Thanks for helping me try and sort my problems out... ok I have never had an orgasm. I have been sexually active for almost 4 years now, and have never reached the "point of no return". It sucks.... I've had sex fast/slow/long/short, but I'm thinking it's not long enough or else I'm not turned on. I know this is a personal question, but I seem to be doing everything right, any suggestions, open to all kinds of feedback. Thank-you

How long is long? and was it long with a fair ammount of foreplay?

Tried oral before/after? and how old are you? some girls cant orgasim until they have reached a certain point, sometimes around 16ish from what ive heard.

I'm not sure but isn't the "ponr" a male thing?

Have you orgasmed from masturbation?

quote:Originally posted by Stephanie:

I seem to be doing everything right

Ah, but are you? Pix/vids/etc/sorryhadtogetitoutoftheway

quote:Originally posted by PoPxNxRoLL:

I'm not sure but isn't the "ponr" a male thing?

Have you orgasmed from masturbation?

I don't know what you're talking about, and no I have never orgasmed from anything.

Once it starts feeling really good I either push him away or if I am masturbating I stop. I'm kind of afraid to.

And I am 17.

WTF!?! why would you want him stop or be afraid of a fucking orgasim?

You have bigger problems than not orgasiming.

Edit: prior statement retracted.

Next time, don't push him away.

Although, I have personally seen my best friend's girlfriend push him away when she's going to come. She comes so hard it's almost like it hurts her.

*gets visual* *gets hard*

[This message has been edited by activepsycho (edited 10-03-2006).]

What was your prior statement?

And i guess i do have problems, i am kind of afraid of losing control. i know i could orgasm i just am really nervous of letting myself go.

Do it. It will be worth it.



Ahd HOW THE FUCK have you seen your friends gf orgasim?

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

Do it. It will be worth it.



Ahd HOW THE FUCK have you seen your friends gf orgasim?I'm guessing this was the retracted statement? Oh man I wanna hear this. And I will let myself go next time. But we won't be having sex for a while because I want to see how we enjoy eachothers company without sex. I want to see how truly compatible we are. Things moved too quickly.

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. You complain that you can't orgasm, but then say that you can but you stop yourself. Waste of a fucking thread.

That's kind of hot. if you were my girlfriend I'd just ignore it when you started saying stop.

Wanting to push your partner away from you before an orgasm usually means that you have been infected with Aquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDs for short). I suggest that you kill yourself immediately before the common cold kills you. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

quote:Originally posted by carbo:

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. You complain that you can't orgasm, but then say that you can but you stop yourself. Waste of a fucking thread.

AGREED.

http://tinyurl.com/jw53k



September 28, 2006

by Fiona McLay, Gauntlet Sexpert

(Click for larger image.)

Credit: Danny Kirk / the Gauntlet

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Carnal Knowledge:

OPINIONS Get your freak on

OPINIONS Fiona McLay wades through the sticky subject of lubricants

Dear Sexpert,

I am a 23-year-old female who has have never had an orgasm. I have been sexually active for a few years now and have had more than one partner. What can I do to get an orgasm?

Unlike its male cousin, the female orgasm is something that must be learned, making it all the more special. Each woman arrives at the climactic moment in a slightly different way but many women will agree that penetrative sex alone will not do the trick.

The secret lies in the clitoris--a small elongated erectile organ found just above the vulva. During arousal the clitoris becomes engorged with blood like the penis, but with a much higher concentration of nerve endings. It is necessary to experiment with how you prefer this area of your body to be stimulated. Some women find direct clitoral contact too intense and prefer the areas above and below the organ stimulated. Others prefer to find a position with their partner that indirectly stimulates the clitoris through penetrative motions.

Learning to climax on your own is what most relationship therapists recommend. This is especially helpful if you are not in a monogamous relationship as the female orgasm is something that takes time and a considerable amount of trust to explore. If you can find out what works on your own, you will be able to adapt these techniques to intimate situations with a partner.

quote:Originally posted by carbo:

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. You complain that you can't orgasm, but then say that you can but you stop yourself. Waste of a fucking thread.

QFT

quote:Originally posted by carbo:

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. You complain that you can't orgasm, but then say that you can but you stop yourself. Waste of a fucking thread.

Right on! Keep up the good work, without your valiant and noble quality control soon all the girls would start posting this kind of thread.

Bejaysus... just imagine it. Women not knowing what they really want, asking for help with it anyway, and then after all that trouble it turns out they didn't need any help in the first place.

Brave sir, you may have saved this grateful forum from transforming into Bizarro World.

quote:Originally posted by XHippie HunterX:

Do it. It will be worth it.



Ahd HOW THE FUCK have you seen your friends gf orgasim?

I was having sex with my girlfriend on the same bed. Group sex.

