My boyfriend and I have been together almost 6 months now. Recently about a few weeks ago he went off to a College that is, at the moment, a four hour drive from my house. I say 'at the moment' because in a few months after a surgery I'm moving to a location to do Metal Fabrication and that would make him only an hour away, also making weekend trips a Hell of a lot easier. But that's besides the point, I suppose...

Things had been going very well, and all this crazy-talk I've been hearing about long distance relationships not working out which had previously scared me kind of went in one ear and out the other; we'd been doing juuuust fine. However, about a week and a half/maybe 2 weeks ago things changed severely. I mean, literally, one night we were talking and life was great and perfect and we'd never been better, and then the very next day I called him and he was distant, almost cold... Not talkative and not himself at all. To say the least, I was and still am very confused. Things were going so greatly before and even a little after his move out to College, and I trust him so much, I just don't understand the sudden change in his attitude towards me. I've tried talking to him about it but I can't get much out of him and he assures me everything is dandy. That's bullshit if you ask me.

I think I feel that if he really cared he wouldn't put me through this.

I've asked friends for advice, and family, and they are trying to 'sugar coat' things for me. Trying to be upbeat and optimistic that everything is going to work out.

So of course I turn to Totse. I just want to know [what I think I already know] if this is pretty much done and should I move on? Or should I try my damndest to keep this going until I can start making frequent visits... I really love this guy and I don't want to throw things away like this if there is still a chance. I also don't want to drag this on if there's nothing left. If it's over I want it to be over.

Any advice/thoughts/suggestions/blah blah are appreciated, and thank you in advance.

yes

Say "why are you being cold." Get it all out in the open.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

Say "why are you being cold." Get it all out in the open.



To the 1st poster, thanks at least. For being honest.

I did ask questions and try to get him to talk, but he would say nothing about it. He almost shrugged it off as though his attitude was normal and things hadn't changed, and assured me that he was fine and things between us were good. He almost refuses to admit that there is a problem, when it's obvious there is.

We haven't talked in 5 days, when before we would talk numerous times a day, for hours on end. Obviously something's up, but there's no getting it out of him.



[This message has been edited by Cinquain (edited 10-15-2006).]

A lady welder? Sweet. I don't think long distance, or any distance relationships work well.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like he cheated on you. Would that suprise you?

quote:Originally posted by Cinquain:

So of course I turn to Totse.

Mistake.

quote:Originally posted by rabbitweed:

I hate to say it, but it sounds like he cheated on you. Would that suprise you?



To say I would be shocked at that would probably make me sound like an absolute dumbass. On one hand, yeah, I would be shocked that he would cheat on me because of how well things had been going this whole time. I know probably every girl says this of her boyfriend, but he really doesn't seem the type. I can't imagine him doing something like that.

But in the end, after looking at this situation and the way he's been acting towards me [more like we were when we first started being friends, and not like we acted once we got more serious] I can't help but think it's a possibility.

It's not like he's completely cold, things got 'better'... Though rare, we do actually talk sometimes but it's more friendly and not as loving and whatnot.

It's like he'll call me if he has nothing better to do, but only if he has nothing better to do. Like I'm some kind of last resort instead of his girlfriend.

I think it's obvious that it's pretty much over, I just need a push to realize it.

quote:Originally posted by Cinquain:



It's like he'll call me if he has nothing better to do, but only if he has nothing better to do. Like I'm some kind of last resort instead of his girlfriend.



Hell, that's been my life for the last month or so, except I'm the guy in the relationship. On the edge of a breakup tonight, it blows to to end, I know what it's like. :\

Hit me up on msn if you'd like, orangecrusader14 {at} hotmail.com

quote:Originally posted by Cinquain:

I think it's obvious that it's pretty much over, I just need a push to realize it.

Other than the chance of midterms and distraction, I can't think of anything.

I'm sure you'll be able to deal with things well if they take that turn.

Well, you said you have a great relationship etc... You need to go and see him, sit him down and have a serious talk with him. You need to sort your shit out and ask him exactly how he's feeling. I say that this has to be in person because of the seriousness of the situation.

Perhaps the problem is something that he doesn't want you to know about for a reason? Or maybe he'd rather talk to you about it in person? There are a ton of reasons why he's not telling you, and only half of them are bad. Just ride it out, and wait for things to get better. If you stop bugging him about it, i'm sure he'll end up telling you eventually. Just give him time, don't force him into sharing things he doesn't want to.

Long distance can be a bitch, but when you think about it that's not too bad. As long as you're willing to sacrifice quite a few hours of sleep (talking on the phone until early morning seems fairly common, at least in my case =P ) you should be okay.

Thaaanks for all the advice...

I can't say that I thought this would be easy, I knew there would be obvious struggles.

I think right now I'm handling it the best I can and that's all I can do. I figure I'll just keep doing what I'm doing for now, as there hasn't been any mention of a 'break' or a 'split', and wait to see how things are in a couple months when I can move closer. I don't want to force anything out of him, I'm sure if there was something bothering him he would tell me when he's ready.

If things keep up the way they are, I can settle for being friends as I really don't want to lose him. I'll just give it time to settle down. I'm afraid I'm getting all worked up over something that, in his mind, may really just be simple.