today i had lunch with Nick. we flirted last year, so i emailed him and asked him to meet up.

i was incredibly nervous and intimidated. he's very tall, happy, confident, and excited about life. i tried to keep my cool, but my nerves made my words get all scrambled and left my mnid blank for conversation topics. i even STUTTERED. :0 the high point was talking about our wilderness experiences, something we had in common and i could kind of rave and get excited about.

we'd met at 12:20 and then he had to go at 1, to "prepare blah blah for the lab blah blah." if that was due to my boringness, i don't know. i really wanted to make some sort of plan to do something some other time, but i lost my nerve after getting up and saying "so...." so i think i seemed a little weird at that moment. then he was like, "thanks for coming by," even though i'd asked him. i thanked him back. and then he said, "have fun at mirlo [my dorm]. you're with friends, that's what's important." then we parted ways.

i felt defeated for several reasons. 1) i was nervous and did not perform at my best, 2) i hadn't made/suggested plans to do something else, nor had he, and 3) he'd said "have fun at your dorm," which to me (correct me if i'm wrong) appeared to assume we wouldn't see each other again.

i bought some chocolate and felt like a dumb loser. then i had an appointment with my therapist, who made me feel WORSE by telling me to forget him because she didn't think he was interested. and then she basically told me a bunch of shit that synthesized into the message, "you repel people and don't know how to pick up on rejection cues, because you're in denial." i got mad and was like "wtf?" i left on a bad note, convinced i had no friends in this world except those i'd invented in my head or clung to out of sheer desperation.

i'm now feeling pretty depressed and diseased.

It happens to the best of us. If he wasn't that into you then who cares, find someone better than that. Okay i don't know you, but I'm sure you'll find someone that can understand why you're nervous and wait untill you feel comfortable with them.

quote:Originally posted by Zoe:

It happens to the best of us. If he wasn't that into you then who cares, find someone better than that. Okay i don't know you, but I'm sure you'll find someone that can understand why you're nervous and wait untill you feel comfortable with them.

Hi Zoë!

I miss you.

~~~

Lauren, you need to get a new fucking Therapist, first off.

Secondly, stop second guessing yourself, and just go for the gold.

What's the worst that would happen? He says "No". Big deal.

But yeah, your therapist sounds like an asswipe. :\

Feel better.

You had fun with him, who cares if you were nervous. He knows about what happenned last year? That's what I gather. He is concerned and happy that you're surrounded by friends. I'm guessing he thinks you are going to be kicking back at the dorm with friends tonight?

I don't get the impression that he wouldn't want to see you again. I tell people to have fun all the time. It's quite often what I say as a goodbye.

Plans can be made any time. If he left in a rush and had somewhere to go, it's understandable that there are no plans right away. It's easy to make plans, many means of communication.

I don't like your therapist. Poke her in the eye. She'll never expect it.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

3) he'd said "have fun at your dorm," which to me (correct me if i'm wrong) appeared to assume we wouldn't see each other again.

You're wrong. He was being polite. There's no doubt in my mind that he wants to see you again.

Go for gold, love. You've got the moves, you've got it all., have faith in yourself because it will all work out

And give him a great fuck. He probably deserves it.

Hey Gus.

And yeah, hmm... The guy who liked me always used to say things like "have fun at..." wherever i was going after seeing him.. I think it can just be something to say.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Feel better.

You had fun with him, who cares if you were nervous. He knows about what happenned last year? That's what I gather. He is concerned and happy that you're surrounded by friends. I'm guessing he thinks you are going to be kicking back at the dorm with friends tonight?

I don't get the impression that he wouldn't want to see you again. I tell people to have fun all the time. It's quite often what I say as a goodbye.

Plans can be made any time. If he left in a rush and had somewhere to go, it's understandable that there are no plans right away. It's easy to make plans, many means of communication.

I don't like your therapist. Poke her in the eye. She'll never expect it.

*huge sigh of relief*

you really have a knack for making me feel better about stuff.