Also, we double teamed her on time.

quote:Originally posted by activepsycho:

I was having sex with my girlfriend on the same bed. Group sex.

Also, we double teamed her on time.

'On time'? Do you mean with sychronized rythym?

I'm sorry for you. I dated a girl with primary anorgasmia (which is what you have, btw), and it pretty much broke us up.

Anorgasmia is the inability for a person to cum. Primary anorgasmia means you can't have an orgasm, by yourself or with a partner. You should definetly get checked for hormone imbalances and gladular problems, which may be the cause. Not very likely at all, but these concerns could be serious.

However, my unauthoritative opinion, based only on what you said:

quote:Once it starts feeling really good I either push him away or if I am masturbating I stop. I'm kind of afraid to.

To me, it sounds like this is most likely a psych thing. Keep in mind that this is the interent, and you get what you pay for, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyways, some points to consider:

-Have you ever had previous sexual trauma?

-Were you raised in an environment that heavily moralized female sexuality (my ex was raised hardcore Roman Catholic)

-Have you ever considered that maybe men just aren't your thing?

Think it over. Best of luck.

quote:Originally posted by just a name:

To me, it sounds like this is most likely a psych thing. Keep in mind that this is the interent, and you get what you pay for, so take that with a grain of salt.

Anyways, some points to consider:

-Have you ever had previous sexual trauma?

-Were you raised in an environment that heavily moralized female sexuality (my ex was raised hardcore Roman Catholic)

-Have you ever considered that maybe men just aren't your thing?

Think it over. Best of luck.It is a psychological thing, I know I don't want to lose control even though sometimes its okay. I didn't expect to get flamed for it. The quality of Totse seems to be improving every day.

I don't know if i'd say I have experienced sexual trauma, but I lost my virginity at 14 to a male friend I hardly knew, who didn't even know I was a virgin, and still doesn't. It's always bugged me.

I was also raised very religious. When we were young my mother had a talk with me and told me basically boys were bad, only wanted to have sex with me and I should avoid them at all costs. This same day she told my brothers that all girls were dirty whores who wanted nothing more than to have sex with him. I still don't really know why she did that..

I'm going to have a talk with him and explain whats up. so at least he knows why I can't - or am afraid to do it, and not to stop.

[This message has been edited by Stephanie (edited 10-04-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Stephanie:

It is a psychological thing, I know I don't want to lose control even though sometimes its okay. I didn't expect to get flamed for it. The quality of Totse seems to be improving every day.

I don't know if i'd say I have experienced sexual trauma, but I lost my virginity at 14 to a male friend I hardly knew, who didn't even know I was a virgin, and still doesn't. It's always bugged me.

I was also raised very religious. When we were young my mother had a talk with me and told me basically boys were bad, only wanted to have sex with me and I should avoid them at all costs. This same day she told my brothers that all girls were dirty whores who wanted nothing more than to have sex with him. I still don't really know why she did that..

I'm going to have a talk with him and explain whats up. so at least he knows why I can't - or am afraid to do it, and not to stop.



Both the virginity thing and the religous thing might need some exploration. And if the experience was traumatic for you, and you still have trouble with it, then it is trauma. Remeber, traumatic situations of all kinds in life don't have to fit the extreme definitions that the word might conjur up. What can be scaring for some might be nothing to someone else, and that isn't a problem. You can work through anything, no matter how traumatic.

As far as what your mother said, that is a pretty horrible thing to tell a child. I'd imagine that was pretty traumatic for you when you were younger, and believed what your mother told you. But now your an adult. You don't need to give that bullshit any credence. The "boys are bad" and "girls are whores" stuff simply isn't true. I don't have to tell you that, you know that it isn't true. So simply disregard it.

Anyways, what exactly goes through your head when you say you don't want to loose control? If it isn't too painful, try and visualize the exact situation. Don't see yourself in the third person, but rather, try and relive the experience. Replicate your feelings, visualizations, everything. Then, try and visualize the experience of sharing an orgasm, an intimate connection, with someone you love. Get a really good picture, from the point of view of your own eyes. Try and experience the emotions and feelings that you would like to experience, try and do this vividly. Keep doing this. When you have this down pat, I'd like you to try and make the details sharper, the images brighter, the emotions stronger.

Now, close your eyes and relive the first set of experiences. When you feel that you are accurately re-experiencing what happens to you, I want you to turn off that image, shrinking it down to a small box, the way old television sets turn off. At the same time, I want you to enlarge the images and experiences you've imagined. Repeat this atleast ten times. Its a hypnosis technique used in PTSD-type therapy, you can do it yourself and it really works well.

Anyways, I would definetly also suggest talking to your boyfriend. That is a really good idea. Good luck.

If you were abused as a child, it could be a psychologicial condition, and chances are you have supressed the memory of it, and the only way to keep supressing it is to never have an orgasm.