So I went back on Monday after missing the Monday before and it was...Wierd. Everyone was so happy to see me, like they'd really missed seeing me or something and it made me both uncomfortable and strangely pleased. I actually suffered an emotional outburst...Not a bad one, but one where I cried. I'd had a really difficult week, like I'd been fighting with Dr. Knob a lot and I also found out that my husband confided some stuff about me to a friend he has at work and that this friend told his wife who is a MAJOR busybody and then she told everyone she has ever known. Well I discovered this when I went to her house and everyone seemed to be acting wierder than normal. Then a couple of the ladies there actually started making fun of me...And it was really awful. I left without doing anything, but then I sort of screamed at my husband for betraying my trust, because I thought maybe he'd been making fun of me too and then my husband called Dr. Knob who took HIS side and told me, "Elizabeth...Your husband needs friends to confide in just like you have me. He can't ALWAYS just shrug everything off that bothers him." And I've been having an increase in my symptoms, so a lot of the time I can't even tell what's really happening.

So anyway, all of this came out at the AIDS support group and I broke down and told my friends there pretty much everything. I never tell people this stuff, because...Well I guess I'm embarassed and also a lot of people have a real predjiduce against the "mentally ill.":/ Anyway, everyone was really nice and hugged me and stuff, but now I feel embarassed and worried that THEY will make fun of me and judge me. I'm scared to go back...But then I'm scared to NOT go back, because I'm thinking maybe I have real friends there?

Wtf, you have aids?

And what exactly did your husband confide to this 'friend'? Come on girl, don't leave out the juicy stuff !:P

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Wtf, you have aids?

No, I just go there for support, you know? You don't have to have AIDS to go there.

And my husband told his friend about how I had to leave a party early because I was "Overwhealmed and freaking out because I was having paranoid delusions" Which isn't even TRUE. He also told him that I see a shrink and about how I had to go to the hospital in June. God it pisses me off that people know this stuff about me now. And you just know that all of those ghetto women are comletely misinterpreting what it all means.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

No, I just go there for support, you know? You don't have to have AIDS to go there.

Ah, yeah.. I guess. I'm glad to hear it.

Dr. Knob?

I'm certain your husband does need someone to talk to. He needs to be reminded that husbands often share things with their wives unless specifically asked not to (which, imo, is wrong to ask because ideally there should be no secrets between a husband and a wife). So, his need and your need is in opposition to the other.

The both of you should discuss this. I'm a very private person and would be livid over something like that. (and I mean, absolutely livid)

Maybe your husband needs his own therapist. Someone he can talk to on a regular basis in a manner that will honor your privacy. You should suggest that.

As far as that being untrue, why would he make that up? Do you always remember these episodes?

Aside from that, the damage is done. From what I've read, you don't like your neighbors. So, now maybe they'll start to avoid you and you won't have to worry about avoiding them.



[This message has been edited by oc6 (edited 10-18-2006).]

Luckily, these people aren't actually my neighbors. I mean, they live in my neighborhood, but that's about it. I only associate with them at all, because my husband likes them for some odd reason.

And I know what "Paranoid delusion" he was talking about. There was a guy at the party and I said he was staring at me and also that he was evil. I said this because he WAS staring at me and he IS evil! He had gigantic teeth...I mean unnatural and this freaky, scary voice. I know it sounds wierd, but you kind if had to see him to understand. So yeah, I was a little edgy what with the evil guy and not to mention the room full of people I just generally didn't like much. They were all just sitting around talking about the most INANE subjects...And there weren't enough chairs so I had nowhere to sit!

Your poor husband....

no offense, I think the same thing regarding those who love me...

What?? Why poor him?

Why poor you, and not him too?

Touche:P

I'm just sad because of those evil people. Also I hate fighting with Doctor Knob, because you know...More tension and all. In some ways it makes it fun, but also so very frustrating and guilty. And I can't argue effectively because I'm all breathless watching him...His mouth and the way his eyes are so penetrating and the way his voice wraps around my mind like a net and the way he moves his hands...*Faints from internal conflict*

Sweetie, you need a different shrink.

Heh...No I think it's my fault. I'm very oversexuallized inside my mind...I mean, luckily I got married early so I didn't BECOME that way outside my mind! I just can't relate closely with any man without feeling extremely attracted to him...And Dr. Knob happens to be very attractive on top of that.

Make your husband go round to EACH AND EVERY SINGLE persons house where people know this and have him explain that it is a load of crap, then go with him personally to go and see his friend and his busybody wife and make him explain in to them because it's his fault and so he should fix it.