i plan on contacting him in about a week or in a few days to try for a dvd/something less formal and stiff than lunch. even if my therapist thinks that's desperation. i might just be an idiot, and i may end up even sadder and depressed. oh fucking well.

gus, thanks. i'm glad you're encouraging me.

edit - euda, i don't know if he knows what happened last year. i don't think he does, actually. earlier we'd talked about dorms and i told him i'd applied for housing solo, but luckily ended up with people from our former dorm. so that's what he was referring to.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-13-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by stab:

You're wrong. He was being polite. There's no doubt in my mind that he wants to see you again.

Go for gold, love. You've got the moves, you've got it all., have faith in yourself because it will all work out

And give him a great fuck. He probably deserves it.

see, it's funny, because my therapist was like, "it sounds like he doesn't want to see you again, like he's not interested. why are you holding on to something that isn't there?"

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

see, it's funny, because my therapist was like, "it sounds like he doesn't want to see you again, like he's not interested. why are you holding on to something that isn't there?"



And of course, that's because your therapist has serious mental issues and is trying to drag everyone else down with her

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i plan on contacting him in about a week or in a few days to try for a dvd/something less formal and stiff than lunch. even if my therapist thinks that's desperation. i might just be an idiot, and i may end up even sadder and depressed. oh fucking well.

euda, i don't know if he knows what happened last year. i don't think he does, actually. earlier we'd talked about dorms and i told him i'd applied for housing solo, but luckily ended up with people from our former dorm. so that's what he was referring to.

Well, do you know the same people? I'd assume that he knows if you have any common friends.

A dvd is a good idea. A nice way to relax in an intimate yet laid back environment. It never hurts to feel like an idiot. You should be proud for putting yourself out there, not sad if it doesn't work out. There are many guys out there; more than a few of which are interested in you, I'm sure.

Edit: Your therapist is trying to shelter you from life. You can see that. It's one route to take, but not the one you're after.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-13-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Well, do you know the same people? I'd assume that he knows if you have any common friends.

A dvd is a good idea. A nice way to relax in an intimate yet laid back environment. It never hurts to feel like an idiot. You should be proud for putting yourself out there, not sad if it doesn't work out. There are many guys out there; more than a few of which are interested in you, I'm sure.

Edit: Your therapist is trying to shelter you from life. You can see that. It's one route to take, but not the one you're after.



thanks. i agree about her trying to shelter me from life. it's what happens when you attempt to take your life. people treat you like a mental patient, and will never believe you're normal. she's very much against me taking risks. i guess she's scared i'll try to "check out early" again. i was so upset by her perception of me.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

You're wrong. He was being polite. There's no doubt in my mind that he wants to see you again.

Go for gold, love. You've got the moves, you've got it all., have faith in yourself because it will all work out

And give him a great fuck. He probably deserves it.

She does have it all, but I'm pretty sure she's not for him. She said he was really confident. Which means he would have had no trouble saying "Hey, want to catch up again soon?" But he didn't .

You know what politeness is? "I had a really good time with you *smiles*, want to do this again some time?" Then, with out a doubt in my mind, he'd want her.

She's beautiful, so he deffinatly would want you in that way, but I think Lauren prides her self in her intelligence, and not just as an object.

Work on your nervousness. Take breaks where in your head you just...dumb every thing down. You're probably having too many thoughts, over analysing way too much.



quote:Originally posted by stab:

And of course, that's because your therapist has serious mental issues and is trying to drag everyone else down with her

No, therapists are mostly 'yes men' and generally try and reassure you in what you already know.

This one sounds like she gives the cold hard truth. Even though it will hurt at times, it's required.



Lauren, don't take this defeat personally at all. Why? Because you weren't defeated. You weren't being yourself.

Everyone gets nervous when their around someone they like. Dont worry about it. The nervouness will all go away in due time. just call him again and make sure to hang out with him more. The more you do something that you're nervous about, the more comfortable you'll feel abou it.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

*huge sigh of relief*

you really have a knack for making me feel better about stuff.

