... And not just embarrassing. I mean something deep seeded, like an omission of a serious character flaw that you have convinced both you and your lover that you were over. For instance, my boyfriend is an ex-heroin addict and I don't know what he'd do if I ever did smack again and he found out about it. But, say it's something you can't hide. Like you did a physical damage to yourself that's not going to go away for a while. What do you say?

-----------------------------------------------

LONG VERSION: My kid sister is 16, she has a 23 year old boyfriend, goes to a good school and our mother buys her everything she wants. She does this because she didn't have very much money when my brother and I were growing up and because my sister was raped when she was 4 years old by one of my mothers boyfriends and had to spend three years in an institution, so my mother feels guilty and just gives her what she wants and lets her do what she wants. So she's turned into a monster and in the last six months it's gotten particularily bad.

She's always been greedy, but she's gone in to hyperdrive. She wants this and she wants that. We're already dealing with her meth smoking 23 year old boyfriend and her gross little mall goth friends and then my mother takes her on a $400 shoping spree and the next day my sister gets caught shoplifting! I've never stolen anything in my life! I once got caught with someone else who was stealing and I was grounded for a month just for causing my mother to have to pick me up at juvenile hall! Now ontop of the shoping spree my mother has to pay the $200 fine for my sisters shoplifting and my sister didn't get punishment at all! I just can't understand how she could be so incredibly self-centered!

So this past Sunday I was coming away from my boyfriends and I'd stopped along the way at some thrift shops and bought myself some things and then my mother called and said that she and my sister were going to a resturaunt nearby me. I told her that I would meet them over there and when I showed up I proceeded to show them the clothes I got and talk. Meanwhile my sister was picking a fight with me, so I ignored her.

She's sitting next to me mocking me, giving me the finger, finishing my sentences with "And you're a whore?" and "Because you're a whore?" and I keep ignoring her because she's a child and I'm an adult. But, she then spits in her napkin and throws it in my coffee. So I took my coffee and poured it over her food. Then she pushed my chair, so I stood up and she pushed the chair over and I thought she was just going to go past me to the bathroom so I stood back to let her by, then she swung at me.

She missed and then I punched her in the face. Of course, the chair was overturned right behind me now and when she pushed me I fell over the chair onto the floor. She was ontop of me and I punched her again in the jaw and then in the throat, so she stopped and started choking.

By this time the waitresses and some ghetto boy with a face tattoo were trying to break us up and I got up and left. I was in shock. I'm 23 years old and I just got in a fist fight with my 16 year old sister in a taqueria! I called my friend John, but actually hung up on him accidentally just because I was so freaked out. All I could think about was cutting.

I'm a cutter. Of course, I haven't done this in a long time. I'd say the last time I did it was probably over a year ago. But, I went to the corner store and asked if they sold razors. They didn't. I bought a bottle of water and the cashier started flirting with me, so I talked to him a little while hoping it would calm me down. Then I when I came out my mother and sister were coming down the street.

I had busted her jaw, but it snapped back or something. Ultimately she was alright with just a few bruises. The ride home went along in silence. Then when we pulled up at the house my mother tells me she's going to take my sister shopping now and I sort of freaked out on her and screamed at her.

Then I got out of the car, went to the bathroom, got a razor and I cut myself, a lot. Pretty badly and deeply, too. Nowhere anyone would typically be able to see, just on my upper thighs. But, my boyfriend would obviously see it if we're fucking.

So, now I either have to avoid him for at least two weeks, or I have to tell him. There's no way I'm telling him I got in a fist fight with my 16 year old kid sister in a taqueria... But, I have no choice but to tell him I cut myself, even though I promised him that I don't do that anymore.

I just can't believe how humiliating this all is.

----------------------------------------------

Cheers,

Lost

Tell him everything. He needs to know. If he truly loves you, he'll be there for you and be understanding and will help you through this shit.

Trust me, my girlfriend cuts herself even though she promised me she wouldn't. It hurt me for a while, but I was able to get over the initial feeling of hurt and helped her get over it and I'm pretty sure she doesn't cut anymore(she doesn't wear her wristband anymore and I haven't seen any fresh cuts on her in a while).

[This message has been edited by Rizzo in a box (edited 09-26-2006).]

