Hi

Let me start off by saying that im 14 and live in the UK. However, ive never even been in a proper bf/gf relationship.

Girls just see me as a nice guy and become my friend. I know I need to become dominant and confident, but I dont know how. Ive always been submissive and I just feel so fucking depressed lately.

At my youth group I went out halfway through and cried before going back in. I dont know what to do, how can I go about getting girls to like me and to be more confident?

Girls suck dude, forget about 'em. Concentrate on getting money and then they'll flock to you!

Dude... you're 14, having a girl isnt a big priority right now.

Martial arts are a good way to become more 'centered'. But to be honest it's a bit of a 'chicken/egg' situation you're in. Until you get laid you won't be more confident around women but you probably won't get laid until you are!

But don't worry, unless you're ginger, you'll get there in the end...we all did (if you're ginger you will, of course, die a virgin!)

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 10-01-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

BUt to be honest it's a bit of a 'chicken/egg' situation you're in. Until you get laid you won't be more confident around women but you probably won't get laid until you are!

Laid... like an egg!

Just wait a few years. It's really not a big deal, you'll find someone eventually.

Here. Some advice. When you're talking to a girl, stop caring what she thinks about you. And don't tell me you don't care, because that's a lie. (Unless you are insanley ugly). But really, make fun of her, call her dumb, do whatever you want. When you stop caring, they will flock!

Ps, this usually works best on girls you don't know, because the ones you already do know already have an idea of what you are like, a "nice" guy. So maybe, if you want to keep them as friends, stay nice to the ones you already know. But to girls you just meet, be a dick.

i don't think this is abnormal in the least. i didn't date until i was 14, and i knew plenty of people who still hadn't.

I will first start of by stating that YOU'RE 14! You have plenty of time to worry about relationships. You can't seriously tell me you think you're past time to have a serious relationship, you're dead wrong.

Girls your age are fucking idiots. Don't let them, of all people, ruin your self esteem. Just ignore them and really don't give a shit about them. They will flock to you. This has alreadt been mentioned but it's definately the best advice, in my opinion. This will work trust me, I know.

You're really wasting your time though.

quote:Originally posted by Chinese Food52:

Here. Some advice. When you're talking to a girl, stop caring what she thinks about you. And don't tell me you don't care, because that's a lie. (Unless you are insanley ugly). But really, make fun of her, call her dumb, do whatever you want. When you stop caring, they will flock!

Ps, this usually works best on girls you don't know, because the ones you already do know already have an idea of what you are like, a "nice" guy. So maybe, if you want to keep them as friends, stay nice to the ones you already know. But to girls you just meet, be a dick.



Where am I supposed to meet girls? =/ I mean I know all of them from my school. Btw I wouldnt consider myself fugly.

quote:Originally posted by Panicofbeliever:



Where am I supposed to meet girls? =/ I mean I know all of them from my school. Btw I wouldnt consider myself fugly.



just stick to your school then. nothing wrong with that. it's okay to change around people who know you -- people get used to it.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



just stick to your school then. nothing wrong with that. it's okay to change around people who know you -- people get used to it.

Yeah, people will get 'used' to it, but they might not like it.

I'm just saying, that most high school girls once they think they know you, and consider you the 'nice guy', or their shoulder to cry on, they probably will consider you that for a long time. And if you try to change, then you aren't fun to talk to anymore, and then they avoid you.



And you can almost always meet new girls if you try.

Usually it's best meeting new girls through other friends. Or girls from different schools.

Ps, you may not agree with this advice, this is just from personal expierence.

Well yeah that would work. But meh. Btw, am I fugly? www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr (http://www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr)

xD

quote:Originally posted by sylph:

I will first start of by stating that YOU'RE 14! You have plenty of time to worry about relationships. You can't seriously tell me you think you're past time to have a serious relationship, you're dead wrong.

If I recall correctly you have made threads about how you really want a relationship and you are even younger than him...

quote:Originally posted by Panicofbeliever:

Well yeah that would work. But meh. Btw, am I fugly? www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr (http://www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr)

xD

I'm pretty sure you aren't fugly. And by reading some of your comments, it just seems like you are too nice.

So, my advice is, girls you meet in the future, don't be so nice and caring. And if they ever bring up boy problems, change the subject.

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

If I recall correctly you have made threads about how you really want a relationship and you are even younger than him...

No, I've made threads about one certain guy. Not wanting relationships and making that my main priority in my life right now.

I suppose I understand this guy and where he's coming from. Growing up is really tough and you do feel better having somebody next to you and having someone to comfort you.

I think it's a bit extreme for him to be letting this ruin him however. The problem that prevents him from meeting girls lies deeper than just his confidence and such. I couldn't tell him what it is because it's different for everybody. I think he should focus more on himself and figuring him out and maybe asking a girl he likes out on a date.

