I apologise in advance for the emo nature of this post...

Anyway, as some of you may know, I'm at university and living in res. I've been working towards this for two years. And now that I have it, I'm fucking miserable. I'm so homesick, I'm failing most of my classes, and I miss my boyfriend so much, I can barely get out of bed.

Basically, I don't want to grow up. But I know know that I have to. I feel like a fucking failure. I don't doubt my intelligence, but I don't know if I have the drive to actually get a degree. And I kind of feel like I'm only at school because society tells me that's what I'm supposed to do, not because I actually belong here.

But what am I supposed to do? I don't want to work in a liquor store for the rest of my life. I'm thinking of writing this year off and going to school at home. It'll still suck, but atleast I'll have my family/boyfriend/friends around me. I don't know.

My older sister is going to have 3 degress by the time she's 24. She's the perfect one, I'm the fucked up druggy daughter that everyone has to baby. My younger sister just dropped out of nursing school, and I don't know if my mom could handle it if she had two drop out daughters. On the other hand, shouldn't I be doing this for myself, not for my mom? My mom has a degree, and within a few years of graduating she had married and had my older sister and hasn't worked since. So wasn't it kind of pointless for her to go to school?

I want to stay home when I have kids, but I don't want kids yet. Also, I'm seriously considering marrying my boyfriend. I always imagined myself with a white collar guy, which my boyfriend is definitely not. He'll probably never be able to support me and any kids we have.

Fuck, sorry for this rant, I'm just fucking depressed.

Drink and take the next semester off or something.

Hm..pretty much sounds like my situation.



I can't stand being here, and even though I thought I could handle all the drugs I was into, I'm starting to realize how much it is affecting me.

My parents would be pissed at me if I dropped out, and since at the moment I am a cripple, I'd be out of work, and they would not let me stay at home.

I guess sometimes you have to just put up with the bullshit, drag your ass out of bed, crutch across campus to class and try to pass.

My pill supply ran out so I'm feeling kinda strange right now after being in a doped up daze for the past 4 weeks.

What's wrong with working in a liquor store?

Sure, it's not exactly ambitious, but it pays the rent and 'fun stuff' bills, right?

I love jobs with as little responsibility as possible. Ie, Spend my days telling little old ladies that xenedrine and ephedrine will really get them up and running again after an op. Awesome.



Anyway, back on topic..

Damnit.. I know that loneliness is awfull.. but remember that you're not going to be apart from your family forever.



And even if you dont get those qualifications that your oh so wonderfull sister (who sounds like a spoilt brattish shit to me) has, you'll still do your best.

Keep reminding yourself how hard you worked to get where you are now, and how fucking good you'll feel if you get over this and stick it out.

Never ever give up.



On a slight downer, dont put too much imagination into your dreams of getting married to your boyfriend,ect.

I allways thought I'd marry my ex, and it turns out that whilst I was staring at wedding dresses mournfully, he was plotting a way to fuck me over once and for all.



So yeah, never imagine long long term happy thoughts about your partner, because as soon as you start to feel hope and optimisim about such things you're setting yourself up to be pwned.



When things get really bad, even if you cant think of reasons to keep on going, just keep telling yourself that things will get better, because I'm pretty sure they do!

I'll second what's wrong with working in a liquor store?

Someone has to do it you know. I used to wonder why those older guys who obviously have potential work crap jobs like gas stations and the like.

It's because, you have little responsibility, all you have to do is show up. The job is easy, and you pay the bills and can have fun later.

If school isn't where you want to be, don't be there.

However I also think if the MAIN reason you don't like school is that you miss your boyfriend, you could be ruining a great oppertunity by going back because of him? Maybe try to give yourself like 1 week where you try your best to be busy and avoid the homesick feeling, and see how that goes.

I know it's hard. Good luck in whatever you do!

I dont think homesickness ever goes away. When I'm at work, I just want to crawl back to my appartment and hide in a cupboard.

But when I'm here, I just want to pack up my guinea pigs and computers, sell off everything I own, chuck it all in, and run back to my mum.





