so my girlfriend used to be overweight.

she isn't anymore.

I mean she's not thin, but she isn't at all overweight/chubby or anything. She looks really good. if I had one (and her permission to do so) i'd post a picture.

anyways, she offers me sex quite a bit. She's a virgin, i'm not.

the thing is-she won't take her shirt off. She thinks she has ugly boobs which will make me totally disgusted with her and turn me off and make her feel awkward and embarassed.

She has no reason to think so, i'm like the nicest, most laid-back, sentimental boyfriend ever. (or at least compared to anyone else's bf i've ever known)

So anyways, I told her before that I won't take her virginity until I feel she's ready.

I tell her that because she won't take her shirt off, and i see this as lack of trust/not knowing me well enough, she isn't ready and I won't have sex with her.

anyways, this resulted in her crying, and maybe it was the wrong thing to say, but it's just the way i feel and right now I seriously won't have sex with her unless she is completely comfortable with me.

I've tried very long and very hard to talk to her about how beautiful she is, and that she has no reason to worry about anything with me, and i'd never hurt her and i'll never leave her and i love her and such. (all of which is 100% true.)

Anyways, does anyone have any advice/been in this situation/funny comments to make?

it just makes me really sad that she feels this way.

ps. if i get a good picture of her (and her permission) i'll post it.

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cliffs: (for lazy mofos)

-have hot gf.

-gf used to be (a little) overweight.

-gf wants to lose virginity.

-gf won't have sex with her shirt off because she thinks she has ugly boobs.

-I won't have sex with her right now because that makes me feel she's not ready.

-want advice.

-read the whole post.

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(yeah, my cliffs suck ass, but just read the whole post or else don't say stupid shit.)

So you've never seen her topless?

Maybe she has a third nipple?

quote:Originally posted by another pint:

So you've never seen her topless?

Maybe she has a third nipple?

That'd be hot.

Well, I'm sure by now you know that many girls have issues with their breasts. Perhaps it would be a good course of action to tell her how common her fears are.

She obviously has self image issues. You need to work with her and talk with her about what she feels safe doing or showing. If she's not ready or alright, just let it go.

No man...if anything, you sound like a decent guy - you're actually considering how she'd feel during and after sex, and taking into consideration that discomfort with body is a sign that she's not completely comfortable with you in the physical sense. If she's afraid of you judging her body, she's not ready for healthy sexual relations...though an unhealthy sexual relation might be what she needs.

man you are not an asshole at all. i cant believe she cried. i really hope for the sake of both of you that she has some good/smart friends to tell her what a good guy you are. most guys wouldnt do that, me included. if i was in that situation id just have sex with her the first time she offered even if i thought the same way you do, but you are a good man. i hope she comes around.

how old are you?

You are definitely not an asshole, and in fact, sound like a really good boyfriend. She sounds really insecure. You just need to give her some time to adjust to and accept the fact that someone really likes her for exactly who she is. That might take a while, and it's up to you to decide if you want to wait or not. It sounds like you do though. Keep on doing what you're doing and everything will work out.

I'm too lazy to find it right now, but there's a site commited to posting pictures of normal women's breasts for the sake of making other women feel less insecure about their own. If you don't think she'd be offended or anything you should find it and show her. I know it made me feel lucky to have what I have, there's some damn ugly titties on there.

EDIT: Got un-lazy http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php

[This message has been edited by spinaray (edited 09-24-2006).]

You're not an asshole, but you're not being sensitive about this either. Don't tell her that you see her not taking her shirt off as lack of trust on her part, it's not. That was the wrong thing to say. It sounds like she has pretty serious body-image and self-esteem issues. With things like this, reassuring someone they're beautiful doesn't work. Ideally, she needs therapy for this. And refusing to have sex with her won't help things, either. If you feel ready, and she's ready, then do it. The reason she wants to keep her shirt on is nothing to do with you, don't worry.

EDIT: This is the closest I know to it, although the wiki seems to describe a more severe form. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder)

[This message has been edited by Mr.Happy (edited 09-24-2006).]

quote:Originally posted by spinaray:

I'm too lazy to find it right now, but there's a site commited to posting pictures of normal women's breasts for the sake of making other women feel less insecure about their own. If you don't think she'd be offended or anything you should find it and show her. I know it made me feel lucky to have what I have, there's some damn ugly titties on there.

EDIT: Got un-lazy http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php



Goddamn. I have nice boobs. That site made me happy.

I have ugly boobs, and when I started having sex, I wouldn't take my shirt off unless the light was off. I would be quite offended if my boyfriend had refused to have sex with me just because I was insecure.

I would have sex with her, maybe negotiate down to a bra, and then when you do it make sure to play with and kiss her boobs alot to make her see that you love them and don't care if they're not perfect. She'll get over it eventually, and I don't think withholding sex is going to help the situation.

ive had sex with a girl like that she didnt like her boobs are anything so i just agreed to let her keep her shirt on but once we got started about 10 mins into it i started to take her shirt/bra off and she let me take it off so...just try that

Eh, I was like that, I just got over it gradually. Get her in her bra a bunch and spend a lo of time with her like that and she'll get used to it and then go for naked.

quote:Originally posted by Demoiselle:

Goddamn. I have nice boobs. That site made me happy.



haha yeah I just checked out the site too, I feel 100x better about my boobs haha

okay, someone asked what my age is, and I guess i'll share it, even though i fucking hate doing so.

Age lies heavily on peoples' opinions, and I am not like any of the other asshole guys who are also my age. I regret being the age I am, and most of my friends are 18+. but oh well...

anyways, i'm *cough*16*cough*.

okay, i negotiated to bra. lol. I guess i'll just go for that and she'll feel more comfortable eventually.

good for you. you're awesome for her, methinks.

I almost always wear a bra when I'm having sex. I just like the way it looks better than if I was naked. *shrugs*

If I was gettin with a hot girl and she took her shirt/bra off and had ugly boobs I'd get pretty turned off. Just let her keep her shirt on. I like sex with clothes on anyway, which isn't about my being insecure, I just find it hotter.

[This message has been edited by SlapinFoFun (edited 09-24-2006).]