Sorry to sound hypocritical, that wasn't my ultimate point. I should learn to elaborate.

quote:Originally posted by sylph:

Sorry to sound hypocritical, that wasn't my ultimate point. I should learn to elaborate.

I should learn to not be a prick, but meh

quote:Originally posted by Panicofbeliever:

Well yeah that would work. But meh. Btw, am I fugly? www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr (http://www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr)

xD

Aww you're cute!

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

I should learn to not be a prick, but meh

Nah, that's why I like you! Atleast when you're being a prick it's slightly honest, if not fully.

You're 14 man, your hormones are in full gear and your gonna feel a lot of shit your not gonna like, but it's going to prepare you for maturity.

All these shitty experience you've had so far, they'll help you in the long run, and right now don't worry too much about girls, go after them if you want, but don't be too serious about it. More than likely you'll break up with any girl you meet now in a very short period of time, because, well, you're 14 and you don't know how to handle a relationship yet. I'm 19 and I still don't have it right, so just settle down, you're not ugly btw, and the time will come.

Trust me, I've been down this road, and so has everybody else.

you're not bad looking at all. if i remember correctly, however, the younger the girl is, the more ridiculous her standards are. at age 12, she expects everyone to look like justin timberlake. as she gets older and gets more real life experience, her standards become more realistic. i think that's part of the reason why so little dating occurs at the younger ages. it varies from girl to girl, but from what i see of your looks you have just as good a chance as any other guy, provided you've got the assertive and confident personality girls at that age really like.

quote:Originally posted by sylph:

I will first start of by stating that YOU'RE 14! You have plenty of time to worry about relationships. You can't seriously tell me you think you're past time to have a serious relationship, you're dead wrong.

Girls your age are fucking idiots. Don't let them, of all people, ruin your self esteem. Just ignore them and really don't give a shit about them. They will flock to you. This has alreadt been mentioned but it's definately the best advice, in my opinion. This will work trust me, I know.

You're really wasting your time though.

So...he should ignore you?

quote:Originally posted by NiGhT PrOwLeR:

So...he should ignore you?

No. My personal profile is of no meaning on here. I'm just simply a mind on a keyboard on Totse, nothing more.

quote:Originally posted by sylph:



I think it's a bit extreme for him to be letting this ruin him however. The problem that prevents him from meeting girls lies deeper than just his confidence and such. I couldn't tell him what it is because it's different for everybody. I think he should focus more on himself and figuring him out and maybe asking a girl he likes out on a date.





Lol, point being Ive been rejected by every girl Ive asked asked on a date. But hey i have silly high standards in the way. I cant fake attraction. >.>

quote:Originally posted by sylph:

No. My personal profile is of no meaning on here. I'm just simply a mind on a keyboard on Totse, nothing more.

A mind, yes... a mind of a girl his age. Contradiction!!

Wow. You're like me, except you seem to have a higher concentration of hot emo girls within your friends.

And you seem pretty social. So I can understand why you don't get girlfriends.

When you meet a girl, make it obvious to her from the start that you are looking for a relationship or some kind of sexual activity. If you don't, you're a friend and you either delude yourself, and thus get knocked down REALLY hard when she says no, or the relationship crumbles, and so does the friendship.

Mind if add your myspace?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

But to be honest it's a bit of a 'chicken/egg' situation you're in. Until you get laid you won't be more confident around women but you probably won't get laid until you are!





NOT TRUE WHAT SO EVER. I used to have no confedence when it came to girls then I eventually said fuck it i have to at least try. ANd even though I was unconfident i started talking to girls, which brought up my confidence which in turn got me girls which in turn got more confidence which in turn lead to great sex with my now girlfriend whos sexy and lots of great sex. So you dont need sex to boost confidence, just simply talking to girls is good enough to start being confident. Sex would definatly be a BIG confidence booster im sure but it didnt do much for me. The main thing was talking to girls and realizing they do like me.

I believe I accepted your request. (Y)

quote:Originally posted by AprenticeChemistBITCHS:



NOT TRUE WHAT SO EVER. I used to have no confedence when it came to girls then I eventually said fuck it i have to at least try. ANd even though I was unconfident i started talking to girls, which brought up my confidence which in turn got me girls which in turn got more confidence which in turn lead to great sex with my now girlfriend whos sexy and lots of great sex. So you dont need sex to boost confidence, just simply talking to girls is good enough to start being confident. Sex would definatly be a BIG confidence booster im sure but it didnt do much for me. The main thing was talking to girls and realizing they do like me.



Its not as if I don't talk to girls. So that isn't the problem.

