Well, following up on my 'Odd situation coming up" thread, which got off-track very quickly..

We talked today, and it's over.

I didn't like that she got shitfaced every time she drank (about 3 times a week on average), or combined it with drugs, etc. Just felt like she didn't care what happened in the least, at all, and that bothered me.

She thought (thinks) that I'm trying to stop her from going out and having fun, not true in the least. She has a good time, and that's fine, but somehow to me it just seems like it's very immature and stupid. She seems to have zero control in drinking and drugs, seems proud of it, and it's hard to trust someone when they don't rememeber things every time they drink, and get to that point on purpose.

Friday night, she went out drinking. About 6 beers (she's a lightweight, that's smashed), a few grams later and she's passing out and spending the night throwing up, doesn't remember hours of it. She's done this about 3 times in a row now, I know it's because tha's fun to her, though. Just seems like she doesn't care what happens when she does this, at all, and it makes me feel pretty damn low.

Somehow, to me it seems that if someone cares about the relationship they're in, they don't TRY to get mangled every time and generally fucked up. Not to stereotype everyone, but constant heavy drunks and drug users (mixing them in large amounts, in particular, seperate I've got no problem with) are hard people to trust. Having her say one thing and turn around and do something completely opposite, again and again, is hard to deal with, honestly.

So, it ended a few hours ago, we haven't excchanged a single word since, expectedly, and likely won't for anywhere from a few days to a week or more, I don't know. Still sort of 'blank' her right now, very sad but it hasn't fully hit me yet. Bah.

E: added quote from my other thread, too applicable not to. A tear or two escape my eyes here once in a while, and I fake a yawn to cover it, don't want anyone else asking or bothering me with it right now. Kinda pathetic, but hey.

quote:To all you naysayers that told me 99% of long-distance relationships don't work, and that in one way or another, no one wants to be in a relationship in college/etc., I finally fall to my knees and bow my head in defeat to you, as much as it sucks, you're right.



[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:She thought (thinks) that I'm trying to stop her from going out and having fun, not true in the least.

Did you tell her this? Maybe make plain that you like her a lot, and want her to have fun, but that you just feel like she doesn't respect you and the relationship. That constant heavy use like she's doing is making her hard to trust and have fun with, for you.

I don't know. I suck at relationships. I think it's good that you stood up for yourself, but it's a shame that a otherwise good relationship has to be ruined by one person's overindulgence. Everything in moderation...

I've told her exactly that, almost verbatim, and some more explanation. I love her, she knows this, feels (felt, I suppose) the same way, if not more so.

QFT on the last part, I don't like that she couldn't see past it to what it was doing otherwise, I got a 'so how does it harm you/it's my life' type of thing earlier, I don't know if I'm right or wrong here, frankly it doesn't matter anymore.

i think you made the right choice. she sounds like she's on the wrong path, not to mention a different path from yours.

what lauren said, but with more vulgar language and cursing.

You did the right thing. Whether or not what she was doing was or wrong or whatever, she wasn't right for you. Don't worry dude, you'll find a better girl.

PS, your situation reminds me of this song.

http://tinyurl.com/ygrsqu

Thanks guys. rabbitweed, I didn't expect an angry reaction to any of this, really, but I suppose how it can be seen like that.

Being this soon after, I'm at ends. Of course, part of me just wants her back, I love every part of her but this. other part is the exact opposite, keeps saying how much it feels that she doesn't care at all what happens, no respect or anything, etc. and that it's selfish of her to be like this, etc.

The two sides fight it out constantly, I know I'm in no state or mood to talk to her or generaly about her too much, I know tomorrow will be different from today and so will the next day. It's one foot in front of the other right now, I know.

I doubt she'll end up too well going like this for too long, that I'm pretty sure of, but of course I won't say it to her, it's far too backhanded and mean of me, not very much like the usual me. As much as part of me, and likely a few of you, think that it might be a decent/good thing to say, I can't do that. :\

*limewires*

I'll check out that song, expect it'll be sad, but that's fine.

