At the moment i have an enormous problem with mediating this problem with my family. Ill start from the beginning to give a bit of background.

A while ago my sister moved out of the house after a nasty fight with our mother, lots of name calling took place, and i got caught in the crossfire (like always) breaking up the fight. She moved into a little crap shack in the city which had massive rent ($250 a week) to pay. In the meantime she went out with heaps of guys (dont know whether she slept with them or not) but recently she has been going steady with a guy (he's about 4 years older than her) and obviously they have been sleeping together sans protection.

Because my dad works overseas their relationship at time is a bit stretched my mum has a tendency to blame my sister on my father. Anyway my sister fell pregnant and only found out about it 16 weeks into gestation and in the meantime has been doing little things which hinted at the fact something that was up. ie repairing the dings in her ute (which she loves although she is a bit inept at driving ) and looking at houses with her boyfriend and being more tolerant of our mother who has a tendency to blame her.

She contacted me yesterday on msn and we started to talk for a little while. As you all know on msn they have profiles, so i checked her profile and it said that they were expecting a child (in jan/feb) and were going to get married in november. So i asked her if it was true. Reluctantly she admitted and begged me to not tell our parents about it, i managed to convince her to break the news this weekend to our mum and dad (at my dads birthday party no less).

Fate intervened and when my mum called her work today (my sister was at the doctor about the baby), she talked to her boss' wife who she had gotten to know after my sister had become a bit strange after she got raped at a party (my sister still refuses to talk aboutit) and didnt show up at work for several weeks. Anyway you should not let two idle women talk because they tend to spread intimate information. In other words my mother found out about the baby and the wedding through the boss' wife, expectedly all hell broke loose and my mum is after my sister's blood, as well as blaming it on my father putting more pressure on the relationship which is already starting to show cracks. My mum as a result gave me a lecture about first getting my education out of the way then if i wanted to start a family, to which i replied "i dont have a gf at the moment so im not about to get anyone pregnant"

My plea for help is how do i diffuse this volatile situation which is about to get that much worse because both my sister and her boyfriend do not really have much education to get a good paying job now that they have a baby on the way and a massive mortgage.

EDIT: she is 20 he is 24

[This message has been edited by ronin (edited 09-20-2006).]

In the soft and gentle words of t3h Yoyobek ..."Run Away! RUN AWAY NOW! Spraying an UZi in your fleeing path!"

Seriously mate, keep out of it as much as possible.You can't help and will only end up getting hurt yourself.

Be understanding, accept things as they come, and be yourself; react according to your beliefs and values.

Help where you can, but realize that it is not your responsibility in any way shape or form.

Be understanding and listen a lot with minimal speaking.

Most importantly: Do not take sides.

Even if you genuinely feel that your mum is in the wrong or vice versa, make sure you listen to both sides, and do not take sides - otherwise you TOO will be involved and could cause a bigger fight - with the ultimatum being a split up family.

Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Comfort Listen Listen Listen Listen Listen Speak

Thankyou all for your input but im still struggling to resolve some of the things, like for instance stopping my mum from going after my sister's blood. Not a very fun situation to be in at the moment. I guess over the next couple of months it will be hectic.

But i have been getting my sister to warm up to the idea of putting the bub up for adoption, but thats up to her.

Don't diffuse the situation. The situation is unavoidable.

What you can do, however, is decide where it takes place and who is present. Actually, you may not have control over that but.. try.

What my girlfriend's dad did when it came to talk to me/her/they about the situation, was to have their church pastor present. I'm not sure if any of you are religious, but if you are it should be EASY convincing your dad/mom to have a pastor over for the discussion.

If you're not religious, maybe you should try to invite the boyfriend's parents over. Will be more civil if social pressures force everyone to not yell/throw things.

<3

EDIT: Also, this is key. Don't get too involved. Don't actually invite anyone over yourself, instead suggest these things to sister/mom/dad.

[This message has been edited by HandOfZek (edited 09-21-2006).]