Im 15 and live in North Ireland. I couldnt hack it in real school so for the last year ive been homeschooled. I never made a single friend at school. I got bullied every day of my life. I went to a fucking private school, with all the opportunities in the world, and I couldnt fucking hack it...

My whole life has always been a wreck. Ive never had a single friend in real life, or on the internet. Not one person I can trust, or I have trusted without them betraying me and throwing me away.

I have bouts of strong depression on and off, but what im feeling now is the worst ever. My stomach is sick, my temples are throbbing, my throat is tight, im just crying uncontrollably. I miss being a kid. I miss it so much.

I dont want to do my GCSEs, I cant hack the work. I would do anything but study for my GCSES. I just cant do it. Its so fucking unbearable. I want to just take off and leave home, get a job and start my own life, but I have to wait 8 months. I cant fucking do it, I just cant.

I told my parents I dont want to do my GCSES and they got so angry, and upset at the same time. There was just a huge fight. It made me feel even worse because I cried for the first time last night and had a long talk with my dad and we talked about a lot of things and he tried his best to understand and even he ended up crying a bit when ive never seen him do that before, now hes angry and upset today that im not going to do my GCSEs, I feel so fucking selfish and awful, im at the fucking bottom of despair,I really am. Im making my parents lives worse, I make everyones lives fucking worse. I cant fit in, nobody will accept me.

Ive been to three or four different counsellors, none could help me, one even outright said they couldnt help me, I even took antidepressants, those didnt work and even made me more shit, I felt better after coming off them cold turkey. I just want to be normal, I dont want to be so upset and depressed and worthless, im a fucking pathetic piece of shit, im afraid of the dark, I cant even sleep without a light on, how fucking pathetic is that. GPS and counsellors and drugs and my parents cant help me when they try to, my dad said he wishes he could help me so much, nobody can, im so fucking miserable and nobody can help me, I cant help myself and nobody can help me, and I cant help myself with their help, I cant fucking socialize with other people even on here, in big groups im awlays the loser on the outskirts who never talks, in small groups of im the third wheel, in a group of me and them they just want to get away from me, im so fucking pathetic, i just cant fit in, i cant, I shouldnt have been born into a society I dont fit in, i wish I was never born, I wish it so fucking much, I cant socialize

I want to kill myself so badly. I cant see any other way of getting through this. Im such a fucking scumbag. My whole life has been one big fuckup. Everyone I talk to, it feels like I dont "fit," I say the wrong thing, I fuck up opening doors, im always tripping up and going the wrong way and saying the wrong things. I would go to a third world country, go to auswitch, I cant even spell it im so fucking useless, anything rather than do my GCSES and have to do academic work. I dont want to live anymore. I want to be a kid again. I just want to fucking die so much. Im shaking. Im so ugly and fucking stupid. Im a sub par human being.

Im so fucking worthless, I cant even express my feelings in this post. Even in a philosophical sense life is meaningless and all you can do is enjoy it, ive never enjoyed life, I dont have any hobbies, I have no social life, nothing, Im worth nothiung and will never achieve anything, im fucking useless, useless beyond belief, im so unhappy, im so fucking unhappy, if I dont do the gcses over the next 8 months the government will do something to me, and my parents will feel like shit and let down, im so fucking depressed, I cant get out of this, thres no way out, im trapped in a box, even if I try and try I cant learn them, I took a few exams a couple of months ago, i got Ds in all of them, I faile dthem, what would make learning the material different this time, thres a tutor coming tommorow, if my parents dont cancel him coming ill just run away, i cant fucking learn, im pathetic, im not academic at all, im not anything, im just fucking NOTHING

Please totse, give me advice or at the very least suicide advice. I could get to a train station or my pharmacist if that helps.

[This message has been edited by Trapped In A Box (edited 09-25-2006).]

Getting out and some exercise can help a lot. Even if you go for a short run, you'll get a pleasant amount of serotonin flowing in your brain. Any time I've been badly depressed, some exercise has payed dividends for me. As for your general outlook on life, that's hard to get over, and it wont be quick, but looking at life in a negative light is what makes it normally makes it so negative. The guys at reinvent yourself could help you out a great deal with such mental issues, so it might be worth posting this in there too.

Bit off topic, but I'm from the north too, what county/townland are you from? I guess you're in the east though, 'cause you mentioned trains.

Do your studies. You have your whole life ahead of you yet. Life is always getting better. Don't be such a pussy, go back to a normal school and start over. You mood of desperation is what puts people off and makes you look pathetic. If someone puts shit on you punch on, even if you think you will lose. Have some self respect. suicide is a cop out and if you kill yourself you truly are a pos.

Following this sentence will be a comment of blunt truth and assholishness. Sorry.

Seriously dude, Shut the fuck up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, go outside, do something about it. No matter how many times you say 'nobody can help me' no higher power will pity you and say 'Hey ill fix this guys life up'

Your on your own, nobody cares, (cept your parents but you've already established theres nothing they can do) and 'nobody can help you', so get the fuck up and fix it on your own. Whining wont fix it itl just delay it to give you some more time to whine a little more.

