So my gf and I live in different dorms and during the day, she spends alot of time with these three guys. They're like the people she hangs out with because she says guys are easier to talk to and what not. She told me that one of these is especially nice to her and she thinks that he is getting the wrong idea and I can't be there all the time cuz we live on opposite sides of campus.

I told her that she should hangout with the chicks in the dorm more than she does with the guys just because guys may get hopes. In any case, what do you guys think I should do? Would u let your gf hang out with guys like this? I mean she's extremely honest with me and we love each other very much but still to me it feels somewhat weird. I'm not sure if it's normal for me to ask her not to hang out with the guys so much or if it's just me being insecure.

Any ideas, suggestions?

Walk to the other side of campus and hang out with all of them. Quit bitching.

^ That's an idea. Another idea is to trust her. She's telling you about this guy who's getting the wrong idea, so she's not going to hit it behind your back. Calm down man. And if you can't get over it, meet her friends, introduce yourself. That makes you a real person, not just a hypothetical boyfriend.

I think that this is mostly just your own insecurity. It sounds to me as though she is being honest with you by telling you she thinks the guy is getting the wrong idea, if she was going to do anything she wouldn't have told you. There's no reason to begrudge her of being friends with the people she feels most comfortable with.

If the one guy who she thinks is getting the wrong idea is making you uncomfortable, then ask her to communicate to him that she has a boyfriend and that she doesn't have any desire to cheat on you. Other than that .... don't begrudge her of her friends and trust her. Bring some of your friends over and hang out together.

if the guys know she's got a boyfriend, there's nothing to worry about. the fact that she's telling you one of them is "getting the wrong idea" is a good sign, because it shows she's not interested. furthermore, if these are the people she can relate to, it's unfair to tell her to arbitrarily choose new friends based on gender. i mean, really. if she can't relate to girls, you're just making her feel like a failure by asking her why she's hanging out with guys all the time. it's simply unfair. i mean, do you find it easy to make friends with girls? so why would she?

Being too protective will push her away.

Not being protective enough will push her away.

I'm overly trusting, and way to stoned half the time to care about things. I used to let my girlfriend hang out with ex boyfriends (yes, plural). There's like 3 girls and 5 guys she hangs out with.

So yes, I'd let a girlfriend hang out with guys. Because I see it as a way of her saying "you can hang out with girls" with out having to say it. Good for me, good for her.

*edit*

I should probably add, nothing in the world could have been said to make her stop. That being said, we broke up and got together on a weekly basis.

So...unless you can deal with it, you probably cant change her.

[This message has been edited by arquin (edited 10-01-2006).]

I'd be worried. It's okay if you trust your girl, but I wouldn't trust those guys. Tell her to find some female friends. If I liked a girl and she had a boyfriend, that wouldn't stop me and that won't stop a lot of other guys either.

quote:Originally posted by Ol Dirty Bastard:

I'd be worried. It's okay if you trust your girl, but I wouldn't trust those guys. Tell her to find some female friends. If I liked a girl and she had a boyfriend, that wouldn't stop me and that won't stop a lot of other guys either.



but BOTH PARTIES have to be interested in order for something to happen! why do guys not understand this?

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



but BOTH PARTIES have to be interested in order for something to happen! why do guys not understand this?

Because we're quick to anger, and even faster to make jealous.

Seriously, though, let her handle it. The guy will put "da moves" on her, and she'll decline them. They'll get over it, and when you and her break up for whatever reason, she'll seek him out as a rebound.

It's the way nature made this world.

People saying just trust her, your stupid. Every one of those guys whether he admits it to himself or not, is working her over so he can bang her. If you let this continue, either A) She will cheat on you, B) It'll get super awkward and eventually the friendship will end up disolving in tears anyway or C) None of them will gather the guts to do anything about it and graduates wishing he could develop some balls.

No matter what, someone is getting hurt.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



but BOTH PARTIES have to be interested in order for something to happen! why do guys not understand this?



It's called rape.

although in this case it does just sound like the OP is over jealous.

Trust her. Once you guys trust eachother, then the relationship will actually be a lot more rewarding. But most of all, it probably is just you being insecure. It happens to me as well. But, we are all different, and this is just my opinion.

I hope it all goes well.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



but BOTH PARTIES have to be interested in order for something to happen! why do guys not understand this?

Hey hey! Some of us DO understand this. Hence being overly trusting.

If I trust the girl, I don't care WHO she hangs around. I remember, sometimes I'd ring her and hear a male voice, and out of curiosity ask "who's that?", she'd be totally honest and be like "Oh it's *ex boyfriends name*". I'd just be like "Meh...", because I trusted her.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. And more importantly, give her no reason to cheat on you. If you're everything she wants, why would she risk losing you? Instead of working on her, work on your self.

quote:Originally posted by arquin:

Hey hey! Some of us DO understand this. Hence being overly trusting.

