Who here believes second chances are actually smart moves?

I dunno, can you actually stand giving someone another chance, or will it kill you inside

If it won't, then you should do it, but if it does, you're just dragging out the pain

Just keep in mind why it failed the first time, and think "would they actually change?"

They have to change because THEY want to, not because they think it will win you back half-assing it.

Well he cheated on me, and I don't want to sound like the pathetic girl going "oh well he has changed" and all that because he may no have completely...but he came back and is trying to make it up to me.

Well, find out what drove him to cheat.

Did he not feel hot enough with you? or needed enough? Was he not attached to you? Does he have no self control? (in which case he needs to avoid those situations)

I dunno, I'm a strong believer that we're in consious (sp) control of what we do.

Sure a guy thinks with his cock, but he should still be able to stop and realise what he's doing is wrong.

By cheating, in the end, the guys hurting himself as much as the relationship.

If you can't be faithful to the girl, she deserves better. He doesn't deserve you.

Depending upon the circumstances, yes, i believe people do deserve second chances. I wouldn't be in the relationship i'm in right now if it weren't for my girlfriend giving me one. Granted, i didn't cheat on her, but i broke a promise that was almost as important.

She gave me a second chance, and i think that if a person is lucky enough to get something like that, it's their responsibility to make the best they possibly can. In the end, it's up to the other partner, not the one who fucked up. it really comes down to the fact that you probably don't actually deserve a second chance... it's more whether they're willing to give it to you anyway.

it's an issue with balancing self-respect with feelings for another person. are the mutual feelings strong enough? has enough been done to make amends for the cheating? are you going to feel like you have no self-respect if you allow him back in?

Cheating... If I got caught cheating I would beg for another chance, but I'd just do it again

I think the only way around it is like what i said before... just don't let it get to you.

How important is it to you that he is monogomous?

Maybe he'll grow of wanting to sleep around and then until then you should have an open relationship... or maybe its a situation where this is totally out of the blue coming from him and he made the worst mistake of his life and he deserves at least a shot at getting you back

For me, personally, cheating is something that I would never tolerate no matter what the reason/situation. Ever.

There would be no amount of begging, apologizing or attempts at making it up that would fix that, and no excuse good enough to make me forgive.

I was in a relationship for almost a year and a half and it ended exactly that way - he went away for a month on a trip and called me one night to tell me he had cheated and that was it. Mind you he didn't apologize or try to explain himself, he just called to let me know, I guess.

My point is that if he loves you that much and your relationship means so much to him, he would not have done it in the first place. If there is a problem in the relationship, by no means do you step outside of it to solve things. And if things are truly so bad than [people in general] should not be so cowardly and just end it.

But that's just my opinion.

It depends on the lengths they're willing to go to try and prove to you that they really do love you and wouldn't do it again... but usually, a cheater's a cheater.

If you're thinking in terms of 'second chances' then the relationship is probably doomed.Not the phrase itself is wrong, of course, but the attitude it conveys.

quote:Originally posted by Cinquain:

For me, personally, cheating is something that I would never tolerate no matter what the reason/situation. Ever.

There would be no amount of begging, apologizing or attempts at making it up that would fix that, and no excuse good enough to make me forgive.

I was in a relationship for almost a year and a half and it ended exactly that way - he went away for a month on a trip and called me one night to tell me he had cheated and that was it. Mind you he didn't apologize or try to explain himself, he just called to let me know, I guess.

My point is that if he loves you that much and your relationship means so much to him, he would not have done it in the first place. If there is a problem in the relationship, by no means do you step outside of it to solve things. And if things are truly so bad than [people in general] should not be so cowardly and just end it.

But that's just my opinion.



agreed 100%

quote:Originally posted by Psionicist:

Depending upon the circumstances, yes, i believe people do deserve second chances. I wouldn't be in the relationship i'm in right now if it weren't for my girlfriend giving me one. Granted, i didn't cheat on her, but i broke a promise that was almost as important.

i really doubt a promise was as bad as cheating...unless you promised you wouldn't cheat?

I think second chances are a great thing, because you already have history with the person, so you know each other.

Also, you will know what went wrong last time and things that you can do to prevent this happening, just say that there was a lack in communication or affection or whatever, you'll know exactly what to work on. Like me and my girlfriend, we're giving it a second chance and I'm so damn greatful.

I'm trying to hard to keep everything great between us and so far it's working perfect simply because I know what to work on etc.

But, I wish you all the luck with your 'relationship' this time around.

Sorry, I'm sure this is a legit topic, but I need to find something out that I can only find out if I post.

Ok well i had something very similar happen to 2 of my friends. She talked to me about it and i convinced her to let him have another chance. He pretty much beged her and she always said no its over, but she finally took my advice and got back with him. Now i see them today and its been about 3 months and they both love each other.

I say give him another chance.

quote:Originally posted by Arresto:

Well he cheated on me, and I don't want to sound like the pathetic girl going "oh well he has changed" and all that because he may no have completely...but he came back and is trying to make it up to me.

Don't go back to someone who cheated on you. Especially when you're young and can have pretty much any guy you want. It's not like you're married to him.

Just try to think for a minute what his cheating actually involves, and how much he actually deceived you, and the reality of cheating suddenly becomes pretty ugly.

Thanks to everyone that gave suggestions i just have one more bit to add on. I talked to him and straight out asked him why he cheated and his response is that he was drunk and didnt know what he was doing. The thing is, with that reasoning there is definitely no garuntee that he wont do it again, but there is never any garuntee with any other guy anyways. So whats the point in worrying about a guy cheating? I mean if its not him it could easily just be another guy right?

quote:Originally posted by fat guitarist:

i really doubt a promise was as bad as cheating...unless you promised you wouldn't cheat?



In some ways. I had a bad habit that i promised her i'd drop, because of it's potential to land me in jail for a shitload of time. so i did, but i fucked up and went back to it.

She ended up forgiving me, thank god, and giving me another chance to show that if it came down to choosing money or choosing her, i'd choose her. and things have been going smoothly ever since. =D

Not ALL men cheat. The ones that don't respect you will cheat on you. So, your reasoning is a little fucked there.

I actually agree with Marchesa...

Sure, any guy could go out, get drunk, and cheat on you. But if you're with someone who truly loves and respects you, he won't do it. He just won't, and I really wouldn't accept that as a legitimate reason for doing what he did.

I probably come off as a completely harsh bitch, but this is something that really gets to me and there is no excuse for it.