I cannot explain the attraction towards this stuff.

I'm a very laided back, calm, caring guy, although I have a bad temper at moments.

Normally, the idea of someone being hurt would make me want to help them.

This is why I cannot grasp finding BDSM stuff a turn on.

Any thoughts that I obviously can't see?

btw. I have no trauma or shit like that.

BDSM isn't just about giving and recieving pain. The SM aspect is only one of a wide range of things that fall under the term.

Dicipline for example, and power play.

Most people in the scene will talk about their limits - things they don't do. Spanking can be playful or painful, some people like blood, some don't..

I can be a bit of a sadist, but I enjoy the power and it doesn't have to be about doling out pain.

Bondage? Fetishism? Control?

BDSM is what you make it.

Edit: if you want some good thoughtful answers, there's the forum at www.bdsmlibrary.com (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com) - but you have to join to see the forums. I hang out there a bit. Some of the adverts are not safe for work.

[This message has been edited by Flock (edited 09-23-2006).]

I once had a theory that masochism was due to wanting to be punished. Perhaps because you did something at an earlier date that was so adverse to your own moral beliefs that you want to be hurt to balance it out, to alleviate guilt.

So on the same tangent being sadistic is because you've been wronged at some point, and being powerless to effect it, you gain a desire to cause pain in order to once again, balance the scales. Of course this would rely on all people being the same and having some form of an innate sense of justice etc.

That was just what I thought at one point. Personally it’s just a matter of my rage and frustration. There is one girl that’s the focus of my sadistic fantasies and she’s someone I utterly hate and love. I hate her because apart from her body she’s everything I’ve never wanted. And I’m completely powerless to both change or even have her. It might just be as simple as being attracted to someone physically while still despising everything they are.

I'm not fond of this sort of thing. I have no interest in dominating someone or being dominated.

If someone else does, well, that's their business.

There are two kindsa people in this world. Dominators/Submisives.

Each individual person has activities they associate with sex. They also have mentalities and sensations that they grow to associate with sex.

Sadism and domination are generally activitied that are grown to be associated with sex. Usually when someone has grown up being tortured, although it can always be inverse. When someone feels they have a grasp on like, and they associate their confidence with domination. It can happen in many instances.

I thought there were 3 kinds of people...Dicks, assholes and pussies?

quote:Originally posted by H4T3:

There are two kindsa people in this world. Dominators/Submisives.

I really do think it's a lot more complex than that.

Boundaries can be very blurred and some people think in ways which are almost impossible for other people to understand.. or.. something!

OP, it's really not even about being a caring person or not (at least not in my experience - others may differ). Some guys (*raises hand*) just find the more passionate, savage kind of sex better, and some girls are into being ravaged.

It's kinda wierd at first to essentially act out a rape on someone you love. But when you're all done, smoking your cigarettes, and she curls up next to you and looks you in the eyes... that's the best, man.

Yep, I love ravaging my boyfriend, digging my nails in, slapping him.. and worse things.. but it wouldn't be any true fun if he didn't like it.. I am a caring loving person.

quote:Originally posted by Forgotten:

I once had a theory that masochism was due to wanting to be punished. Perhaps because you did something at an earlier date that was so adverse to your own moral beliefs that you want to be hurt to balance it out, to alleviate guilt.



I agree. I think as someone who's turned on by both masochism and sadism, they go together. I know I didn't say it well, but I mean in the act. Like if someones using their nails, it'll fire up the other person and create a spontanious energy.

The guilt part is quite accurate. I've lied so much in my life and it still shapes views on me today, because I don't want to come clean. It'd destroy my credibility. So..I just pick my poison.

It's why I want to move and such. Start over. I thought I'd do so when moving to Portland, but fucked it up as always. I'd like to move back to California and such.

Plus, Oregon is just hell and seriously no interesting/attractive females or interesting people really.

quote:

So on the same tangent being sadistic is because you've been wronged at some point, and being powerless to effect it, you gain a desire to cause pain in order to once again, balance the scales. Of course this would rely on all people being the same and having some form of an innate sense of justice etc.



True. Exactly. However, it seems many people who've had trauma in their past enjoy being hurt.

quote:

That was just what I thought at one point. Personally it’s just a matter of my rage and frustration. There is one girl that’s the focus of my sadistic fantasies and she’s someone I utterly hate and love. I hate her because apart from her body she’s everything I’ve never wanted. And I’m completely powerless to both change or even have her. It might just be as simple as being attracted to someone physically while still despising everything they are.

I see that with people throughout my life. Different people remind me of different things, subjects, events and whatnot. Some remind me of conflicts and trouble and I want to "even the scales". Others remind me of the most cheerful happy things and I'd rather do something romantic with them.

it can be different in different in different aspects of life im pretty submissive sexualy but arent at all in other aspects of my life at all