It'll take time, but you'll slowly start to appreciate stuff. Like, eating when you want to , eating naked, painting your walls pink, ect..

My only recomendation is don't leave school until the year is over. That is a lot of money to waste. After that, you can take a year or ten off if you feel like it.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

It'll take time, but you'll slowly start to appreciate stuff. Like, eating when you want to , eating naked, painting your walls pink, ect..



That being it exactly, just do the bits you enjoy a little more and consider that if you want to marry your boyfriend then you will need a higher paying job.

Just relax, take your classes one at a time and concentrate on them. Once there done go do something you enjoy i.e. spend time with uni friends, read a book, go for a run idk whatever your into (I ain't going to say don't do drugs because then I'll sound like a dick but they arn't exactly good for you).

Also try an go home every 2nd or 3rd weekend, see you boyfriend, have sunday dinner with your mum or whatever. That might help with homesickness.

Also smile, as it's fun, makes people like you and releases endorphins which make you feel better.

Haha, my first semester I fucked up so bad I am quite honstly embarrased to say even with internet anonymity.

I hate bullshit classes that dont have anything to do with my major. Im an EE taking crap that makes me want to stab the teacher. I am surrounded by (quite literally) idiots.

Obviously I try to skip out on class whenever I can. However thats fucked me over too because Calculus 3 is pretty fucking hard if you only attend the first day of class.

Something that helped me was get a good job through the university. I had two choices, I would do lifting 50lb objects and maybe working the sound system at the campus' performance theatre. Or I would work at a lab and pick up 25lb objects.

When I got there my boss recognized I was too smart to waste on menial tasks and set me to read some books. Now I do programming for the university's government contracts. Its a pretty interesting job.

I dont suppose you are cut out for the sam, but it really helps to have a job that relies on the skills you have now and will be honing through your education.

At some point your getting shoved off the cliff. There is no doubting it. Either you learn to fly, or you fall to your death. There is no questioning it.

You have spent two years working to get to uni and thats too much time to waste only to drop out now. I suppose you need a friend that can relate. I hate not aving anyone that undestands and is level enough to talk to.

Might I ask what is your major?

I kind of have the opposite problem. I feel like I'm stuck and I just want to be free. I don't live at home, but I hate the area I live in. I've already gotten one degree, and I am supposed to be going back for 2 more (5-year, 2-degree plan engineering+language), but I'm not sure if I want to simply because it means I'll be stuck in this region for even longer.

Anyway, on your situation.. it sounds as though you're still in that state of love where it's all fresh and great, so it's probably your boyfriend that is making you want to move back home. That's not a very good reason, because you could well break up tomorrow.

I guess you've got to weigh the positives and negatives of not going to school. You don't really HAVE to 'grow up,' just pay your bills and you will be fine. Doesn't mean your life will be grand, but money doesn't really have anything to do with that anyway. Isn't that what we go to college for, after all?

Tell me about it, i hate this fucking city, and i hate the fucking people here.

Im barely showing up for my classes, and im pretty sure im fucking myself over royally in most of them.

Cheer up though, im sure it will get better.

Thanks, guys. I guess I do just have to stick the year out. That thought makes me even more depressed. I know it will be better for me in the long run to get an education. I'm just having trouble seeing through my sadness.

Argon, I'm in the pharmacology honours degree program, but there's not way my GPA will be high enough to stay in. You said you messed up your first semester, right? Well, you got another chance, right? I don't know how university works, can I just take my classes again next semester and graduate a semester late???

Also, in other news I just found out that three girls that I used to swim with are on Canada's national B team. Two of the girls I beat on a regular basis. I feel like even more of a failure. Yeah, synchro isn't going to get you anywhere in life, but atleast they're accomplishing something and may even become olympians. Sigh.

Sick_Boy, why ARE you going to the U of A when you could go to U of C? I'm sure it has a pharmacology program...

Well, half of U is the social & 'away from home' experience...not just the larnin'.

Have you thought of getting a part-time job? Help keep you too busy to think? Of course, you'd have to consider the hours with relation to seeing your love-muffin?

