Does anyone else find themselves looking in the mirror at themselves, picking out every little thing wrong with them, and blaming that for failed relationships?

Every week for a few days, I will find myself working out like a mad man, thinking if I can get slightly more defined "abs" or bigger arms, nicer pecs, that girls will just flock to me and fall head over heals in love with me.

I litterally go into depression when I dont see dramatic changes within a day or two.

So ya, anyone else do similar things?

Nope, I realize girls are only as shallow as I let them be.

[This message has been edited by Rykoshet (edited 10-19-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Rykoshet:

Nope, I realize girls are only as shallow as I let them be.



Thats deep man. You may have just changed my life.

^ I think he's done so for the better.

I'm a fat bastard, no sense in being something I'm not. If I find a chick, she'll either like me in spite of being a fat bastard, or because of it. I don't let it get to me.

im already perfect i just have to find a nonretarded girl that sees that

I used to, but not anymore. I had a few discussions with women saying they preferred men of my muscle tone.

Bigger (in muscle size), is apparantly not better all of the time.

So I relaxed a little. I still work out and enjoy it, but I don't place the importance on it I once did.

I wouldn't get too obsessed with your body man, it almost sounds like megarexia (intense emotional pain for not believing that you're big enough).

im nto fat, but im not thin. im 220lb and 6'0. not much muscle. but i still get girls cuz im nice and considerate and fun to be around. if a girl dosen tlike your looks then you shouldnt wanna be with her anyways.

eh, ive seen some guys in action, guys with serious looks deficiencies, such as SERIOUS acne, picking up incredibly hot girls.

quote:Originally posted by Garfunkel:

eh, ive seen some guys in action, guys with serious looks deficiencies, such as SERIOUS acne, picking up incredibly hot girls.

Ummm, do they give free consultations?

When I was younger I was overweight. In the summer going into Jr. year I got off these meds for ADHD, started running each night and eating healthier. I lost alot of weight in a few months, started feeling better about myself and started getting more girls.

But if your happy with how you look, fuck em.

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

Ummm, do they give free consultations?

lol.. im actually to be taken under the wing of one of them rather soon... it'll really be quite amusing, as he's NEVER had a problem with picking up.. and usually when I'm out my first priority is to smash my liver/mind within an inch of its life.

Yeah, theres a lot about my body I would love too and I do have goals. But i really don't care as much as i used to. Just instead of feeling like shit, then put all that rage and frustration into working out. I used to to a repeing set of pushups, dips, situps, and pullups that I used to do until failure. I passed out once doing weighed situps. Better then cutting. Then it just becomes enjoyable to work out, thats your relief of the day. Then you days have less stress because none of the stress from the day before is left over. Plus you will have more energy because you are working out all the time and all the extra energy shows and people want to hang out with you. You now become the crazy fun guy. By this time you are also in shape because of all the working out and you look good. So then you look good and you will be around a bunch of people, some of them girls, looking to meet good looking people and find you have a good time and then want in on it. You get the rest.

yeah, i just started writing. I am SO tired I just wanted it to end lol.

quote:Originally posted by streetjusticeforall:



I litterally go into depression when I dont see dramatic changes within a day or two.

So ya, anyone else do similar things?

Yep. Every word.



In fact, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl right now, one who likes me very much tells me that repeatedly.

And yet I'm constantly wondering why she’d settle for me. When she could do so muc better.



-F☺rd

Nah, I don't blame my looks for failed relationships. I'd likely blame them for rejection upon first meeting/expressing interest in someone, but beyond that point, they obviously found a way to "tolerate" my physical defects and enter into a relationship with me, so there's not much point second guessing that. If they're better looking than me, I may wonder what they see in me, aesthetically, but I don't lose sleep over it or anything. If a breakup occurs, I generally attribute it to conficts of interest, or flaws in my personality, or how I deal with relationships and intimacy, etc.

[This message has been edited by buster_hymen (edited 10-19-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect:

Yep. Every word.



In fact, I'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl right now, one who likes me very much tells me that repeatedly.

And yet I'm constantly wondering why she’d settle for me. When she could do so muc better.



-F☺rd

[/B]

You could actually use that in a positive way to keep yourself on your toes. If you feel inadequate, why not better yourself, if not for you than for her.

quote:Originally posted by plehem12:

im already perfect i just have to find a nonretarded girl that sees that

lol word

quote:Originally posted by Rykoshet:

Nope, I realize girls are only as shallow as I let them be.



QFT. It works both ways, though. Usually it's even worse the other way around. Men judge womens bodies as almost a reflex. Most of the time they don't even notice they're doing it. Whereas, with women, women don't usually date men because they're "beautiful". It's a rare occurance that there is actually a "beautiful" man. The male physique is just designed different. Women typically date men for personality.

Cheers,

Lost

Not me, I'm sexy.

quote:Originally posted by streetjusticeforall:

Does anyone else find themselves looking in the mirror at themselves, picking out every little thing wrong with them, and blaming that for failed relationships?

No, I look for all the flaws, then blame my lack of confidence on them, then blame my nonexistant relationships on my lack of confidence.

Similar, but distinct.

As a general point I think blaming any one thing is completely silly.