That sucks, man. Uh... Yeah, that's a bad situation. Your sister sounds like she had it coming though. I bet you could explain that. Sixteen is old enough to know the difference between being a decent person not begging for an ass kicking, and a whiny little cunt. You should stand by what you did.

Edit: and about the cutting, it really sucks when people see fresh cuts. They're always so disappointed. But whatever. I say you had reason. Or enough reason for most any other cutter. I doubt he'll much care about the justification. But I'm sure he'll understand sort of.

[This message has been edited by GlitterPunk112358 (edited 09-26-2006).]

Wow, that's fucked up. I would tell him, there's no way he couldn't understand, or atleast be very sympathetic to your situation. He's your boyfriend and he'll want to take care of you and make sure you're okay. I hope everything works out!

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

That sucks, man. Uh... Yeah, that's a bad situation. Your sister sounds like she had it coming though. I bet you could explain that. Sixteen is old enough to know the difference between being a decent person not begging for an ass kicking, and a whiny little cunt. You should stand by what you did.

Edit: and about the cutting, it really sucks when people see fresh cuts. They're always so disappointed. But whatever. I say you had reason. Or enough reason for most any other cutter. I doubt he'll much care about the justification. But I'm sure he'll understand sort of.



She may have deserved it, but it's never right for an adult to hit a minor that isn't their minor just because they don't like the way the minor is behaving. It was totally immature and completely trashy and above all very illegal. I could've gone to jail had she wanted to press charges.

So, should I tell him now? On the phone? Or wait until I have to - if he sees them or something. He keeps texting me and I'm not texting back because I've only got one thing on my mind and I don't know what to say.

Cheers,

Lost

She's your sister and she was being a cunt, you were completely justified in hitting her, especially since it was in self defense.

Anyway, if I were you, I would call him and say that you got into a serious situation with your sister and you'll explain everything when you see him. Which I'm assuming will be fairly soon...?

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

She's your sister and she was being a cunt, you were completely justified in hitting her, especially since it was in self defense.

Anyway, if I were you, I would call him and say that you got into a serious situation with your sister and you'll explain everything when you see him. Which I'm assuming will be fairly soon...?

Yea, he has a cold. But, I just can't tell him that... He's so much older than me and it's so juvenile what I did! But, then I have this habit here of being completely vague. I'm liable to say something like

"I had an episode, but I'm over it now. It was just something that happened. I made a mistake. I had an accident. There was this drama..." These are all phrases I've coined and I just can't do this again.

I guess I could just say

"I got in a serious argument with my sister and it upset me so bad I didn't know what to do and I cut myself."

I think that's the best I can do right now. But, he's sick with a cold and he needs to sleep so I just told him

"It's all quiet here. Get some rest and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

Yea, he has a cold. But, I just can't tell him that... He's so much older than me and it's so juvenile what I did! But, then I have this habit here of being completely vague. I'm liable to say something like

"I had an episode, but I'm over it now. It was just something that happened. I made a mistake. I had an accident. There was this drama..." These are all phrases I've coined and I just can't do this again.

I guess I could just say

"I got in a serious argument with my sister and it upset me so bad I didn't know what to do and I cut myself."

I think that's the best I can do right now. But, he's sick with a cold and he needs to sleep so I just told him

"It's all quiet here. Get some rest and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Cheers,

Lost

That sounds okay, it'll give you time to think about what you're going to say exactly.

But I don't think you should worry about sounding juvenile to your boyfriend. From the sounds of things this is a serious situation, and he would be a huge jerk if he said you were immature for acting how you did. And he knows you're young and if he was going to judge you harshly because of that then I don't think he would be your boyfriend!

Anyway, I'm off to bed, but good luck Lost!

You kick ass, Lost. You being a cutter makes me . You should tell your boyfriend in person, once he gets better. And don't be embarrassed. You're only human, after all.

Ok , with hind-sight it's always easy to see that you should have done the 'mature thing' and just simply walked away. But none of us always get it right and your sister was truly 'cruising for a bruising'. I don't see that it needs to embarrass you.

BUT

(and you can think me an arsehole, a misogynist or whatever) If i was your boyfriend i would take my belt to you for cutting yourself.

