...because I have some one I'm truly happy with, and would never cheat on her. But, when we got together, she got rid of a lot of guys who were persuing her. So she got rid of every one on the 'sidelines' as we put it.

But now, she said it'd be unfair for me to start meeting new girls. She doesn't care if I hang out with my existing female friends. But she thinks if I need to make new ones, it's to replace her.

I feel like I can have a proper friendship with females for the first time in my life, but I can't.

She said she doesn't mind if I have new female friends, providing I don't hang out with them, alone, while getting fucked up.

She's just inacpable of making a 100% non-rigin decision like "Nothing will happen". She leaves things 'open'.

Ever been in a similar situation?

I want new female friends.

Okay, she has an insecurity simple as that. You just have to work with her, not against her. Why would you want to get 'fucked up' alone with another girl knowing how your girl is feeling.

I haven't really been in that situation, but I could imagine, why dont you just do what she wants. Another thing I can semi-see is you're wanting what you can't have. *shrugs*

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Ever been in a similar situation?



No.... I'm pretty hopeless with girls on all fronts.

your girlfriend sucks. must be melbourne

quote:Originally posted by Mindless Xyzzyean:

Okay, she has an insecurity simple as that. You just have to work with her, not against her. Why would you want to get 'fucked up' alone with another girl knowing how your girl is feeling.

I haven't really been in that situation, but I could imagine, why dont you just do what she wants. Another thing I can semi-see is you're wanting what you can't have. *shrugs*

I don't want these girls. Period. I would never do anything wrong. My mindset is exactly that, set.

I rely completely on her word. She goes to clubs, does E, gets totally smashed drunk, and I trust her absolutly. That's why I'd want to. For the fact that I'm so trusting, I expect some back. Maybe even if it's just to test how much she actually trusts me.

So what's the story exactly? She's a fuckfriend right?

Also - this isn't Amanda correct?

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

So what's the story exactly? She's a fuckfriend right?

Also - this isn't Amanda correct?

Totally is...

Totally same thing with me and my boyfriend, he is not allowed to make new female friends.

Yeah there are a lot of guy and girl friendships, but still, you go to the opposite sex because you can get something out of that friendship that you can't get out of one with the same sex. And when you get a girlfriend, she should fill that void for you, so there should be no need for you try to meet more girls.

As for her partying, she is being hypocritical, so you should tell her she's not allowed to. And if she doesn't listen to you, dump her cuz you should be getting back what you're giving.

It seems to me like you like to party, and she likes to party, so why don't you guys just do it together? And if you need to make that new female friend, when you go to hang out bring your girlfriend with.

She doesn't respect or trust you. That's fucked up. Personally I wouldn't go near a girl who goes clubbing and gets drunk and pops E.

Sucks for you man, I hope things get better.

Do you trust yourself?

Knowing yourself and your track record?

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

So what's the story exactly? She's a fuckfriend right?

Also - this isn't Amanda correct?

It is . We time appart. Then when we met up again something in her head broke. She went into super-loyal girlfriend mode. Like totally submissive. She used to tell me I could kiss other girls. Now she's crazy jealous. I'm hers, and only hers. It's nice, very nice, buuuut...

...she should trust me enough to excersise restraint, and to set boundaries with these girls.

quote:Originally posted by Loc Dogg:

She doesn't respect or trust you. That's fucked up. Personally I wouldn't go near a girl who goes clubbing and gets drunk and pops E.

Sucks for you man, I hope things get better.

She respects me a lot. And she trusts me whole heartedly. But she doesn't understand why I'd want to hang out with these girls. She feels like she should fill that void when it comes to female contact.

I want to try and resolve this, rationally. I don't want to get my way, I want to come to a compromise. But I'm having trouble approaching the topic with her. I know I must seem dodgy, you know, wanting to get fucked up with other chicks, but I'm a good boy .

quote:Originally posted by olivia76543:

As for her partying, she is being hypocritical, so you should tell her she's not allowed to. And if she doesn't listen to you, dump her cuz you should be getting back what you're giving.

It seems to me like you like to party, and she likes to party, so why don't you guys just do it together? And if you need to make that new female friend, when you go to hang out bring your girlfriend with.

Relationships come and go. She can start one at any age. But THIS is the age for partying. I'd NEVER dream of making her limit her fun, for me. I shouldn't have to TELL her what to do. She should want to do it.

We can't party together often because we're from different crowds. Her friends are all bleach-blonde, fake tans and IQ's the same as their age. Going out with her, rarely, is a good idea. But not often.



Bah! I was wondering about what other people in similar situations have done to deal with it. That's why I made this thread. I like that she's being jealous. Now it's time to get over that jealousy and trust me.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Do you trust yourself?

Knowing yourself and your track record?

I've never cheated, or come close. When I go clubbing, I'll tell people I'm seeing some one. Some girls even have the nerve to ask "is she here? No? Then she wont find out".

I've been soooooo mega fucked up, opiates, benzos, E, alcohol, weed, crazy cocktails, and still stayed in control. No cheating.

My track record is flawless, that's why I'm the first guy she's ever been loyal with.

