Have any of you had any? If so, how far apart were you? How often did you see each other? Did it work out in the end?

I'm making this because every one I've had (2) has failed miserably, and I want to see other peoples experiences with them.

I, personally, have had two, both of which failed because the girls didn't like me enough to put up with the distance. Pretty simple.

You know, i think i'm developing a pattern here. whenever i see a thread with the words "long distance relationship" in the title, i feel compelled to respond. Either way, i've had a few, and i'm in one right now, so i guess i have a fair ammount of experience in this area.

First relationship - It lasted a suprising 6 months. i live in new york, and she lived in california. we got along great, but we started fighting more and more towards the end of it. she found someone new, and since she and i were arguing a fair amount, she left me for him. we had an on-off relationship after that for about a month, and then we simply agreed to stop trying to be bf/gf, and just to start being friends. it's funny how we get along better now (as friends) then we did when we were in a relationship.

Second (and current) relationship - My current girlfriend and i have been together for about five months, and we've known eachother for just under a year and a half. although i haven't seen her in over a year things are going pretty good. She lives in idaho, and i'm still in new york. for now, at least. this summer, i'll be moving to idaho so we can start being together physically as well. (hopefully that's a good measure of how serious she and i are.) While we've had our share of fights, the thing that has kept us strong through it is that afterwards, instead of pretending it didn't happen, we always end up making up (as best we can when you're this far appart).

Psionicist, thanks for the reply.

I find it interesting that you haven't seen your girlfriend in a year and are still with her. That's an accomplishment.

Has anyone else gone long amounts of time without seeing your partner? It seems like it would be DAMN hard for something like that to work out over the course of a year.

I'm in a long distance relationship right now, my g/f lives in Louisianna, and I live in Texas. We've been together for a year and 3 months. so i say they work.

quote:Originally posted by albinoblacksheep:

I'm in a long distance relationship right now, my g/f lives in Louisianna, and I live in Texas. We've been together for a year and 3 months. so i say they work.

Right, I'm not really asking if they work or not, I'm just trying to get peoples opinions on what made them work. I'm trying to keep this from becoming the typical "My GF just went to college in ALgeria..WTF DO I DO?!? Will our love stay strong 4ever?"

I suppose I'm asking for long, thought out responses.



[This message has been edited by theIG (edited 09-25-2006).]

My girlfriend lives an hour away at the moment, but she only went away (for university) two days ago, naturally things are going well so far, planning visits and speak to her everyday.

Saying that, I do plan to stay with her for a long time...

One time i'll write a small post about how things have worked out in my life

Its University time in the UK and my (first ever) girlfriend of 22 months left last week (I leave this Saturday). Before, it was about 1/2 hour drive and 30 miles to each other's houses, now its about 250 miles and a good 4 1/2 hours. We'll probably only get to see each other once every 3 months (in holidays when term finishes).

We've set up web cams etc to stay in touch and hopefully it will work out. I'm there for 4 years; her for 3, and if we're still together after that I may ask her to marry me.

We've both said that if it's not working for us (heaven forbid) then the other person needs to be told to either (a)solve the problem or (b)end it on a happy note. It's going to be hard as hell, and I'm going to miss her almost unbearably, but if we get over it it'll make us stronger for the future.

quote:Originally posted by theIG:

Right, I'm not really asking if they work or not, I'm just trying to get peoples opinions on what made them work. I'm trying to keep this from becoming the typical "My GF just went to college in ALgeria..WTF DO I DO?!? Will our love stay strong 4ever?"

I suppose I'm asking for long, thought out responses.





Well, in that case, it depends on whether or not you're willing to work for it. Long distance relationships are never easy, but if you think it's worth it, and if you really love the person, it gets easier.

quote:Originally posted by Ouster:

Its University time in the UK and my (first ever) girlfriend of 22 months left last week (I leave this Saturday). Before, it was about 1/2 hour drive and 30 miles to each other's houses, now its about 250 miles and a good 4 1/2 hours. We'll probably only get to see each other once every 3 months (in holidays when term finishes).

We've set up web cams etc to stay in touch and hopefully it will work out. I'm there for 4 years; her for 3, and if we're still together after that I may ask her to marry me.

We've both said that if it's not working for us (heaven forbid) then the other person needs to be told to either (a)solve the problem or (b)end it on a happy note. It's going to be hard as hell, and I'm going to miss her almost unbearably, but if we get over it it'll make us stronger for the future.

I am in exactly the same situation as you! Except i'm slightly closer and will visit every few weeks, hope it works out well for you.

quote:Originally posted by theIG:

Right, I'm not really asking if they work or not, I'm just trying to get peoples opinions on what made them work. I'm trying to keep this from becoming the typical "My GF just went to college in ALgeria..WTF DO I DO?!? Will our love stay strong 4ever?"

I suppose I'm asking for long, thought out responses.