i plan on contacting him in about a week or in a few days to try for a dvd/something less formal and stiff than lunch. even if my therapist thinks that's desperation. i might just be an idiot, and i may end up even sadder and depressed. oh fucking well.

gus, thanks. i'm glad you're encouraging me.

edit - euda, i don't know if he knows what happened last year. i don't think he does, actually. earlier we'd talked about dorms and i told him i'd applied for housing solo, but luckily ended up with people from our former dorm. so that's what he was referring to.





You come here and post this same exact kind of shit every week because you know every time, without fail, these people will console you and tell you exactly what you wanna hear, so you can feel temporarily relieved, for atleast another few days until see another post exactly like this.

How long are you going to keep falling into your old safety nets in order to not get to the root of your problems? Your therapist is trained for years. They have studied and been tested on cookie-cutter issues just like the ones you describe. She/he knows what they're talkin about. And I can tell you now, they are spot on about you being in denial about shit.

You need to understand how much you delude yourself and honestly work with your therapist instead of fighting them. You don't even sound like you give it a chance. You can't stand criticism. You're still just like a little girl. Time to grow up.

Here's the truth: This guy is most likely freaked out by you since he undoubtedly heard about your little attentionwhore-fest last year with the "suicide" attempt and all. That shit is a turn off. No one wants to hang around someone as immature as that. Believe me, I had a roommate who did the exact same shit 10 months ago. Just made her more isolated in the house. He was most likely being polite hanging out with you today because your a fragile mental case and he's too nice a guy to blow you off.

Go ahead and deny all this shit tho, it's what you're going to do anyway, you have no spine.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:



You come here and post this same exact kind of shit every week because you know every time, without fail, these people will console you and tell you exactly what you wanna hear, so you can feel temporarily relieved, for atleast another few days until see another post exactly like this.

How long are you going to keep falling into your old safety nets in order to not get to the root of your problems? Your therapist is trained for years. They have studied and been tested on cookie-cutter issues just like the ones you describe. She/he knows what they're talkin about. And I can tell you now, they are spot on about you being in denial about shit.

You need to understand how much you delude yourself and honestly work with your therapist instead of fighting them. You don't even sound like you give it a chance. You can't stand criticism. You're still just like a little girl. Time to grow up.

Here's the truth: This guy is most likely freaked out by you since he undoubtedly heard about your little attentionwhore-fest last year with the "suicide" attempt and all. That shit is a turn off. No one wants to hang around someone as immature as that. Believe me, I had a roommate who did the exact same shit 10 months ago. Just made her more isolated in the house. He was most likely being polite hanging out with you today because your a fragile mental case and he's too nice a guy to blow you off.

Go ahead and deny all this shit tho, it's what you're going to do anyway, you have no spine.



*freaks out all over again*

so what do you think i should do?

one more thing. where is a bad attitude going to get me? how is believing that i am deluded and socially inept going to help me, exactly?

and i obviously don't just expect kind replies. i know you and others will tell me stuff that is not exactly self esteem boosting, so i don't post on totse to get my fears alleviated, because i know that's not gonna happen a lot of the time.



[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-14-2006).]

I think you are putting WAY too much thought into this.:/

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

I think you are putting WAY too much thought into this.:/

how would you have handled it?

Well...He's just a person! I mean, why were you so nervous and why are you so worried about how your date went? Just call him again in a couple of days and see how the conversation goes.

Even if he's not that into you...It doesn't really matter that much. It's not some personal strike against YOU.

What else does your shrink have to say?

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

She does have it all, but I'm pretty sure she's not for him. She said he was really confident. Which means he would have had no trouble saying "Hey, want to catch up again soon?" But he didn't .

You know what politeness is? "I had a really good time with you *smiles*, want to do this again some time?" Then, with out a doubt in my mind, he'd want her.

She's beautiful, so he deffinatly would want you in that way, but I think Lauren prides her self in her intelligence, and not just as an object.