Failing that make him figure out how to fix it himself.

So do you guys think my friends from the support group are judging me?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

So do you guys think my friends from the support group are judging me?



No, why would they? Not only did they hear your side of the story, from you (a person they like and trust), but they also know exactly what it's like to be judged and treated like shit, so they can sympathise about as easily as you can blink.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Heh...No I think it's my fault. I'm very oversexuallized inside my mind...I mean, luckily I got married early so I didn't BECOME that way outside my mind! I just can't relate closely with any man without feeling extremely attracted to him...And Dr. Knob happens to be very attractive on top of that.

If it interferes with your therapy, then you need a new shrink. Try a female. Maybe that would help with your mother issues that he seems to think you have as well?

Thanks.

Actually, I feel bad that didn't occur to me on my own.:P Of COURSE those with HIV know all about persecution!

Sometimes I get too wrapped up in my own problems to see what's right in front of me.

You need to go to marriage counselling.

SS

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

So do you guys think my friends from the support group are judging me?

How would we know?

I imagine that some might. But, seeing as how they have their own real life issues, I doubt that they will actually have the time to waste for such things.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

If it interferes with your therapy, then you need a new shrink. Try a female. Maybe that would help with your mother issues that he seems to think you have as well?



I can't possible confide in a woman. And it doesn't really interefere with my therapy...If anything, it makes me more open with him. I tell him things I would never reveal to anyone else and it's like the attraction frees me to do it.

I talk about my attraction for him a lot on here, because I can admit to it on totse. In my real life I have to suppress and bury it deep.:P

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I can't possible confide in a woman. And it doesn't really interefere with my therapy...If anything, it makes me more open with him. I tell him things I would never reveal to anyone else and it's like the attraction frees me to do it.

I talk about my attraction for him a lot on here, because I can admit to it on totse. In my real life I have to suppress and bury it deep.:P

Talking about it on totse is all well and good and provides for good entertainment, but you HAVE to discuss it with him. He NEEDS to know this!

I'm suddenly reminded of Ed Norton hanging out at the support groups in Fight Club...

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

Talking about it on totse is all well and good and provides for good entertainment, but you HAVE to discuss it with him. He NEEDS to know this!



Who? Her therapist? No he doesn't.

Apart from him proberly alreading knowing exactly how she feels (he is professionally trained in figuring it out) it would just screw up her therapy, which she seems to get a lot out of, which would be stupid.

I know I KNOW! I know it's like Fight Club! I got the idea from the movie "Rent", though.

And...Why does Dr. Knob need to know? Like I said, in my real life I'm very shy and...Secretive. Although sometimes I wonder if he can just tell...Because he's my shrink.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Although sometimes I wonder if he can just tell...Because he's my shrink.



Of course he can, it's what you pay him to do. What are you going to do about your husband though?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

And...Why does Dr. Knob need to know? Like I said, in my real life I'm very shy and...Secretive. Although sometimes I wonder if he can just tell...Because he's my shrink.

I think they call that 'transference', if I recall correctly. It's something that happens, and is normal and to be expected, but he needs to know because he is treating you for your mental illness.

If you can talk to him openly, like you think you can, then you should be able to discuss this with him also.

quote:Originally posted by Strakynyar Krongoth:



Of course he can, it's what you pay him to do. What are you going to do about your husband though?

Well my husband thinks I'm being "paranoid" but he has promised to not discuss my private stuff with his "friend" anymore. He doesn't get why I'm so upset about it...Although he did admit that his friend's wife is a gossipy bitch.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I think they call that 'transference', if I recall correctly. It's something that happens, and is normal and to be expected, but he needs to know because he is treating you for your mental illness.

If you can talk to him openly, like you think you can, then you should be able to discuss this with him also.

Some things should never be said out loud and I think this is one of them.:P

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Well my husband thinks I'm being "paranoid" but he has promised to not discuss my private stuff with his "friend" anymore. He doesn't get why I'm so upset about it...Although he did admit that his friend's wife is a gossipy bitch.



Tell him that it's because now all those shitty neighbours that you disliked enough in the first place will now spread a load of crap about you being mentally ill. If he asks why you care what they think if you don't even like him then twat him with a haddock and tell him to stop trying to pretend like everything's alright and that it's nothing because it doesn't matter what the truth of it is, what matters is what people are saying.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Some things should never be said out loud and I think this is one of them.:P

I disagree.

I think that your fear might be, that once spoken, the illusion dissipates and is gone...as reality settles in and you actually deal with it.