Minutes from now you'll pass the point of no return and die your hair black and start donning eyeliner (if you haven't already) and then sweet Jesus, all respect anyone had for you on this earth will fly away. And ill say it again, looking like a girl will not help fix this. Neither will posting on TOTSE, neither will cutting your wrists in a feeble plea for attention. You'll just get more pity and god knows being pitied isn't something many people enjoy.

Get the fuck up and fix it. No one else is gonna do it for you. This applies to anything and everything that has or will go wrong ever.

Assholishness over. Personal philosophy number 82 now:

Nobody ever makes a net gain in life. We get old and die and its all gone and if we think about it logically we only ever lose more time on earth and spend more money into things we use anyway and have to replace. The only difference through life is ageing. However, we feel good anyway because emotions make no sense and make us feel happier than we should.

Because of that there's no point ever trying to regain what you've lost because your always going down hill. The only thing to do is to make the remaining time better for you. For you that would mean doing something, anything that entertains you more than sitting at your computer writing depressive stuff on totse. I'm pretty sure it doesn't make you feel happy. So go and do something that does.

We all eventually die of old age , which is what makes suicide so stupid. Its gonna happen eventually, the only difference is the 60 years where you could be doing at least *something* that entertains you more than the *nothing* you'll be doing when dead. When you die, you aren't freezing all your pent up fun points you could have in the last 60 years of life, your just throwing them away, you cant redeem them later on. your dead. Even if just for 1 happy time in your life 30 years from now, keep living because that's one up on the guy who killed himself in your situation.

[This message has been edited by Nereth (edited 09-25-2006).]

It isn't you that's the fuckup East Ulster is one of the shittest places in the world. Study for your GCSEs ; try and get a couple of them and look at how you can get your A levels.don't end up stuck there.

Incidentally if you had to leave school because of bullying talk to a solicitor; ther might be a nice whack of compo there.

As stupid and unrelated as this sounds to everything you talked about...

Go sign up for some form of martial arts.

Regular exercise is one of the best cures for depression. It'll improve your discipline, which you need for your studies. And most importantly, it'll boost up your confidence. It's a lot easier to make friends when you're sure of yourself.

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

As stupid and unrelated as this sounds to everything you talked about...

Go sign up for some form of martial arts.

Regular exercise is one of the best cures for depression. It'll improve your discipline, which you need for your studies. And most importantly, it'll boost up your confidence. It's a lot easier to make friends when you're sure of yourself.

I went to a martial arts class, I didnt talk to anyone, everyone looked at me and some laughed at me and I had my head down most of the time, barely listening to waht the instructor said, I ended up running away, as for the people saying I should do my studies, every time I try to I cant, I just look at the book and run away, in school it was fine, I could let the teacher speak and not do anything, with a tutor or a bok I have to learn and I dont want to, I cant fucking do it, I would rather live in a third world country or go to serve in Iraq than do fucking academic work, im that pathetic

[This message has been edited by Trapped In A Box (edited 09-25-2006).]

Sounds to me like you're doing the ALL TO YOURSELF. If you can't fix it yourself, no one will. Go out and take some risks, gel your hair, talk to girls, go to a party. SOMETHING. Apparently people already think you're a loser, so what do you have to lose? You have to make them change their mind, because they sure as hell aren't going to wake up and decide you're cool and fun to hang around with.

And by the way, joining the Marine Corps could be a very good thing for someone in your situation. It teaches discipline, and makes you a part of something you'll never get kicked out of.

Don't flame me for saying this guys...I have a point. Let's not make it a political discussion.

quote:Originally posted by theIG:

Sounds to me like you're doing the ALL TO YOURSELF. If you can't fix it yourself, no one will. Go out and take some risks, gel your hair, talk to girls, go to a party. SOMETHING. Apparently people already think you're a loser, so what do you have to lose? You have to make them change their mind, because they sure as hell aren't going to wake up and decide you're cool and fun to hang around with.



Whos these girls im meant to talk to? Where are these parties? I dont have any friends whatsoever, even on the internet, how do you expect me to get a social life?

quote:Originally posted by theIG:

And by the way, joining the Marine Corps could be a very good thing for someone in your situation. It teaches discipline, and makes you a part of something you'll never get kicked out of.

Don't flame me for saying this guys...I have a point. Let's not make it a political discussion.

I wish I could. I wish I could do ANYTHING but having to do my GCSES, but I cant. At 15 in the UK You have to do GCSES, im homeschooled which means if I dont do the work my parents will go to prison

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

I went to a martial arts class, I didnt talk to anyone, everyone looked at me and some laughed at me and I had my head down most of the time, barely listening to waht the instructor said, I ended up running away, as for the people saying I should do my studies, every time I try to I cant, I just look at the book and run away, in school it was fine, I could let the teacher speak and not do anything, with a tutor or a bok I have to learn and I dont want to, I cant fucking do it, I would rather live in a third world country or go to serve in Iraq than do fucking academic work, im that pathetic



Whats wrong with you? People dont just randomly laugh for no reason. Even if you're the quiet kid? Are you overweight or something?

You have to identify the problem before you can fix it.