Work on your nervousness. Take breaks where in your head you just...dumb every thing down. You're probably having too many thoughts, over analysing way too much.

It's quite possible that he seems much more confident than he is, especially from her point of view. He might still be playing it safe.

I agree on the 'thinking too much'. But when you're in that cycle, it's hard to get out of it. Important thing is to take things as they come, I think, and to remember to be opinionated.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

No, therapists are mostly 'yes men' and generally try and reassure you in what you already know.

This one sounds like she gives the cold hard truth. Even though it will hurt at times, it's required.



Lauren, don't take this defeat personally at all. Why? Because you weren't defeated. You weren't being yourself.

Yeah but really, when someone is uncomfortable in social situations, what they really need is MORE social situations. More practice. This therapist, as someone else said, is trying to take her out of life. That's wrong. I think we all know that.

AND you're too fast in declaring this a defeat, just as she is. There is nothing to say she is defeated here. Only a theory.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

*freaks out all over again*

so what do you think i should do?

one more thing. where is a bad attitude going to get me? how is believing that i am deluded and socially inept going to help me, exactly?

and i obviously don't just expect kind replies. i know you and others will tell me stuff that is not exactly self esteem boosting, so i don't post on totse to get my fears alleviated, because i know that's not gonna happen a lot of the time.





I always figured you just disregarded anything that was perceived as harsh, seemed like you did with your replies, even though people who may seem like they're being cruel, actually care enough to tell it like it is so you can truly get better.



However, it's not a "bad" attitude, it's realistic. You will learn to be happy, all it takes is time and working with your therapist. It's tricky though because you really have to trust your therapist. Together you're going to reverse thought processes you have formed and relied upon for years, that unfortunately put you in a deeply depressed and psychotic state (last year's "freak out"). It's a process with steps, but once you start climbing those little steps, trust me, you'll start feeling alot better and it will be like a whole new world opening up to you. It will be enlightening.

You just have to learn to trust your therapist because they do have a geniuine interest in you, or else they wouldn't have chosen their profession. And it sounds like she really does care about you from the way she lays your issues out on the table. Maybe you'd like her to be more "gentle," but that's a miniscule issue. It could just be how her personality is.She has absolutely no ill intentions when she tells you these things, or like I said, why would she have went to school for all those years if she didn't truly care about people's problems?

quote:Originally posted by stab:

Yeah but really, when someone is uncomfortable in social situations, what they really need is MORE social situations. More practice. This therapist, as someone else said, is trying to take her out of life. That's wrong. I think we all know that.

AND you're too fast in declaring this a defeat, just as she is. There is nothing to say she is defeated here. Only a theory.



"we all know that" ? Just what do you base that on man? How long have you studied psychology? You studied for years from teacher and books that have accumulated 100+ years of scientific fact based on human the human mind?

The OP obviously sets herself up for depression and pain in every social interaction with her current thought process, so why should she be recommended to keep going out there when the OP won't recognise her faults in thinking and coping? She needs to hit up a few sessions first and be open when conversing with the therapist to hammer this shit out so she won't freak out all the time and do damage to herself and others.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:



"we all know that" ? Just what do you base that on man? How long have you studied psychology? You studied for years from teacher and books that have accumulated 100+ years of scientific fact based on human the human mind?

The OP obviously sets herself up for depression and pain in every social interaction with her current thought process, so why should she be recommended to keep going out there when the OP won't recognise her faults in thinking and coping? She needs to hit up a few sessions first and be open when conversing with the therapist to hammer this shit out so she won't freak out all the time and do damage to herself and others.



You're forgetting the fact that only the person themselves can fix things, and you put too little faith in her. I do not trust psychology as it is a relatively young science. Of course it can be beneficial, but it should not be trusted 100%. In this case, alarm bells are ringing in my head. What exactly is her therapist trying to do?

If you're so smart, you tell me.

