I was going to make a thread asking if people believe "romantic love" really exists.

Because I'm growing cynical about that, it seems more likely that it's just a delusion caused by raging hormones.

To approach the question though, can romantic love exist in the absence of lust?

This only applies to people who:

1) Are under about 30.

2) Have a strong sex drive.

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex.

Yeah, friends and family.

Relationships need a physical side as much an emotional.

And if you're not physically attracted.. I don't see it lasting too long.

EX: Find a cow with an amazing personality.. it'll only hold you together for so long.

Every guy/girl wants to be turned on ^_^

quote:Originally posted by ShouldTrip:

Yeah, friends and family.

You feel romantic love for your family?

Hawt.

This has a lot to do with laughter and belief systems. If you have a lot in common in your ideology and interests and can also laugh together, then romance is not far off.

Another aspect has to do with maternal qualities in a woman, or paternal in a male. Some unattractive people I've known would make the perfect mother for my future child, and so romantic feelings were suppressed.

Fat chicks can be funny and make great moms, but dddaaaayyum!

Looking at it from the opposite direction...The sexiest person in the world would be nothing without a personality.

I could never date plastic like that.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

You feel romantic love for your family?

Hawt.

Love with no lust is not romantic love.

quote:Originally posted by Aseren:

Love with no lust is not romantic love.

'twas said in jest, sir

Its there, but whether its real or just a fallacy created by your subconscious in order to validate your reasons for spending that much time with one partner... I dunno.

I guess i believe in love, but i also believe that it is very subjective, and is usually what a person wants it to be. If you WANT to be in love then you will be, but if its not something that interests you then dont be expecting it to just blindside you like a shitty Jennifer Lopez movie.

[This message has been edited by XHippie HunterX (edited 10-05-2006).]

there are lots of girls i absolutely love to death, and wouldnt fuck them unless they asked me too. not because their ugly, but because im just care about our relationship too much

I enjoy reading any of your thoughts about the more abstract side of this issue, but what I'd really like to hear are personal experiences.

Has anybody *actually* felt romantic love for someone who didn't turn them on sexually?

Personally, I haven't.

I've *wanted* to feel lust for a girl once before, because she had feelings for me and I knew we would have been such a good match romantically. But sexually she just didn't appeal to me.

So, personally, I can't imagine feeling romantic love for someone I wasn't sexually attracted to as a prerequisite.

Which leads me to question the so called purity of romantic love.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:



Has anybody *actually* felt romantic love for someone who didn't turn them on sexually?

Personally, I haven't.

I've tried it once before, I had to break it off cos there wasn't enough spark... You really need that wrah I wanna fuck you cos you're hot feeling.



But yeah I managed to sorta fall for a girl again, who ain't that hot. I could do quite a bit better than her when it comes to looks, and I know this is eventually gonna destroy our relationship and break her heart. I just really don't wanna leave her, cos she's so damn cool.

Sooo my advice is... If you start getting interested in a girl you think is really cool, but aren't too attracted to physically... Stay away! Just don't go there, it's hell. How do you tell her the truth? How will I explain to her that I need to break it off cos there's just something missing..?

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

I was going to make a thread asking if people believe "romantic love" really exists.

Because I'm growing cynical about that, it seems more likely that it's just a delusion caused by raging hormones.

To approach the question though, can romantic love exist in the absence of lust?

This only applies to people who:

1) Are under about 30.

2) Have a strong sex drive.

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex.

I'm 20, chronic masturbator and sexaholic, I don't know, nor care if I'm attractive, but I have had success with the opposite (and same ) sex.

The girl I'm with at the moment...well, I don't really think we're in lust. It's more like after spending several hours with eachother, THEN we want to fuck. There's trust, comfort, and fun for half (sometimes longer) of the day before sex even has the possibility of entering into it.

Edit: BTW, there is no physical attraction on my end, and I don't know about hers...but after being with her long enough it doesn't fucking matter...I just want to give her something more than my immaterial side.

[This message has been edited by Hexadecimal (edited 10-05-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Has anybody *actually* felt romantic love for someone who didn't turn them on sexually?

This kinda reminds me of what I was contemplating at work today...

I don't even know if I've ever even loved someone romantically or anything beyond infatuation, so I probably can't really give a fair answer. Despite being in a couple long-term relationships, I really don't think I ever had proper love for them, nor with any other girl I've been with sexually and whatnot.

I'm pretty sure that the physical aspect has to be there though, as I've never even considered dating someone who doesn't at least turn me on somewhat.

I guess I don't have enough proper experience to say.

I posted anyway though.

I'm a rebel!

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

This only applies to people who:

1) Are under about 30.

2) Have a strong sex drive.

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex.