And fuck the academics bro. Some people just arent the scholarly type. There are plenty of other ways to be successful without going to school. Although it is a big help, you need to forget about it for now. You can always come back to it later on, but honestly...you're not stable enough to devote yourself to them at this point.

quote:You have to identify the problem before you can fix it.

In all seriousness, QFT.

quote:Whos these girls im meant to talk to? Where are these parties? I dont have any friends whatsoever, even on the internet, how do you expect me to get a social life?

There are TONS of ways to get a social life. Just talking to people you meet, calling someone, something. Hell, talk to some chicks on Myspace. Don't give me this bullshit, there are ways. And you know it.

quote:Originally posted by theIG:

There are TONS of ways to get a social life. Just talking to people you meet, calling someone, something. Hell, talk to some chicks on Myspace. Don't give me this bullshit, there are ways. And you know it.

I dont have anyone to call, I never go anywhere (where would I go?) so I dont have anyone to talk to, to meet, and I got a myspace but you need to have friends BEFOREHAND to get any new ones there.

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

Whats wrong with you? People dont just randomly laugh for no reason. Even if you're the quiet kid? Are you overweight or something?

You have to identify the problem before you can fix it.

And fuck the academics bro. Some people just arent the scholarly type. There are plenty of other ways to be successful without going to school. Although it is a big help, you need to forget about it for now. You can always come back to it later on, but honestly...you're not stable enough to devote yourself to them at this point.



Thats the thing, I dont know what the fuck im doing wrong, im not overweight or ugly, people always still look at me like im some sort of retard, I dont see what it is, I dont even convey a needy attitude

quote:I dont have anyone to call, I never go anywhere (where would I go?) so I dont have anyone to talk to, to meet, and I got a myspace but you need to have friends BEFOREHAND to get any new ones there.

Okay, my fuse with you is running short. I know you have problems, but you're being completely stupid about them.

Myspace is the easiest fucking thing in the world to make friends on. Search for people in your area, send them a message, and add them as your friend. If they sound interested, continue conversation, get a phone number. Rinse, lather, repeat.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and DO something. That's all you can do. If you don't do anything, it's going to get worse, and you're going to push the easy button and kill yourself. Life isn't easy, so don't expect it to be. People won't always be there. Just try and look at your current situation as a defining moment in your life, one which will either make or break you.

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

im homeschooled which means if I dont do the work my parents will go to prison

No it doesn't.

quote:

Thats the thing, I dont know what the fuck im doing wrong, im not overweight or ugly, people always still look at me like im some sort of retard, I dont see what it is, I dont even convey a needy attitude

Yes, your lack of self respect conveys that you are a POS not worth respecting. You don't have to be fat or ugly to not be liked, it's more about how you carry yourself.

People don't like you because you act so helpless and depressed. No one likes to hang around that type of person, even if you don't say a word. Body posture is a big part of your appearence.

Honestly, if you were around me with head down and a sad look on your face, I probably wouldn't bother talking to you, because it would just depress me. You need to get over this bullshit of being depressed, just get over it.

It's not like your family was murdered when you were at a young age, or you were raped or molested, your life isn't that bad dude. Stop whining and build some confidence, like everyone else said, go jogging.

Once you actually develop a proper physical posture, people will stop thinking of you badly. An example: Theres this kid at my university who used to be my friend, we got to talking and he ended up sounding exactly like you. He kept whining about how much he hated his life and so on, has no friends, etc etc. You know what? I would have still been friends with him if he hadn't have gone on and whined about that. It's just how people work.

Lots of these people are saying

'its not important its not a serious problem...well fuck that, if it bothers you it is a problem'...

I know this next bit might be hard but can you tell me exactly why youre insecure/feeling bad as people rarely tell the truth, especially when talking to councilors/ trasndom people.

drop me a line if you dont want to speak on totse at Reynolds373@hotmail.com

Its also my msn

Also home schooling I know it can alienate and boarding school/private schools a bitch making local friends is hard whne everyone lives far away. DO you live in the countryside or town, if you live in a city go to a skate park/park and hang out.

Dont expect for anybodies advice to suddenly make you extrovert as pardon me but you sound like an introvert, and thats fine no one should have a go at you for that. Its doing the little things, make acheivable goals like asking a random girl a questions (whos pretty and has a great smile, unless your going for teh emo hotness )eg 'wahts the time' and smile. Make ACHEIVABLE goals.

I dont know about anti-depressants, comeback in two months and I might.

Also hobbies wise I'm guessing your parents are reasonably wealthy if they can afford private schooling, hey theres lots to choose, you dont ahve to go for something really random liek canooing since ti involves getting wet and getting in skin tight neoprene suits..and that sucks badly, but something simple which youd enjoy, comeone e.g. rifle shooting, swimming, just walking I find walking around I like, it clears my head, maybe it will help you.

Please dont do anything rash like self-harming or suicide, its rarely the answer

I just went to sit with my dad and watch TV and he started shouting at me about how im manipulating and using him. He went into a fury and a rage and I just cried and ran away. I dont know what to fucking do. I dont want to do my GCSES and im so scared and hurt.

