On the 20th, so I've got a bit of time here to think on it.

Bit of backstory first, though.

My gf and I sort of broke up sept 24th, after being together since very early june, because for her (off at college and whatnot) it was apparently too stressful and whatnot. Oddly enough, nothing changed, we're as close if not closer now than ever :\

Being 3 hours away, we get to see each other perhaps every few weeks or so, not too bad but not often by any means. Now, one of these chances to see each other is coming up in 2 weeks time, or it's about a month after that. Going between the two options at face value, 2 weeks sounds a lot better.

But

One of her friends is hosting a large birthday/halloween party on the 20th, that weekend. If I go down there that weekend, I'll pretty much have to attend, which I don't mind, not antisocial or anything.

Slight problem comes in with her at the party itself.. she likes to drink, quite a bit and quite quickly. Not that she lacks control while drunk, just loud and whatnot. I trust her completely, sober or drunk, but not the 20+ random drunk guys there. It takes two to anything, so alcohol is a poor excuse to me for just about anything you can name. At no point do you lack so much control to say no or stop something from happening, approaching that point, you likely pass out first. To me, how much you drink and when, and in what time, is completely in your control (duh), but tohr, it seems like it isn't, at least in her ind. Confuses and somehow sligtly angers me, too stupid and irresponsible :\

Personally, I think drinking like that is stupid and a waste of a night, so I know I'd be spending a lot of my time drinking my own ass off (gradually) to pass time and keep me busy. The less I think and the less I pay attention, the better I feel. C'est la vie.

Now, this just seems like a possibly sligtly awkard situation for about 8 hours or so, I don't like to see her stupid-drunk that much, and don't feel like beating off drunks with a stick either.

I'd be there for 2 night, and this would take up the friday, friday night and likely first part of the second day, posible consequences (read: hangover, though I never get them, ever) leading past that. She's even said that it's not really a good weekend for me to come down, because of the party since '[I] wouldn't know anyone, and [she'd] be drunk'. I don't mind not knowing anyone there, but the drunk bit somehow says that it's possible there something I wouldn't want to see :\ Not cool, but perhaps I'm reading a bit much into it

Somehow seems like way too much of hassle and pain in the ass to see her, as strong as my feelings are, somehow this has a could-go-badly vibe to it. Don't know if I'd be feeling better being there or not, ignorance is bliss in one way, though your mind can be worse than reality, and it's potentially one form of bad-ness to each alternative.

A bit of advice a friend gave me, best I've heard in a while, as simple as it is: Don't party with your girl.

She's also said that if it's the only chance she'd get to see me soon, she'll take it. Oddly enough it shifted from 'wouldnt be the best weekend to come down' to 'if you want to come, then come' to 'if i can see you then, then i def want to' after I showed any sign of 'maybe i shouldnt, party and all'-ness.

So now I sit here, wondering if I should take the chance to go, or not. Don't know whatcan happen if I go, though I'm seeing a few unpleasant posbilities there. I would like to see her, but it just seems like a pain and a slight recipe for disaster, one way or another. Happy to explain/clarify anything above/extras.

I personally don't think you should take it. Your friend's advice is wise. You'd end up being angry at her and it's a possibility you'll both be hung over in the morning so you won't be in the best mood then ither.

Then again, if this is the only time you get to see her you should. Anything is a possibility. I think you're anticipating it too much. You can go and have a good time. Ignorance is not bliss, I hate that saying. Take risks, that's what life's about. Try to talk with her and have her maintain better. You'll have to meet in the middle some where. Maybe you could take her out before the party so you two can have a little bit of alone time on the first day. If anything bad happens I'm sure you can work it out. You'll be happy you even got to see her.

I'd say that to a point, I'm happier not knowing some things. Which seems very blind and stupid, not very me, usually :\

I know I'd be happy to see her, she was up here on the thanksgiving weekend, so It's 2 weeks between seeing her, which feels like a while (but nothing compared to some people, I know).

Trust me, no hangover on this end, though I know she gets them, nothing terrible though, just tired and whatnot, not too irritable. I may be a bit displeased at some things that can happen the former night, at worst (leaving out the catch-the-3am-bus-back because of the party option, sounds way too drastic and nothing I'll obsess over), and believe me, I learned years ago to stfu (I'm very closed up in RL, no one knows what's on my mind or concerns me, ever, at least not anything that really matters), so I won't be starting anything the next day. All this is sounding pretty pessimistic, I'll admit, but that's where my head is at today :\ I'll update once I find a few more positive points/options. Best option afterwards: nothing stupid/etc. happens and all is well between us.

