I just ended the day of traveling and am now on campus. It's been really rough. It wasn't the travelling that was tough, it was just that I had to face my former

roommate, who was basically my best friend last year. [I was put on medical

leave for trying to kill myself because of a (very mean) letter I got

about my throwing up in the bathroom because of my eating disorder.] So I've been worried about coming back and seeing everyone. Everyone on my former hall knows, and I've been really worried about

facing them. They were my main friends last year too. On the cab ride there, I called a bunch of people to see if

anyone could have dinner with me. I called like 5 people, and no one could.

I really didn't want to eat alone.

It turns out that my living situation put me in the same dorm as Brodie, the

girl who was my roommate before. I got there not knowing which room I was in

and without a key, so I couldn't put my stuff anywhere and had nowhere to

sleep. The RA and person in charge told me to just crash with a friend.

I didn't want to have to ask Brodie, but I didn't have much of a choice so I

did. At first she said yes, and then said that she had to ask her roommate.

I had a bad feeling. I got back later and went to her room and knocked on

the door, intending to ask her roommate if it was ok. It turned out Brodie

was in there with the RA having a private conference, which I kind of

figured out the subject of. Anyway, Brodie opened the door and told me she

would call me after she found out if she could.

About 5 minutes later, after I'd left, she called me and told me that she

was sorry, but she was going through a "trauma" and wouldn't really feel

comfortable with me staying there. I told her I understood and she didn't

have to explain herself.

I had to call the Residence Dean on call and luckily she found a guest room

for me to stay in in another dorm. I'm just feeling really sad about the

whole thing. Kind of like I have no friends. I'm pretty depressed. Anyway, thank you for reading this.

Everyone goes through shit. It probably goes without saying that you should see someone for the whole suicide/throwing up bit.

But in this day and age, we're all fucked up to some point or another. Honestly, I dont think most college kids would think any less of you for it. If they even believed the rumor.

You have to view this as a fresh start. If you act like it doesnt bother you, then noone else will think twice about it. It's all a matter of attitude. Dont let it drag you down. Try and go out, and participate as much as you can. People are more open minded then you might think.

brodie is the name of a dog

Stay strong sista; when we make good choices, tomorrow will bring good things - and the opposite is also true. You're still reaping a bit of consequences from your past but they will fade with time and with a continuance of wise decisions.

looks pasted to me, maybe im just a fuckup.

Having no friends sucks. Join the totse facebook?

Anyway, I would suggest trying to find some sort of employment, or join some sort of hobby group. Making money and taking your mind off life works.

quote:Originally posted by Cpt.Winters:

looks pasted to me, maybe im just a fuckup.

She might use Word, Works, or any other program in order to spell check...who knows? Or maybe it is pasted, and she just completely identifies with it?

quote:Originally posted by Cpt.Winters:

looks pasted to me, maybe im just a fuckup.

it is pasted. i wrote it though, for this board.

quote:Originally posted by ArgonPlasma2000:

Having no friends sucks. Join the totse facebook?

Anyway, I would suggest trying to find some sort of employment, or join some sort of hobby group. Making money and taking your mind off life works.

i plan to become a workaholic. i just have this minor obstacle. i'm only allowed to take 8 or 9 credits this quarter as part of the deal for coming back.

As soon as i saw the throwing up shit i quit reading. Why is it that i always end up findind out that people who are anorexic or bolemic or something ridiculous tell me so? they make it easy for everybody to know that they have problems. Its stupid.

Call me insensitive, but dont expect any sympathy or advice on a publice fucking forum.

If you cant figure out how to make your life work, i doubt your going to find the guidance your looking for on totse.

And if your not smart enough to be able to resist fucking your body up because of the guilt you feel about your weight(why else would you puke up your food?), you definitely shouldnt be in college.

/end rant. -Nothing personal.

^^^ Someone's turning into a CarbonB!

quote:Originally posted by samurai_steve:

As soon as i saw the throwing up shit i quit reading. Why is it that i always end up findind out that people who are anorexic or bolemic or something ridiculous tell me so? they make it easy for everybody to know that they have problems. Its stupid.

Call me insensitive, but dont expect any sympathy or advice on a publice fucking forum.

If you cant figure out how to make your life work, i doubt your going to find the guidance your looking for on totse.

And if your not smart enough to be able to resist fucking your body up because of the guilt you feel about your weight(why else would you puke up your food?), you definitely shouldnt be in college.

/end rant. -Nothing personal.

i have spent the summer getting treatment. i've worked very hard. i'm back now because they think i'm fit to be back.

Steve, it's not about sympathy or misanthropy - it's about empathy. She's likely seeking someone who had similar problems, found a solution, and is willing to share that solution. Or even someone who has been through similar and will listen because of the empathetic nature of resolved personas.

I don't pity her, nor do I admire her; but I do respect her as a fellow human being, and thus I listened and shared a truth that resolved my problems, and I have faith that if she too accepts the truth behind my recovery and lives to any length in accordance with it, she will find her problems are also being resolved. All she needs is a bit of patience, diligence, and wisdom.

quote:Originally posted by lauren7249:

i plan to become a workaholic. i just have this minor obstacle. i'm only allowed to take 8 or 9 credits this quarter as part of the deal for coming back.

Sounds like a good way to get back in the game. Welcome returns, Lauren.

Things can really only get better. Or at least, that's what I was told when I was in the pits with no mates.

thank you hex and gus. i'm sort of just sad. i don't know if i am asking for advice. i just have no one to talk to, and so i turn to the last place i know.

Aw lauren, chin up, girl!

Just give it time, and maybe don't try and reconnect with this Brodie girl, it doesn't seem like she can handle it.

Do you mind talking about your problems? Because that might make people feel more comfortable around you. You could say something like "Look, I know that you all know what I've been through, but I'm getting help. If you want to know anything, just ask because I don't want things to be awkward with us..."

Something like that, you'd know better what to say than I do.

It's not really the same situation, but I have a good friend who's dad died a few years ago, and at first I just didn't know what to say or how to act around her. She ended up being very open and willing to talk about it and it made me feel better because I knew I could ask her about it and not have to worry about her getting offended or anything.

And I know that I don't know you, but from your posts you seem like wicked girl, so I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to be your friend.

Good luck!

Life moves on, and you'll move with it.

i remember months ago u posted the thread in sg, and dadkisser teased u for it. I must say, his flames were hilarious and i laughed really loudly.

quote:Originally posted by WannaFuckWannaSex0r:

i remember months ago u posted the thread in sg, and dadkisser teased u for it. I must say, his flames were hilarious and i laughed really loudly.

Haha, Dadkisser certainly had his moments. And some were just very lame trolling attempts. Better than the current crop anyway

quote:Originally posted by WannaFuckWannaSex0r:

i remember months ago u posted the thread in sg, and dadkisser teased u for it. I must say, his flames were hilarious and i laughed really loudly.

I remember dadkisser getting frustrated because good ol' MLoR, the sturdy whore, was moderating his attempts.

I would say in my professional opinion that it is never too late to try the ol' suicide thing again.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I would say in my professional opinion that it is never too late to try the ol' suicide thing again.

You may proceed then.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I would say in my professional opinion that it is never too late to try the ol' suicide thing again.

You're a fucktard.

No, really. You are.

:\

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I would say in my professional opinion that it is never too late to try the ol' suicide thing again.

This is not a constructive flame.

Have things improved at all yet, lauren?

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

I would say in my professional opinion that it is never too late to try grinnning like a mountain goat.