Oh noes. Another over dramatic angsty 15 year old. You think you're the only one in the world that feels shitty? Suck it up. "I want to kill myself so bad." Goddammit kid. If you're seriously depressed, go see a fucking psychiatrist. Obviously you want help if you're asking on totse, but noone can help you if you can't help yourself first. So make a decision.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Oh noes. Another over dramatic angsty 15 year old. You think you're the only one in the world that feels shitty? Suck it up. "I want to kill myself so bad." Goddammit kid. If you're seriously depressed, go see a fucking psychiatrist. Obviously you want help if you're asking on totse, but noone can help you if you can't help yourself first. So make a decision.

Obviously you didnt read the thread you dickhead. I said I've been to my GP, four counsellors and have been on drugs. Ive tried to help myself but that didnt work too. Im a lot more unhappy than most people and not being dramatic.

sounds like your stuck in a rut...you should think about taking your GCSE's seriosuly..please your parents by geting something..even if its just 5 c's, jsut do it... if thats easyt then just do that..get your parents on side then you can ue them to help you...plus they have whats known as money...

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

Im 15 and live in North Ireland. I couldnt hack it in real school so for the last year ive been homeschooled. I never made a single friend at school. I got bullied every day of my life. I went to a fucking private school, with all the opportunities in the world, and I couldnt fucking hack it...

I'm 16 and live in North America. I couldn't make it in real school, so for the last year I've being going to the local college. I only made one friend at school. I got bullied almost every day of my life. I went to a fucking private school, with all the opportunities in the world, and I still couldn't fucking make it.

All true. We sound similiar.

quote:I dont want to do my GCSEs, I cant hack the work. I would do anything but study for my GCSES. I just cant do it. Its so fucking unbearable. I want to just take off and leave home, get a job and start my own life, but I have to wait 8 months. I cant fucking do it, I just cant.

I think I know how you feel. A sense of horrible pressure; a mental block. I wanted to pass my classes, I wanted to do the work, but I just couldn't do it! The more I tried to force myself the more the sense of panic grew, until I was practically in tears. I. Just. Couldn't.

How I got over it? I don't know. I guess I just realized... hey, if I don't do this I'll never have a life. I just told myself "Will, you're NOT going to be a failure, now do your fucking work!" It's still hard... but I manage.

quote:I want to kill myself so badly. I cant see any other way of getting through this.

I have a contingency plan. I'm not going to kill myself... yet. I feel like I owe it to myself to try to make it; I cannot just give up without trying to be successful. If not for myself, for my parents. But I'm aware that there's a great chance I am going to fail, and if that happens... I die. Not because "oh omg mi lyfe sux so mush", but because I'm tired of being a fuckup and a failure. I'm a burden to my parents, a weight around their necks. I'm only 16, so it's expected that they take care of me now; however, if I make it to 18 and still haven't made something of myself, if I still have to be a burden on my parents... I have decided to it would be better to die. So why not try, I think - the worse that could happen is suicide, and that might even be a relief! The best that could happen is that I become rich and powerful.

quote:Im such a fucking scumbag. My whole life has been one big fuckup. Everyone I talk to, it feels like I dont "fit," I say the wrong thing, I fuck up opening doors, im always tripping up and going the wrong way and saying the wrong thing.

Oh, fuck yes. I'm so inept. My only friend is getting tired of me fast, because he has to tell me exactly what to do in every situation. I can't do anything without direction.

quote:Please totse, give me advice or at the very least suicide advice. I could get to a train station or my pharmacist if that helps.

Try. Believe me, I know how hard that is. I know exactly what you're going through. This might seem like useless advice; you might think you just can't. But you can... you just have to make yourself. Eliminate all emotion. Be a robot. Every time that sense of panic wells up in you, shove it down. Ignore it. Don't think about the future: Take everything one step at a time. When you're studying, don't think about how much stuff you have to study; just study whatever it is you have to at the moment. When posting on Totse, don't worry about the tutor coming. When the tutor comes, just crush your emotion and become a machine and do what has to be done.

Remember, in five years this will all be over, one way or another. You'll be looking back and feeling relieved that it's over. Hopefully, you'll be looking back and feeling relieved that you finally managed to get your shit together and do it all.

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

Obviously you didnt read the thread you dickhead. I said I've been to my GP, four counsellors and have been on drugs. Ive tried to help myself but that didnt work too. Im a lot more unhappy than most people and not being dramatic.

Actually I did read it, and I gathered that you have absolutely no self esteem, and you kept saying you wanna kill yourself, meaning you've lost hope, meaning you don't want to help yourself anymore and no amount of counsellors or drugs can help you. "Wishing" something will happen doesn't do shit. You've let your depression take over your life, which is fucking sad at only 15.

I'm actually in a similar situation as you trapped in a box. Don't kill yourself though, if you want to die make sure to make a statement against the society we hate first and take a few scumbags down with you.*

*not advocating violence

Anyway, take up some type of cause. This is what keeps me going, my beliefs keep me strong. If this society sucks dick, I might as well try and change it and make it liveable. If I die during my attempt to change it, it's irrelevant anyway.

[This message has been edited by VladimirIllyichLenin (edited 09-25-2006).]