I don't care if people think that 'cutting' is a 'cry for help' or an 'alternative life style choice for stress relief'.

You (any woman i'm with) DO NOT harm yourself...that's my job!

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 09-26-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Elephantitis Man:

You kick ass, Lost. You being a cutter makes me . You should tell your boyfriend in person, once he gets better. And don't be embarrassed. You're only human, after all.

There's this big part of me that finally decided that cutting was bullshit because it's taking all the anger I feel for something else and inflicting it on myself when I should be inflicting it on the source of anger. But, then - as a responsible adult - I know I can't just go about pummeling everyone who pisses me off. I can't even tell everyone who pissess me off they piss me off. So, it wells up inside me, and then I cut myself and then I feel stupid for it, because what I really want to do is punch them in the jaw!

I don't know what to do.

Cheers,

Lost

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

There's this big part of me that finally decided that cutting was bullshit because it's taking all the anger I feel for something else and inflicting it on myself when I should be inflicting it on the source of anger. But, then - as a responsible adult - I know I can't just go about pummeling everyone who pisses me off. I can't even tell everyone who pissess me off they piss me off. So, it wells up inside me, and then I cut myself and then I feel stupid for it, because what I really want to do is punch them in the jaw!

I don't know what to do.

Cheers,

Lost



Again, if i were your b/f friend then i would much rather have to come and bail you out of nick for smacking someone than see you had cut yourself.

Link him to this thread. He should understand.

The past belongs to you and the ones you experienced it with.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

Ok , with hind-sight it's always easy to see that you should have done the 'mature thing' and just simply walked away. But none of us always get it right and your sister was truly 'cruising for a bruising'. I don't see that it needs to embarrass you.

BUT

(and you can think me an arsehole, a misogynist or whatever) If i was your boyfriend i would take my belt to you for cutting yourself.

I don't care if people think that 'cutting' is a 'cry for help' or an 'alternative life style choice for stress relief'.

You (any woman i'm with) DO NOT harm yourself...that's my job!



Have you ever been hit by a belt? It's horrible...If you're going to hit a woman at LEAST use your hand. (not fist) Although, I think it's wrong for men to ever hit women, unless it's in self defense or something.

LostCause: I too used to self-mutilate, although my method was usually burning. I had never told my husband about it and then one day after a huge fight...I burned myself. I got a little carried away, though, because I ended up with third degree burns and I had to go to the hospital. Naturally he found out and it was pretty awful. He was so upset...He cried and cried and I felt so ashamed.

In the end it was better thast he found out, because he's my husband. I don't know that your boyfriend really needs to know, because you didn't seriously harm yourself and this really is YOUR buisiness.

i know your going to argue with me about this and give me shit, but from what i can gather from your post, your an atttention- seeking, jealous bitch.

get over the fact that your sister gets treated better, who cares. my sister is almost exactly the same, just don't think about it. and cutting yourself is obviously a cry for attention, don't say it isn't because it is, even if you don't think it is. why cut yourself? do something else. punch the shit out of a wall or something, you'll feel much better.

quote:Originally posted by omgh4x0r:

i know your going to argue with me about this and give me shit, but from what i can gather from your post, your an atttention- seeking, jealous bitch.

get over the fact that your sister gets treated better, who cares. my sister is almost exactly the same, just don't think about it. and cutting yourself is obviously a cry for attention, don't say it isn't because it is, even if you don't think it is. why cut yourself? do something else. punch the shit out of a wall or something, you'll feel much better.

You're a bit of a idiot really aren't you.

It's obvious the mother is totally spoiling the younger daughter and letting her get away with everything.

If my brother spat in a tissue and threw it in my coffee, I'd no doubt smack him round the head and my mother would probably feel just an angry as any normal person would.

It's just disrespectful the way she's behaved.

I think your boyfriend would see your side of it.

If you're woried about being immature because he's older, if he doesn't see your side of it then he's probably not as mature as you think because he'd realise you sometimes do need to punch the fuck out of someone.

What does it matter that it's illegal? She's your sister, she swung first and she deserved it!

