I was thinking today about how I approach dating, and I realized that I am much more like a guy than a girl. (If I act in accordance with my natural inclinations). I am more likely to pursue the guy, take the lead, want sex, and be emotionally guarded. I'm straightforward and assertive. I'm not girly.

I usually try to suppress this inclination and play my gender role. I was thinking today though, what if there's part of the male population that wouldn't mind this natural inclination I have? I highly doubt it, however I wanted to pose the question to the males of totse to see if there's anyone out there who wouldn't mind this.

So males: What would you think of being pursued, led, and admired? (It's one thing to LIKE having that happen to you. It's another to actually reciprocate feelings and maintain an interest in the girl pursuing you, despite not having to "chase" her.)

Also: have you ever actually played this role? How did you feel about it? What was it like?

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-09-2006).]

I wouldn't mind it, because I'm usually pretty laid back. I wouldn't like it if the girl was all in my face all the time or anything, but being assertive and confident is attractive to me. I won't deal with being told what to do, and I won't deal with girls trying to control me. However, if a girl wanted to be more proactive, that'd be fantastic. I get tired of having to do all the pursuit; it's so time consuming :/

Yeah, trust me there are plenty of guys out there like that. They are the ones that get called pansies and fags by their friends, and will usually be much lower on the Alpha - Zeta male ranking in terms of manliness (The "get me a beer" bitch).

Trust me, there is a guy like that in my group of friends. While on the outside he appears to be a normal and well balanced male, when we are all sitting around and knocking back a few, he will always be the less aggressive one who backs down from fights and such (yeah, "knocking back a few" does somewhat resemble a Discovery Channel special on baboons). He gets himself so wasted sometimes that his femininity (is that really how that is spelled?) comes right out. Just the other night at a bonfire, he had a few too many and started ranting about this girl he was rather fond of. He then started to prattle on about his insecurities and how he didn't think she "liked" him back and how he wished that she would just ask him out because he was nervous. Eventually he stopped talking because he realized we were all staring at him. I say "Joey, will you shut the fuck up and get me a beer?"

He is out of highschool, and he has never actually had a girlfriend because he just won't ask them out. Plenty of girls have shown an OBVIOUS interest in him, and he claims to have an interest back, yet doesn't do anything at all. Quite obviously he needs a woman to just take control for him, because he is just too damn much of a pussy to do it himself.

I prefer the woman to be agressive, because of one reason : GUYS HAVE NO BOUNDARIES. If the girl wants sex on the first date then she can have it, but such is not always a luxury, i dont like testing boundaries because i have a fear of 'going too far' and ruining a possibly good relationship because the girl wasnt ready for the next step yet

quote:Originally posted by Ackronymph:

Yeah, trust me there are plenty of guys out there like that. They are the ones that get called pansies and fags by their friends, and will usually be much lower on the Alpha - Zeta male ranking in terms of manliness (The "get me a beer" bitch).

Trust me, there is a guy like that in my group of friends. While on the outside he appears to be a normal and well balanced male, when we are all sitting around and knocking back a few, he will always be the less aggressive one who backs down from fights and such (yeah, "knocking back a few" does somewhat resemble a Discovery Channel special on baboons). He gets himself so wasted sometimes that his femininity (is that really how that is spelled?) comes right out. Just the other night at a bonfire, he had a few too many and started ranting about this girl he was rather fond of. He then started to prattle on about his insecurities and how he didn't think she "liked" him back and how he wished that she would just ask him out because he was nervous. Eventually he stopped talking because he realized we were all staring at him. I say "Joey, will you shut the fuck up and get me a beer?"

He is out of highschool, and he has never actually had a girlfriend because he just won't ask them out. Plenty of girls have shown an OBVIOUS interest in him, and he claims to have an interest back, yet doesn't do anything at all. Quite obviously he needs a woman to just take control for him, because he is just too damn much of a pussy to do it himself.



That's actually not exactly what I was talking about.

I wasn't saying I want the guy to be the girl in the relationship per se, although the title seems to indicate that. I was asking if guys would mind if the girl sometimes acted like the guy in the relationship. (There is a difference.)