Hmmmm. Been there before. Well admittedly not as bad, but somewhere near there. Alot of what you said resonates, and I'm pretty sure I've written something as pathetic as your original post before.

Anyway, like another post said before, small steps. Follow rabbitweeds program for improved results.

1. Exercise. I think this is vital. It puts some chemical into your body (another poster explained it better) that makes you happy. As well as that, working hard and keeping at it gives you a sense of accomplishment. Even if, it's not that impressive really...go for personal bests. Runnings always a good choice, if you're afraid of the way you'll look (been there) run at night. If you have the money, buy some freeweights. Watch how you progress. Eventually, you should feel a bit better at yourself, maybe enough to join some team sports.

2. Friends: Provided all your posts aren't like this I'm sure someone on totse will like you. Add people you like in those annoying "post your msn" threads. I mean, internet friends are a start. It sounds like you're pretty sheltered so you maybe don't know the basics of some human interaction? Try learning from online weirdoes.

3. Work: "Arbeit macht frei". If you're moping around the house doing shit all, just try doing something simple. I dunno, wash the dishes or something. You'd be suprised how much working just a tiny bit makes you feel a bit better. Clean your room. I dunno, just drag yourself up out of bed and DO SOMETHING. Idleness is the killer.

MSN's in my profile, if you want. I've been to Crosmaeglin (sp?) which was very pretty, and been round the republic a bit.

If you want to suceed at anything you gotta stop being a GODDAMN PUSSY.

No offense but it's the fucking truth.

Stop being a little self loathing fag, gain some confidence, put a little effort into your looks and fashion, and go do whatever the fuck you wanna do.

Suck it up. Say hi to people you pass in the street.

Don't join the military, they will destroy you.

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

Thats the thing, I dont know what the fuck im doing wrong, im not overweight or ugly, people always still look at me like im some sort of retard, I dont see what it is, I dont even convey a needy attitude



You know why? Because you are just radiating negativity that's why and i am serious. Dude ofcourse you feel like shit i would too if i were in your position.

If you need someone to talk to add me on msn [Removed] i'll be your friend Atleast an E-friend because we live like a sea apart.

Also if you want to talk to me tonight be quick to add me because i'm going to bed in thirty minutes.





[This message has been edited by psychomanthis (edited 09-26-2006).]

Set yourself on fire

Kids are fucking assholes. Don't let them bring you down. You're underestimating people because they're all you know, the kids you go to school with that is. I'm 13 and I go to a school filled with them. I have 3 very close friends that I love and not one of them go to school with. I have an advantage to my classmates, they know I won't put up with their petty bullshit and that I can see right fucking through them. They put on shows all of the time for me, I just laugh at their stupidity.

It's a good joy of life, making fun of people. I'm sure there's somebody that you would get along with. I've met a lot of people off of totse that I've become good friends with. I'd like to talk to you. I have AIM; Marfan Pirate and then MSN; Time_Pirate@hotmail.com I will gladly talk to you, I love new people.

You're only 15. You have your whole life ahead of you. I can understand not wanting to go through with your education but you'll eventually outgrow this stage, it won't be able to go back and get your education, and trust me you'll want to.

Go to a local Coffee Shop, or some type of relaxing area where other, laid back people go. They'll talk to you and people there are generally friendly. The only way you'll get through this is by having a real friend, you don't need people paid for listening to you. I'll listen to you for no price. Maybe a friend over the internet will better your social skills with people in real life.

Also, the physical fitness is a great thing. Go out for jogs and such every morning and afternoon. Tennis is fun, take your mom or dad to play with you. You'll feel a lot better once you do that and it will probably make your confidence level rise atleast a little.

You need to stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself though. Instead of being a victim of this and letting your emotions and other people take advantage of you, get on top of it. Analyze the problem in your head and take a step back far enough to view the whole image. This will help. I used to get really depressed, and I still do. I started getting into psychology and philosophy and those help so much. It helped me to better understand human emotions and the human mind. Now everybody just looks like animals to me and I couldn't give a shit less what they thought about me.

Keep a journel by your bed and with you so you can write out your thoughts and such. This will help you vent what you have trouble saying.

You'll overcome this, trust me. It's going to take more than just people picking you up on the sidelines, you're the one playing you're the one that needs to pick yourself up. For god sakes, don't kill yourself. Just remember that somewhere, somebody else has it worse and you atleast have parents that care for you instead of nothing at all. I know that doesn't help because it makes you feel more selfish, but truly you are. Your problems not that bad. You've just let them be. You're going to have to figure this out and put some kind of logic to it, it's not as hard as it appears or sounds.

I'm here to help you as much as I can and I look foward to seeing your IM. I won't be on any longer tonight because it's about 10 here and I have to take a shower, do homework and go to school tomorrow. Good luck, buddy.

[This message has been edited by sylph (edited 09-26-2006).]

You're trying to take flight with the weight of the world on your shoulders...and you just can't fucking do that - nobody can.

You need to talk to people about your burdens in real life; telling a bunch of strangers on a message board about this shit doesn't really do much. And FUCK counselors...they're not allowed to talk about the real issue at risk of losing their license to practice.