But to be fair, looks ARE one of the hugest factors that determine how long a relationship lasts.

But it's not an individual thing - as in, it's not about YOUR flaws.

It's about the difference in hotness BETWEEN you and the person you're going out with. So it's entirely relative.

It's just a fact of life: people will put up with all kinds of shit if they think the person they're going out with is out of their league. The further out of their league their bf/gf is, in their eyes, the more shit they'll put up with rather than end the relationship.

Of course there are so, so many factors that determine how this dynamic is set up. There's each person's self-perception, the level of attractiveness of each ones former partners (because the current partner will be compared to the track record), the way other people perceive each ones attractiveness etc etc etc...

But seriously, looks ALWAYS come into it.

We might like to ignore the fact that we're animals, but it's impossible to just ignore our animal instincts. They shape our reality, and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 10-19-2006).]

i'm holistic in my self-scrutiny. i blame the physical flaws, the personality flaws, the flaws in self-concept, the social flaws, whatever. i don't have a perfect personality, so why should i attribute my failures only to my physical shortcomings? especially when i know that that's not how i judge other people for the most part. i'm a realist. i'm not a few steps from perfection. i'm light years away.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

QFT. It works both ways, though. Usually it's even worse the other way around. Men judge womens bodies as almost a reflex. Most of the time they don't even notice they're doing it. Whereas, with women, women don't usually date men because they're "beautiful". It's a rare occurance that there is actually a "beautiful" man. The male physique is just designed different. Women typically date men for personality.

Cheers,

Lost

Yeah. I'd say women suffer from blaming themselves more. Certainly why there's so many eating disorders around. I't like the picture of a fat man looking at a mirror and seeing a buff guy. At the same time, a beautiful woman looks in the mirror and sees a fat chick. Same principle.

quote:Originally posted by Rocko:

I'm a fat bastard, no sense in being something I'm not. If I find a chick, she'll either like me in spite of being a fat bastard, or because of it. I don't let it get to me.

Your future hobbies include long walks in the park(at midnight), chronic masterbation and kidnapping.

quote:Originally posted by 057list:

Your future hobbies include long walks in the park(at midnight), chronic masterbation and kidnapping.

Rape: Leveling the playing field since the begining of time.

AHHHAAAHHAA! Your the shit Rocko!

I used to blame my looks.

Now I've just accepted the idea that I just have a shitty personality.

post a pic ipod. I'll tell you if it's your looks or personality

Au contraire, fullcircle.

Getting into the relationship the first time is dependant on looks. Personality and compatibility determine how long it lasts.

quote:Originally posted by 057list:

AHHHAAAHHAA! You're the shit, Rocko!

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

As a general point I think blaming any one thing is completely silly.

But to be fair, looks ARE one of the hugest factors that determine how long a relationship lasts.

But it's not an individual thing - as in, it's not about YOUR flaws.

It's about the difference in hotness BETWEEN you and the person you're going out with. So it's entirely relative.

It's just a fact of life: people will put up with all kinds of shit if they think the person they're going out with is out of their league. The further out of their league their bf/gf is, in their eyes, the more shit they'll put up with rather than end the relationship.

Of course there are so, so many factors that determine how this dynamic is set up. There's each person's self-perception, the level of attractiveness of each ones former partners (because the current partner will be compared to the track record), the way other people perceive each ones attractiveness etc etc etc...

But seriously, looks ALWAYS come into it.

We might like to ignore the fact that we're animals, but it's impossible to just ignore our animal instincts. They shape our reality, and there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

Looks are important. So even if an ugly guy, gets a hot girl (me), it will even come into it if the girl is 100% unshallow. Why? Because MY insecurities become unattractive to her. So even if she's okay with my looks, my whining will turn her off my personallity.

From my whole experience, the one thing I've learnt that help me get a girl out of my league, is the fact that she doesn't compare guys, only the way guys make her feel.

It's a blunt way of saying "physically, you're inferior. But you make me feel better than they do".

Trust me, you don't want a hot girlfriend. Because then it will be hard to go to a non-hot one. I wish I didnt. Because now my standards are unrealistically high. Just be happy with girls of your level.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 10-20-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i'm a realist.



Realistically great, maybe.

quote:Originally posted by Rykoshet:

Yeah. I'd say women suffer from blaming themselves more. Certainly why there's so many eating disorders around. I't like the picture of a fat man looking at a mirror and seeing a buff guy. At the same time, a beautiful woman looks in the mirror and sees a fat chick. Same principle.

It's called dysmorphia. Fun stuff.

Cheers,

Lost

haha i dont look good. but i do what i can.

http://tinyurl.com/yflk7x (no they're not high haha) http://tinyurl.com/yl5w6v http://tinyurl.com/ydlvo6

Meh of course I do that.

Heres me, sorry its a little dark and possibly sideways (and is it just me or does that hat just not look right....).

http://tinyurl.com/w85d6

neither of the guys who posted pics are bad looking. i don't see how your looks would "disqualify" you from anything. at the point you're at it's all about what you do with it.

Its not your looks, its being a shallow depressive asshole that puts the women off.

quote:Originally posted by Oxy-Moron:

Its not your looks, its being a shallow depressive asshole that puts the women off.

Exactly!