A bit of a lenghty story and likely a bit confusing, but here I go.

Met a girl at afterprom (end of May), we got along nicely there. Talked and hung out every few days or so for a few weeks after that. Started going out about mid-june. God times, lots of sex, etc. etc.

She left for school, a 3 hour drive away on Aug. 27th. We plan to stay together and whatnot, we call/text/msn pretty much daily, it goes well, me miss each other and all that, plan to see each other 2 weeks in, and we do, I visit for a weekend, and it's awesome. She tells me she loves me, which is a very serious word for her, so I know it means a lot.

She visits the following weekend, partially to see family as well, we hang out friday night and whatnot, and plan to see a movie on saturda night etc. This is where it starts. We go to the movie (The Covenant, good stuff), her friend (bitch, except I won't say it to her face, but meh) calls her several times, then texts her to say there's a surprise for another friend (also a bitch, but a puppet of the first bitch), so our (although small) plans are cancelled and we head to the party after the movie, about 9ish. I'm a complete outsider with that group, so I essentially sit and drink/etc. for about 5 hours, kinda sucks but I don't mind that too much. She, however, drinks a lot in a very short amount of time, gets pretty drunk, and the 'we'll only be there for a little while' bit is out of the window. Brilliant, no? We were going to hang out after the party and whatnot, but she was too drunk (almost to the point of being sick), and we just both went home, that's it. I Say nothing since she's (though stpidly drunk) having a decent time with her friends, and I don't feel like butting in on that. Next day, I mention that I think the idea of drinking your face off every time you drink is a dumb idea, and it's honestly a bit hard to trust someone, that they won't hurt temselves, or do something equally stupid (not neccesarily cheat, I do have trust in her (sober) with that, no issue there) if they're getting stupid-drunk that much. Essentially that I got a bit upset because I worry about her like that (she's 18, should be able to make a few smarter choices once in a while, drinking and al is fine, but why to a sick leve, every time?).

I suppose this got taken a bit badly, and put stress where more wasn't needed. She says she's confused and is thinking about a lot of things. I hear no word of it, though we text/msn, for about 3 days. Sort of torture, being dragged through not knowing what's going on, yet every word between is is neutral, if not slightly positive (for example, last message 2 nights ago was "gnite hun mwuah") which doesnt seem like a relationship on the edge by any means.

Yesterday night, after about 10 min of the usual, blank chitchat, she mentions that she misses me, and how hard it is on her not being able to see me for that long (perhaps 2-3 weeks at absolute most), and that this far in she feels less 'connected' to me and various other things here, etc.. Long story short, we essentally break up.

We still (plan to) talk every day or so, occasional visits, etc. etc. She said she won't be dating anyone else, and I know I won't be. More or less to just pick it up about spring of next year as an offical relationship.

I know that leaves a lot of loopholes, I don't know if we're exclusive to each other sexually, or not, I don't know if she sees this partially as an guilt-free way to go after people and be picked up at parties, etc. And yes, lots of parties, two of her good friends there are very keen partiers. I have a sneaking feeling that this pretty much just lets her go guilt-free to any part or sitation, which is plain stupid and mean, I think, essentially making this an excuse to do so.

So right now, I don't know where it'll go. Odds/history of this says we'll just drift apart, that I know. If we do happen to stay together, somehow, I don't know how it'll be then. Still being in decent contact between those times at least lets me more or less track how it's going.

If she does end up sleeping around, I'll know exactly why she wanted to break up (ish). I don't know what I'll do then, big chance I'll just completely break it off then, slim one that I'll overlook it, but if it puts all this as an excuse for it, then it's definelty over. Totse, I know my view of this is definelty not straight right now, and I have no previous experience in this, so the ideas/views of those more experienced/non-biased here is appreciated.

I dont why anyone would want to go away to college being bound to someone they met in high school, who they'll never/rarely see.

College is about cutting loose and being free.

It's every 2 weeks or so that we see each other, not that rarely compared to some.

Staying together then was her choice, I did think we'd break up when she left, but we didn't.

We've discussed it a lot, both before and after she left. She said she had and still has no desire to go date anyone else there. of course, that is at the moment, and things change fast, that I know.

Part of my is saying that since she's feeling less 'connected' and whatnot to me sometimes, that anything I do or say is starting to fall on deaf ears here, and perhaps I should more or less stop trying if it's not doing anything. Not an unpliftng train of though by any means, but that's it right now. Bah.

Well, I definately think that this is the best thing you two can do. Long distance relationships are hard. I don't see the point of ending them if you're not planning on dating other people. Breaking up with somebody won't immediately make your feelings towards them lessen. I suppose it does help you to get over them in the future.

I really hate to say this now, when you're going through it, but by next spring it's more likely that you two won't be interested in dating then it is you will. You'll eventually find somebody else and she will as well, you're both going to move on. It will probably happen before next spring.

Don't spend your time being depressed about it. Allow yourself to drain it out and then gather your thoughts back up and maintain. I had to do it recently and I'm only 13, I'm sure you're completely capable of doing so.

Perhaps you two were 'meant' for eachother, I'm not really sure how much I believe in that as far as soul mates and such go. If you're supposed to be together then you'll never truely get over her but you will convince yourself you have for a bit. This will make you have greater experiance with this type of thing so you know what you want and what you're looking for. Dating other people is a good idea anyways, even if you two are completely fine and are posistive you would like to stay together.