It sounds like you want the world to work your way, which isn't gonna happen. This leaves 2 workable options: Suicide, or compromise. When something doesn't go your way, what's the big fucking deal? If shit did go your way all the time, do you really think you'd be happy? I think you'd be shit depressed still because you're a short-sighted human and can't comprehend the depth of the consequences of your actions...none of us can. So then, you can't have your way...working from the assumption that you're not lusting for suicide, but are slowly resigning to it, I'll work on the side of compromise, 'coz that's where the gold's at.

The roots of successful compromise: Honesty to self and others, open discussion of wants and desires, and a willingness to work a solution.

Alright, I'm gonna pick out some of your bullshit real quick: You said you want to get a job and start your life. <Bullshit The truth is that you don't want to do anything but sit around and reap the rewards of life without lifting a finger, and you're depressed as shit because you know that's not how it works, but you still travel that path anyways - travelling through hell with nothing to show for it. Be honest - you're full of self-pity, you're a greedy and selfish fuck, and you're too lazy to even work for the shit you want...and above this, you think you deserve to be happy, haha.

Now, that may not be entirely accurate, but I'd bet BOTH my kidneys and even my liver that it's a dead on description of yer inner workings.

First off, some things to help you with your internal compromise, because this is a soul vs. mind issue when you start off. Your soul, right now, is miserable as can be, but wants to feel joy and happiness and shit like that. Your mind is telling you you're worthless, etc...but thinks you deserve not to be. First rule first - quit thinking you're special, unique, different, depressed, whatever...and view YOU as the problem. The world doesn't make you depressed, you do. You let yourself become fucking weak because you think you should be above responsibilities. You're not...nobody is. There's shit you gotta do spiritually to be strong enough to take your life back; there's shit you gotta do mentally to become functional; there's shit you gotta do emotionally to become happy. These are essentially the goals of internal compromise: coming to an agreement between your twisted mind and your weak soul as to how you're going to accomplish any of this.

I'll give you a view of what I did to bust out of my depression and addiction:

1. Spiritually AND mentally: Admit you're not doing something right here and that you've fucked it all up, and have no fucking clue how to fix the shit. (You seem to be aware of the problem, but it also seems you've yet to realize YOU are the problem and that you can't solve it on your own)

2. Find SOMETHING to believe in...purpose, fate, god, nature, the oceans, the sky, the sun, humanity, your parents, whatever...it's just a spiritual rock to lean on and give you strength over your mind, heart, and body.

3. Here's the real shitty part: Self-discovery - write down your fears, your hatreds, your grudges, the times you've been hurt or you've hurt others; and your place in each of these situations. Let someone know (this might be the only thing a counselor is good for).

4. Now for the easy part: Ask yourself how best to help the cause of whatever it is you've chosen to put faith into, and think about it! Think about this shit until you come to a conclusion that makes sense.

5. And the hardest part: Put your shit into action - you've found something to live for, you've found how to live for it, and now you gotta live for it.

You might be saying: Fuck that, I only live for myself! Well, no shit that's all you've done, that's why you're miserable and depressed...when you live for yourself, you have to set up all your arrangements in life and carry the burden all on your own. When you live for a purpose, others, and yourself - the burden is split 3 ways, most of it carried by the purpose you've found, some by others, and barely any by yourself.

You sound so much like me it's depressing.

The absolute first thing you have to learn is, you are your own boss. Nobody knows you better then yourself so it's absurd to leave your life decisions to others. If you don't want to do your GCSE's, don't do them. Your parents won't be locked up, it's just a standard threat from the Educational Welfare people (they tried pulling that shit with me but nothing ever came of it).

Just know what it means though; your academic/career existence is finished. Forever. I'm not saying that's a bad thing because there's far, far more to life than job and education. But know what it means while you're still of an age to influence your future.

As for the depression itself, the people who suggested getting out more are right. It doesn't matter if you have nothing to go out for. Go for the sake of going, take long walks around the town and parks etc. Social matters can wait, you need to build yourself up first. Get away from the pressures of home as often as possible and find some random spot where nobody can find you.

Your depressive mindset will dismiss all this and look for excuses to stay indoors and do nothing, that's the way it works. If you let it go on long enough it'll drag you into psychosis (which I'd recommend everyone experience at least once if it weren't for the suicide risk).

Sooner or later you'll have to think outside the box and realise you alone have the key to getting out of this. It doesn't involve doing as you're told. It doesn't involve aspiring to others your age, you're not them so trying to be them will just fuck you up more. Be your own man; it'll be your primary strength.

are you an only child?

a homeschooled only child in a small town is at a clear disadvantage for making friends.

also, do you ALWAYS feel this way?

i don't think you've got a lot of motivation. it might be a deficiency in norepinephrine, if it's chemical. it's probably not though. it's more likely just a bad self-concept.

a bad self-concept is a self-perpetuating cycle. it's one of the most debilitating mental ailments. it can't be fixed by counsellors or anything external. the only thing that can fix a bad self-concept is doing things to prove to yourself you're a capable human being.

the good news is, a bad self-concept is just an illusion. you're not a retarded, socially inept idiot. you're just in a long-standing pattern of behavior that makes you appear to be, and believe you are, a retarded socially-inept idiot.

you're going to have to achieve something for yourself in order to begin the process of boosting your self-concept and getting you out of this negative paradigm. i don't know what that thing is. it might be as simple as cooking a nice meal for your parents. i actually got out of a rut today by sending a mass email promoting a web site i developed. it contributed to a sense of self-worth and aptitude.

build yourself up slowly, step by step. make a small goal and achieve it. keep doing that. eventually, you may begin to trust and like yourself.

