How do you react to ultimatums?

Are you one of those people who will pick the choice that they like less just to spite the person for presenting you with an ultimatum?

Or do you react well, and rationally, and weigh out the odds?

What do you think are acceptible scenarios for ultimatums?

Casual drug use?

Heavy drug use?

People remaining friends with ex's?

If some one is seeing two people, making them choose?

Etc.

Personally, I'm really hypocritical when it comes to drug use. So that's the one for me.

What about you guys?

Well I reply fairly rationally, weighing out the odds, etc...

But, if I believe the ultimatum is unfair but I am going to lose anyway, I'd rather lose with my pride intact, without being submissive.

Eg. I owned a country but another, more powerful country said they were going to invade me in 3 days unless I gave them 1 billion dollars, I would rather fight a losing battle than be submissibe. Pride is very important to me.

Although, if the ultimatum isn't too harsh but still completely unfair, I would just accept it but plot my revenge on whoever gave me it.

I don't handle ultimatums well. My usual response when given an ultimatum by a lover is to go straight into 'Fuck you, Sister'mode.

You can ask me to do almost anything for you but give me an ultimatum and all you'll get (if i'm in a good mood) is two stiff fingers. Catch me in a bad mood and it'll still be two stiff fingers but they won't just be 'stabbing' air...



edit* ooo00OOOps just realised that the younger americans might not understand the 'V' sign as an insult, so here courtesy of Wiki

quote:The V sign as an insult

The insulting version of the gesture (with the palm inwards) performs a similar social function to "the finger". The "two fingered salute", or "bowfinger", as it is also known, is commonly performed by flicking the V upwards from wrist or elbow. "The finger" is traceable to Roman times [1], but may be unrelated in origin, as the insulting V sign is largely restricted to the UK, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia, and Spain, where it is popular among taxi drivers in Madrid. The insulting V sign is not widely recognized in other countries.

The V sign, when the palm is facing toward the person giving the sign, has long been an insulting gesture in England and later the United Kingdom. According to a myth that is especially popular in the UK this is due to English archers who in medieval times would have their bow fingers cut off by the French if captured in battle. To show defiance, they would flip their two bow fingers to the French to show they were still able to fire their bows. However this is untrue for a number of reasons: there are no contemporary accounts of this what so ever, in medieval warfare prisoners were not taken unless they could be held hostage for a ransom (lowly archers were just killed outright)



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 10-02-2006).]

Some ultimatums are justified and some aren't. Like if someone's husband is an alcoholic and they say, "Get help or I'm leaving" I think that is justified, but if the ultimatum is, "Stop wearing makeup or I'm leaving" I think the person giving it is just being controlling.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Some ultimatums are justified and some aren't. Like if someone's husband is an alcoholic and they say, "Get help or I'm leaving"

I disagree. That isn't a justifiable ultimatum.

Why not? I mean if the drinking is destroying the family? A lot of alcoholics are mean when they drink and get violent...Not to mention the fact that they in a lot of cases drink up all of the family's money.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

Why not? I mean if the drinking is destroying the family? A lot of alcoholics are mean when they drink and get violent...Not to mention the fact that they in a lot of cases drink up all of the family's money.

To begin with, those are massive generalisations, particularly as you just mentioned the fact the person was an alcoholic, not a violent, money wasting one. If the situation is bad enough that they're pissing away all the famalies money, it's probably beyond their control for a short term solution, like 'give up drinking now'. Not to mention that if it gets that bad, you wouldn't want to be with them anyway.

I meant that someone like that should go to rehab.

Shouldn't someone like that go to rehab anyway?

If the girl is making an ultimatum because she genuinely think she's being mistreated/disrespected, and she's standing up for herself - I'll take it seriously and talk it through.

If she's making an ultimatum because she's either a silly bitch control freak, or because she's a dumb chickenhead on a power trip trying to take charge - I won't even get angry, I'll just call her bluff and politely tell her to fuck off.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:



1. Casual drug use?

2. Heavy drug use?

3. People remaining friends with ex's?

4. If some one is seeing two people, making them choose?



1. depends how casual.

2. depends how heavy.

3. the past is the past.

4. if they were two-timing me, i wouldn't want them anyway.

Btw I forgot to mention something important:

As a rule, I never accept ultimatums.

That's a big deal to me, because I see them as a crude parallel to the use of terrorism for political influence. You either refuse to ever acknowledge it as valid; or you agree to acknowledge it in some cases, which only encourages them problem.

Like I said if the ultimatum has valid causes, I'll totally talk about it to try and figure it out. But that *has* to result in a compromise of some kind, not taking the ultimatum seriously and basically surrendering. I just don't think that's healthy for people.

Ultimatums are bullshit threat-tactics, without open minded reasonable negotiation.

dont like em never have dunno why but i wont listen to em

I'll always talk it through, if that's an option. I'm always willing to talk, so if it isn't an option to talk it over then it's a waste of time. Be it friendship or a relationship, it brings on the feeling that I should just walk away.

I don't react well to ultimatums. I equate them with threats. I find them insulting. That being said, I rarely encounter ultimatums.

i don't think i've ever gotten an ultimateum. if i did, i would laugh, because the idea is so childish. then i would behave the same as i did before, basically not acknowledging the ultimateum. if they wanted to have a serious conversation that didn't involve war tactics, i would be receptive to that, and consider what they wanted.