I have this friend, we'll call him K. I've known him for a couple of months, but I've only recently started talking to him.

He's really funny, attractive, nice... all that jazz. And I'm a little bit attracted to him.

But... He's dating my friend V, although I don't know how long that will last. I of course don't want to interfere, but I feel like I already did... and it was a complete accident. He said something about me sleeping with my ex, and I said something about him sleeping with V, and suddenly he gets all defensive like "No I didn't sleep with her, why the hell would she say that??" and saying he's going to have a talk with her.

So that was weird, because I really don't think she would lie about that. She did say they were really wasted, so maybe he forgot. But that's not the point, the point is I feel awful for being attracted to him, for flirting (although I flirt with everybody, even girls), and for saying something that pissed him off.

Now, given that part of the story, I'd say I'm not the greatest friend you could ask for.

BUT. A week or so ago she told me that she thinks she's all about the chase, and once she got him she just wasn't that into it. Then she was going to break up with him, and when she didn't another friend asked "weren't you going to do it tonight?" to which she replied "We'll see how it goes."

So she's already confessed she doesn't like him, they don't act like they're dating (no kissing, no hugging, they don't even sit near each other), and now he's pissed at her. They've only been dating for like two weeks.

Am I a bad friend for even having to think about it? And would I be a bad friend to persue anything, if it ends? I mean... two weeks isn't very long. *guilt*

You'd be surprised at how many people have got into relationships after meeting through dating friends.

Eh, they've been together like 2 weeks, and she's not that into him/he's not that into her.

Although, if she is 'all about the chase', you may find she wants him back after seeing you two together. Just talk to her, be honest about the fact that you'd like to date him.

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

they don't act like they're dating (no kissing, no hugging, they don't even sit near each other)

Am I a bad friend for even having to think about it? And would I be a bad friend to persue anything, if it ends? I mean... two weeks isn't very long. *guilt*

Do you understand the concept of "...what goes on behind closed doors"? Not all people like to flaunt that they're in a relationship in public.

And yes, it would make you a bad friend. Unless you live in a small town, with a population of about 500, then I'm sure you can persue guys elsewhere.

First reply - I don't exactly want to date him, just... I dunno. Persue was a bad word.

arquin - They've both said it, they don't act like they're dating at all. Even when nobody else is there. And again, persue was a bad word.

I guess what I mean is, would it be bad if something happened, even if she was okay with it? I guess my friends and I have this sort of code... if you say you're okay with it, then you can't get mad. But I still feel weird about things like that.

i thought the code was not to date your friends ex's or some shit, i dont know they most likely had sex i mean we live in an age that relationships are based on it, k is just a big fat liar probably and didnt want you thinkin that cause he wants in your pants too.. but it doesnt really matter or not.. if she doesnt care, move in on him, you got her word to back you up and make you feel less guilt but its goin to be awkward either way

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:



I guess my friends and I have this sort of code... if you say you're okay with it, then you can't get mad.

But what kind of friend is going to say "Actually, you'd be a real cunt to do that, find your own men."

Of course she'd say she approves, but that's not to say she wouldn't resent it.

For the sake of your friendship, just don't.

Men have a saying "Bros before hoes". Meaning never jepordise a good mateship for the sake of a woman.

Maybe women would be better off if they adopted "Chicks before dicks"

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:



Men have a saying "Bros before hoes".

Maybe women would be better off if they adopted "Chicks before dicks"

whoever said that was a manwhore and a slut, love is what brings joy to life not friendships, you need someone to care about as more then a friend

and firekitty is not doin wrong by goin after him

quote:Originally posted by dementedchops:

whoever said that was a manwhore and a slut, love is what brings joy to life not friendships, you need someone to care about as more then a friend

and firekitty is not doin wrong by goin after him

You're a stupid piece of shit. Probably a lonely piece of shit.

I'd rather have a heap of friends, and brief sexual relationships than have a lifelong partner. Seriously, grow the fuck up.

Friends stand by you for life. You fuck up, they almost ALWAYS forgive you. I've had the same three mates since grade three, and we've got each others backs.

Either A: You've never had a girl, and wish you did.

B: You don't have good friends.

Fuck, your stupidity hurts. Ever heard the term "I love my friends". Yeah, fuckwit.

Women come and go, but friends are for ever.

You possibly put your foot in it a little bit, but I dont see how that makes you a bad friend..



:S



From the sound of it they'll break up soon. Whether or not you want to get together with a guy who might be re-bounding is your choice,but just be carefull and make sure he really *IS* over the other girl, because otherwise he might hurt you by leaving you for her.