Keep your chin up.

Problems are only temporary.

I learned that the hard way. I also learned what it's like to have a close friend almost commit suicide- it absolutly ripped me apart.

There's some good things out there. Just have to hold on and reach out for them.

I have faith in you, kid.

LOL TROLLED!!!!!!!!111111111

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

LOL TROLLED!!!!!!!!111111111

LOL 15, PWNED!!1!!!!!!!1!!!

quote:Originally posted by CatharticWeek:

LOL 15, PWNED!!1!!!!!!!1!!!

You're insulting the 15 year olds

You put so much effort into that, it's not actually trolling.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

are you an only child?

a homeschooled only child in a small town is at a clear disadvantage for making friends.

also, do you ALWAYS feel this way?

i don't think you've got a lot of motivation. it might be a deficiency in norepinephrine, if it's chemical. it's probably not though. it's more likely just a bad self-concept.

a bad self-concept is a self-perpetuating cycle. it's one of the most debilitating mental ailments. it can't be fixed by counsellors or anything external. the only thing that can fix a bad self-concept is doing things to prove to yourself you're a capable human being.

the good news is, a bad self-concept is just an illusion. you're not a retarded, socially inept idiot. you're just in a long-standing pattern of behavior that makes you appear to be, and believe you are, a retarded socially-inept idiot.

you're going to have to achieve something for yourself in order to begin the process of boosting your self-concept and getting you out of this negative paradigm. i don't know what that thing is. it might be as simple as cooking a nice meal for your parents. i actually got out of a rut today by sending a mass email promoting a web site i developed. it contributed to a sense of self-worth and aptitude.

build yourself up slowly, step by step. make a small goal and achieve it. keep doing that. eventually, you may begin to trust and like yourself.



Lauren..are you studying psychology by any chance, you sound so much like a humanist its unbvelievable, I disagree with them alot, they talk rubbish in my opinion, humans and animals are similar, we differ in degree not in kind, we humans jsut dotn like to admit it.

Sorry for going off topic trapped in a box

p.s. please dont be offended by me disagreeing with humanism, just donttell me your religous I get offended easily by those ideas which will make men die for.

again sos mods for being off topic

trapped in a box, you were trolling..well I am disgusted by it, you played us all for fools especially thsoe few who actually wanted to help.

Please die

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

LOL TROLLED!!!!!!!!111111111

Dude, fuck you.

theres nothing like a GED equivalent in ireland?

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

LOL TROLLED!!!!!!!!111111111

LAW:L!! BANNED!!!!!!11oneeleven!!!

quote:Originally posted by Garfunkel:

LAW:L!! BANNED!!!!!!11oneeleven!!!

Nope.

HAHAHAHHA LAWLL#UGQ@#)U VAJ AE VH(Q#(VNMAOPV #

Wow, looks like a regular asshole from SG came over here. Trapped your one fucked up person, there are people in this world who really have problems and you mock them? Well I don't wish for you to die but I do wish that you get something in return for being a dickhead.

quote:Originally posted by Trapped In A Box:

LOL TROLLED!!!!!!!!111111111

From one prespective I think this is funny, because I do have some what of a twisted humor. From another I just find it annoying and almost unbearable to put up with fools like you all over. Seriously dude, grow the fuck up. If you're young then go to some other forum, preferably SG, until you can learn how to be more mature.

There are actually people with these problems and it's no laughing matter. Sure it's easy to make fun of teens for these subject matters but it's the effect of a deeper, bigger problem which should be taken seriously. This is just moronic. You should have more concern for people like this instead of just mocking them.

christ.. and I thought I was mature when I was your age Sylph.

EDIT: no that's a lie, I thought i was an idiot.

still, you're pretty fucken mature.

[This message has been edited by Garfunkel (edited 09-27-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Garfunkel:

christ.. and I thought I was mature when I was your age Sylph.

EDIT: no that's a lie, I thought i was an idiot.

still, you're pretty fucken mature.



Well, thank you. You're one of my favorite users so that's good coming from you.

^^ ohh *hugs*

feel the love.

*clenchs fist*

FEEL IT!!!

I only read the first post, not the rest of the thread. I'm not sure if you'd be up for this or not, but have you tried psychedelic drugs? Believe it or not, 1/8oz of magic mushrooms can really get you thinking, they are your best friend when you have a deep, underlying problem that you just cant understand consciously.

This really isnt the same situation, but before I ever tried them, I was really shy, like..well, you know what a really shy person is like.. But after a mushroom trip, and a good 4 or 5 hours of intense thinking and colors, it really helps you organize your thoughts in a way you didnt know you were capable of.