I feel like I deserve the benefit of the doubt.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 10-15-2006).]

You're right, it is a good age to party, but parties are made up of getting drunk and hooking up, and if you're not doing it together, then she's doing it with someone else.

And you said that you don't want to tell her what to do, that she should want to do it.. well she probably feels the exact same way, that she shouldn't have to be telling you not to make new girl friends, that you yourself shouldn't want to.

My boyfriend and I have been going throught the exact same thing, but I used to party a lot, like all summer, and then I met him and he wasn't into partying (and he also didn't fit in with my group of friends) and so I stopped. And he has all these female friends and lots of online friends that he want to go visit, and I'm so upset about it.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

It is . We time appart. Then when we met up again something in her head broke. She went into super-loyal girlfriend mode. Like totally submissive. She used to tell me I could kiss other girls. Now she's crazy jealous.



Goddamn dude.

Do you remember how differently things worked between you back when I first started talking to you about her on S&A? They were the polar opposite of this.

And Jesus, do you remember the timeframe I was suggesting when I gave you advice on how to handle her? I was talking about motherfucking YEARS man.

You work fast mainiga. hi5

Btw by the sound of things, it went precisely according to the way I told you eh? I'm a goddamn poontang sensei



[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by olivia76543:

You're right, it is a good age to party, but parties are made up of getting drunk and hooking up, and if you're not doing it together, then she's doing it with someone else.

And you said that you don't want to tell her what to do, that she should want to do it.. well she probably feels the exact same way, that she shouldn't have to be telling you not to make new girl friends, that you yourself shouldn't want to.

How do you figure if she's not hooking up with me, she's doing it with some one else? That's a terrible theory. I go out every week end. I have been for like 6 months. The only time I hooked up was when we were on a break.

You know, some people DO have self control.

I'm a fuck up, lets face it. Not very good looking, funny, or smart. But I offer loyalty like a puppy. If some one doesn't believe in my loyalty, what have I got left?

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



Goddamn dude.

Do you remember how differently things worked between you back when I first started talking to you about her on S&A? They were the polar opposite of this.

And Jesus, do you remember the timeframe I was suggesting when I gave you advice on how to handle her? I was talking about motherfucking YEARS man.

You work fast mainiga. hi5

Btw by the sound of things, it went precisely according to the way I told you eh? I'm a goddamn poontang sensei

Yup, you're like the master at helping a loserish dude score an awesome gf. As lame as this sounds, I actually do owe it to you. Budder , it mellowed me out. Heaps.

Persistance pays off in the end. Any way, thanks man.



[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 10-15-2006).]

Look, I'm not trying to jump to conclusions about you and this girl, but obviously I don't know you guys, so I'm just making general statements of what the case might usually be.

But pretty much what it comes down to, is that if you know you're loyal and you want female friends, and you're not going to let anyone stand in your way then it will be her decision whether to stay with you or dump you. And if she dumps you, well that sucks, but you're views on relationships and friendships were different and you'll find someone who shares the same views. But if she doesn't break up with you but keeps constantly complaining about it, then you should ask her, "If you're not happy with me, then why are you dating me?" I know it's hard to ask something like that, because that makes it so easy for her to just say, "you're right, I'm not happy, we should break up", but it may be for the best because if she's not happy, she won't give the relationship her all. And that question might also make it seem like you're almost telling her to dump you, which might cause her to be scared and stop complaining.

As you go deeper into the relationship, you will be able to work things out more, because you will be more in love and you're willing to give up more things for the people you love.

My boyfriend asked me that question when I was complaining about him hanging out with one of my friends, and we never ended up breaking up because I stopped compaining. But eventually he stopped hanging out with her because he knew it upset me and my happiness ended up being more important to him than his new female friend.

quote:Originally posted by olivia76543:

My boyfriend asked me that question when I was complaining about him hanging out with one of my friends, and we never ended up breaking up because I stopped compaining. But eventually he stopped hanging out with her because he knew it upset me and my happiness ended up being more important to him than his new female friend.

That's really low of him. I don't believe in making her friends my friends. That'd make things hard when it inevitably ends.

Keep social circles seperate.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't been doing anything et. I haven't actually done the hanging out. I just want to. I wont do it if it will hurt her, that's why I'm looking for a way to reassure her.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

I haven't actually done the hanging out. I just want to. I wont do it if it will hurt her, that's why I'm looking for a way to reassure her.



If you're willing to compromise about this (which I think would be a good idea AS LONG as you don't give away too much or let her get TOO secure about her control over you) one thing that could work would be letting her "approve" female friends before you start hanging out with them regularly. But offer to do it FOR A TRIAL PERIOD (something like 3 months, 6 months, whatever, but it has to be a limited period of time).

Yeah, it would be kind of weird.

But I don't think that words alone are going to suffice here.

The alternatives are shit

- push her too hard and hang out with other girls anyway, maybe she'll "punish" you by starting to play headgames involving other guys. And you know if she started that shit with guys who were a lot hotter than you, it would seriously get to you after a while. Every man should have "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" tattood on his ballsack so he never forgets it, it's that important.