About 3 years ago I was in love - yes, in love, that means that I craved her presence, I felt ecstatic talking to her (it was on the internet - yes, that's lame, but I was younger then), all the symptoms of love that everyone describes, and I didn't actually want a relationship or sex (provided that I ever met her, I didn't want that) with her. In fact, the whole thing was only fucked up when she actually started getting into me in a lustful way. After about 2 months of hot-headed hopelessn "love" (if you can call it that) things cooled down and we became and have remained for 3 years very good friends, and in fact she's the only person from the internet whose friendship I consider as important as any of my real life friendships.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

1) Are under about 30.

Yes

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

2) Have a strong sex drive.

Hell yes

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex

Ouch, I just got pwned.

By the end of my relationship with my ex I was still in love with him but not in lust. We fought all the time and he was really controlling. I found this to be quite unattractive.

quote:Originally posted by Superunknown:

in love, that means that I craved her presence, I felt ecstatic talking to her...

Are you sure that is considered love? Because that would mean I fall in love at least once a month.

Yes.

But then... I have the sex drive of a turnip, so...

"Ever been in love with someone you weren't "in lust" with?"

Yes.

Will you care what I have to say?

No.

From when I was 12-15 I had the best girl friend ever but we never did anything. At this point in both our lifes hormones should have seen us both jumping each others bones but that never happened. She was admittedly very plain and ordinary also. I didn't lust for her (I can't speak for her lusting for me though) and although I didn't exactly know it at the time we were totally in love with each other.

She eventually left school and cut most people out of her life including me...no one could figure out why she did this. I believe it was because I'd never done anything and made 'us' official. I dunno it was a confusing time in both our lives.

When I was 14, I was madly in love with my best friend Fritz. He was wonderful...He understood me and we talked about everything. I wanted so bad to be attracted to him, but I just wasn't. I would try to see him that way, but whenever I would try to kiss him it was just...Blah.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

When I was 14, I was madly in love with my best friend Fritz. He was wonderful...He understood me and we talked about everything. I wanted so bad to be attracted to him, but I just wasn't. I would try to see him that way, but whenever I would try to kiss him it was just...Blah.

Sorry Xiao. I know that's WAY in the past...but still, young love is awesome.

quote:Originally posted by ShouldTrip:

Yeah, friends and family.

Relationships need a physical side as much an emotional.

And if you're not physically attracted.. I don't see it lasting too long.

EX: Find a cow with an amazing personality.. it'll only hold you together for so long.

Every guy/girl wants to be turned on ^_^

I used to participate in a personalized community outreach program: I'd date fat chicks and fuck them so much that they'd lose weight from it. Helped boost their self-esteem and helped most of them find partners in the future. I think my success rate was somewhere around 60%.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

I was going to make a thread asking if people believe "romantic love" really exists.

Because I'm growing cynical about that, it seems more likely that it's just a delusion caused by raging hormones.

To approach the question though, can romantic love exist in the absence of lust?

This only applies to people who:

1) Are under about 30.

2) Have a strong sex drive.

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex.

Well, I'm just going to assume your definition and thoughts on "romantic love" - Yes, it is possible. And I dated a girl I just loved for who she was and it didn't matter if we didn't have sex etc. because just having her around was great, sex never mattered.

On the topic, if you explore enough you will figure out that 'romantic love' is greatly flawed and I really don't know how to explain it, but romance is just another ideal that humans have and it doesn't actually exist in the perfect sense we perceive it as.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

'twas said in jest, sir

You made me laugh. I reread your post wondering if I'd missed that part. xD

quote:Originally posted by ShouldTrip:

Yeah, friends and family.

Relationships need a physical side as much an emotional.

And if you're not physically attracted.. I don't see it lasting too long.

EX: Find a cow with an amazing personality.. it'll only hold you together for so long.

Every guy/girl wants to be turned on ^_^



Nail on the head, as it were.

But we have some mighty fine cows in these parts.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

I was going to make a thread asking if people believe "romantic love" really exists.

Because I'm growing cynical about that, it seems more likely that it's just a delusion caused by raging hormones.

To approach the question though, can romantic love exist in the absence of lust?

This only applies to people who:

1) Are under about 30.

2) Have a strong sex drive.

3) Are fairly attractive, and have at least some success with the opposite sex.

22, have sex non stop if i get the chance. At least 5 ffm's this life count as atractive enough?

In that case, yes it exists. It's strange, and worrysome, but existant

quote:Originally posted by sikkoabbadon:

Looking at it from the opposite direction...The sexiest person in the world would be nothing without a personality.

I could never date plastic like that.

I could. If she was that attractive, and had a sex drive that equaled mine, I'm sure I could develop the required feelings.

Given enough time, and enough effort, any two people are compatible. You are the same as your worst enemy in 99/100 ways. Shit, if I tried hard enough, and he did as well, I'm sure me and Osama Bin Laden could become good friends. If you're attracted to a female, that's 80% of the battle won right there.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

Personally, I haven't.

I've *wanted* to feel lust for a girl once before, because she had feelings for me and I knew we would have been such a good match romantically. But sexually she just didn't appeal to me.