One thing you should probably always keep in mind-your therapist doesn't want to hurt you. What he/she is saying may seem harsh or you may not agree with it, you should listen. Your therapist's job is to improve your life, even if it requres some hard work and sacrifice on your part. If you don't want to listen to your therapist, don't go.

Man I'm not smart at all. Yeah, I can tell you about my experiences and courses I've taken that have given me confidence in what I'm saying, but right now you're trying to compare internet penises and that's as lame as life gets.

All my intentions in my posts were to benefit the OP, and I feel 100% that I have given truly helpful replies. My replies explain exactly what the therapist is trying to do. It's merely a first step; trying to get the OP to realise her faults so she will accept them and willingly agree to work on the therapist in correcting them. That's the whole point in the process.

Psychology is young compared to biology and shit, but in the last 50 years, all sciences, along with psychology, have accelerated so greatly in knowledge that you can't just disregard it's findings due to you finding it "relatively young" because we've made greater strides in the last 20 years than all the previous 150 years combined. Millions of people have written hundres of thousands of papers on psychological studies that have been performed with a scientific method that has been hammered out and accepted by every science class for thousands of years.

So just stop talking, it's apparent now you don't know what the fuck you're trying to argue about.



[This message has been edited by SlapinFoFun (edited 10-14-2006).]

First of all, I was only trying to bait you so that you would actually reply. I didn't want 2 paragraphs of you explaining yourself. Second of all? Fine. Fuck you then.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

how would you have handled it?

He's just a person. Hell, he even POOPS! Think about him taking a big, nasty poop. Yeah, not very sexy, eh?

Try and look at him without thinking about him sitting on the can, screaming "OH GOD HERE IT COMES, HERE IT COMES!!".

Ok, well, maybe just once. That's the type of stuff that'll make you understand that he's just a man. Maybe even a dirty one too. ;D

Who posted this, too? I can't remember... but it was awesome advice.

Gus, I might've been the one you're thinking of. I posted something similiar only a few days ago. (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum4/HTML/024199.html) Great minds think alike, eh?

Anyway, Lauren, I use that "have fun" reply all the time. Usually, I only bother with people I really like! Seize the day (or the man). Don't give up yet!

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 10-14-2006).]

Lauren, can you shop therapists until you find one willing to help you deal with life, rather than avoid it?

Slappy, can you explain what you mean by realism?

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-14-2006).]

Aww Lauren what?

Its obvious hes interested in you, I mean you guys went out on a date !?

What makes you think there is no potential in this relationship?

Dont let a shrink tell you how things work, decide for yourself babe.

peace,

Well, I don't know about you, squirrelfriend, but I don't do well sitting down. I think better on my feet & prefer Talking while moving around.

Perhaps, if the weather was nice, mobility around some local park or around campus while eating icecream or whatever snacks? Fall foilage to look at & the other scenery.

Away from the other diners & with other stuff to look at. Wandering from bench to bench to low wall to sit on. Leaves to scuff through etc.

Errr sumpin...

quote:Originally posted by Nikkuh:

Aww Lauren what?

Its obvious hes interested in you, I mean you guys went out on a date !?

What makes you think there is no potential in this relationship?

Dont let a shrink tell you how things work, decide for yourself babe.

peace,



Last time I checked you're the 22 year old guy practicing social skills on your sister's 15 year old friends.

I don't think you're qualified to say shit like "it's obvious he's interested". Because it's obvious he's not.

She can do better and doesn't need to dwell.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

She can do better and doesn't need to dwell.

Of course she can do better, but there's nothing obvious about him not wanting Lauren.

Edit: Sleeping doesn't work so well with a broken foot.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-14-2006).]

to the people for whom this discussion has turned into an argument about the merits of the science of psychology, i have to say i think you're putting way too much emphasis on broad generalizations.

