ok well my best friend is a female and shes pretty much the female version of me. We do have a couple of things not in common but not very many things. But anywho she usually spends the night after we go out to a club/bar or are just hanging out. We cuddle and what not in bed and she sleep in my bed with me and wakes up and wears my t-shirts/sweaters/shorts around before she showers. There has always been mixed singals between us. But I have a gf. So is this wrong?

Well it's wrong in the sense that you two already act like a couple, so really you're not acting monagomous. However, you still technically are loyal to your girlfriend, so while in my eyes it's a bit strange and suspect, you're still technically in the clear and sometimes that's all that matters.

I wouldn't bother with other girls though. What you have with your friend sounds pretty awesome. But that's a whole 'nother issue.

It's only wrong if your girlfriend thinks it is.

She has sufficient reason to be jealous/pissed off.

But she also has sufficient reason to trust you.

Cut the physical contact down, to almost non existant.

Sleeping together isn't the issue so much as the cuddling is.

your girlfriend WILL be pissed off, and rightfully so. maybe you're just friends, but it's not very respectful to her. couldn't you be friends minus the sleeping and being naked around each other?

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

your girlfriend WILL be pissed off, and rightfully so. maybe you're just friends, but it's not very respectful to her. couldn't you be friends minus the sleeping and being naked around each other?

I think you're right. This kind of behavior is cool if you aren't in a relationship, but if you have a girlfriend, OP, you need to respect her by not being so affectionate with other people. Despite the fact that your relationship with your friend sounds fucking awesome, you really need to cut back a little. I'd feel pretty jealous if my girlfriend were doing this kind of stuff, and you'd feel jealous too if she were sleeping with a guy, I imagine. Think about it, and decide what to do. I think you already know what you should do.

Your girlfriend should trust you enough.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I am one of those people who like physical affection whether or not it includes sex.

The world would be a lot better if people could curl up happily side by side in bed.

I can see how it might annoy your girlfriend, but if it were me, I'd understand.

Well first off you should tell your girlfriend.

And if she doesn't like it, she has every right to be really pissed off.

I mean, if you found out that your girl was cuddling and sleeping in the same bed as some random guy, wouldn't you be a little concerned? Especially since you know they could be doing more things then that.

I have a few female friends who I sleep with somewhat regularly in a nonsexual manner....it's nice sharing a bed.

When I got into a relationship last semester, I stopped doing it. I know I'd be pissed if my girlfriend was sharing a bed with other guys.

my gf already knows we are close and she already knows that she spends the night just not in the same bed. I would be with my best friend but things are very complicated.

Your story sounds a lot like Michael Jacksons. Just slept, no sex. Similarly, I don't know if anyone will buy that.

That would make me really uncomfortable if it were my girl and a male friend.

Whilst you are being faithful, you are sharing a part of your life that should be reserved for your girlfriend and your girlfriend alone.

It's not fucking in the bed that would get me going...More like the idea that she can get close to another guy and be comforted enough by him as much as me.

That would drive me to kill him.

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:



It's not fucking in the bed that would get me going...More like the idea that she can get close to another guy and be comforted enough by him as much as me.

That would drive me to kill him.

I agree entirely. That shit would drive me mad.

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

ok well my best friend is a female and shes pretty much the female version of me. We do have a couple of things not in common but not very many things. But anywho she usually spends the night after we go out to a club/bar or are just hanging out. We cuddle and what not in bed and she sleep in my bed with me and wakes up and wears my t-shirts/sweaters/shorts around before she showers. There has always been mixed singals between us. But I have a gf. So is this wrong?



Nah man its not wrong, i know a friend who does this all time time.

And ive done it with my sisters friends (who are 13)

So no its not wrong, just don't let your penis take control.But by reading your post im not even worried about that.

seems decent man, take it ez,

peace,

I am unbelievably envious of that relationship you have with your friend. Especially if she's a babe.

If I was her, it would drive me mad. It's not the fact that she's spending the night, or even sleeping in the same bed... the cuddling might bother me, but it's the fact that you said she stays over after going to clubs... which implies drinking. I wouldn't be upset, exactly, just sort of irritated.

Can one cheat emotionally?

-F☺rd

If it wouldn't be "wrong" if you didn't have that girlfriend, then it certainly isn't wrong now... sounds quite nice actually.