About the cutting.. just tell him. No way around it, really. Seems like you just a relapse, but that doesn't mean that now you're back to cutting everyday or whatever. You'll hopefully never cut again after this. ^^

LOL fist fight in a restaurant with your sister. White Trash City.

quote:Originally posted by Sick_Boy:

[B]She's your sister and she was being a cunt, you were completely justified in hitting her, especially since it was in self defense.

B]

I second that. As for the cutting thing...just stop. If a person can go through the pains of heroin withdrawal(long story, won't tell) then quitting cutting should be a pushover.

Maybe coming from a male that doesn't cut, this won't have much meaning to you, but..

Instead of cutting yourself, why don't you just go beat the shit out of her? She clearly deserves it.

My cousin is in a situation where he won't/doesn't work, smokes dope all the time, a dropout, and just acts like an ass. He's not 13 anymore, I think he's almost 19. Before I joined the military he was like my best friend, even though he smoked weed pretty often.

Now it's like he doesn't care about making something of his life. My dad suggested me and my bigger cousin beat his ass and 'whip him into shape'.

And I'm inclined to believe with him. Tough love, is what it is.

I thought you were smarter than all of that, I really did.

Don't you write? If not you should, it's an excellent source of catharsis.

Maybe you are smarter than this; perhaps you're smarter than yourself. Is this the same boy friend who got the willies from your past, and doesn't like your flirtatious personality?

Visit an Ex?

Break a sacred promise?

Want out?

quote:Originally posted by I_Like_Traffic_Lights:



Don't you write? If not you should, it's an excellent source of catharsis.



She does, some really good lyrics.

Stop being a fucking wimp and don't cut yourself.

quote:Originally posted by SenorJesucristo:

Stop being a fucking wimp and don't cut yourself.

Y'all are ignorant.

quote:Originally posted by SlapinFoFun:

LOL fist fight in a restaurant with your sister. White Trash City.

I think this is what it all sort of boils down to with me. And it wasn't just a fist fight in any resturaunt. It was a taqueria in the barrio and it was broken up by the waitress and some norteno. It was just horribly trashy and tasteless. I should've just walked away and I don't know why I didn't. Then I was so riled up I was out of my mind! I was actually contemplating murdering my sister and then leaving college and just going to Vegas and moving in with a friend of mine out there. I mean, I was seriously nuts! And then I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with an exacto knife carving at myself like a lunatic wondering what the hell is wrong with me! The worst part is that cutting myself isn't even as satisfying as it used to be because the area I cut on is now covered in thick scar tissue, so I have to press three times as hard to break the skin and the blade drags.

It's just all so lousy.

Cheers,

Lost

So your boyfriend never noticed the scar tissue...?

Um...well controlling your anger would have been a good idea, violence is never the way. Sounds like your sister is a cum dumpster and spoilt rotten (pls dont violate my account because I said that). I think personally you should take pictures of your sister naked and show them to us...we could shame her by mailing cum stained pictures of her to her house

back to the real life though...

anyway seriously the cutting, fucking stupid, i did it last summer when GCSE's and this girl was fucking my best friend and i wanted to be in his shoes so bad. Get help and friends will always stand by you in the hard times if theyre real friends

Youre a cutter?

Just like that... one of the people i most respected in this forum..



I've lost all respect for. Go get some help, your life is fucked up. I have no sympathy for you any more.

[This message has been edited by Crocodile83 (edited 09-26-2006).]

Are you & your ma still trying to buy a house?

Maybe it's time to move to a trailer park in Walnut Creek or San Rafael or wherever they have the TPs down there? Get a real nice Double Wide?

Be TP Girlszszs? Your sister would fit right in, I yam sure. Maybe you could at least find a decent Girl Stealin' Perv to lock her in his basement for 4 > 5 yrs?

Cutting? Thats all?

Its not like your smoking rocks every other hour. Just tell him. If hes worth having he will understand and try to help you.

(Why would you cut yourself in that circumstance anyway?...)

quote:Originally posted by omgh4x0r:

i know your going to argue with me about this and give me shit, but from what i can gather from your post, your an atttention- seeking, jealous bitch.

get over the fact that your sister gets treated better, who cares. my sister is almost exactly the same, just don't think about it. and cutting yourself is obviously a cry for attention, don't say it isn't because it is, even if you don't think it is. why cut yourself? do something else. punch the shit out of a wall or something, you'll feel much better.

what the FUCK are you talking about? how the FUCK is she an attention seeking jealous little bitch?? she DOES NOT want attention. it's SHAMEFUL to her. she wants to HIDE it. so stop projecting YOUR attention-seeking jealous little asshole tendencies on to HER!! not everyone wants attention!!