psychology is a respectable field, this i agree with. (i've had a strong interest in it since i started reading the DSM-IV when I was a pre-teen.) my psychologist does have my best interests at heart. she is quite intelligent. and i have been seeing her for a while now, because i WANT to. but it's not a black and white situation. it's not like she's a bad therapist and i shouldn't see her, or she's wonderful and is infallible. and she's not a "yes-man" either. i respect her greatly and take her criticisms to heart, otherwise i wouldn't have been so affected by them. at the same time, i run anything ANYONE says though my own logical processes. it's just something that's necessary if you have any intention of surviving on your own; you've got to rely on your OWN judgment above all others. that doesn't mean i don't evaluate and take criticism.

let's just take a moment to remember that all my therapist knows is what i tell her. (same goes for you guys too actually). so whatever judgment she had of the situation was a secondary interpretation of the account I presented to her. so it's up to her to discern when i am distorting and when i'm interpreting events correctly. it's a tricky business, and even a smart and trained person can get it wrong. there aren't "cookie cutter" cases for everything. also, my suicide attempt last year came as a total surprise to her, so she is being extremely skeptical of everything i say now, perhaps overly skeptical, or skeptical about the wrong things. (as an aside, i was never psychotic.)

what bothered me was that she seemed to think the situation was so clear cut and had such an obvious conclusion, which she thought i was denying. it's true that i was insecure about the outcome of the lunch, but i wasn't ready to draw such a clear conclusion, because i felt the signs were too subtle to be entirely conclusive (as evidenced by the conflicting responses in this thread). so i was ready to give it another go and see, even though i felt nervous and unsure.

my therapist has indicated to me that she has much more conservative views when it comes to dating, and thinks the male should always pursue. as i've expressed in this forum, i am experimenting with deviating from that philosophy. i am aware of the possibility of rejection and prepared for it. she thinks that i am being masochistic/in denial by putting myself in situations where i am more likely to get rejected. she's also wary of the possibility that any negative emotions i experience might lead me to go back to my eating disorder. in reality, i am prepared to work through the possibility of rejection, albeit with much whining and complaining on totse's forums. that is not indicative of self-deception, but a philosophy of life that she does not share.



[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-14-2006).]

It might just have been that he got a certain vibe from you. Maybe because you hadn't talked in so long, he assumed that you ran out of all other options and had finally contacted him. I know I've gotten that vibe before.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

today i had lunch with Nick. we flirted last year, so i emailed him and asked him to meet up.

i was incredibly nervous and intimidated. he's very tall, happy, confident, and excited about life. i tried to keep my cool, but my nerves made my words get all scrambled and left my mnid blank for conversation topics. i even STUTTERED. :0 the high point was talking about our wilderness experiences, something we had in common and i could kind of rave and get excited about.

we'd met at 12:20 and then he had to go at 1, to "prepare blah blah for the lab blah blah." if that was due to my boringness, i don't know. i really wanted to make some sort of plan to do something some other time, but i lost my nerve after getting up and saying "so...." so i think i seemed a little weird at that moment. then he was like, "thanks for coming by," even though i'd asked him. i thanked him back. and then he said, "have fun at mirlo [my dorm]. you're with friends, that's what's important." then we parted ways.

i felt defeated for several reasons. 1) i was nervous and did not perform at my best, 2) i hadn't made/suggested plans to do something else, nor had he, and 3) he'd said "have fun at your dorm," which to me (correct me if i'm wrong) appeared to assume we wouldn't see each other again.

i bought some chocolate and felt like a dumb loser. then i had an appointment with my therapist, who made me feel WORSE by telling me to forget him because she didn't think he was interested. and then she basically told me a bunch of shit that synthesized into the message, "you repel people and don't know how to pick up on rejection cues, because you're in denial." i got mad and was like "wtf?" i left on a bad note, convinced i had no friends in this world except those i'd invented in my head or clung to out of sheer desperation.

i'm now feeling pretty depressed and diseased.



Holy shit no offence but you're a mess.

Slow down and smoke some weed.

Ohmmm....

I'm not going to hop on the "lauren you're an attention-seeking bitch" bandwagon, because I know people come to S&A for advice. I've been here long enough to know the difference. Here's my take on things, do with it what you will.