With the number of different jobs available, if you do the year, you could go through half a dozen? While your doing that you can consider what to do with your life?

Perhaps some new career idears will become apparent. Y'know if you replicate that doesn't mean you won't need work skills for at home work/part-time/kid's-in-school jobs.

Maybe dig up a SAIT/MRC catalogue & peruse them at lesiure & while your making good use of the money you've already spent? Sure, Alberty is crying out for retail workers & some people just will not work at any sit-down-job? What suits youse is the question?

Do you read 9 Chickweed Lane? The last couple of weeks with the Vet coming to the farm? She's a former Biology student of Dr. Juliette Burber.

Dr. Burber, thought she was a mouth-breathing neandrethal & the Vet thought the Prof was a mean & cruel taskmaster. Today she told the prof she's been wanting to 'tell her off & thank her for years'.

Pre-med is hard. Yer not even started that yet are youse? You've really got to burn for it or how can you ever schedule your time to get everything done?

Are you thmokin' enou'/too mu'/too li'?

>>>Have you become desynchronious?

When was the last time you looked for a fellow thwimmer to hit the pool with? Or have you become chronically de-chlorinated? 40 laps 3x/wk oughta clear out your head...

[This message has been edited by moonmeister (edited 10-24-2006).]

Hahaha. I did like Argon did; I was placed on academic probation my first semester for doing so bad. Now I've raised my GPA up to about a 3.0. It just takes work. And I'm definitely going to graduate late, probably not until I'm 24 or 25. I took a year off when I developed a tic disorder. Doesn't bother me though. I'm happy that I'm going somewhere and doing something I enjoy.

My advice is to find something you're really passionate about. You can't just think "Oh, that's interesting." or "That'll make me alot of money". You'll bore yourself out of school. You have to find something you love, and let that drive you through school. Like, I love movies, tv, video production. I like making stuff that entertains people. And I'm a Mass Media major. What do you love that made you choose to be a pharmacology major? And if you don't really care about it, you can always change majors.

^^^I hope it wasn't 'Baltics'? Well, it turned out ok.

If I were you I would probably be depressed too. I couldn't stand living far away from my house for that long. But ya know, if you turn back now and go home = money wasted and a year you could have had towards college and you will be more miserable later. So I would say, just stick it out now and take the pain, then later you will get a good job and be happy with your life. How far are you away from home? If possible go home when you can and visit. Like thanksgiving (coming up) and christmas. Eventually shit gets easier and you will be happy again. I am still a freshman in highschool and am all jumbled up about where I want to go to college and what I want to learn about. I can go to a shitty college which is only 30 miles away, or I can go to a really good college (UT) which is like 2-3 hours away.

Okay, I just cried on the phone to my parents. They're being really supportive so I feel a bit better now. My plan is to go to the doctor tomorrow and cry to him and see if he can help me. I think if I'm allowed to, I'll just start the semester over again in January. Or I'll transfer to U of C.

Dem, U of C doesn't have pharmacology. Although I'm seriously doubting my choice as I hate my labs with a passion.

moonmeister, I couldn't handle a job right now, I can barely leave my room.

Although swimming is a great idea. I love it. But I hate having to have a shower after and do my hair and makeup and stuff.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

Argon, I'm in the pharmacology honours degree program, but there's not way my GPA will be high enough to stay in. You said you messed up your first semester, right? Well, you got another chance, right? I don't know how university works, can I just take my classes again next semester and graduate a semester late???

At my uni, you can retake a course you got a D or F in and get it replaced. Some sort of forgiveness policy. Check your student handbok or ask your advisor.

I could have been in honors, but I see absolutely no point to it. At least in my field I am not judged by my grades but more importantly how much experience I have had.

Plus its lots of bullshit to wade through and not any good perks to get me interested.

You can get a good job even without honors. Your family might not like that you may drop it, but who cares; at least you got an education, right? My aunt didnt do that honors stuff and she is a research chemist for Bayer and works with meth all day. Shes also married to an editor-in-chief of a major news publication.

Honors doesnt necessarilly mean success. You are what you make of yourself.