Should have just punched the ingrateful little bitch in the baby maker.

but yeah, i throw in with the common oppinion of telling the bf. Unless you can actually hide it from him- what he doesnt know cant hurt him. (jk)

When I used to cut, yeah. Fuck that. Those scars don't go away. That- and the stab wound.



Lost, take care of yourself.

quote:Originally posted by Xiao Mei:

So your boyfriend never noticed the scar tissue...?

Of course he noticed the scars. He was disturbed by it, but apparently he had had another girlfriend when he was younger who was a cutter. However, the scars I had then were clearly very old. I mean, it was clear the I hadn't done it in a long time.

Sometimes I think about getting a tattoo over them or getting may be plastic surgery to get rid of them. But, then I can never be sure if I'll never do it again... Which is awful, but every once in a while, I guess, I do relapse.

Cheers,

Lost

Next time you feel like cutting you should get jack to beat you(Old school beating are always better) with a sack of doorknobs. You will get harmed(plus for you I guess), it might stop you from doing it again(I doubt it), jack gets his rocks off(You're into that kind of thing aren't you ketch?), and pics/video of it could be posted(Mager plus for totse). I fail to see any downside to my plan.

It's actually not really the cutting that appeals to me. It's more the release of blood. I've always felt like I have too much blood in me. I give blood to clinics frequently because of this and it's been a good system of feining off the cravings to cut. However, I didn't have a syringe handy...

Cheers,

Lost

I wish I could criticize, but I can't. I stopped wearing wristbands a long time ago. I spent 2 hours in the garage with a bloody piece of T-shirt and tweezers, digging glass shards of picture frame out of my hand. I no longer have windows or a door in my room. lol.

Thinking about things when they get fucked up really just screws with you more than if you don't think about it. Masking the mental anguish with pain, sex, chemicals, violence, food...its all the same mechanism. I defy any of you fuckers to say that you haven't felt helpless, overwhelmed at some point in your life, and done something outrageous.

The point is that you know its stupid. My girlfriend does the same thing, and we talked about it. If you explain to your boyfriend the entire situation, and just how hard it was for you to tell him, im sure he will be kind of disappointed, but also sympathetic. He should be there for you, especially in times like this- and im sure he will be.

CaspeR

Wow there's alot of fucked up shit in your family. It's like no one has it together... good luck with every thing I suppose. BTW you had every right to punch your sister, she deserves that and much much more. She's the one who seems like a lost cause... ehh no pun intended.

About the cutting thing and every thing that went down. You should definitely tell your bf. I mean if you two love each other, there shouldn't be any thing kept from one another. As some one else has said, if he loves you he'll understand.

[This message has been edited by neX (edited 09-27-2006).]

You should tell your boyfriend; what's the big deal and what is the purpose of the cutting?

quote:Originally posted by spinnersean:

You should tell your boyfriend; what's the big deal and what is the purpose of the cutting?

When you're 'trapped'? When you don't see any easy way to go on, to get past? When you can't see no form of relief?

Then you act upon the only thing you can be sure of affecting, of seeing immediate results from...yourself. You say 'work out'...'go to school'...'get a better job'... All those things aren't immediate.

Cutting gives the apparent promise of instant satisfaction.

To a degree? It's thexxual, like shoplifting. Superexciting. Superweird. Superthexxual. Who could ask for anything more?

Rather than cutting yourself get a book on accupuncture and stick needles in yourself. Socially acceptable and fulfills the same need. If I understand it correctly (which i don't)

^^^Sooo...you figure well off girls who shoplift for the dirty thrill could get the same from acupuncture? Kewl.

I am sure people who cut themselves could get the same from acupuncture

^^^Well, you've got your fortune near made doesn't you? Learn Acu & specialize in cutters & really score the coin!

quote:Originally posted by spinnersean:

I am sure people who cut themselves could get the same from acupuncture

Clearly you didn't get the memo about the blood.