The only problem would arise in that this girlfriend might be the sort to have her feelings hurt by something like this, you're going to have to talk to your girlfriend, a lot. Talk to both of them about it.

If you're loving several people, and not just trying to fuck as many things as possible, then you sound like an A+ human being to me.

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:

It's not fucking in the bed that would get me going...More like the idea that she can get close to another guy and be comforted enough by him as much as me.

That would drive me to kill him.

I'd rather a girlfriend be as happy as possible than dependent on me for comfort.

quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect:

Can one cheat emotionally?

It's not cheating at all. There's no sexual intent.

Read the introductory section to this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_friendship) (Thanks again for that link, Abi ). If your partner trusts you absolutely, it shouldn't be an issue. Although it unfortunately is for most people. It'll be a hard one to explain to your girlfriend.

Then again, I'm biased, I have a relationship like this ^^.

Yeah I had a similar experience recently with a guy friend of mine, but it wasn't exactly the same because we didn't really cuddle, just slept in the same bed. He has a girlfriend, and he said neither of them are the jealous type, plus he said he thinks of me in a protective way like a little sister.

The part that would bother me if I was your girlfriend would be that you said you and your friend would be dating but it's complicated. That implies that even though your actions are innocent, your feelings aren't and the actions could change.

Be honest with your girlfriend, and if she doesn't like it knock it off with the cuddling. Honestly, if you feel guilty enough about it to ask, you probably already know you shouldn't be doing it.

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

So is this wrong?

Only if you would get pissed if your girlfriend did the same with one of her male friends.

It's only wrong because you say you cuddle in bed.

Thats over the line.

It's not wrong technically: it's wrong from of the moment you cheat being kissing. You don't kiss her so purely technically seen, it's not a "wrong" situation. Furthermore I'd just keep doing it but be careful; keep the cuddling part for yourself. It'd be a pain in the ass to explain and as soon as you tell her and she gets pissed you're fucked whether you say you won't do it anymore: this implies you knew it was wrong and will hurt her feelings even worse, resulting in a dump or saying you didn't know she found it wrong, she'll think of you as a liar in this case resulting in a dump too plus if you really didn't know you wouldn't have asked.

quote:Originally posted by Flock:

Your girlfriend should trust you enough.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but I am one of those people who like physical affection whether or not it includes sex.

The world would be a lot better if people could curl up happily side by side in bed.

I can see how it might annoy your girlfriend, but if it were me, I'd understand.



There's nothing bloody wrong with what your doing, except possibly that your lying to your girlfriend and there's nothing wrong with that if she never finds out because your not doing anything wrong. The only problem would be if she decided to go and get all jelous. Just keep it to yourself and carry on the way you are.

mmm, same situation here.. exept for i'm single. Ohw and we don't cuddle cause we both hate cuddlin.. did have sex in the past though



But i know how such a thing can be nothin but friendship... nothin wrong with that.. as long as it doesn't fuck up your relationship, so if your gf's ok with it, it's cool

well she is my best friend, we talk everyday and see eachother at least 4-5 times a week. I see my gf maybe 4-5 times a week and talk to her everyday too. My gf already knows that she spends the nights and I did tell her that we would be dating but its complicated. Yes, my best friend is a babe. My gf is also a babe. Would I dump my gf for my best friend? Maybe depending on the situation I would have to think long and hard on that one. I wish my best friend wasn't a girl.

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

ok well my best friend is a female and shes pretty much the female version of me. We do have a couple of things not in common but not very many things. But anywho she usually spends the night after we go out to a club/bar or are just hanging out. We cuddle and what not in bed and she sleep in my bed with me and wakes up and wears my t-shirts/sweaters/shorts around before she showers. There has always been mixed singals between us. But I have a gf. So is this wrong?

Trust me, that's really really fucking wrong!



you fucking asshole. If you're gonna do that shit with some girl who isnt your girlfriend, dont you think you're dating the wrong girl?!?

I dont know about you, but if a guy I was dating not only shared a fucking bed with some bitch, but snuggled with her, too, I'd dump your fucking ass so quick and I'd rip that fucking bitches face off.



Fucking bastard. Stop dragging your poor girlfriend around whilst feeding this cunts ego by basically, cheating on your girl.