To be a realist though, your probably not going to be able to keep honors status. You messed up and the opportunity seems to have left you. I have a very fatalist philosophy towards situations I cannot control because of my mistakes, and I think you need to adopt it.

So you fucked up. Just say to yourself "So what?". Evaluate what is really important. Getting any education is more important than a gold sticker that says "I R h0nerz grad!". Pick up where you left off and try your damnedest to do better.

Last year in Cal2, I didnt attend hardly any classes. First test rolls around and I make an 85. Ok, so I dont attend more. Next test, 45. Then 48. Then 40.

I said fuck that shit and I beat the shit out of the final and got a B. (The final score replaced the lowest test grade ) Of course I had my calculator do the problems I didnt understand (yay for calcs that show their work!) and check my answers.

I dont recommend cheating, but thats something I had to do to make sure I didnt fail.

Your degree doesnt require you to memorize the entire compendium of all prescription drugs on the market, does it? Of course not. Sometimes its not a matter of what you know, but more a matter of whether r not you know where to find the answer.

Wise words from my boss.

Best of luck to you.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

Okay, I just cried on the phone to my parents. They're being really supportive so I feel a bit better now. My plan is to go to the doctor tomorrow and cry to him and see if he can help me. I think if I'm allowed to, I'll just start the semester over again in January. Or I'll transfer to U of C.

Start over?! It's already halfway through semester. I should tell you, I dropped out of highschool. I got into a private college when I just turned 17. I got about as far into the semester as you are now, and I had an obsessive-compulsive breakdown (I have OCD) and withdrew. I could be senior right now if I'd stuck through that first year. Plus, I completely wasted $8,000 of my parents' money. If you're depressed, get some medication and at least pull through the semester. You've come this far. You owe it to yourself to try and pull through.

^^^

I haven't learnt a single thing yet. And not knowing half the material does not bode well for my final marks...

Anyway, my parents are okay with that idea, so that's what I'm going to try and do.

Chels.

1.) Go talk to a guidance counselor in student services. You aren't in as much trouble as it seems.

2.) Your boyfriend cares and you have nothing to worry over. He is working in the trades, a man can make an excellent living in the trades. Especially if he has a supportive girlfriend, or wife.

3.) You're doing what you want to be doing. It's just hard because you're stumbling. You'll find your footing. No need to be concerned over that, everyone stumbles sometimes.

Edit: Student Services will help you and have a variety of excellent options for you. Go see them tomorrow, as soon as you wake up; if you have an early class, go right afterwards.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-25-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

I apologise in advance for the emo nature of this post...

Anyway, as some of you may know, I'm at university and living in res. I've been working towards this for two years. And now that I have it, I'm fucking miserable. I'm so homesick, I'm failing most of my classes, and I miss my boyfriend so much, I can barely get out of bed.

Basically, I don't want to grow up. But I know know that I have to. I feel like a fucking failure. I don't doubt my intelligence, but I don't know if I have the drive to actually get a degree. And I kind of feel like I'm only at school because society tells me that's what I'm supposed to do, not because I actually belong here.

But what am I supposed to do? I don't want to work in a liquor store for the rest of my life. I'm thinking of writing this year off and going to school at home. It'll still suck, but atleast I'll have my family/boyfriend/friends around me. I don't know.

My older sister is going to have 3 degress by the time she's 24. She's the perfect one, I'm the fucked up druggy daughter that everyone has to baby. My younger sister just dropped out of nursing school, and I don't know if my mom could handle it if she had two drop out daughters. On the other hand, shouldn't I be doing this for myself, not for my mom? My mom has a degree, and within a few years of graduating she had married and had my older sister and hasn't worked since. So wasn't it kind of pointless for her to go to school?

I want to stay home when I have kids, but I don't want kids yet. Also, I'm seriously considering marrying my boyfriend. I always imagined myself with a white collar guy, which my boyfriend is definitely not. He'll probably never be able to support me and any kids we have.

Fuck, sorry for this rant, I'm just fucking depressed.





Hmm, from what i read it sounds like me.

(male version)

But honestly....To long, didn't read.