And then I'd have to go and kill him and hide the body and it would all just get a bit unpleasant, really..

quote:Originally posted by dementedchops:

you need someone to care about as more then a friend



That's true, but you can afford to shop around and not hurt the people that will always care about you.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



I'd rather have a heap of friends, and brief sexual relationships than have a lifelong partner. Seriously, grow the fuck up.



I'd rather have a lifelong partner than random friends and cold sexual experiences.



I guess we'll never get together then, huh?

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I'd rather have a lifelong partner than random friends and cold sexual experiences.



I guess we'll never get together then, huh?





I really don't want to be a cunt, but you're a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

You devoted so much attention to one person, making them the center of your universe. Look what happens when it falls to shit (People, stop being optimistic and start being realistic, it probably will fall to shit.), you're left with nothing! You say you don't have any friends, it's because you spent so much time with him and didn't invest enough with your friends.

I would much prefer to have lots of friends I can see at any time. The only times I get lonely are when (SHOCK HORROR!) I'm alone! An ideal life would be one where two people understand that they're using each other for physical fulfillment. Then they go their seperate ways. Just get the odd flusy to fuck, then spoon with. Then go out with my mates and have a blast.

I can never see one female, offering more than friends do. Sure, I might cancle on friends for a girl, but that's for sex. And any guy understands a mate cancling for some poon. But other than that, friends come first. If you can't count on your friends, who can you count on?

I fucking HATE seeing couples who spend so much time together they lose their friends. It disgusts me!

ARG, fucking ranting.

*edit*

Sorry if I came off as an ass yoyo, you're a great chick, but you did invest too much time in one person. You need to divide attention over a whole group of people.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 10-12-2006).]

My friends can be quite blunt when it comes to saying "You can't touch him."

I don't want to date him or anything. But I don't know if I should let my gaurd down, or just stay away. I dunno, I think the most I want right now is a friends with benifits type thing. There are other places to look... but if this becomes an option.... I don't know. I suppose I'll talk to her about it... and as she said, we'll just see how things go.

See how things go?

Something might just happen?

If you want it to happen and put thought into it, it isn't just happenning. Can't really use that as an excuse.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

I really don't want to be a cunt



fail, you judged me by my statement sayin i am lonely, you tell me to grow the fuck up, you should never give advice if you are goin to write something like that

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

You're a stupid piece of shit. Probably a lonely piece of shit.

I'd rather have a heap of friends, and brief sexual relationships than have a lifelong partner. Seriously, grow the fuck up.

Friends stand by you for life. You fuck up, they almost ALWAYS forgive you. I've had the same three mates since grade three, and we've got each others backs.

Either A: You've never had a girl, and wish you did.

B: You don't have good friends.

Fuck, your stupidity hurts. Ever heard the term "I love my friends". Yeah, fuckwit.

Women come and go, but friends are for ever.

haha i just actually read it again, you suck bro, by what you just said you are a harsh person, dont beat your wife so bad when you are married ok?

quote:Originally posted by dementedchops:

haha i just actually read it again, you suck bro, by what you just said you are a harsh person, dont beat your wife so bad when you are married ok?

You're an idiot. I can't believe you read that twice and you still don't get it. arquin pwnd this threat.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



Sorry if I came off as an ass yoyo, you're a great chick, but you did invest too much time in one person. You need to divide attention over a whole group of people.



Fuck you asshole. Just because I dont want to fuck every living thing like you do and happen to like going out with a person for things other than sex doesent mean you get to criticise me.

There was I almost feeling good about myself for getting through this.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

Fuck you asshole. Just because I dont want to fuck every living thing

Has NOTHING to do with what he said, I recommend you read his post again, as earlier pointed out by me he makes some valid points. I don't expect you to understand though. You're so simple, your month is made when you receive a couple of flowers.

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

Considering that thread you posted not long ago about that jerk who you're with that you got so embarrassed about you had to delete, and said "Bye" as if you were committing suicide, I think arquin is quite justified in what he's saying and I agree with him. Friends for life, relationships are nothing and 90% of the time fail. When you actually get into a relationship, let us know that its better than having a group of close friends to watch your back for the rest of your life. I wouldn't be this harsh to you if you hadn't have snapped out like that in the above post, but now I just feel like telling you the truth. Random friends and cold sexual experiences? That's exactly what you have right now.

arquin is a jackal; he knows this as a simple fact. I have to assume he's happy again.

I have to assume you don't have a whole lot of experience with relationships; in a relationship, the person is your friend. yoyobek was never commiting suicide, that's an old road that doesn't bear walking anymore.

quote:Originally posted by yoyobek:

I'd rather have a lifelong partner than random friends and cold sexual experiences.



I guess we'll never get together then, huh?





Considering that thread you posted not long ago about that jerk who you're with that you got so embarrassed about you had to delete, and said "Bye" as if you were committing suicide, I think arquin is quite justified in what he's saying and I agree with him.