So, personally, I can't imagine feeling romantic love for someone I wasn't sexually attracted to as a prerequisite.

Which leads me to question the so called purity of romantic love.

I've been in the EXACT same situation. She was such a great girl. Did every thing right, she was what all OTHER guys wanted, but I wasn't physically attracted to her. So as hard as I tried, I couldn't love/like her.

quote:Originally posted by DKOLeary-AUS:

And I dated a girl I just loved for who she was and it didn't matter if we didn't have sex etc. because just having her around was great, sex never mattered.

Sex is waaaaay more important than you're giving it credit for.

Yes, and I call it being fifteen.

The girl I'm in lub with right now is very attractive to me, and certainly I lust for her, but if she suddenly revealed that she was in an accident and could never have sex or anything ( ) I don't think I would feel much different. I'd be a little disappointed, sure, but I wouldn't be like "OK, that's it, no more relationship for us!"

Dunno if that really answers your question, though, because I still want to bang her... But it's her actual personality that I fell in love with. Oooh, just thought of something. If she became like Burn Girl, how would I feel?

That's tougher. I'd like to say that I would still love her, and I think I would, but I'm not 100% sure. My actual feelings wouldn't change, but damn - some accidents can leave you looking pretty horrific.

*knocks on wood*

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

The girl I'm in lub with right now is very attractive to me, and certainly I lust for her, but if she suddenly revealed that she was in an accident and could never have sex or anything ( ) I don't think I would feel much different. I'd be a little disappointed, sure, but I wouldn't be like "OK, that's it, no more relationship for us!"

Dunno if that really answers your question, though, because I still want to bang her... But it's her actual personality that I fell in love with. Oooh, just thought of something. If she became like Burn Girl, how would I feel?

That's tougher. I'd like to say that I would still love her, and I think I would, but I'm not 100% sure. My actual feelings wouldn't change, but damn - some accidents can leave you looking pretty horrific.

*knocks on wood*

I'm willing to stake my life and my left testicle that if she suffered burns to the majority of her body and was horrificly scarred, you couldn't love her any more. You'd probably go on, lying to your self, acting like you love her, pretending things are still the same because "she's the same inside".

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

I'm willing to stake my life and my left testicle that if she suffered burns to the majority of her body and was horrificly scarred, you couldn't love her any more. You'd probably go on, lying to your self, acting like you love her, pretending things are still the same because "she's the same inside".

Either that, or I get around it the same as I get around every other difficulty: "I'll fix it later." I intend to be a rich man!

I went through a thing with my best guy friend last year. I loved him but never found him attractive, so we never dated or even kissed. He loved & lusted me. After a year of that, he called me a bitch & said I was a bad person. I understand why he felt like this but I never led him on. We never held hands, we went places alone together but I always payed my half, drove him sometimes, ect. We didn't talk after that for 2 months. We're sort of friends again but I also moved away and we haven't seen or had a real conversation since.

quote:Originally posted by Hexadecimal:

Sorry Xiao. I know that's WAY in the past...but still, young love is awesome.

Yes, it was back when dinosaures roamed the Earth.

SOME girls arent hot but I uberly want to fuck them and make them swallow my semen...

weird that

Your question contradicts itself, to me anyways.

"Have you ever felt romantically in love with someone, but they didn't turn you on?"

"Have you ever been romantically in love with someone, but didn't want to sleep with them?"

Just some variations of what I think you are trying to ask. No, if I am ROMANTICALLY in love with someone, that means I am going to think about them sexually.

If I am in LOVE with someone with no lust or no romance involved that is love reserved for friends and family.

Your question makes no sense, therefore you don't make sense, and if you don't make sense, that makes you a moron.

quote:Originally posted by fullcircle:

I enjoy reading any of your thoughts about the more abstract side of this issue, but what I'd really like to hear are personal experiences.

Has anybody *actually* felt romantic love for someone who didn't turn them on sexually?

Personally, I haven't.

I've *wanted* to feel lust for a girl once before, because she had feelings for me and I knew we would have been such a good match romantically. But sexually she just didn't appeal to me.

So, personally, I can't imagine feeling romantic love for someone I wasn't sexually attracted to as a prerequisite.

Which leads me to question the so called purity of romantic love.

It's funny, there can be a girl I don't find physically attractive at all, but the more I see they have an awesome personality, they jsut get more and more physically attractive as well. Is that love?

i was in love with a girl i wasnt attracted to,she just had a super personality,all the qualities i looked for in a women,except for her looks,was a little too big for me,but i thought what the hell ill give it a shot,dated for awhile,them moved her into my house,still thinking i wasnt so shallow that looks mattered all that much,i was wrong,and in the end just couldnt make it happen,i wasnt into her sexually and that is a big part of a relationship...i ended up hurting a wonderful person,from then on i just went with my base instincts,shallow and happy