Peace hottie,

Nikkuh

Uh this is gonna sound so harsh but I saw this A LOT last year when I was in university halls with my friends.

You need to fucking LET GO and try something new. The amount of people that bitch about 1st year university is astounding.

You can't come to totse and expect us to fix your problem, you can't go to your parents and expect them to fix your problem - its you that needs to pull yourself together and get on with your life and no one else can do it for you.

Do you enjoy the class content of what you're learning? Thought of changing your degree or major.

Hell if you really can't make it out in the real world right now then look into going to a university in your home town.

Or, take a few more years off - work out what you really want to do - grow up a bit (sorry but you seem as though you really need to do a lot of that!) - live in a flat (in other words, out of home) and work a boring job because that'll make you realise how much you'll wanna go back to university and do something with your life.

Life isn't meant to be easy, getting a degree isn't meant to be easy either - you have to work for it.

1st year generally gets rid of the people that don't have the drive to handle 3+ years of higher study.

Outside of a few people I know that are just here to drink, everybody I've met is or has felt just like you are now. I'm having a lot of trouble getting used to this place.

I have an A going in chemistry. I have an A going in trigonometry. I've written articles for upcoming issues of Wisconsin Engineer. I'm failing calculus. I do not know what to do about calculus. I have no motivation at all to learn it other than to avoid a failing grade. At first failure seemed to be a possibility; now failure is a probability. It is literally going to ruin my entire year and I don't know what to do about it. I've been putting in ten, fifteen hours of studying every week and it's bringing me nowhere.

The social aspect of college is really different than what I'd thought and wanted it to be. I've not branched out much past the friends I had from high school that are going here. I've got a plethora of new names in my phone book, but I can't remember who any of them are as they were mainly all added in an inebriated state. Living in these dorms is absolutely killing me; I hate them. But, I've found a four person flat to live in next year.

What I'm saying is that the things your feeling are not unique to you. If you pull through this, you'll be a stronger person. It's the way you handle these kind of events that will define you as a person. I know I need to get my ass in gear, and you know that you have to also. Perhaps we'll figure it out; but maybe we wont. But it'd be a shame if either of us just gave up because of a rough start.

Hold strong.

If it'd 'help' we'll try to manipulate you into posting pics? A la 'vulnerable girl tricked into posting nudes she later regrets'?

You know how reafirming the praise you'd get would help your self-image?

I'm going through something.. kind of similar. Even though this is my third semester (second full semester).

Another difference is that I haven't had a home for a few years now.

Only one thing to do.....GET CRUNK!....Seriously. Get wasted. You'll feel better.

I'm a Residential Advisor in a Uni Residence Hall here in NZ. You're not alone, the student services at your uni will *definitely* be able to help.

A chick in my hall went through a similar situation last semester, we got along well so I helped her through a bit. Thought of talking to your RA? We RAs can be helpful you know!!!

kAtE- makes some pretty good points too... Good luck. Remember life goes on and you'll make it through



[This message has been edited by Mattimeo (edited 10-25-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:



Basically, I don't want to grow up. But I know know that I have to. I feel like a fucking failure. I don't doubt my intelligence, but I don't know if I have the drive to actually get a degree. And I kind of feel like I'm only at school because society tells me that's what I'm supposed to do, not because I actually belong here.

My older sister is going to have 3 degress by the time she's 24. She's the perfect one, I'm the fucked up druggy daughter that everyone has to baby. My younger sister just dropped out of nursing school, and I don't know if my mom could handle it if she had two drop out daughters. On the other hand, shouldn't I be doing this for myself, not for my mom? My mom has a degree, and within a few years of graduating she had married and had my older sister and hasn't worked since. So wasn't it kind of pointless for her to go to school?



OK sound like you have a lot of issues that have all built up.

Lets start from the top. You say University so I guess your British - its your life and your career - and I'm sorry but if your parents cant handle that, its their problem - just ram home the fact its your life. Sounds harsh I know, but that gets them off your back for one. Both me and my brother dropped out of doing A-Levels at private school - we both grew sick and tired of our parents constant push push push method. All I'm saying is, when you feel ready to do a degree then do it then - just becuase your big sisters a high flyer doesnt mean your grey matter ticks over the same way.