Basically it's like everyone says. you need to be willing to put in the effort. When you first start out, expect almost no satisfaction until you can be together, but be willing to give almost everything. so long as both people are willing to sacrifice for the good of their relationship, then it will work out. And the best thing is when you are together, you feel like there's literally nothing the two of you can't do.

and i also, haven't seen my girlfriend in a year.

G/f left for college on Aug 27th, 3 hours away (I know, not uch by typical standards).

First 2 weeks went well, I visited her at the end of those, and it was awesome, closer than ever.

Third week, she comes to visit here, I posted a thread here chronicling what happened.

Thursday of that week, we broke up, with 'plans' to stay close and essentially hook up again in may (:\) or so. Seeing as she said that she's feeling less 'connected' and whatnot, even at this point, I know the odds, and somehow I'm fine with it.

Yeah... didn't even last a month total long-distance. A lot of stress from other parts of college/etc. on her part got placed on the relationship, and some other big factors (read the thread "totse, it's like this"), and it ended.

She didn't put much effort into it, I'd end up supporting the relationship most times (calling her, texting, etc.), as good as her intentions and feelings were, I never got a text message without sending one first, and unless it was suggested, we wouldn't talk on the phone unless i called for days at a time. I realize she was busy and all, but next to no effort (text message being the simplest/easiest) and depending on the other person to handle all of it doesn't work, I can say that. Watch for that, and be prepared to talk about it if needed. I have a lot of respect for anyone who's managed to hold together a long distance relationship as long as some here (year+), lot of dedication and work on both sides, I applaud you.

I met my grilfriend in Ireland, while both studying abroad. I went back to Belgium for my internship, that was about three months apart, then she went back to Poland, another three months apart. I saw her in that period about once. Then she came to Belgium for couple of weeks, me to Poland for two weeks. Another couple of months apart... And I've been now living in Poland for about the better of two years...

EDIT: the internet made it way easier for long distance relationships. Chatting, webcams, VOIP...

VOIP was not so big yet a couple of years ago, so mainly just chatting... At least an hour a day, a call once a week. It went quite well...

[This message has been edited by --SEmper (edited 09-25-2006).]

My current bf andI are doing the long distance thing...

He lives in Arizona and I live in Connecticut so we're across the country from one another. We've been together for about 5 months now and I've gotten to see him for a week or two ever 3-4 months.

It's really hard sometimes but I love him so much and I'd rather go through the pain of missing him than the pain of losing him.

She's in Canada, I'm in Texas. Known each other for two years and been "together" for... wow, almost a year I guess. Not an incredibly long time, but it's much longer than a lot of my peers with their "real", physical relationships last.

As for what makes it work... I don't know. We just fit together really well. Over the internet, all you really interact with is a person's personality; I think that may be part of it. We know each other very well, because with no physical avenue available we were forced to get to know the other mentally!

I'd like to think that we will b in luv 4 evar and evar, but that's unlikely enough even if we lived right by each other... and everyone tells me that long-distance relationships are lame and unworkable. But damn, she's so wonderful and we fit so well and we've already last for almost a year... Well, we'll see.

quote:Originally posted by Annie:

It's really hard sometimes but I love him so much and I'd rather go through the pain of missing him than the pain of losing him.

You're optimistic and can look at positives rather than only negatives sometimes. I like you just for that. That's more or less what was lacking with my ex gf, she said she didn't think of when she'd see me next, rather how long it's been since she's seen me, which is the completely wrong way around, but meh. None of it makes much sense to me anymore, bah.

Had many. All ended when the bitch couldn't keep people out of her cooter.

I decided that I'll never have a long distance relationship again. It really isn't worth it to fuck up your life at this point. Unless you're 30+ and ready to settle down, and the time apart isn't too long, then it's not worth waiting.

Really, you WILL find someone better eventually, don't ruin your life because you think you've found the perfect person.

If I'm going to make a long distance relationship, I'm going to make definite plans to make sure it's not long distance for long. I couldn't be in a "permanent" LDR...

I've never minded them, but they're closer to a friendship than a relationship if there's ever any actual long distance involved.

My husband and I were separated once for 6 months and once for 3 months and then once for 6 weeks because of his job. It was very hard...I missed him so much, every day I would feel this ache in my chest when I went to bed and he wasn't there with me. We couldn't talk via internet, so we mainly just wrote letters every day and he would call me whenever he could. I still have all of the letters he sent me saved in a shoebox and he has mine in his sock drawer.:P

quote:Originally posted by albinoblacksheep:

and i also, haven't seen my girlfriend in a year.

Life's a bitch, eh?

I held one up for 3 years, from age 14-17. We lived 120 miles apart, and saw eachother every weekend by travelling on trains/buses. It took between 3 and 4 hours to travel there, but sometimes as long as 6 or 7 hours with this stupid British transport system.