Or, you could be afraid the two of you will act upon it.

Either way, it needs to be dealt with, imo.

Not avoided.

quote:Originally posted by oc6:

I disagree.

I think that your fear might be, that once spoken, the illusion dissipates and is gone...as reality settles in and you actually deal with it.

Or, you could be afraid the two of you will act upon it.

Either way, it needs to be dealt with, imo.

Not avoided.



Why? Why bother?

Humans make tools in order to simplify jobs and enable them to attain further goals.

Her keeping it this way allows her to use her therapist effectively, enjoy fansasies and have something that is private to herself that she can feel secure about, all of which help her to NOT have to deal with it and concentrate on other things, like her daughter for example, instead of a divorce\affair with her therapist.

Heh, yeah...I mean it is just harmless fantasy. I would never like...Come onto him or something.:P HOWEVER if I did admit my attraction and he DID feel the same way...It would destroy our doctor/patient relationship and I would lose him as my shrink. Or even worse...What if he came on to ME and I couldn't resist him? Then I would lose my husband in the process and destroy myself...Do you see? As long as I keep it in my fantasy life where it belongs, then everything is okay. Fantasies never hurt anyone...At least not the good kind of fantasy.:P

Meh, if you start feeling bad, just get the husband to tie you to the couch and fuck your brians out. That'll make you feel better.

quote:Originally posted by Strakynyar Krongoth:



Why? Why bother?

Humans make tools in order to simplify jobs and enable them to attain further goals.

Her keeping it this way allows her to use her therapist effectively, enjoy fansasies and have something that is private to herself that she can feel secure about, all of which help her to NOT have to deal with it and concentrate on other things, like her daughter for example, instead of a divorce\affair with her therapist.

But are they effective? That's the question.

Why not deal with it, like dealing with 'paranoid delusions'? Often when you deal with one thing, it can make you stronger in dealing with other things.

People often see a single therapist and become dependant upon them. Why not employ multiple therapies, go to another therapist to deal with other issues such as this if you can't do it with that therapist? Not all therapists are strong in certain areas.

Isn't that kind of what people do with friends? Certain friends they share some things with because they are stronger in certain areas than other friends are. Why not employ that in the same way with therapy and give yourself options and insight from other therapists?

If you're in therapy for a long time, sometimes that therapy reaches a peak and you go no further, either because you don't want to or because that therapist is no longer an asset.

Personally, I like options.

Also, maybe you could discuss that with your husband Xiao and get his opinion on that. It could be a problem, depending on how he might react.

I think they both should be in therapy, myself...with different therapists.

on the off chance you can catch aids form sitting on a seat..um bring your own...

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Heh, yeah...I mean it is just harmless fantasy. I would never like...Come onto him or something.:P HOWEVER if I did admit my attraction and he DID feel the same way...It would destroy our doctor/patient relationship and I would lose him as my shrink. Or even worse...What if he came on to ME and I couldn't resist him? Then I would lose my husband in the process and destroy myself...Do you see? As long as I keep it in my fantasy life where it belongs, then everything is okay. Fantasies never hurt anyone...At least not the good kind of fantasy.:P

Maybe just bring up the subject of transference and see where that leads? Do some study on the subject so you can discuss more easily. I went to a therapist who, in my opinion, fell into counter-tranference. That's when I ended my therapy.

If you have confidence that your therapy is effective, then stay with him. But if it's going nowhere, try someone else.

He helps me...He really is a good shrink. We talk all of the time and he came to visit me every day that I was in the hospital. It's something I mainly think about to amuse myself. I don't REALLY want anything to happen between us...I just entertain myself by thinking about, "What if?" And I can't imagine talking to another therapist...It would almost be like cheating on Dr. Knob! How could I trust a different shrink?

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

on the off chance you can catch aids form sitting on a seat..um bring your own...

I just make sure to not sit in the chairs naked.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

He helps me...He really is a good shrink. We talk all of the time and he came to visit me every day that I was in the hospital. It's something I mainly think about to amuse myself. I don't REALLY want anything to happen between us...I just entertain myself by thinking about, "What if?" And I can't imagine talking to another therapist...It would almost be like cheating on Dr. Knob! How could I trust a different shrink?



Well, as I see it. When people invest their money, the advice given frequently is to diversify your portfolio. That's what gives it strength to grow safely.

It's not a matter of being 'faithful' to your shrink. Most certainly you would discuss that with him. I just think that people become too dependant sometimes and that makes them take a less active role than if they aren't.

You could probably just use a lobotomy.