Take a year out - have an explore around if you can, see if somthing other than what your careers adviser suggests takes your fancy.

Relationships. If he's not what your looking for then dont hang onto him. Honestly if you dont feel happy baout what your doing, talk to him, tell him how you feel - if hes got any sence upstairs he'll know you're troubled by something in your relationship. University doesnt help couples either - most childhood or college/school relationships end with Uni and thats a sad fact...the distance, the number of new and interesting faces, and the almost certain overspending of transport to see each other generally runs you into the ground.

To be honest, if you have to commitment with him, turn over a new page - will be tough, but it'll be a big worry off your mind - and at your age you deffinately shouldnt be planning kids...no way.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

If it'd 'help' we'll try to manipulate you into posting pics? A la 'vulnerable girl tricked into posting nudes she later regrets'?



You sir, are twisted and need to suck that shit up...now.



[This message has been edited by neville122333 (edited 10-25-2006).]

Listen to what moonmeister says

PARTICULARLY in regards to the naked pics.

I know exactly what you're feeling. I started at a university when I was 15 (I skipped 3 years in school) and I have to say...I was completely overwhealmed. Everyone else in my classes was so much older than me...I would lie and say I was 18, but I don't think people bought it.:P I ended up dropping out when I was 16, because I couldn't handle the pressure.

I have never regretted not finishing my degree...And BTW, my husband doesn't have a white collar job and he supports our family. I've never had a job the entire time we've been married (I like being a homemaker) and while money has been tight in the past, we were able to do all right.

Don't think that a guy can't support you on a "blue collar" salary.

Oh...And maybe you should give all of the partying you've been doing a rest? I used to do a LOT of drugs and I drank all of the time and my life SUCKED. Why not try having fun when you're not baked?

After High School I had to do a whole lot of growing up in a really short period of time.

The last day of my exams I had our formal that night, worked the weekend and then started a second job on the Monday...This went on for 3 months until I was told to get a "real" job and go to uni...AND?!?

So yeah now I work 2 jobs (one fulltime and one part time) and do uni externally. When I went to my res school I was an absolute wreck but somehow got through it.

As for my advice it would be to look into any possibility of doing your study externally and trying to land a job in the field with professionals that can help you out with your uni work, whilst being close to those you love...and probably even getting a bit of cash in hand.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:



On a slight downer, dont put too much imagination into your dreams of getting married to your boyfriend,ect.

I allways thought I'd marry my ex, and it turns out that whilst I was staring at wedding dresses mournfully, he was plotting a way to fuck me over once and for all.

So yeah, never imagine long long term happy thoughts about your partner, because as soon as you start to feel hope and optimisim about such things you're setting yourself up to be pwned.



^THIS is so fucking important, good that some one mentioned it. Stop thinking about your future with him, youll get a break down asap after that, Ive also done a few days back (feeding my hope and getting wasted) which caused me to fuck up some pretty important things.

As I tell every single homesick fresher, suck it up and get on with things. Yes you miss home, yes you miss your boyfriend, but you are in a position so many people will not ever get to be in.

Join societies, get out there and meet people. If you get shot down then theres another few thousand potential friends out there! Attend all your lectures, do the work, get the pass mark (in first year the mark doesn't count for most courses over here).

Seriously, you need to gain independence, and once you realise this you will start having fun!

Good luck

Edit: yeah, lay off the drugs for a bit.

[This message has been edited by Twiggy (edited 10-25-2006).]

I completely understand. the only panic attack I ever got in my life was when I thought about how I'd have to leave this place soon to go off to college and how much I wanted things to stay the same.

don't worry about it, you'll be just fine. do what you think is best for you, but in the long run it'll definitely be a good idea to finish your studies and get a degree. don't put too much pressure on yourself, though.

peace.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

Listen to what moonmeister says

PARTICULARLY in regards to the naked pics.

Is moonmeister ever wrong?

...Unfortunatly...

raped idiot :/