Yea well i was just stating that you dont need the sex for confidence. The fact that you are friends with girls and all that is good start. Just to be confident dont think about the sex. And how I became confident was just forced myself to start talking to girls. Since you already know how to talk to girls it should be easy for you. Also dont be so nice. Sometimes you have to NOT do something for a girl dont be a complete dick but dont always give in. If a girls always like can i borrow some money? can you do this for me can you do that for me just deny them sometimes, you got to not be so nice. This WILL help girls do like assholes, you can still be nice just not ALL THE TIME. You got to be a dick sometimes otherwise girls will just put you in the friends catagory.

well i remember this one time when i was in grade 8 and no one liked me... i had a horrible home life and felt like everything was always falling i was totaly depressed.. but then one day i just told myself after thinking about it long and hard that i didnt want to feel this way anymore. so i just changed the way that i thought aobut everything and egnored wat everyone else said about me. i just always thought positive.

so the only thing i can help you with for the girls to like you is to believe in your self and just be who you are dont try to be someone else just think positive and talk to girls you find intersting and trust me that how i got my bf he just started talking to me and he was very confident.

I'm 18, never had a GF.

Stop worrying, it doesn't matter. Just cause I've never had a GF, doesn't mean I haven't ever messed around with chicks. It'll come to you eventually.

You're doing fine.

I'd suggest talking to some of these girls about what you're feeling. You'll get good advice and may find out some things that you never realized.

Hey, you're only 14. You shouldn't have to feel bad that you don't have a gal. You should be in your preliminary/inital stages of awarness and knowlege-gathering about females.

If you're really that wrecked, here's something someone posted on Totse a short while ago: http://www.cultdeadcow.com/cDc_files/cDc-0407.php

maybe doesn't pertain to you yet wholly, but has some points, take em as you will

If you get the money, you get the power.If You get the power, you get the pussy.

Mm Ive tried talking about it with my "Female" friends before and they're all saying that being a nice guy is great , but Im not their *Type* Heh. Its quite funny tbh.

Its as Im coming up to 15, and people around me are starting to lose their virginity etc, its quite depressing I havn't got anywhere.

I can understand what I need to do in my head. I try, and fuck it up, and lose my confidence completely, then resort back to nice guy patterns.

rawr stuck in a bloody rut. =/

quote:Originally posted by Panicofbeliever:

Well yeah that would work. But meh. Btw, am I fugly? www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr (http://www.myspace.com/nineteeneightyfourr)

xD

No your not fugly - your well up in the charts...and for some reason I have a nack with that perspective.

Your 14 - your hitting the big boundaries of puberty, your still very much in your childhood nature, but your not exactly holding hands with mum and dad anymore heh. My point is I'd give it a couple of years. Your at the stage where your body would be primed for working out or as previously suggested, take up a martial art. Focus on somthing like that, to give to more strength in your self-confidence.

Girls around 14 aint exactly luvey dovey either tho mate..ok there are examples, but they're going thru the same changes so again...keep it cool, and trust me you'll do fine

um....you're 14 years old...you've got plenty of time.

quote:Originally posted by neville122333:

No your not fugly - your well up in the charts...and for some reason I have a nack with that perspective.

Your 14 - your hitting the big boundaries of puberty, your still very much in your childhood nature, but your not exactly holding hands with mum and dad anymore heh. My point is I'd give it a couple of years. Your at the stage where your body would be primed for working out or as previously suggested, take up a martial art. Focus on somthing like that, to give to more strength in your self-confidence.

Girls around 14 aint exactly luvey dovey either tho mate..ok there are examples, but they're going thru the same changes so again...keep it cool, and trust me you'll do fine

Im not sure about your area, but most 14/15 year old girls in my area are sexually active. xD

quote:Originally posted by Byss:

If I recall correctly you have made threads about how you really want a relationship and you are even younger than him...

But Byss, knowing right and doing right are two different things. Fuck, I KNOW how to live like Christ...am I going to? Hopefully not...I'm sure the enlightenment thing is great and all, but so is the occasional bit of sin.

quote:Originally posted by rEtArdEd smUrf bOy:

If you get the money, you get the power.If You get the power, you get the pussy.

This explains why I'm thousands in debt, live with my parents, yet still have no problem whatsoever with women?

Confidence is nothing other than self-knowledge and comfort with who you are and your ability to change if you deem it necessary. Those who know their self know what they're willing to strive for, thus driven towards personal accomplishment; success is a method, not a goal.

I am in circumstances that make many classify me as a loser...so what? I don't have money, don't have fame, don't have a position of control over others. I have wisdom and information, the two of which open the world to me.

Put your ladder theory aside, it's meaningless in reality.

quote:Originally posted by Twisted_Ferret:

Girls suck dude, forget about 'em. Concentrate on getting money and then they'll flock to you!