- give into her, and one the one hand you're letting her be in charge (badbadbad), and on the other you'd gradually start resenting her over time.

Much better to put your foot down and start hanging out with other girls, but letting her feel safe that you're not playing the field. Make it clear that you're getting your way, you just care about her feelings so you'll sacrifice the right to have hot female friends for a trial period.

She'll relax about it after a while if things go strong with you.

Btw it's hugely significant that she ditched other guys for you and freaks out about the idea of you scoring other girls. You must feel like King Dick. Nice work dude.



[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

[B] My mindset is exactly that, set. I rely completely on her word. She goes to clubs, does E, gets totally smashed drunk, and I trust her absolutly. [B]

HAHA

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Btw it's hugely significant that she ditched other guys for you and freaks out about the idea of you scoring other girls. You must feel like King Dick. Nice work dude.

I'm feeling like the king of the world at the moment.

quote:Originally posted by dementedchops:

HAHA

I do the exact same thing. I could cheat on her nightly and she would never find out. But I don't. Just as she doesn't.

For some people, this may be a hard concept to grasp.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

...she should trust me enough to excersise restraint, and to set boundaries with these girls.



Oh yeah there's also quite a lot I could say about that, but it's boring and I'm tired.

In my opinion it is insignificant in terms of anything bad. Don't convince yourself it's negative in the slightest possible way.

It's a temporary phase. It'll pass if you handle the phase right, which means proving 110% to her that if she trusts you completely you won't betray her. She's got to go through a paranoid insecure phase for a little while because she's never trusted a guy this much before. And I can't overstate the significance of THAT - if she's never let herself be 100% vulnerable to a guy she had strong feelings for, she's never been in love. If you show her that being vulnerable to you will not mean she ends up with a broken heart, you'll become her first true love. It's kind of romantic really, sort of a parallel to Sleeping Beauty (yeah yeah cheesy, but accurate).

Bear in mind though if she does let you be the first guy she lets down *all* of her defenses for - basically the first guy to have absolute power over her - and you DO end up breaking her heart in a cruel way... it'll probably fuck her up for life. No exaggeration there, that's the bottom line.



[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



Oh yeah there's also quite a lot I could say about that, but it's boring and I'm tired.

In my opinion it is insignificant in terms of anything bad. Don't convince yourself it's negative in the slightest possible way.

It's a temporary phase. It'll pass if you handle the phase right, which means proving 110% to her that if she trusts you completely you won't betray her. She's got to go through a paranoid insecure phase for a little while because she's never trusted a guy this much before. And I can't overstate the significance of THAT - if she's never let herself be 100% vulnerable to a guy she had strong feelings for, she's never been in love. If you show her that being vulnerable to you will not mean she ends up with a broken heart, you'll become her first true love. It's kind of romantic really, sort of a parallel to Sleeping Beauty (yeah yeah cheesy, but accurate).

Bear in mind though if she does let you be the first guy she lets down *all* of her defenses for - basically the first guy to have absolute power over her - and you DO end up breaking her heart in a cruel way... it'll probably fuck her up for life. No exaggeration there, that's the bottom line.

She has let her defenses down before, for her ex. And he destroyed her trust by cheating on her. That's why she's so careful with me.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

She has let her defenses down before, for her ex. And he destroyed her trust by cheating on her. That's why she's so careful with me.

k. well that just modifies what I said then, doesn't change anything too seriously

though it does depend on how much she really opened herself up to him, how deep her feelings were, and how seriously he wounded her. obviously she must have had *some* kind of painful experience along these lines in the past or she wouldn't be so defensive

[This message has been edited by fullcircle (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

k. well that just modifies what I said then, doesn't change anything too seriously

though it does depend on how much she really opened herself up to him, how deep her feelings were, and how seriously he wounded her. obviously she must have had *some* kind of painful experience along these lines in the past or she wouldn't be so defensive

Thanks for all the help man, but I kind of forgot to take my meds and preeeeetty sure I've just fucked things up again.

Stability, that was the key.

I took that away again.

I'm going to go get drunk, and avoid her till I can get my meds.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Thanks for all the help man, but I kind of forgot to take my meds and preeeeetty sure I've just fucked things up again.

Stability, that was the key.

I took that away again.

I'm going to go get drunk, and avoid her till I can get my meds.

Ah unless it was a major catastrophe, it'll heal over.

But yeah - seriously stick with the meds.

I wouldn't want my husband to have female friends...I mean he's GEORGEOUS and women hit in him constantly and I KNOW that they would only want to get in his pants. Sadly, most military women are total skanks.(IME)

He doesn't want me to have guy friends for the same reason.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I wouldn't want my husband to have female friends...I mean he's GEORGEOUS and women hit in him constantly and I KNOW that they would only want to get in his pants. Sadly, most military women are total skanks.(IME)

He doesn't want me to have guy friends for the same reason.

Haha, it's true. In the navy we call them "boat hoes" because you're not allowed to have sex onboard ship.

In fact, I only know one girl that isn't a boat hoe. I hope she makes it through the whole cruise with her dignity intact.