Lauren, not all guys are going to pursue aggressively. I don't. If the girl isn't giving me cues to pursue, then oftentimes I won't. I'm not going to go after a girl if I feel there's no chance with her. It sounds like he didn't get any cues from you, so he just wanted to be polite. Do you think I want to ask a girl out and get rejected? No, I don't. Guys don't like that, and girls most of the time won't even attempt to put themselves out there. They expect or demand men to be the ones to make all the moves. Are we masochisitic for that? No, we aren't. We're fulfilling a social role.

Anyway, the point is if you don't give out the right signals, then the guys aren't going to try anything. You sound like you're a mess right now. I've been there; we've all been there, in some form or another. Your therapist isn't going to always tell you what she's doing. That's how they work. They make you move in directions they want, because that's oftentimes what will help you, if you can follow their advice. She may think you shouldn't date anyone right now. That's totally logical, because if you get rejected or have to deal with relationship issues, you probably will feel worse. You need to work on yourself first, not try to escape problems through focusing on another person, like you're already doing right now by focusing on an unimportant encounter with a guy you should have no attachments to.

I'd have more to say but I don't really have much time right now. I'll offer a little more advice, though. Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Focus on you, and try to find what makes you unhappy. Write down a list of things that make you unhappy. Then focus on yourself again, and find what would make you happy. Write those things down. Think about personality traits you want to change. You can change your personality; it just takes effort.

quote:Originally posted by HeeT:

Slow down and smoke some weed.

That's a good 12 year old response. Maybe you should suggest she have a couple beers and watch some TV too?

Edit: Fanglekai, those sound like someone else's issues. Rather than yours.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

to the people for whom this discussion has turned into an argument about the merits of the science of psychology...

Maybe you should consider focussing on education rather than social interaction. You seem completely confused when it comes to a simple date with a boy, but rather 10 years more mature when you're talking about the benefits of psychology.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

Maybe you should...

Aren't you 12?

You seem like a troll to me, but I can't tell.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Aren't you 12?

You seem like a troll to me, but I can't tell.

...well that's pretty insulting.

No, I'm not a troll. I'm a lazy unemployed 19 year old who gets pissed too much.

Thanks.

[This message has been edited by stab (edited 10-16-2006).]

i don't think stab's trolling.

stab, what you said about focusing on my education....is foolish. it's really foolish to tell someone not to seek social interaction. that's an essential part of life. i don't know how to respond to that.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i don't think stab's trolling.

stab, what you said about focusing on my education....is foolish. it's really foolish to tell someone not to seek social interaction. that's an essential part of life. i don't know how to respond to that.

Why? I don't mean you should take out social interaction altogether, THAT is foolish, but it's better to focus on the things you're good at, no?

Anyway it's just an idea. Don't know why I'm getting such negative feedback today.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

Why? I don't mean you should take out social interaction altogether, THAT is foolish, but it's better to focus on the things you're good at, no?

Anyway it's just an idea. Don't know why I'm getting such negative feedback today.



i'm good at social interaction.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



i'm good at social interaction.

No doubt.

stab, I'm just annoyed for other reasons. A friend threw the supper she brought me in the garbage because I wouldn't sleep with her. Some people are just not so great. I did think you were 12. I'm not sure as to why.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-16-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by stab:

it's better to focus on the things you're good at, no?

How do you think a person gets better at the things they're not good at?

That question has nothing to do with Lauren.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

No doubt.

stab, I'm just annoyed for other reasons. A friend threw the supper she brought me in the garbage because I wouldn't sleep with her. Some people are just not so great.



And the thread has picked back up...

So she tried to bribe you into bed with...Dinner?

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

stab, I'm just annoyed for other reasons. A friend threw the supper she brought me in the garbage because I wouldn't sleep with her. Some people are just not so great.

Yeah that's orright man, you'd have to do something pretty drastic to lose my respect.

Fair point on the practice thing, that was running through my mind as I posted. My point is that firekitty seems very confident when talking about intellectual issues, so I just hope she's making the most of it.

