, stick with it becuase a good day is around the corner.

Sounds cold.

Time for the law of averages. You know those guys that always have different girls with them, it's because they ask out tons of girls until one says yes. You're on the right track, after the first couple that say no it gets easier and easier. Just keep asking till one says yes and then you're set.

Should have made plans for Wednesday....

She left it open, you just didn't take it.

quote:Originally posted by LiquidIce:

Probe her.

I'm pretty sure that's why he asked her out for in the first place.

Saw her again today. Maybe it was just for conversation, I'm hoping, but she said she had an appointment with the prof today. Perhaps her telling me that she'd normally be free was a Freudian slip or something... I didn't pursue it today.

Who am I kidding anyways? Young people normally go out to parties and shit like that, but I don't. I don't even have friends. I go home and study, and wallow in self-pity. Well I gave it a shot, which is good. Thank you for the advice.

Np.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

Saw her again today. Maybe it was just for conversation, I'm hoping, but she said she had an appointment with the prof today. Perhaps her telling me that she'd normally be free was a Freudian slip or something... I didn't pursue it today.

Who am I kidding anyways? Young people normally go out to parties and shit like that, but I don't. I don't even have friends. I go home and study, and wallow in self-pity. Well I gave it a shot, which is good. Thank you for the advice.

Ohhhh an appointment with a proffesor, I was about to yell at you for thinking her dr.'s office was 2 minutes from the coffee shop.

I dunno, give it another shot, it really can't hurt can it?

If she doesn't like you, she says no again, and nothing changes.

if she does, you have a chance at a mini-date.

Go for it!

'excuse me,does this smell of chloroform to you'

*puts body into car, preps lube*

Well she may be kind of scared at first. Start having regular talk with her and make her more comfortable with her. Then when she is comfortable with you, ask her out. Or maybe she doesn't like coffee? Ask her to something fun and exciting, dinner, movies, ....

When she told you that she is usually free on Wednesday, could have been her little hint saying, hey on Wednesday we could go out.

So you should have said well, is Wednesday OK then?

Damnit McLaren I had you all wrong, yet again. Remain persistent with this girl and don't let perceived "rejections" stop you. Trust me, I've been pursued by several girls who I wasn't entirely interested in, yet would not leave me alone. Obviously, put yourself in a girl's shoes. They have no concept of "whatever-the-fuck-you're-stressing-over" so you shouldn't either. If all else fails, find someone else or go to a party. Just don't get too drunk and do something stupid, because that ultimately works against you.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

I didn't pursue it today.

Who am I kidding anyways? Young people normally go out to parties and shit like that, but I don't. I don't even have friends. I go home and study, and wallow in self-pity. Well I gave it a shot, which is good. Thank you for the advice.

You need to actually ask her again. If she blows you off a second time, then that is pretty much your answer. If she wanted to hang out she would make an effort. If in her reply she gives you an alternative day she might be free, suggest, well what about that day? If she kills that, just move on. Go ahead and keep up the idle chit chat, maybe even foster a friendship through class, but set your sights on another girl.

[This message has been edited by half-wit goon (edited 10-28-2006).]

Oh come on, grow some balls. The only reason this girl isn't gagging after you is because you're so down on yourself. You're a person she wants, dude. Stop thinking otherwise, and stop making her think otherwise.

Ask her again, what could be the damage to it? I mean the worst she could say is no, or she could kick you in the crotch and yell rape but hey, what do I know? I'm fucking tired because it's like 3am here and I've been out all day.

Whatever you do, good luck with it and let us know the outcome.

LOL what is wrong with you guys. He made his intentions very clear, if this girl were interested she would have given him a way in. You fuckin' creepy stalkers, god damn. Let this poor, nice girl go man.

Alright, I was kind of feeling shitty on Friday and I overexaggerated what suggested that she didn't want to do anything. She did say her friends were doing something for Halloween but she didn't want to go out with them, then asked me what I was doing. Conversation or invitation? I don't know.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:

LOL what is wrong with you guys. He made his intentions very clear, if this girl were interested she would have given him a way in. You fuckin' creepy stalkers, god damn. Let this poor, nice girl go man.

Exactly. Women make up their minds about you before you even open your mouth.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

Alright, I was kind of feeling shitty on Friday and I overexaggerated what suggested that she didn't want to do anything. She did say her friends were doing something for Halloween but she didn't want to go out with them, then asked me what I was doing. Conversation or invitation? I don't know.

God Damn, Invitation you dumb fucking moron!! Ok I apologize for that but still, she was basically teling you she wanted you!! Damn dude.

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

Alright, I was kind of feeling shitty on Friday and I overexaggerated what suggested that she didn't want to do anything. She did say her friends were doing something for Halloween but she didn't want to go out with them, then asked me what I was doing. Conversation or invitation? I don't know.

I'm one of the most sexually inept motherfuckers on earth, and that's an invitation, clearly.

ya thats pretty fuckin obvious. what is your response to these things? 'ehh i duno *walks away in silence*'

*looks back for a moment to see girl confused. continues walking away*

quote:Originally posted by McLaren:

Alright, I was kind of feeling shitty on Friday and I overexaggerated what suggested that she didn't want to do anything. She did say her friends were doing something for Halloween but she didn't want to go out with them, then asked me what I was doing. Conversation or invitation? I don't know.

INVI-FUCKING-TATION!!!!!!

What the hell kind of invitation--like a date or something? I'll see her again on Monday so what should I say?

quote:Originally posted by LiquidIce:

Ok:

1) She might be playing with you, means shes waaay evil.

2) Might be practicing with you, means shes bad.

3) Maybe she's playing hard to get, which is semi-good.

4) Another option is shes also lost in this case.

Each requires a different approach. Do some recon. Probe her. Then attack!



good advice.