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

I prefer the woman to be agressive, because of one reason : GUYS HAVE NO BOUNDARIES. If the girl wants sex on the first date then she can have it, but such is not always a luxury, i dont like testing boundaries because i have a fear of 'going too far' and ruining a possibly good relationship because the girl wasnt ready for the next step yet

So you wouldn't lose attraction for a girl if she asked you out? You wouldn't feel like she'd made it too easy for you? You wouldn't assume that she couldn't get a guy to pursue her?

I like being the pursued as long as it doesn't cross the "stalker/weirdo" border!

It's good to have a girl who reciprocates what I do...Saying they love you for no apparent reason, wanting sex just as much as the you do, complimenting you on things.

I think you'd do alright with a lot of decent guys.

Players would call you clingy and slutty whereas someone with some width to their sight would just enjoy the experience!

quote:Originally posted by psycho_8b:

I like being the pursued as long as it doesn't cross the "stalker/weirdo" border!

...

Players would call you clingy and slutty whereas someone with some width to their sight would just enjoy the experience!

What is the stalker/weirdo border?

Define the players who would react this way, without using circular reasoning.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-09-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I wasn't saying I want the guy to be the girl in the relationship per se, although the title seems to indicate that. I was asking if guys would mind if the girl sometimes acted like the guy in the relationship. (There is a difference.)

Providing that's what you're talking about, then no, I never minded.

Me and Amanda always had role reversal. Kind of depended where I was at in the cycle. But often she'd take control, she'd push me down to the bed, and do the majority of directing. Then other times I'd be very dominant and make her feel like a defensless girl.

Providing it's not 24/7 role reversal, it's okay. The male can feel like a bitch every now and then providing he also gets his 15 minutes of macho-ness.

These days how ever, things are very different. I think if you got a guy, over time he'd feel self conscious because he's the 'bitch'. Over time, he'll become the dominant one, I know I did.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

What is the stalker/weirdo border?

Define the players who would react this way, without using circular reasoning.

Players: The types of guys you wouldn't want to be with.

That was easy.

As most of you know, I am extremely shy, open, honest, and generally willing to help anyone.

Thus it would please me to no end to be pursued, led, and admired.

So then I shouldn't hesistate to call when I want to call, ask out when I want to, and generally initiate things when I see fit?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

So then I shouldn't hesistate to call when I want to call, ask out when I want to, and generally initiate things when I see fit?

LOL... a girl being straight forward...

You will probably just end up confusing the fuck out of him.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

So you wouldn't lose attraction for a girl if she asked you out? You wouldn't feel like she'd made it too easy for you? You wouldn't assume that she couldn't get a guy to pursue her?

I am being DEAD SERIOUS in the below text:

No i would never EVER want to be asked out by a girl in all honesty. It would strip me of all of my pride as a man, i would probably avoid that girl, or try and get some sexual favors, and then avoid her. I ALWAYS have to be the one to ask it, all my friends are the same way, a girl asked my friend out, and he never took her up even tho he sort of liked her, not only because my friends would have made him a laughing stalk, but because he didnt like that stuff

Hope that helps a bit

[This message has been edited by FCAdam (edited 10-09-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I was thinking today about how I approach dating, and I realized that I am much more like a guy than a girl. (If I act in accordance with my natural inclinations). I am more likely to pursue the guy, take the lead, want sex, and be emotionally guarded. I'm straightforward and assertive. I'm not girly.

I usually try to suppress this inclination and play my gender role. I was thinking today though, what if there's part of the male population that wouldn't mind this natural inclination I have? I highly doubt it, however I wanted to pose the question to the males of totse to see if there's anyone out there who wouldn't mind this.

So males: What would you think of being pursued, led, and admired? (It's one thing to LIKE having that happen to you. It's another to actually reciprocate feelings and maintain an interest in the girl pursuing you, despite not having to "chase" her.)

Also: have you ever actually played this role? How did you feel about it? What was it like?



Call me? :O

Nope, not at all.

LOL This is the basis of my marriage! It's great if thats what your man is in to.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

So then I shouldn't hesistate to call when I want to call, ask out when I want to, and generally initiate things when I see fit?

In my case, I have fuck all to do on the weekends so anything is better than twiddling thumbs.