I can all but guarantee that we won't get to spend any time together, such as dinner/whatever beforehand, going by past experience and current arrangements, so that's completely out of the window either way, which sucks.

I suppose it's just that her initial not wanting me to come down bit that threw me off, and then the backpeddaling after that more so. :\

Double post FTL, but update.

I've decided, with a bit of outside input, not to go that weekend. As much as I can see a few negative things from this, it's compared to more shitty stuff, and a generally unenjoyable weekend, past seeing her, so it's stupid for me to go then rather than later when it's not so messed like this.

Though, given that we'll be apart for about a month total if I don't go, there's a few things that affects.

I know that apart for that long, she feels less 'connected', and generally drifts away, we talk a bit less, and whatnot. Longest so far has been about 3 weeks, at the end of which we (technially) broke up (though we're closer now, as I said, just without the title). I still don't know what the 'new', if any, boundaries there are right now, which sucks. Not that she's the type to go sleep around and whatnot like that, at least not from what I've seen so far.

Now, the strain that caused us to 'break up' back then was from everything else, school, work, etc. stress piled onto the point with stress already, so something hd to give there. Don't know where, if anywhere, that type of thing can go now if it comes up, perhaps I don't want to find out. As it stands, we rarely talk on the phone anymore, though MSN and text (both garbage for real communication) are as usual, not that that says much though.

Generaly a tad in the dumps right now, no 'good' way out of this, I know I'll end up just having to stfu and take it either way, however it goes, but hey, that's my life. :\

Small update, sorry for the triple post.

She went out to drink with a few friends last night as well. Barely and food, too much beer, spent the night puking and slept about 2 hours total, woke up puking and dryheaving and whatnot, very hung over, dead tired, and still sick.

Now, this is a slight extension of her usual experience, and this is to her, a decent time, less puking and it would be pretty damn fun, apparently.

I was wavering a bit on my decision to go or not, but this type of thing (too common) pretty much cements it. I don't feel like sitting there while she makes an ass of herself puking the entire night, and sick the entire time I'm there. For fucks sake, this is common fucking sense, don't drink that much, and don't drink stupid (no food, etc.), but she always does it, like she has no control over how much she drinks, at all. :angry:

Pros:

1.) Ignorance is not bliss. It only seems like that at first, but soon you'll find that it just made it worse in the end. So if you're worried about her conduct...

2.) You two apparently can't really handle seperation very well... might be unwise to let it go so long.

Cons:

1.) You won't have fun seeing her drunk etc.

Overall? I'd say fuck it. Hell, I'd probably dump her too. She really doesn't sound worth it; not your type of person at all. However, I presume she has other qualities to make up for this... so I dunno, really. I suck with this sort of thing, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I just hoped my little pro/con thing, being an outside perspective and all, might help clear up some possible confusion. Or something.

That's the thing, past this point, we're fine, she's pretty much perfect otherwise. Just happens to drink like a 12 year old who just got handed a bottle of JD at a party. I don't like to see her drink/drunk because it seems so incredibly stupid compared to her the rest of the time. Not at all against drinking here, I do myself when I can, but I drink with a brain, not so irresponsibly or stupidly, so this annoys me.

As a note... school trip coming up, and I'm in the unofficial organizing group, we handle the drinking/drugs parts of it, all run under the table. We've banned 3 people from drinking/partying with us this year (trip is a weekend in dec, one is feb, week in may) because they drank exactly like this, a lot at once, no food, and no control. No one likes to be around them drinking/drunk becasue it's simply stupid and a pain in the ass. And yet, smart as she is, there's nothing immature or stupid about this in her eyes, it's normal and it's either no drinking, or drinking till you're sick. Damn.

And yes, thanks, any new points bring a new view to my mind and help to clear it up from a more logical perspective. I haven't thought much about flat out stopping the relationship, but if this keeps going, it's not something I like to handle this much. All of a sudden I can see why people have a problem with their SO drinking/etc. Casual use, no problem with, but this is over the top.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-14-2006).]

Do you roll? If so, maybe you should. It would compensate for her idiocy, and perhaps allow you to have a fun time with her.

Although what I've read so far indicates you're not going anyway.

She should be playing drinking games. At least that puts some sort of social interaction into it.

I roll once in a while, typically not with gf or anything, but yeah. Been a while though, and I think she'd hate me doing anything :\ Double standards FTL

Exactly why I'd drink/roll if I'd go, but somehow I always manage to keep more of a 'level' head drunk/stoned, more than others, so it wouldn't change me completely.