Somehow, I don't see how she'd be 'right' with anyone the way she acts now, someone would have to be very, very forgiving and forgetful, likely fairly stupid too, to be able to constantly deal with that. But, there is someone for everyone at just about every time, so I can't really set any of that in stone. She changed, and that part didn't fit with anything I could deal with that much, our paths crossed and split now. Should they happen to cross again, we'll see, but I'm not banking my life on it.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-16-2006).]

So, an update. Prior to today, we havent exchanged a word since sunday ~2PM. Not one. Compared to my last relationship (with her talking like nothing had happened and it meant nothing), even such a small gap was a plus, really. Did feel like crap sunday night and yesterday, a tad bit more stable today. Of course, the standard confidence and whatnot out in public/family/anyone, but I'll sheepishly admit I did cry at night, started randomly and wouldn't stop for the world, no control in it. Previously, I hadn't cried for about 2.5 years, for any reason at all, I'll attribute that to a series of big tragedies/sad things happening pretty much all at once. On the plus side, I'm hardened to just about anything short of that, at least for crying in public.

Alright, so today she started talking to me on msn. Here's the first message sent, pretty much as I expected, really, I know (knew) her fairly well like this:

sooo...i want to be apologize for being such a horrible person i feel bad and yoru an awesome person i jsut couldnt be in the relationship anymore...yup ive criedl ike every night since...not that it matters now but yep...so im heartless yess ill give you that but im not completely heartless

So she feels bad, but doesn't, of course it's what she wanted, so she could be worse off, obviously. Don't know about that heartless bit, I suppose some selfishness fits into the 'heartless' definition. :\

"i think in a way there was a combination of things...and then the whole getting mad at me thing just kind of yea"

So as I thought, she was pretty much on the edge otherwise, which wouldn't be good either way, really. I've still got no regrets getting mad at her, beyond any part of me that wants her back/etc. I still think it was incredibly stupid/selfish (in a way). Doubt she'll ever realize how it looks from a different point of view, but that's not my problem.

Now, there's been an apology, she signed off saying she didn't want to cry anymore (highly guessing she did start during the convo), and was leaving. I can't say that the apology makes everything alright, of course, and I won't be speaking to her for another few days beyond a hello or thereabouts, I don't drop things like this that easily, and frankly the last thing that's needed for her is to think that all this is perfectly fine to do, though again that's none of my business and not my problem. I know she expects (or just wants) us to be friends now and this to just be put in the past starting now, but that doesn't work that easily in my books, too bad.

In other news, she was booted out of class today, along with her group of friends, who get booted on a regular basis anyways. I know where she's going with this, no surprise, but meh, doesn't make me feel any better and none of my business, but makes me wonder how long (or if) till she sees what's happening, meh. Can't say no hard feelings here, but good luck to her with that.

So, I guess I'm going ok as is right now, not a total wreck by any means, but not 100%. I can't decide what's right or wrong right now (over what happened), or who's to blame for any of it, I lean either way sometimes, depending on how I'm thinking. Neither side completely blame-less but meh. I'm more or less blank right now in regards to it, haven't drank at all (yet), though I'll grab a few smokes (Captain Black Sweets FTW) tomorrow, I think.

I'll see how I go over the next few days/etc. this is still fairly 'new' (duh) and I can't make any solid or permanent observations at all, I know. Wish me luck, guys.

That dull ache will recede a little, with time. The less you talk to her, the faster that will be.

[fatherly saying]Just to let you know, i think you made a good decision.[/fatherly saying]

Thanks Psionist.

Haven't talked to her today, suppose that's a plus, small as it is. Empty feeling is of course still there, duh, I'm in and out of feelind sad at random times, kind of odd really. Meh.

Thanks, as much as part of me still aches for her (hell, somehow porn isn't even the same now :\ ), the part that made we wat it over in the first place is still there, fought but not defeated. I don't know how I'll see it in a few months/etc. time, of course, but I don't think I'll be kicking my ass over it that much.