Any other time I would either oblige being with a significant other, or be straightforward as to why I cannot.

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

I am being DEAD SERIOUS in the below text:

No i would never EVER want to be asked out by a girl in all honesty. It would strip me of all of my pride as a man, i would probably avoid that girl, or try and get some sexual favors, and then avoid her. I ALWAYS have to be the one to ask it, all my friends are the same way, a girl asked my friend out, and he never took her up even tho he sort of liked her, not only because my friends would have made him a laughing stalk, but because he didnt like that stuff

Hope that helps a bit





this is the kind of thing that holds me back from straying from my gender role.

I only go out with girls like you. Not to say I'm the bitch, but they need to have the capacity for thought.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I was thinking today about how I approach dating, and I realized that I am much more like a guy than a girl. (If I act in accordance with my natural inclinations). I am more likely to pursue the guy, take the lead, want sex, and be emotionally guarded. I'm straightforward and assertive. I'm not girly.

I usually try to suppress this inclination and play my gender role. I was thinking today though, what if there's part of the male population that wouldn't mind this natural inclination I have? I highly doubt it, however I wanted to pose the question to the males of totse to see if there's anyone out there who wouldn't mind this.

So males: What would you think of being pursued, led, and admired? (It's one thing to LIKE having that happen to you. It's another to actually reciprocate feelings and maintain an interest in the girl pursuing you, despite not having to "chase" her.)

Also: have you ever actually played this role? How did you feel about it? What was it like?



This is actually what I push the girl into doing - chasing me, and wanting sex from me. If that isn't happening I accuse her of it until it really is true, and it works every time. Means I don't have to worry since she's after me, not the other way around.

When I was actively addicted to drugs, I would get so fucked up and paranoid that I couldn't do shit. I doubted EVERYTHING I did. Probably why my relationships I did have during that period of time fell apart. It felt like drugs had cut my balls off.

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

I am being DEAD SERIOUS in the below text:

No i would never EVER want to be asked out by a girl in all honesty. It would strip me of all of my pride as a man, i would probably avoid that girl, or try and get some sexual favors, and then avoid her. I ALWAYS have to be the one to ask it, all my friends are the same way, a girl asked my friend out, and he never took her up even tho he sort of liked her, not only because my friends would have made him a laughing stalk, but because he didnt like that stuff

Hope that helps a bit



Haha...that guy could have passed up the love of his life because he's insecure about his masculinity. Sucks for him.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I'm straightforward and assertive. I'm not girly.





Considering that you would like to find a guy to 'just sleep' with the statement is not accurate as you may believe.

I prefer the girl being the proactive person in the relationship, i'm a lot more closed expressing my emotions until i'm safely in a relationship, so i prefer the more out going but considerate girls, those who aren't afraid to make a move

I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman being asserive...I wish I could be more like that in my relationship! But my husband is definitely more "alpha" in our situation and it pleases him to be dominant. I'm not saying he's an asshole or anything, I mean he almost always does what he thinks will please me...But like in an argument I'll almost always back down first, even if I'm right. And I get him to do things by being sweet and cajoling, not by being aggressive.

I do wish I was less submissive sometimes...But I don't know how to be more assertive.

You will be alright until they find your penis.

lauren7249 I want you now please! I'll dump my current gf for you. You seem like teh awesome

Act as you see fit.

Keep in mind that there are lots of guys out there that would enjoy playing with your head if you try this approach. I support it, but be aware that there are possible pitfalls.

quote:Originally posted by Fanglekai:

I wouldn't mind it, because I'm usually pretty laid back. I wouldn't like it if the girl was all in my face all the time or anything, but being assertive and confident is attractive to me. I won't deal with being told what to do, and I won't deal with girls trying to control me. However, if a girl wanted to be more proactive, that'd be fantastic. I get tired of having to do all the pursuit; it's so time consuming :/



Yeah. I think I speak for many guys when I say we more or less hate being the aggressor. There's rejection, wasting time/money, and sometimes just feeling like you're wrong for actually being the aggressor.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Act as you see fit.