What a nasty cunt. I really hope she gets her nose broken for daring to do that shit with another girls guy.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I dont know about you, but if a guy I was dating not only shared a fucking bed with some bitch, but snuggled with her, too, I'd dump your fucking ass so quick and I'd rip that fucking bitches face off.

No offense, but according to your recent posts, you would then wonder if he was cold and hungry, and want to get back with him because you miss him so.

quote:Originally posted by Mr.Happy:

It's not cheating at all. There's no sexual intent.

Then again, I'm biased, I have a relationship like this ^^.

Me too. And although I don't see it as a problem, I'm sure my girlfriend would :/

I dislike that cheating is only defined by sexual intent. Sure, I'd be unhappy if my girl was banging other men. But if there were to be an intense emotional connection between them, it would be a completely different monster.

-F☺rd

quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect:

Me too. And although I don't see it as a problem, I'm sure my girlfriend would :/

I dislike that cheating is only defined by sexual intent. Sure, I'd be unhappy if my girl was banging other men. But if there were to be an intense emotional connection between them, it would be a completely different monster.

-F☺rd

But would you be completely ok for your girl to cuddle with her male friends and stay the night and wear his shorts? If so, they yes your position is justified. But if there is any doubt in your mind that you wouldn't let her do that, then that (in my mind) is crossing the line.

Cheating in my view is doing something that you wouldn't like your significant other doing.

quote:Originally posted by naive_wisdom:

But would you be completely ok for your girl to cuddle with her male friends and stay the night and wear his shorts? If so, they yes your position is justified. But if there is any doubt in your mind that you wouldn't let her do that, then that (in my mind) is crossing the line.

Cheating in my view is doing something that you wouldn't like your significant other doing.

No, I agree with you. It would certainly tear me up to hear she was doing that :/

I think wikipedia says it best:

"Many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy."

Yep. I'd have to agree with that.

-F☺rd

I slept in the same bed as a (girl) friend of mine, but my (real) girlfriend was chill with it.

Just as long as your gf knows you love her...

cuddling-i say no.

That cuddling will eventually lead to a kiss. Thats what happend to me I used to hang out with my best friend(female) every day in the forest and we used to cuddle when it was a bit colder then one day we kissed... When you start to develop feelings for her youll know if shes worth it.

*** I was high when I wrote this IDK if it makes sense peace... ***

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

I think you're right. This kind of behavior is cool if you aren't in a relationship, but if you have a girlfriend, OP, you need to respect her by not being so affectionate with other people. Despite the fact that your relationship with your friend sounds fucking awesome, you really need to cut back a little. I'd feel pretty jealous if my girlfriend were doing this kind of stuff, and you'd feel jealous too if she were sleeping with a guy, I imagine. Think about it, and decide what to do. I think you already know what you should do.

Whoa! Since when did being in a relationship mean you couldn't be affectionate with other people?

If I was going steady with a girl and for whatever reason she didn't like the way I was around other people.. thats HER problem, not mine. And I WONT change my personallity on account of some broad.

quote:Originally posted by outcast234:

Whoa! Since when did being in a relationship mean you couldn't be affectionate with other people?

If I was going steady with a girl and for whatever reason she didn't like the way I was around other people.. thats HER problem, not mine. And I WONT change my personallity on account of some broad.

He's drunk cuddling with a girl who isn't his girlfriend, and then not being honest with her about it either. Affection isn't a big deal, but that kind of behavior really isn't proper when one has a relationship. I didn't mean ANY affection. I meant over affectionate. You don't kiss other girls or sleep in their beds when you're in a relationship. If you want to do those things, you stay single. I'm not a jealous person, and I don't get bent out of shape over stupid things. This kind of thing, though, I think is too much. At the least the OP needs to talk to his girlfriend about it. If she's ok with it, then great. Chances are she won't be happy with it, and then it might as well be cheating because her trust may be damaged. Either way, it's just easier not to do shit like this because it makes life complicated. Sleep with your girlfriend, not your friend.

Outcast, this really isn't about her trying to change him, because she doesn't even know what he's doing. This is another matter entirely. I don't change myself for other people, but I also don't sleep with friends, so there's not really anything I have to change about my habits if I'm dating someone.

wow u lucky bugger. I used to do this kind thing when I was 12/13 where you had no sexual intent, just cuddling or sleeping close together either for warmth or just friendly contact.