Blood is hot, but, come now, that's not what it was about on this particular venue was it? You're past has been butting it's head in and it looks inviting. Couple that with seeing your sister doing things, getting priveleges, and living a life that you just never had opportunities for when you were her age. Looking back you would have loved to have the options that she has, but looking now you're glad as fuck that you aren't her, and have hardship to thank for your personality and wisdom.

With your past behind you, where it tends to be found, however, it seems odd that you would choose to just cut again. Surely you've faced more stressful situations than this; certaintly that, albeit this scenario proved to be the catalyst, it is not the cause of you're cutting.

Reverting shows signs of a desire for change; a desire for more familiar times. Embracing chaos can make a lot more sense than trying to have control in a world where you don't have a whole lot of control. In terms of societal structures limiting ones options, the fact that we could die any moment, the unexpected constantly occuring, and, at the moment, your relationship status having a curious number of contingencies laced through it.

So give me disorder and embrace the strange, thus is the rallying cry of our generation.

Regret?

Does regret play a role in the world of the weird? Of course it does, especially regret in the form of hurting those we love. Not normally in the form of hurting ourselves, however. I speak from experience as, although not a cutter, was extremely self-destructive for a long time and never took notice until I had been destroying those I cared about in the wake of my self destruction for some time. Pills, booze, blow, more drugs, fun hallucinogens, booze, and did I mention alcohol? I'm "recovering" now, as they say.

Apparently we're always "recovering"

You're boyfriend should understand, or at least be understanding, provided that you two still care for each other.

quote:Originally posted by LostCause:

It's actually not really the cutting that appeals to me. It's more the release of blood. I've always felt like I have too much blood in me. I give blood to clinics frequently because of this and it's been a good system of feining off the cravings to cut. However, I didn't have a syringe handy...

Cheers,

Lost

It doesn't sound like you're over it at all - you've just found a different way to cut.

Cutting isn't just about the pain. It's about the BLOOD, the visible wounds that slowly heal and the scars that eventually form and never leave you.

You know you're going to scar when you're doing the cutting, and in the "cutting" mindset, it can be seem like a permanent reminder of how fucking pathetic and shit you are. Like a tattoo that only you know about that says, "I have issues that I can't explain or work out in a rational manner."

Eh.. everyone's different, though.

I wasn't there? I don't get how you folks are saying it was jealousy that was driving her?

Are you completely discounting the outrageaous & insulting behavior her mother allowed? Her mother had sense & she would have popped the minging little cunter!

Kids act out (though it's late to begin discipline...) to find their boundaries. If no boundaries are fairly set, the behavior often grows worse & worse.

Though...to be fair, it's not unknown for women who say they were parented fairly to say they were little shits.

quote:Originally posted by moonmeister:

I wasn't there? I don't get how you folks are saying it was jealousy that was driving her?

Are you completely discounting the outrageaous & insulting behavior her mother allowed? Her mother had sense & she would have popped the minging little cunter!

Kids act out (though it's late to begin discipline...) to find their boundaries. If no boundaries are fairly set, the behavior often grows worse & worse.

Though...to be fair, it's not unknown for women who say they were parented fairly to say they were little shits.



It's not so much jealousy as it is confusion. God knows I wouldn't trade my life for hers for anything. Depite the fact that my sister has things much easier her life is bullshit. She's boring and dumb and she spends her time hanging out at Starbucks and the mall trying to shoplift earrings from Hot Topic. My teen years were much more exciting and eventfull and even though a lot of it was totally fucked and I didn't get everything handed to me on a silver platter like her I'd rather be interesting than rich.

It's really confusion. I just don't understand how she can be the way she is. How she is capable of being so incredibly ingratefull for everything she has. How she can incessantly lie, cheat, and steal. How she sleeps around and is disrespectful to everyone who is just trying to give her what she wants. It makes me naseaus just to think about. I would've crapped my pants with glee to have half the things she has at her age.

Cheers,

Lost

There's nothing wrong with being a cutter. If you want to cut, cut. Also, you need to show that little bitch who's boss. Ruin her fucking life or something.

Why were you putting up with her calling you a whore? It doesn't matter how old you are, insults are insults and challenges are challenges. It seemed to me that she was challenging you.