Hypocritical, I know.

quote:Originally posted by stab:

Yeah that's orright man, you'd have to do something pretty drastic to lose my respect.

Fair point on the practice thing, that was running through my mind as I posted. My point is that firekitty seems very confident when talking about intellectual issues, so I just hope she's making the most of it.

Hypocritical, I know.



haha. i am not firekitty. however, i am in college.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

That's a good 12 year old response. Maybe you should suggest she have a couple beers and watch some TV too?

Edit: Fanglekai, those sound like someone else's issues. Rather than yours.



I don't understand....they sound like someone else's issues, rather than mine? I don't really have any issues, and I don't really know anyone with issues at the moment; I'm just trying to offer a perspective to the OP, and a little advice. Is my advice off the mark?

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

So she tried to bribe you into bed with...Dinner?

No. I have a broken foot, in case you skipped my Sick thread. I wouldn't call it a bribe.

I didn't want to hop on one foot while cooking. I asked her to help with supper. She told me not unless I slept with her; I talked her out of it, thinking she was just joking around with me. She cooked and ate, then brought some over for me. When I refused to sleep with her, she threw the food in the garbage and was quite rude before leaving.

I quite expected none of that. I was unaware she had an interest in me sexually.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



haha. i am not firekitty. however, i am in college.

*slaps self*

I leave now.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

No. I have a broken foot, in case you skipped my Sick thread. I wouldn't call it a bribe.

I didn't want to hop on one foot while cooking. I asked her to help with supper. She told me not unless I slept with her; I talked her out of it, thinking she was just joking around with me. She cooked and ate, then brought some over for me. When I refused to sleep with her, she threw the food in the garbage and was quite rude before leaving.

I quite expected none of that. I was unaware she had an interest in me sexually.

that is a strangely paradoxical bad experience. my, how this thread has gone off topic.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

that is a strangely paradoxical bad experience. my, how this thread has gone off topic.

Oops.

Well, I hope the lunch with nick is delt with already.

If you get bored, I'm on IRC.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

That's a good 12 year old response. Maybe you should suggest she have a couple beers and watch some TV too?

Edit: Fanglekai, those sound like someone else's issues. Rather than yours.





Ha no, alcohol isn't anything but a temporary escape, as is TV in this case.

Weed coupled with my slow down remark was a plee for her stop thought-hopping from one emotion to another. Instead start noticing the space between each word.

She described anxiety and intimidation. Stuttering and not knowing what to say. It was obvious to me her emotion thoughts were outrunning the reasoning ones.

Weed can mellow you out. Make you observe.

I've referred to meditation in almost every post I've made today. But every problem I see I believe can be sorted out by it.

So lauren7249, let me ask you why do you think you were nervous? The first step to overcoming whatever problem you have is to come completely naked and present yourself to it. As painful as it might be it needs to be made explicit. Think of it as a diagnoses before a cure.

euda, it's cool about taking the thread off topic. i don't care. heet, i don't do any kind of drug, though if i did i would take the suggestion. i was nervous because i believed him to be more attractive and better at life than me. i'm not generally like that with people i feel equal to. i was also nervous because i'd been thinking about it all week.

You emailed him, to ask his to do something? i dunno if i read that right but i mean fuck who emails someone to go on a date, that was probley his first hint.

Exactly why do you think he's better at life than you.

lauren7249 first I'll be your friend. Second maybe he was thinking you didn't like him cause you didn't ask him to hang out again. Either that or he focusing on other things. Having fun at your dorm room is a pretty general statement and can mean actually have fun partying at your dorm. Don't over analyze this. Just email hime to ask him if he wants to hang out again. Lab work is a good idea on why to leave. Maybe at this current time in his life hes more fucused on school then getting a gf. He could already have a gf and not told you. But ya anywho I'll be your frined

You should have dropped your napkin under the table, got under the table and sucked for al your worth ..i think that would work everytime with males...