A relationship like that is pretty cool so long as, as above, you and your girlfriend are trustworthy of each other and your relationship is sound.

quote:Originally posted by neville122333:

wow u lucky bugger. I used to do this kind thing when I was 12/13 where you had no sexual intent, just cuddling or sleeping close together either for warmth or just friendly contact.

A relationship like that is pretty cool so long as, as above, you and your girlfriend are trustworthy of each other and your relationship is sound.

I'd rather sleep with my girlfriend!

Tesla. That person is sorta like your twin, right? Everything is ok except for the spooning.

That's kinda weird. It's like you have this platonic wife(b/f) with a mistress(G/f) on the side.

Good luck. I hope you don't fuck up both of those relationships.

I'd consider it cheating because your gf would be pissed if she found out.

Im actually on the opposite side of this...

My best friend ( a babe as well) has a boyfriend, and she spends the night at my house and we cuddle everytime. Liek the op, she wears my shirts and boxers ect...

but then again her and I have been friends for Ages, and have dated on and off, and basically been through everything together, so even if her boyfriend raised a fuss, things wouldnt change...because (true) friends last forever, lovers come and go.

Well my best friend and I have tried to get together but its VERY complicated. Its not that we want to ruin our friendship either its not that just alot of other stuff but I don't think all of you wanna hear all about that stuff.

You obviously like your friend in a non-platonic way ( You're desire for a relationship beyond what you already have implies that.) Sugah, in the end, once the shit hits the fan..you're gonna have to choose. Chicks will say everything's fine and "pretend" to be "ok" with the situation, but they aren't. You're girlfriend will be so filled with rage one day, that everything will just come out, whether you want to hear it or not.

You know what they say : Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Hmmm I suppose its alrite.

But if you were cuddling her and you got an erection, THATS when the shit hits the fan.

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

Well my best friend and I have tried to get together but its VERY complicated. Its not that we want to ruin our friendship either its not that just alot of other stuff but I don't think all of you wanna hear all about that stuff.

I'm intreged - can you tell us more?

quote:Originally posted by neville122333:

I'm intreged - can you tell us more?

Me too!

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

Outcast, this really isn't about her trying to change him, because she doesn't even know what he's doing. This is another matter entirely. I don't change myself for other people, but I also don't sleep with friends, so there's not really anything I have to change about my habits if I'm dating someone.



This might be the reason I've had alot of people tell me I need to settle down.. I just can't stand relationships. I'm all about living for the moment, and if that moment happens to entail my best female friend and her bed, then well.. I'm not gonna feel bad, or need to clear it with anyone, or think to myself: Is what I'm doing considered cheating?

Speaking of which.. OP if you have to ask yourself what you are doing is considered cheating in a standard relationship.. then it is.. or it's close enough to the line that you shouldn't do it.

If you want to do these things, then don't be in a relationship.

I was going to say "yeah I've done that" to the title of the thread, but that was when I didn't have a girlfriend at all.

I wouldn't do it while having a girlfriend, mostly because the only girl-best-friend I ever really had moved away to Colorado a few years back. Also, her and I only slept in the same bed once and that was ages ago. That's irrelevant. Ok. WTF was I talking about..

Oh yeah, I think it's wrong in that you want to be with this girl, but can't be for whatever reason. So, yeah, cut it out. Or just break up with your girlfriend and keep doing it.

Sounds like you get more out of your relationship with your best friend anyway.

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

ok well my best friend is a female and shes pretty much the female version of me. We do have a couple of things not in common but not very many things. But anywho she usually spends the night after we go out to a club/bar or are just hanging out. We cuddle and what not in bed and she sleep in my bed with me and wakes up and wears my t-shirts/sweaters/shorts around before she showers. There has always been mixed singals between us. But I have a gf. So is this wrong?

Same exact thing used to happen with me, only I never had a girlfriend at the time...and the girl that it used to happen with has been my girlfriend for about 7 months now (after the fact). But to answer your question, it depends on whether or not your girlfriend knows. Personally, mine would crucify me if I did something like that without making it clear that it was strictly platonic, and even then she'd be pissed. So I say it rests in her. If my girl did the same thing, I'd be mad.