We were really and truly in love, not like kiddie "luv" like most are at that age. We got on so well, as did our families. I actually had another home, family and life at hers.

I think the problem was that we had a relationship far too serious for our age. We were dedicated to eachother at weekends so time with our friends was limited, and eventually we both wanted to see mates more as we got older. Towards the end I was complacent and took her for granted.

I was an ass.

We wen't "on a break" for about the last month of the relationship, during which we just met other people. I wasn't that fussed when she broke up with me, as I was infactuated with some other silly slut.

It wasn't until a few months after that it hit me. It's been over a year since we split and I'm still not over it. Never mind though, you live and learn.

This is going to sound mega emo, and totally unlike me, but..



I'm a firm believer that if it's meant to be, distance won't matter. I'm presently in love with my friend. We just fell ass over for eachother recently. We hadn't seen eachother in over a year. I was in my Gmail account one day in June, going to e-mail her so we could be friends again. No word of a lie, there was an e-mail from HER, asking me if I forgave her. On the same day I was going to do the same. As July rolled around, she got accepted to a university an hour and 20 minutes away from here. We see eachother one day a week at most. And I can honestly say the thought of even talking to another woman romantically doesn't interest me. If it was meant to be, nothing will stop it. I've even gotten used to not having her around physically. We are both there for eachother emotionally, and we trust eachother.

i'm in one right now. they blow.

sure, absence makes the heart grow fonder, blah blah blah, but it also pisses me off. maybe just being whiny and lonely by nature i am more likely to complain about it, but it really sucks when all you want to do is be with someone and you just can't. and it's so hard to like...feel close, no matter how you try to stay in touch. it's killer. i'm really scared that it's just going to crash and burn to hell. i don't WANT to always have that fear and have it cause issues, but i'm constantly afraid it's going to happen. i feel like i've become a bad girlfriend or an annoyance in his life because i'm so...clingy, or annoying, or something.

we're only a ferry ride and a bit apart, i'm in vancouver he's in victoria, but it still sucks. it's not like it was when we lived in the same town and could call and be like "ok, see you in half an hour."

baaaaahhhhhh i hate it. i'm so worried that it's going to end us. all you ever really hear about long distance relationships are horror stories.

someone reassure me.

Long distance relationships are fucking useless.

Get somebody who lives close to you, so you can actually SEE them. Visual contact (NOT over webcam) is usually important in a relationship.

quote:Originally posted by SydMorrison:

Long distance relationships are fucking useless.

Get somebody who lives close to you, so you can actually SEE them. Visual contact (NOT over webcam) is usually important in a relationship.



If the relationship had started long distance, I would agree.

In my case though, it started before it was even an issue.

quote:Originally posted by Chronos139:



If the relationship had started long distance, I would agree.

In my case though, it started before it was even an issue.

ditto.

and i was planning on being at the same university anyway, so i didn't think even then it would become an issue. but it's kind of hard to walk away from 2 years just because of some distance.

bah!

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

absence makes the heart grow fonder

Lies. The other person (or you) can simply feel more and more disconnected and more or less just drift away. Just happened to me, not saying it it will to everyone.

Though, the relationship started very close-range, we'd see each other every day or two, or week tops (she worked at a camp for a month in the summer), and it was going well then. Bump that to a 3 hour drive and 1 or 2 weeks between seeing each other, and it failed.

She's coming to visit her family here this weekend. Pretty much the 'only' time we can hang out is on monday. I've got school, though I can skip, but she decided to get the 2:15 from here (school for me ends at 1:05). Apparently she'd like to spend some time with her sisters/dad, which takes up 10 AM friday to the end of sunday, completely. I know it doesn't, as her dad works on weekends and her sisters are out of the house nearly 24/7, she had all day saturday and half of sunday free last time she visited. Not a clue what's happening on the weekend, but not wanting to spend any time with me, at all. She's 'hinted' that there's suddenly to time at all to see me or for me in general, meh. I know that she's implying the point that she pretty much doesn't want to hang out at all, just not saying it directly, and it sucks 1000x more.

I know it seems like I'm a greedy bastard with this, but knowing her tone/reaction/way of saying things, I think I see it fairly well, fits with the general drifitng away/etc. she's been doing lately, we haven't spoken on the phone in about a week and a half, at all, I still get the 'good morning/night hun mwuah' bits fine, but now it seems like just a facade, bah.

quote:Originally posted by YouLookFourteen:

ditto.

and i was planning on being at the same university anyway, so i didn't think even then it would become an issue. but it's kind of hard to walk away from 2 years just because of some distance.

bah!

I was only with her a few short months before she moved away and I still couldn't let her go. And she couldn't let me go. It's so weird falling in love with a close friend I've had since I was 16. I'm now 21. I never imagined myself with her either. It just all came together. We both knew. I get all choked up just thinking about it.

/emo

/drinking hiskey