If you aren't into drugs at all, or just dont like the idea, just keep on truckin and everything WILL get better eventually, sometimes it just takes longer than others.

*EDIT* oh...go back to sg, fucker

[This message has been edited by ottomann (edited 09-27-2006).]

fuck you man. ive been it WAYTOOMANY situations were people are very depressed and suicidal(not sure if its right spelling). ive LITERALLY had to fight my friend for a knife that he was going to commite suicide with. right now i know a dude who is very depressed and all fucked up right now. He is only alive because me and a couple of his other friends helped him live life and get out and do things. hes doing better than he was but he recently moved and lost his support system. i still talk to him and his cousin is helpin him alot. fuck you man...fuck you

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:



Lauren..are you studying psychology by any chance, you sound so much like a humanist its unbvelievable, I disagree with them alot, they talk rubbish in my opinion, humans and animals are similar, we differ in degree not in kind, we humans jsut dotn like to admit it.

Sorry for going off topic trapped in a box

p.s. please dont be offended by me disagreeing with humanism, just donttell me your religous I get offended easily by those ideas which will make men die for.

again sos mods for being off topic

i don't think you know what a humanist is, or else you're using some definition your teacher in high school gave you. it's someone who's interested in the humanities, or who is sympathetic to human problems. it doesn't imply religiosity. i don't define myself as a humanist. and i'm not religious. i am, however, sympathetic to a lot of things humans do. and i love animals. i don't think humans are that different from them. so, i think you're wrong about me in all regards.

L0l0L0l0L0L0l00L0LLLllLLllll

And I thought no one could be more pathetic than emc3....

quote:Originally posted by Garfunkel:

^^ ohh *hugs*

feel the love.

*clenchs fist*

FEEL IT!!!

/Feels the love!!!

get the sand out of your vagina. nobody is given anything you have to work for it. do you even try to talk to people? just gain some fucking self confidence. if you dont like something change it. if your fat lose weight to skinny gain muscle. if you do this you will only feel better about yourself physicaly and mentaly. get some pussy also that will help you. getting home schooled was probaly a bad decision. yeah you got bullied but suck it up when ever you feel down just remember there are people that have it alot worse then you.

and they still go on with their lives. you can't always do what you want to. nobody likes school but they complete it because they have to. nobody wants to work but they have to. stop feeling sorry for yourself get up leave your house and go out into the world dont sit cooped up in your house that causes depression. if you stop acting like a outcast you wont be a outcast.

I fucking knew it...

All those times he mentioned "running away" sort of made me think it was bullshit.

Fuck, I was ready to post some good advice, I guess I will anyway... I think we all sort of have a problem like this in one way or another.

The best thing to do is to succeed at something.... Just pick something up that you enjoy (for me I think it was guitar), and go from there. You will eventually gain confidence in yourself and that leads to being able to make friends, enjoy life, etc.

Excersise is also important I think. Being confident in your appearence is key. Even if your not an extremely sex-a-licious model, knowing that you aren't ugly is very important.

LAWLZZZZ

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i don't think you know what a humanist is, or else you're using some definition your teacher in high school gave you. it's someone who's interested in the humanities, or who is sympathetic to human problems. it doesn't imply religiosity. i don't define myself as a humanist. and i'm not religious. i am, however, sympathetic to a lot of things humans do. and i love animals. i don't think humans are that different from them. so, i think you're wrong about me in all regards.

Your showing aspects of behaviourism then, in the respect that you think animals can be tested on and then generalise to humans, but you are humanistic in your other positive views of humanity amrk you as a humanist.m Maybe my teacher and my AS level book lied to me, hmm..often happens, I have just found out al the biology I learnt for GCSE was a lie or a sever simplification.

Wow, I thought this was legit. I was gonna reply with the oh so appropriate "Stick a cherry bomb up your ass and you will make the news".

But now I just feel played. Nice one.

quote:Originally posted by MJR deus:

Your showing aspects of behaviourism then, in the respect that you think animals can be tested on and then generalise to humans, but you are humanistic in your other positive views of humanity amrk you as a humanist.m Maybe my teacher and my AS level book lied to me, hmm..often happens, I have just found out al the biology I learnt for GCSE was a lie or a sever simplification.



can you please try stop trying to use my opinions as a way to apply your homework? it's pretty annoying and not at all representative of my views.

and when did i say that i think "animals can be tested on and then generalize to humans"? i do not believe this!

[This message has been edited by lauren7249 (edited 09-28-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by Zonko:

Getting out and some exercise can help a lot. Even if you go for a short run, you'll get a pleasant amount of serotonin flowing in your brain. Any time I've been badly depressed, some exercise has payed dividends for me. As for your general outlook on life, that's hard to get over, and it wont be quick, but looking at life in a negative light is what makes it normally makes it so negative. The guys at reinvent yourself could help you out a great deal with such mental issues, so it might be worth posting this in there too.

[Kaz]

instead of being depressed, be angry. if you turn your sadness into anger its much more easy to manage, youll get more out of life, and anger can be used a sort of fuel, while depression will cause you to sit there and do nothing. believe me it works.