If I trust the girl, I don't care WHO she hangs around. I remember, sometimes I'd ring her and hear a male voice, and out of curiosity ask "who's that?", she'd be totally honest and be like "Oh it's *ex boyfriends name*". I'd just be like "Meh...", because I trusted her.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. And more importantly, give her no reason to cheat on you. If you're everything she wants, why would she risk losing you? Instead of working on her, work on your self.



the last part is very true.

quote:Originally posted by Garrett:

People saying just trust her, your stupid. Every one of those guys whether he admits it to himself or not, is working her over so he can bang her. If you let this continue, either A) She will cheat on you, B) It'll get super awkward and eventually the friendship will end up disolving in tears anyway or C) None of them will gather the guts to do anything about it and graduates wishing he could develop some balls.

No matter what, someone is getting hurt.

So you honestly think that no heterosexual male can possibly be friends with a female without wanting sex? And you honestly think that every female is also such a slave to sex that just being in the proximity of other males will cause her to cheat?

No, I think you're (note my usage of the correct word) stupid.

My gf goes to a university an hour away from me, she phones me up and openly tells me most of her friends are guys and that they are all nice.

To be honest, I trust her enough to overlook this without thinking, but if you are getting worried about it, maybe you should think about your relationship in some detail?

quote:Originally posted by neato bandito:

So you honestly think that no heterosexual male can possibly be friends with a female without wanting sex? And you honestly think that every female is also such a slave to sex that just being in the proximity of other males will cause her to cheat?

No, I think you're (note my usage of the correct word) stupid.

That's why i gave three possibilities dipshit. Thanks for correcting my grammer though - i enjoy a little self-improvement as much as the next man. Plus everyone knows that if your opposition is attacking things about your post like using "your" instead of "you're", then the point is essentially yours.

Two of your three possibilities depend on my first point, because if I am correct in assuming that these guys aren't just after the OP's girlfriend for sex, then things won't become awkward, and these guys won't "wish they could grow some balls".

My husband gets jealous so I just don't hang out with guys...But I think it's different than the OP's situation because we're married. I probably wouldn't bend on it so much if he was just my boyfriend.

Personaly, asking anyone to give up their friends is a bad move. Unless said friend is trying to get with them.

I.E. if it's confirmed that he wants to get with her, then I'd be worried. Otherwise, it's not your place to pick her friends. and it will either end in her leaving you, or her being unhappy and overly submissive.



Personally, I'm female, and almost all my friends are guys. If a guy I'm seeing can't handle that, well that's his problem, friends>bf/gf. (Until you hit a long term relationship.. then it gets complicated)

It's also not as simple as just "hang out with girls more!" Girl's social circles, especially in college, are usually tight knit, not to mention girls are more judgemental, she may just not fit in with most of them.

I'm in the same situation.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get drunk and tell her off. Bad idea.

Ah well, at least I'm single again.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:



but BOTH PARTIES have to be interested in order for something to happen! why do guys not understand this?

No. One party has to be interested, and the other one has to be drunk for something to happen. This is how "going to a party with my friends" turns into "i'm so sorry, i wasn't thinking about what i was doing when i cheated on you so please forgive me".

quote:Originally posted by Psionicist:

No. One party has to be interested, and the other one has to be drunk for something to happen. This is how "going to a party with my friends" turns into "i'm so sorry, i wasn't thinking about what i was doing when i cheated on you so please forgive me".



no, that's a bullshit excuse. unless it's rape, both parties have to want something to happen. incidentally, in california you can't legally give consent while intoxicated, so what you described would be considered rape, whether it's true or not.

meh. she's taking it in the ass from all of them.

thanks for all the input guys but here's the dealiyo....the people she hangs out with don't know i'm her boyfriend. I'm just a friend to them because she is christian and i'm not and her friends are and they're part of this christian thing and it's complicated.

would u say i still trust her?

quote:Originally posted by black_squirrel:

thanks for all the input guys but here's the dealiyo....the people she hangs out with don't know i'm her boyfriend. I'm just a friend to them because she is christian and i'm not and her friends are and they're part of this christian thing and it's complicated.

would u say i still trust her?

no, you should meet her friends and they should know her boyfriend. they don't need to know you're not christian.

quote:Originally posted by black_squirrel:

thanks for all the input guys but here's the dealiyo....the people she hangs out with don't know i'm her boyfriend. I'm just a friend to them because she is christian and i'm not and her friends are and they're part of this christian thing and it's complicated.

would u say i still trust her?

no shes a bloody christian!

on a more serious note yes probably