Friends for life, relationships are nothing and 90% of the time fail. When you actually get into a relationship, let us know that its better than having a group of close friends to watch your back for the rest of your life. I wouldn't be this harsh to you if you hadn't have snapped out like that in the above post, but now I just feel like telling you the truth. Random friends and cold sexual experiences? That's exactly what you have right now.

The fact you were willing to get everyone on totse worried by not replying to that thread and saying you were committing suicide shows what you're like to your friends irl. I was going to delete this post because I felt nasty but I think it should stand since Eudas quoted it, so enjoy.

[This message has been edited by Trapped In A Box (edited 10-12-2006).]

Firekitty, your feelings are normal and they do not make you a bad friend. Let me tell you a story.

A girl I know, who shall remain nameless, oh but she doesn't visit this site, dated a guy for two years. It was a relationship which, according to her, she should never have entered in the first place. She met one of his friends early on in the piece, and grew to like him. Her feelings were reciprocated.

Eventually, she broke up with her boyfriend. She is now seeing his friend, it's early on in the piece, and they are doing great. At first, she had to deal with people being negative, due to the situation, but that died down pretty quickly and everyone's cool with it, including the ex who she never talks about anyway.

It's a similar situation, but not the same. This was her boyfriend's friend she was after, not her friend's boyfriend. The point however, is that it worked out. But here's the deal.

Your friend has expressed disinterest in him, and they are only together by name (boyfriend/girlfriend) rather than action or communication.

The best method of approach, I don't know. I haven't been in your situation. But I think you should persue this further. I don't think you're a bad person for feeling the way you do, and really, you're not going to screw with anything that's meaningful anyway.

So in conclusion, I feel that you are correct in your feelings and assessment, and believe you should go ahead with this, but I do not know how.

Whichever way you choose to go, I wish you good luck, and reassure you again that you are not a bad friend.

Chill, Stab.

In an ideal world you coul;d all settle this over a threesome. But back to the real life, i suggest you wait it out and try and him to get to want you, flirt with him, but not too much (yes getting the right balance is very difficult).

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

Friends for life, relationships are nothing and 90% of the time fail.



If I understand that sentence properly, you're suggesting that all the friends that you have now, you expect to have for the rest of your life? 90% of those relationships fail as well. People grow older, interests change, and they meet new people to share these changes with. (or, are you truly 'trapped in a box'? )

So, there's a 10% chance that you'll have the same friends throughout your lifetime AND a mate. That would be my speculation.



(meh....I can pull the same stats out of my ass too...just to make a point. )

I know the kid, I was supprised J dated him.

I am even more supprised you like him.

He is EVERYTHING you say you don't want. I left because I was sick of the 15 min convo about him giving you gas to hang out.

He isn't that attractive

He is annoying as all fuck

And he is dating a good friend of yours, no matter how they break up, you would be a bad friend.

I am off to play WoW!



EDIT:Remember that convosation about not being friends with people cause they are dating someone?

Yea, my answer used to be "I wouldn't not be friends" and I wouldn't.

BUT

I would find better things to do, instead of coming to hang out.

I am kind tired of all this highschool bullshit, and I am about to drop out of scene, Because well Shi-Sha is a lot closer. And I have friends that go there.



[This message has been edited by bushy (edited 10-12-2006).]

Bushy, like I said today... After hearing her side of the story, I'm not so interested in him.

But, whatever happens, happens. She told me today she really doesn't think she wants the relationship to continue. And she's not one to get that attached. That's exactly why I asked would you not be friends with somebody... If it would put the friendship in jeopardy, I'd never do it. Just the fact I was considering it sort of made me feel pretty awful.

But, again. I don't want to date this guy, especially after all this. But... you know.

And bushy, if you're tired of all the "high school" shit, remember how much you contributed to it. Sending people offensive links on myspace isn't exactly a sign of maturity there, bud.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

You're an idiot. I can't believe you read that twice and you still don't get it. arquin pwnd this threat.

i own your ass

quote:Originally posted by firekitty751:

Bushy, like I said today... After hearing her side of the story, I'm not so interested in him.

But, whatever happens, happens. She told me today she really doesn't think she wants the relationship to continue. And she's not one to get that attached. That's exactly why I asked would you not be friends with somebody... If it would put the friendship in jeopardy, I'd never do it. Just the fact I was considering it sort of made me feel pretty awful.

But, again. I don't want to date this guy, especially after all this. But... you know.

And bushy, if you're tired of all the "high school" shit, remember how much you contributed to it. Sending people offensive links on myspace isn't exactly a sign of maturity there, bud.

muhhhhhspaceeee

I appologize, that isn't how I understood it.