I got a small recap of her last night, about 6 beers, a few shots, and a decent amount of bad weed, ended up passing out somewhere random, carried home by her friends, throwing up the rest of the night and this morning. 100% idiotic and she seems downright proud of it, somehow.

I'm not against drinking/getting high in the least, endorse it by any means. Just don't do stupid, stupid things with either/both of them, and this is exactly it.

No drinking games then, she doesn't like them, this is just straight drinking/high at random, no point to it. Social drinking and this are completely different, IMO.

Edit: We had a discussion on this type of thing before, one time after she drank to the point of sickness. She apparently felt bad that I would question her self-control/such with drinking/etc., tried to send me on a guilt trip over it. For fucks sake.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-14-2006).]

Mmmm, gotta love drug abuse. If you are sure you love her, walk through hell with her; but make no mistake, that is where she is headed.

All i ask is that she have at least a bit of a brain when she drinks/smokes, too much to ask?

Don't know if it reaches the point of abuse, it's more of retarded drug use right now.

Sorry for all the double posts here, but last bit for now.

I've pretty much decided, with things as they stand, that it's over. She's done this again and again, despite any conversations we've had over it, promises/etc. made and trust put into.

To me, it's somehow a matter of respect. Respect for me and for the relationship. She's promised not to do this type of thing, I've trusted her with it time and again, likely wrongly, and she's turned around and tossed it in my face every time. She takes me and the relationship for granted, we talk when it's convinient for her, or she's bored (hearing 'so I was bored and decided to call you' on the phone does sting a bit sometimes). I've put every effort into this, never broken her trust, and never disrespected her. In this, I feel I have very little respect from her, I'm below her friends (new friends she only parties with, all constantly kicked out of classes and failing), below alcohol and drugs, below too much.

At the end of it, I'm no one's bitch, no one will disrespect me or try to push me lower than I know I should be, I'm no one's weekend-boyfriend, and there's a limit on how much shit anyone can take (brekaing trust, promises, etc.). As sad as I am to do this, I'm drawing the line, this time tomorrow things will likely be very different, I can't take this much longer.

maybe, just once before you end it you should drink/smoke to the point of sickness and act like a drunk/stoned idiot in front of her friends so she knows what she's been doing to you. Kind of a cold-hearted thing to do, but she sounds completely stupid when it comes to a relationship, and double standards just don't make sense.

Not too bad of an idea, i guess, cold but works, but that pretty much means me going down next weekend to do so, is that really worth a $90 bus ticket?

E: She's very smart and whatnot otherwise, just with this part of the relationship. It's damn hard to trust someone when they do this every time they party/drink.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-15-2006).]

You only live once, and if worse comes to worse you can always break things off further after this party. Speaking of which, my girlfriend's birthday is on the 20th.

See, I don't know if I can hold it together until the party. Should I happen to go, I'd be stuck there for about 2 days, and she WILL notice something is bothering me, whether I say it or not, she knows me decently well.

I don't know if the party is worth going to at all, both for effect/etc. reasons and financially.

Part that bugs me now is that she's downright proud of what she did that night, completely. Despite of all the broken promises and trust, she's proud, and keeps on bragging to me over it, I hate this.

She's plan and simple for ready for a relatonship during school, she can't keep any promises or any self control for the sake of the relatonship, despite pretty much all she's said about wanting to be with me/etc., I know she can't keep up her end, either subconciously (freedom, parties, etc.) or conciously (little respect for me/relationship). To all you naysayers that told me 99% of long-distance relationships don't work, and that in one way or another, no one wants to be in a relationship in college/etc., I finally fall to my knees and bow my head in defeat to you, as much as it sucks, you're right.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 10-15-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Orange_Crusader:

To all you naysayers that told me 99% of long-distance relationships don't work, and that in one way or another, no one wants to be in a relationship in college/etc., I finally fall to my knees and bow my head in defeat to you, as much as it sucks, you're right.

That's really sad. You seem like a decent person; quite awesome, actually. A real nice guy. It's a shame that this has happened.

I'm in a long-distance relationship at the moment, actually; I hope this sort of thing doesn't happen. You never know... I'm ever the optimist.

Well, you know what they say: there are many fish in the sea. I wish you luck and happiness. I'm off to visit your newer thread!

[This message has been edited by Twisted_Ferret (edited 10-15-2006).]