I wish you luck in whatever your final decision may be.

quote:Originally posted by SilentMind:

I dont why anyone would want to go away to college being bound to someone they met in high school, who they'll never/rarely see.

College is about cutting loose and being free.

listen to silentmind , hes clever

That's what it's looking like now.

I hate to see it ust deteriorate and fade away like this. Maybe it's just me, but if it's going to end like this I don't want it to be dragged out, I'd like to just end.

I know what the odds for us pretty much even talking by may are, not blind about that.

If she just wants some freedom right now, she could simply say it, would be a ot easier than this. She's been a ot smarter and more blunt (way I prefer it) before, but this sucks. :\

Edit: I know it's smal, but it sucks. She just signed off of msn. We normally say something like "goodnight (k) bye" or something like that, alays with that (k) emoticon, pretty much ritually for about the last 2 months, it got excluded tonight, several times, for the first time ever. Perhaps I'm just looking at the small things here (like this) too much but it's all pointing one way. Bah.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 09-22-2006).]

Just like to say, it's very rare these days that I see such a well-structured story thread on totse. From what you've said, you're obviously one of the smartest and most astute people who go around creating threads here, and I think you'll make the right choices regardless of what anyone says here. Always nice to get stuff off your chest and share it though.

Best of luck.

Thank you, jca.

I essentially typed it how it split itself in my mind and the general chronological order of it (duh), a structured stream of thought, which is a bit rare, I suppose.

Unfortunately, the power of choice is far from in my hands right now. Seems to be a runaway train which I'm on, and I can only sit and watch it roll. :\

True, getting it out is always better, it's why I posted it, as I've got no one I can tell anything like this to in RL, never really have, no one around me really cares or wants to hear it, so I learned to stfu and keep everything inside. Totse is a godsend, I tell you.

Sorry for the double post, folks, but...

Today's been rough; few more signs that she's drifting away, and the possibilites are becoming too realistic in my head, it's starting to dawn on me some more, and it's not exactly happy, to say the least.

I'm fairly in the dumps right now, I know it'll only get worse over the weekend, but at least I won't be forced to hide it all for so long at school/etc., I suppose.

We haven't talked on the phone at all since monday night. Feels like a century, though I gotta say I'm a bit afraid of picking up the phone since what's said and perhaps just hearing her voice would just make me that much worse off right now. As much as I do miss her, I'm again stuck with that. Life sucks sometimes, no? :\

Gah...

Triple post, I know, but I want to put this somewhere, and it's not worth a new thread.

She's off to a party tonight, hosted by two of her friends (female, known partiers). I know nothing past that. Part of me just doesn't like this for obvious reasons, a general feeling, part is wandering to the 'what if she does end up doing something..' even though that doesn't matter as we're no longer together, technically, it would still kill me somewhat.

And the part of me that's faded from before, the full on trust part (due to not knowing anything, and the general events lately) still says that if she wasn't lying before about her feelings and whatnot, and it wasn't trying to cover for something, then nothing (along the lines of what I'm thinking) will happen there. This sucks on so many levels right now :\

It's her way of feeling guilt-free about what she's doing. Girls want to be the attention-whore or the popular one at the party. It's college; that's how people are. She's going to be partying and what not from now on, for at least the rest of this year. Trust me, I know. Do you really want to be with her if that's how it's going to be between you two? Why beat yourself up over her if this is the kind of person she's become? Obviously you don't approve of her behavior, and rightly so as getting drunk to the point of sickness is 1) stupid 2) dangerous for so many reasons not limited to rape, alcohol poisoning, stupid spur of the moment decisions 3) harmful for your health in many ways, especially bad for the liver.

I think you already know that you need to just let her go. You both tried to make it work, and that's nice that you didn't just break up with her right off. I did that when I went to college, but that's a different story. You have to let her be her, and you have to be you.

Look on the bright side of it all, now you don't have to worry about her, and she can't cheat on you. That would hurt far more. Tell her you want it to be over completely, do your grieving and healing, and move on with time.

Thanks for the advice, Fanglekai, someone else's experience is always a big help.

That's the way it's looking right now, sadly, bah.

Somehow, to me, her doing all this to be guilt-free and sleep around (possiblity) is worse than her cheating on me. Cheating can happen spur of the moment and without planning or prior intent. This has both, and it just sucks.

I suppose I'll still (like a dumbass) worry over a bit, feelings don't fade instantly, but yeah.

I know I can sit and put some blame 'well I just pushed it over the edge' and whatnot on myself here, but even now I can't see it. True, it's who she is, as despicable as one of the options is (to me), and that won't change.

Since my feelings haven't changed much (it's only been a few days, duh) a part of me still wants to give it a few weeks tosee what happens, though another part knows that it'll just be filled with more sadness/despair/etc. over this and that's not good. As hard as it looks, I'll likely have to end it shortly, if it keeps going like this. Fuck, didn't think I'd be saying that anytime in the near future.

Rule #1 People change, whether you like it or not.

Live by that, never doubt it and never forget it.

Edit: She left for said party about 40 min ago. Apparently she's planning to spend the night with one of her friends (again, female). Her last line to me (msn) included the (K) emoticon (kiss), somehow that stung a bit, makes me want to look at it giving her the heavy, heavy benefit of the doubt once again, but the other part fights that. Everything taken into considertion, though.

[This message has been edited by Orange_Crusader (edited 09-22-2006).]