At that age yeah

By 19 I've found the cute guy driving the lexus or the mercedes, can be just as big a waste of the time as the guy in the old toyota.

OP: at your age, If you're really looking to impress them/gain confidence, there's a lot you can do.

Confidence through intelligence: Well, this is a good place to start to get alternative views. Reading magazines/books helps too (depending). When you know you're smarter/more educated than the other guys in your grade, that brings confidence.

Confidence through looks: Well, this takes some influence over what your mother buys for you. Look at how the popular kids dress, look at how the older cool kids dress. Imitate. I don't know the UK equivalent, but you'll likely be fine with Abercrombie, Aeropostel, Banana Republic, Old Navy and Gap work too. But new shoes when the ones you have fall apart!

Also: Try to be clean, keep your hair well kept, and smell nice.



(jeez I can't believe I just said most of that)

Confidence through expirience: Who needs a proper girlfriend? Practice around a bit with a close friend or something!

(can't believe I said that either)

Confidence through health: Start running daily, you'll be so glad you did later. It will make you feel better, get you in shape, and make you likely to do well on sports teams in later years, another thing that attracts certain girls!

Also: Eat right, oh yes, it's hard to consider, but, cutting down on junk food/sodas etc, can help the way you look and feel. Also, at that age acne is an issue, it can cut down on that too.

I dunno, give some a shot.

^To the previous poster: Diets will not help your acne at all. Sorry. It's all about genetics. Cleanliness obviously plays a part, but it's mainly genetics.

OP: You should be in Year 10, am I right? If so, I'm suprised. Where do you live, that people your age are loosing their virginity? Maybe it's because I live in a rural county, but not many people my age have fucked before. Heck, a lot of the kids in my form haven't even kissed anybody yet.

Even so, most sixth formers I know (and probably Year 11s) have had sex, so maybe you are right about Year 10 being that year, I'm not sure.

But anyway, it's not *really* that important, no one will look down on you if you haven't or anything like that.

Also, having friends (male or female) is far, far more important at this age than thinking about taking the risk of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Why? Because friends are loyal, partners are not (you all know I'm right).

Yeah you would be right In thinking Im in year 10.

Pretend to be sensitive and act like you don't care whether they talk to you or not. If they ask you what you're doing later on tell them you're meeting some other girl.

If all else fails become an emo.

quote:Originally posted by deathtojack:

If all else fails become an emo.

That's like selling your soul to the devil. And just for some pussy?

dont see how you can complain until i was 16 i never had a gf. My main advice pesrsonaly would be stay sober most lasses didnt like me at your sorta age cos i was known as that drunk kid

As an update I havnt made any progress whatsoever. =/ And with my 15th coming up Im starting to get a little pissed.

ahaha wait til you're 16 and in the same situation, then it's awesome.

I'm 16 and I've never even come close to kissing a girl. I don't understand the problem, though. Why is everyone so obsessed with this? Goddamn, man, control your hormones! Girls aren't everything!

Well, I'm 18 and still a virgin. Believe me, it sucks balls. I'm really nice to girls and have a lot of female friends, but none that I fuck. I'd say that I'm average looking, but I'm a cool person. I really don't know why I haven't gotten laid. I guess I don't like to try too hard. I hate making advances, even if the chick is a slut. I got head once when I was 14, but that's about the extent of it.

damn ...any updates

i thought this thread died a long time ago

Like everyone said before me, your 14. goddamn wannafuckwannasex0r is almost 19 and hes socially retarded.

quote:Originally posted by MrFishHat:

Like everyone said before me, your 14. goddamn wannafuckwannasex0r is almost 19 and hes socially retarded.

and hes chinese, panicofbeliever why dont you just ask out one of you emo friends

quote:Originally posted by ShouldTrip:

Confidence through intelligence: Well, this is a good place to start to get alternative views. Reading magazines/books helps too (depending). When you know you're smarter/more educated than the other guys in your grade, that brings confidence.

Haha, I have never met someone intelligent who had greater confidence around girls because of that. Especially myself. In fact, it makes me personally less likely to talk to girls because I figure I'll come off as a pretentious asshole.

quote:Originally posted by Chinese Food52:

Here. Some advice. When you're talking to a girl, stop caring what she thinks about you. And don't tell me you don't care, because that's a lie. (Unless you are insanley ugly). But really, make fun of her, call her dumb, do whatever you want. When you stop caring, they will flock!

Ps, this usually works best on girls you don't know, because the ones you already do know already have an idea of what you are like, a "nice" guy. So maybe, if you want to keep them as friends, stay nice to the ones you already know. But to girls you just meet, be a dick.



an asian got it right. kudos to you.