Keep in mind that there are lots of guys out there that would enjoy playing with your head if you try this approach. I support it, but be aware that there are possible pitfalls.

ahh, the mind games. i was actually talking to a friend about this last night. i was telling him i don't like to play them, and he was giving the argument that they're necessary and okay. i guess they're just a reality you have to accept, recognize, and work around.

quote:Originally posted by jvm222:

You will be alright until they find your penis.



:O

quote:Originally posted by Tesla:

lauren7249 I want you now please! I'll dump my current gf for you. You seem like teh awesome



quote:Originally posted by spinnersean:

Considering that you would like to find a guy to 'just sleep' with the statement is not accurate as you may believe.



interestingly, that thread was begun by a male. and you'll note that there were quite a few male replies in the affirmative.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-09-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

ahh, the mind games. i was actually talking to a friend about this last night. i was telling him i don't like to play them, and he was giving the argument that they're necessary and okay. i guess they're just a reality you have to accept, recognize, and work around.

I agree with you. I don't play mind games, but there are lots of guys out there that are, well, assholes. They enjoy playing with girls heads, and a girl that appears confident in herself and her actions is big game hunting. They like putting lionsheads on their walls.

Mind games have to be something you can simply cut through if you don't want to play them. This requires honesty and a quick head for analysis. Two things with which I'm sure that you'd have no issue.

There are things that they could latch onto though. You're aware of them, but none the less sensitive to these things. Tough skin is needed to play this game. I've got confidence that you could easily swim with sharks, but you have to be able to see their teeth.

Edit: I've played the role of a male with a girl who took this approach before. It's a nice surprise. It makes it alot easier for the girl to view herself as an equal, rather than someone that needs to be won over.

[This message has been edited by Euda (edited 10-09-2006).]

I'm always the female. Rarely step to a woman .. they always come to me. All my ex's drink beer, i drink sweet liquors.

And it's in a lot of things. So.. if there's me, there's gotta be more.. and.. people like me love people like you.

Do you mean like the whole relationship frame is to be the female as the dominant figure. Or just casually dating being the assertive woman?

That could work, if you want a submissive guy.

It could also work better if you're both dominant... I mean.. Imagine the sex..

You want an equal relationship, right?

If not, then I'm mis-understanding.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

You want an equal relationship, right?

If not, then I'm mis-understanding.



It's not even that, really.

There are a lot of things that are socially acceptable for guys to do, but not for girls to do. Girls aren't supposed to shamelessly chase someone, while it's ok for guys to. Girls are less likely to be straightforward and go after what they want. They're also less likely to compliment the guy they're dating....they think they're too good for that or something. I just don't think it's in my natural realm of behavior to follow these conventions, even though I do try to.

I might just have to break the mold and see where it takes me.

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 10-09-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I might just have to break the mold and see where it takes me.

Nothing wrong with blazing your own path. Just stay aware of what's around you as you go.

Quite rightly, I don't pay alot of attention to what girls or guys are supposed to do in the normal run of things. Just live life as you see it and see that it brings a smile to your face and the faces of those around you.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Nothing wrong with blazing your own path. Just stay aware of what's around you as you go.

Quite rightly, I don't pay alot of attention to what girls or guys are supposed to do in the normal run of things. Just live life as you see it and see that it brings a smile to your face and the faces of those around you.



incidentally...you know that guy i asked advice about, who never replied? i took the initiative and sent him an email last night (something a girl "shouldn't" do after getting no reply, right?) and he responded this morning. so we're probably getting together friday. i don't know if he's interested, but that doesn't matter to me at this moment.

meh..i always tend to end up the bitch in the relationship...normally am the one crying at the end...

meh...ill just look at pictures of cute kittens, and then fapping over hilary Duff..ah the 'brave new world' we live in (aldous huxley), where 'johnny got his gun', he always gets his gun....

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



incidentally...you know that guy i asked advice about, who never replied? i took the initiative and sent him an email last night (something a girl "shouldn't" do after getting no reply, right?) and he responded this morning. so we're probably getting together friday. i don't know if he's interested, but that doesn't matter to me at this moment.

Glad to hear it. Not paying attention to this "supposed to" is a good idea. You shape your own role, not society.

As long as I get to wear a skirt, sexy tights and shiny dolly shoes...I don't care

- Rabb

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

So then I shouldn't hesistate to call when I want to call, ask out when I want to, and generally initiate things when I see fit?



alot of guys i know (me included) seem to prefer that- not the girl being the bloke, but sometimes taking the lead etc and just be themselves without thinking " ooo, is it not girly enough"

sorry, i dont think my post made alot of sense- i know what i mean though

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

I was thinking today about how I approach dating, and I realized that I am much more like a guy than a girl. (If I act in accordance with my natural inclinations). I am more likely to pursue the guy, take the lead, want sex, and be emotionally guarded. I'm straightforward and assertive. I'm not girly.

I usually try to suppress this inclination and play my gender role. I was thinking today though, what if there's part of the male population that wouldn't mind this natural inclination I have? I highly doubt it, however I wanted to pose the question to the males of totse to see if there's anyone out there who wouldn't mind this.

So males: What would you think of being pursued, led, and admired? (It's one thing to LIKE having that happen to you. It's another to actually reciprocate feelings and maintain an interest in the girl pursuing you, despite not having to "chase" her.)

Also: have you ever actually played this role? How did you feel about it? What was it like?



I think that'd be awesome.

If it's in a "bitchy", asshat sense, no!

If it's as you describe, great.

I would never cross dress or anything, but "role wise" it's chill.

Yeah, i would love it. No matter how confident you are, approaching women is always stressful. If some bitch that isn't a total whale/been beaten with an ugly stick/been screaming at the other end of the bar in a high pitched shrilly voice how evil eating chicken is approached me then i would probably just say yes for taking the effort out of it.

if you were pushing for intimacy i would get the impressions that you were needy... and i'd value you less, you'd be an easy catch.

+1 EGO.

but calling up a guy and making small talk or just setting up meetings (NOT dates) ain't bad at all, it shows good interest -- but don't call more than you have to, don't visit more than you have to!!

quote:Originally posted by jai614:

but don't call more than you have to, don't visit more than you have to!!

Yeah, really. You should totally get in a relationship with some guy that doesn't like you.

quote:Originally posted by Euda:

Yeah, really. You should totally get in a relationship with some guy that doesn't like you.

no.

the guy needs to do his part, or it'll be just a one-sided thing.

She needs to show interest as well as he.

[This message has been edited by jai614 (edited 10-10-2006).]

i dont mind it. its happened to me befor and probly will happen again.

fuck,

if the bitch wants sex who am i to say no?

there are some really heartening replies in this thread. i'm getting together with the guy i emailed on friday, so wish me luck in my shameless pursuit. ;)

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

shameless pursuit

Soon you won't remember what shame feels like. God help men at that point, because nobody else will.

dont come onto him too hard, or hes gona think you want to sex him. Unless you do in which case go for it, but just make sure that youre only donig enough to let him know you like him. BTW I really do think its awesome when girls come onto me for a change, although its usualy when im too drunk to do anything about it dammit! But i always remember a number if the girl meets my standards so we're still talking :P

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

dont come onto him too hard

Uhhhh, I would bet you my dick he would like that....

quote:Originally posted by FCAdam:

dont come onto him too hard, or hes gona think you want to sex him. Unless you do in which case go for it, but just make sure that youre only donig enough to let him know you like him. BTW I really do think its awesome when girls come onto me for a change, although its usualy when im too drunk to do anything about it dammit! But i always remember a number if the girl meets my standards so we're still talking :P



yeah, i wasn't talking about being slutty or anything. although he;s very appealing to me in that way. i really just meant approaching dating in the same way a guy would, not being afraid to do the "wooing."

This is the best thread i've read on here in a while.

As for the topic, 90 % of my hook-ups are from the female being the "more agressive one".

Then as the relationship develops, roles reverse to their normal state.

It's alot less stress on me, and thought it takes longer to "find" this connection. It usually works out pretty good.

Where are these women like you out there!!

*calls and looks around*



Yeh, i think the chick being assured and confident in a relationship is good, but this is different to me being bossed about and told what wrong about my dress sense, personality blah blah blah...

And some of my friends DO have girlfriends who do this...i just don't understand the masochism hehe.